A problem for me is when I meet a girl I like I seem to turn to stone when she walks past and after a days of debating myself if I should ask her out or not and it takes me forever to go ahead and go for it, I try to approach her to ask but I freeze up and scurry away I know they notice this and think Im stalking them but the truth is I cant work up the nerve to ask them untill some one else snatches them up. That is the main problem I know the worst they can say is no but I fear that word for some reason. Well anyways is a shy/ unconfident guys really that big a turn off and if its can someone give me advise other than "grow a set." Because it seems for me that is a lot harder than it sounds.
Won't lie to you- being (and more importantly ACTING) insecure is not a turn-on...however, the important thing to remember is that we girls are just people too, we're not always sure about what we want or how we feel, and our minds are usually open to new people and things.
So...I'm not telling you to 'grow a set', I'm just telling you to talk to girls more, even ones you aren't attracted to or interested in. Get practice, just talk...you don't have to be clever, or funny.
Excellent advice Lexy. Ryario, the more you talk to women, the less intimidating they are. Get to know them without trying to ask them out, and asking them out becomes easier. For someone like you, (and me sometimes) it will still be hard. A beautiful woman is very intimidating. But the more you talk to beautiful women, the more you realise that they aren't that different than anyone else.
I agree with Lexy and Jebru --- try talking to girls just because; stop trying to act clever, just be you. Most of us like it when we intimidate a guy, but not enough so that they don’t talk to us. So yeah, I guess I don’t have anything new to say both people before me said it all… All I have to say is GOOD LUCK..!
Great advice ! Thanks Ladies
I think its good when both your either shy or confident self meets somebody else that is similar to your personality. i think its harder to ask people out as you get older, It is so much easier when your a teen becasue you still mix with friends from school. HB xxx good luck i'm single to so know how you feel its so hard scuse the pun haha
To add to what's already been said about practice (it does make perfect)... just stop trying. I know it sounds a little counterintuitive, but I was the same way as you when I was younger... all nervous when I liked a girl.
Girls can be intimidating as long as you are thinking about them as potential scores, and they can sense your interest like a shark can sense blood in the water. When you genuinely have no interest in scoring with them (the thing is you need to convince yourself, and literally not be trying to pick them up or ask them out or anything), then they sense that you are safe. Next thing you know, the two of you are chatting it up, getting to know each other, and then you're comfortable with her, and if there's a connection, it works itself out. If there's no such connection, you've made a friend.
Seriously, I have never had so much luck with the ladies as I have since I got married and stopped 'trying' to find someone. My wife says it's cause I'm 'safe' so they aren't looking at me as a predator. I dunno. Whatever it is, it works.
To answer lisa:
Its all girls that I have an intrest with may they be hot or plain.
What the other girls have said.
And try and avoid asking questions like "can you lick your own pussy?"
Here's an idea that worked well for a friend of my brother's who was painfully shy around girls. He just started asking out every possible female he met. (He even asked out my mother!) Sure, he got shot down a LOT, but the sting of it faded, and he got pretty comfortable around women to where he would have real conversations with them and he started getting a fair amount of them to go out with him.
Just remember, the worst thing we can do is say "no". Some of us are serious bitches about it, but most of us are fairly nice.*
*I do remember a woman who turned my brother down by putting her cigarette out on his arm, that was a bit extreme...
"A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere." - Groucho Marx
Well actually "no" is not the worse thing a girl could say...
Ever tried to not be so into asking girls out? just try and be friends with us...
You will be way more comfortable with a girl you know than a random one...
And the best way to a approach a girl is by smiling and saying "hi, im ....."
there are shades of gray here.
Lack of confindence. Total turn off
Shy. Depends on the guy and what he looks like
Confident. Turn on
Arrogance. Huge turn off
Most people have a lack of confidence in some area of their lives. The main thing to remember is, if you aren't comfortable with yourself, who you are, what you think, how you act, it will be almost impossible to either make someone else comfortable around you nor allow them to be comfortable being who they are, too. Someone has to take the lead. Two people who are shy make really awkward situations.
I'm a girl and have the same exact problem. When I meet a guy out I like, I'll just turn to stone and freeze, not that it happens that often and I tend to get ignored most of the time.
Confidence is a very broad category and although it was many years ago, I found that women don't mind shy/reserved but can mistake it for aloof/arrogant. You want to project the truth about yourself without going overboard. The easiest way to do this is to be open to getting to know them but plan not to ask them out until they indicate an interest in getting to know you. By planning not to ask them out, you hold back enough to give you the confidence to converse. If a woman is interested in getting to know you, she will find a way to express it. Expressing their interests is something most women have little difficulty doing. Fair warning, once they start, it can be difficult to get them to stop.
The particular confidence that is attractive to a particular woman is something she will understand but might never reveal. Understand that women have an image of the ideal man and the more you try to be that image the more spectacular your failure will be. That's because, as soon as a guy gets close to the image by trying to, she feels compelled to change it. Don't ask me why, it's just an observation. So don't try to be her ideal man. Just try to be yourself and enjoy life without her. That will make you as interesting as you will ever be to her and if it's interesting enough, she will find a way to express interest in getting to know you better. It doesn't hurt to show curiosity about her. If she is interested in getting to know you, she will want to know that you are interested in getting to know her. Just don't ask her out until she has shown she would be open to it.
This doesn't work with all women. Nothing works will all women. But the women this doesn't work with are the women who will be communicatively incompatible with you. As a shy guy, you need signals to read and those who don't give signals or only give the wrong signals just aren't right for you.
Well dude just about everything everyone's saying is true, confidence is a big help, but the # one thing is that she has to be attracted to you first, if she's not even attracted to you thing all the confidence is the world won't help you, not trying to discourage you or anything but giving you fair warning
Shy guys just need to learn to hold a conversation with a woman. Don't even try to make a move or ask her out, just get used to being yourself and talking. Once you get the talking thing down you will realize thats easy. Then you can progress to asking one of us for a drink or coffee. Yes you will get some "no's" but you will also get a "yes" now and then.
That was the crazy telephone conversation ever...LOL!
