Forum posts made by freakycactus

Topic what is the sexiest thing a Dom/sub has ever done/said to you?
Posted 09 Jan 2014 15:26




I've never had a BDSM or dom/sub experience but if a guy did to me what you describe I think I would lose my mind.

It is an incredible feeling and I'd love to feel it all again

Topic Emotional vs Physical Cheating - what upsets you more?
Posted 04 Jan 2014 16:13

I think they'd both upset me to the same capacity, but for different reasons.

The first scenario would hurt me as well as offend me. The second one would hurt me and make me doubt myself. It'd be a huge blow to my self-esteem.

The first scenario means that he thought so little of our relationship that he wasted it on a fling.

The second scenario meant time was invested. Time that he could have spent with me, but didn't want to. He was fully aware of what he was doing and how it would hurt if/when I found out. But he went through with it anyway. Instead of discussing any issues in our relationship with me and giving me my say and a chance to work things out, he sought satisfaction elsewhere. It was done deliberately. And he lived a double life. Furthermore, he robbed me of the right to opt out of this situation. So it's something he decided for the both of us. He was selfish, and skeevy and a bunch of other names I don't feel like typing.


I couldn't forgive either scenario, as they both indicate he is no longer worthy of my commitment and faithfulness.

Slipperywhenwet has perfectly described my response.

Topic Do you want/have children?
Posted 25 Oct 2013 14:11

Right now? No. In the future? Absolutely. I've never doubted my desire to have children. I have amazing twin nieces and since they came along I've been even more certain that not only do I want to be a mum, but when I finally become one, I'm going to be awesome at it.

Topic Why do you masturbate?
Posted 23 Sep 2013 12:01

I seem to have stopped recently. Which I hadn't even realised until someone made a comment about their lack of masturbation. I'm sure normal service will resume shortly

Topic Dirty Talk - Interrogation (?)
Posted 23 Sep 2013 11:21

It depends who it is and what the circumstances are. Personally, dirty talk is always fun, name calling can be a little odd with a new partner, once you get to know each other though it's lots of fun. I enjoy being called bitch, whore, slut, etc. as long as those names are just sex related.

Topic does anyone here have a favorite musical?
Posted 13 Aug 2013 15:56

The Rocky Horror Picture Show
Wicked
Seven Brides for Seven Brothers
Rock of Ages
Grease
Oliver!

If you made me choose one favourite in particular I think it would have to be Wicked, but it's a tough choice to make.

Topic Realization that you are more than Vanilla
Posted 13 Aug 2013 04:27

An ex and I would take it in turns spanking each other and tying each other up. I always preferred to be the one who was spanked and tied up. I realise now that he was a sub too. He started pulling away from doing those things to me and the less he did them the more I craved them.

After him I met someone who was capable of taking charge during sex, once I'd been with him I was incapable of gaining sexual pleasure from any act where I had to take charge. From there I found a love of BDSM and started exploring it.

Topic sex machines
Posted 03 Aug 2013 07:41

I've yet to try one but like Belle says, nothing beats a real man. The machine may be on call but it won't cuddle me afterwards.

Sod spending £2k on sex, I'd have a holiday!

Topic The Rage Cage
Posted 30 Jul 2013 01:19

This want has served it's purpose and doesn't need to be up anymore

Topic The Rage Cage
Posted 29 Jul 2013 03:08

This rant has served it's purpose

Topic The Rage Cage
Posted 25 Jul 2013 15:17

Edited because its done its job and doesn't need to be up anymore

Topic UK Country-wide Automatic Porn Ban
Posted 25 Jul 2013 01:59

When I said 'rape porn' i should have been clearer. I meant sexual videos where at least one of the participants have not given consent. BDSM porn however is totally legal since it is between two, or more consenting adults

So you're against rape and people recording it and other people watching it knowing what they are seeing? Good. So is the law.

The law around BDSM is shady and in many cases is against it despite the acts being consensual.

Topic What's your opinion on abortion?
Posted 24 Jul 2013 08:05



But I haven't actually expressed any opinion on that whatsoever. I apologise if I have somehow given you the impression that I am against the improvement of women's reproductive rights around the world; it was never my intention.

The problem is, Clum, you're a sensible person who is capable of acting like an adult sensitive to the feelings of others. If everyone was the same it would make the world a better and simpler place. Unfortunately, you know what sort of a world we live in and things are messy and complicated.

In an ideal world people would be able to find a compromise that works for both of them. The reality is that too many people have tried for too long to control women and our bodies. People, mainly men, are still trying and we have to listen to people like Jeremy Hunt tell us the abortion limit should be 12 weeks, in Texas they want to make it 6 weeks.

We have to fight so hard to maintain our rights over our reproductive health and the fact is that we are the ones who grow and give birth to children. That's a wonderful thing is the child is wanted but if they aren't then you are left with a woman giving her body to a growing parasite. It's little wonder that final say falls to the woman. Is it fair? Maybe not but neither is life.

I know that you're more than aware of that Clum and most of what I've said isn't aimed at you, so I hope I haven't offended you :)

Topic What's your opinion on abortion?
Posted 23 Jul 2013 23:25



Well, yes and no. If a woman feels she is no more than an incubator, and she's bearing the child completely against her will, of course I don't support that.

What if it were the other way around, and she wanted to keep the child while he did not? She could decide to do that and either force him into fatherhood or choose to be a single parent. My point is that he does not have that choice.

I just don't think the woman's preference should take precedence over the man's. There should be a dialogue until they come to a decision they are both happy (or at least not unhappy) with, but the father's opinion should not simply be dismissed when it is at odds with the mother's.

As I see it, two adults get themselves into this situation (putting aside rape) and they should be able to decide between them, on completely equal terms, what to do about it.

Am I idealistic? Perhaps.

It would be nice if that could happen and yes it is possible to force a man into fatherhood.

Having said that, if I found myself pregnant and wanting to keep the baby when the father didn't, if I felt I could manage as a single parent then I would probably have the baby against his wishes and would repeatedly tell him, 'tough', and I would even tell him that as I would be the one growing the child he could fuck off telling me what to do with my body. A contradiction, I know but it's a very difficult and emotive subject.

Topic What's your opinion on abortion?
Posted 23 Jul 2013 16:47

I only have one thing to say on the issue of abortion:

I wish, when the decision on whether to abort a pregnancy or not is being made, that the father had just as much a say in it as the mother (in the cases where the father is around and not some deadbeat asshole, obviously).

"But it's her body!" I know. I get that, but saying that it's ultimately up to her, whatever he thinks, is punishing a man for being male. We can't carry children; that's not our choice. You're both equally parents of that unborn child/foetus. You would (hopefully) play an equal role in raising the child, so I (strongly) believe this part should be the same.

If I had slept with a woman, whether wife or one-night stand, and she got pregnant then decided she was going to have an abortion, I would be devastated/heartbroken/irate. I would beg her to keep it, even if it meant me raising it on my own. As it stands, if she is resolved to have an abortion, there's not really anything I can do to stop her. That makes me sad and angry.

That's pretty much my only opinion on the issue of abortion.


(If there's a health risk to the mother, it's a different scenario, of course. I'm working on the assumption of a "typical" pregnancy.)

It's something that is incredibly difficult and if circumstances allow then I agree, the guy should be involved in the decision. But, and I'm not suggesting you're saying this at all, it is unreasonable to expect a woman to act as an incubator for a child she doesn't want just so the dad can raise it.

I am pro choice, abortion is something that should be accessible to all and I believe there are some circumstances where I would have an abortion and I accept they are personal to me, the decisions of others are their own and not for me to judge.

Topic UK Country-wide Automatic Porn Ban
Posted 23 Jul 2013 16:42

Rape Porn should be illegal we've accepted that.

Why should it be? If its rape porn then it is role play and involves consenting adults. If it is a video of abuse then that is something totally different and it should already be illegal.

Rape role play isn't something I understand or ever want to participate in but there are people who enjoy it, why shouldn't they be able to watch a video of consenting adults acting out a scene?

Cameron is, and always will be an ignorant twat

Couldn't agree with you more.

Topic UK Country-wide Automatic Porn Ban
Posted 23 Jul 2013 16:37



I was merely offering a solution in case it does happen. I don't agree with what the UK government is doing. They shouldn't be allowed to censor whatever parts of the internet they deem inappropriate. People should be free to connect to whatever web address they want to. I hope you guys fight this, maybe if enough people write letters to their MP's they might stop this ban from taking place. dontknow

I'm not familiar with how the system works but wouldn't they need to pass a bill to make this legal? Or have the politicians quietly swept the bill under the rug until the bill passed without any media talking about it?

It's something they're discussing at the moment so definitely not law. Actually, they're effectively rebranding something that most Internet companies are already doing but adding some extras into it and calling it protection of children. The trouble is that if they get this into law it then becomes a slippery slope of what other freedoms do they go after next.

Topic UK Country-wide Automatic Porn Ban
Posted 23 Jul 2013 02:48

Please click here to sign the official petition against this ridiculous law

Topic UK Country-wide Automatic Porn Ban
Posted 23 Jul 2013 01:19

Can't say I'm surprised by this since they've already started censoring the internet in the UK before this new development. As for people who are worried about not being able to access lush, just subscribe to a VPN service.

Better hope the government doesn't start blocking access to VPN services. I wouldn't be surprised if they did seeing how the UK government have been censoring the internet.

This isn't just about people worried about connecting to lush, what about the non lush users who want access to other adult sites?

What about those who can't do this, either because they can't afford to or because it would raise too many questions at home?

It isn't a viable solution to this issue. The government who ranted and raved about labour turning this country into a nanny state are telling us that in order to 'protect children' no one can be trusted to access adult sites without first opting in. Never mind thinking about what happens when adults do opt in but they have children, so they have to find a different way to 'protect' their children from adult sites. Yes, kids need protecting but this isn't the way to do it,

I switched the protective filters off my aol account, back in the days of dial up, because it wouldn't let me use the lycos search engine. I think it was lycos, does that even still exist?

To find an effective solution to these issues they might just have to give some real thought to what they're doing.

Topic UK Country-wide Automatic Porn Ban
Posted 23 Jul 2013 01:10



I think you've got it down, Cactus. I can't really talk about the wrongs of reluctance porn (which I still feel guilty and have a whole bunch of issues about), but I do see the point. I watched porn from a young-ish age, thinking it was ok and normal and I've still got a warped idea of sex. Not warped as in, "Oooh, let's go do all this freaky shit to kids!" but warped as in "Yeah, I love being slapped/spanked/really rough sex, it's normal to me, YAY sexual issues."

There needs to be a sex ed lesson at school about porn, just making the point that not all porn is bad, explaining the difference between erotica and porn, explaining normal sexual boundaries, etc. All you're told in school is that porn is bad, evil, wrong and that in itself is wrong in that school is to educate, to teach BOTH sides of a situation.

I have issues with rape porn too, I also have issues with rape play. In truth, I can't stand it and the thought of it makes me feel ill, which is why it's something I won't try but I do accept that those involved are consenting adults doing something they enjoy. It's not my place to judge.

I love to be slapped and spanked too, I'm disappointed if I'm not left with marks and bruises after. I love sex to be so rough that I ache for days after, as well as being called names and made to do degrading and humiliating things. There's nothing wrong with that, it doesn't make me a freak, I'm a consenting adult making a choice to be involved in those sorts of activities. They say consent is enthusiastic and I most definitely consent enthusiastically.

That is part of who I am, it is totally unrelated to watching porn before I should. I actually grew bored of porn and moved onto sex stories very quickly. It's also totally unrelated to abuses I have suffered. This has been a part of me since before any of that happened.

I once read an article where someone said that fetishes can be as much a part of someone's sexuality as their sexual orientation and I fully agree. No, I don't always need to be slapped and spanked, but I do always need to be the submissive, I always need to be with a man who takes charge.

Back to your point, I fully agree with you, we need to introduce these issues into the education system and teach children about the things they may see and how completely unrealistic they are. We need to teach them about healthy relationships, consent and that 'no (or its equivalent) means no'.

Topic UK Country-wide Automatic Porn Ban
Posted 22 Jul 2013 14:21

So are we living in a dictatorship now,or a democracy,this is just the start people,what will be next. I agree child porn sould be banned,

It is!!

Yes, we need tighter controls and better relationships between internet providers, search engines, etc to make it as difficult as possible to upload, view and download the child abuse images. Of course we do. Of course the protection of children should be at the centre of this.

However, that is a separate issue to the one of children accessing images of adults.

it's all about education not censorship.

Swollen is exactly right, for the issue of children accessing adult sites, this is a matter of education, not censorship.

I get it. But how do you define rape-porn? Don't take this the wrong way PLEASE, but isn't our own Lushie reluctance section fairly borderline on this subject? At least, some of the stories can be.

I *completely* advocate the rape/child porn ban, but the ban on all porn disgusts me. *I also agree that it's wrong that children have access to porn.* It's the minority (those who decide to do the depraved, evil acts) who are ruining (yes, I said that) the pleasure that adult sites, porn and erotica alike can bring.

Surely the responsibility for protecting a child first lies with the parents? Surely it is their responsibility to ensure that there are child-safe locks/bans in place?

I do not like the government trying to tell me, an *adult* who pays taxes, works her ass off and is a functional member of society, what to do. I resent it.

Rape porn is something made by consenting adults to depict a sexual act that they, and others, enjoy and get off on.

Films and images of actual rape are totally different and should be, if not already, totally banned.

The two things are completely different and connecting them is wrong. I don't understand the interest in rape roleplay but I do accept that it is the opposite of actual rape - because those involved are consenting adults.

If we let them do this then it's the beginning of a slippery slope and soon they'll be telling us that it's illegal to have an image of someone being slapped during sex, or foreplay, despite the person being slapped being a consenting adult who actively wants it to happen, then nipple pinching, then hair pulling - where does it end?

And it all started because they were interested in 'protecting children'.

Like I said, protect children, please do. Children should be safe with adults, it is our duty to protect them. This blanket ban is not the way to do it.

Topic UK Country-wide Automatic Porn Ban
Posted 22 Jul 2013 13:43

From what I can tell, in order to ban access the way he wants would also block gambling sites, certain news stories, perhaps even discussions such as this - on non-erotic sites - which means it's totally unworkable. It's a knee-jerk reaction to make the Conservative party look like they're doing something helpful.

Also, Cameron is arguing that porn 'pollutes minds and causes crime' Huff Post Article

Cameron explicitly says that extreme porn can "pollute minds and cause crime". Cause crime? What about the thing that stands between the viewing of extreme porn and the commission of a crime - that is, the viewer? Does he not possess willpower and agency? "Media effects" theory lessens the moral responsibility of the criminal in favour of effectively saying "the media made him do it" - a weird argument for a supposedly conservative PM like Cameron to push.

If this goes through then it's a slippery slope to see what follows. At some point they need to accept that the majority of us are adults capable of taking responsibility for our actions, including looking at the sites they want to restrict.

The bad guys will find ways around these filters and kids wanting to look at porn will have a better idea of how to get around this stuff than their parents will. I am all for the protection of children but this isn't the way to do it. What happens if a parent wants to have access to these sites, how will they then ensure their children don't access 'those' sites? Probably the same way they do now.

They're also conflating child abuse with children accessing porn and to fix it they're going to put restrictions on everyone.

It's the same as most of the things this, and most, governments do, half arsed and just for show to please those Daily Wail readers.

Edited to add that porn is easy to target but the PM is ignoring page 3 and lads mags - surely it should be all or nothing?

Topic Watching guys jerk it...?
Posted 22 Jul 2013 12:30

I love to watch a guy wank, even better if I get to help out a little.

i slept at my friends place on the weekend and we put a hidden camera in her bedroom and we saw her brother jerk on my nightie when we were out. he had tissue but i saw a tiny bit on my nightie.

This just creeps me out, fair enough, if there's some attraction and there's been flirting and lots of suggestive conversations, otherwise, he's using someone's underwear as a masturbatory aid without consent, you may get off on it but did he know you would? And you've filmed him and watched it without his consent. Yes, he shouldn't have been in the room but that doesn't make it better.

Then again, this sounds like the beginning to a really bad porn film and like the perfect way to increase traffic to your profile page.

Topic Having feelings for your exes?
Posted 22 Jul 2013 12:03

I have, yes but, for now at least, that's done. I sometimes masturbate thinking about guys I've hooked up with.

Topic Is girls masturbating still considered taboo?
Posted 16 Jul 2013 15:06

EVERYTHING us females do that involves our own pleasure is taboo cussing

It's sad but this is so true.

Topic Would you meet someone off Lush for sex?
Posted 16 Jul 2013 15:04

Just one? Why be limited ;)

Topic What things baffle you about women?
Posted 16 Jul 2013 15:02

http://www.youtube.com/embed/-4EDhdAHrOg


What baffles me about women. In short ... everything. Almost.
But mostly when I am asked to empathize with a problem BUT not help solve it.






Because I've given it enough thought and consideration and I pretty know what I need to do to sort it out. I don't need to go through it with you, I just need someone to understand what I'm going through and that's enough support for me to sort it on my own. You start trying to fix my issues and I'm adding a whole bunch of new issues to the list and nothing will get sorted any time soon.

And why, oh why, does everything need to be fixed? I'm not broken, stop viewing everything I tell you as a problem that needs to be fixed!

If your help and advice is needed to fix something then we'd ask you to help fix it!

Topic What things baffle you about women?
Posted 16 Jul 2013 13:36

I wear make up everyday for work, I work in a restaurant and it's all about presentation, we live in a world that tells us women look more professional when dressed in certain clothes and wearing make up. It's tough sometimes because during my time off from work I often have huge bags under my eyes, from the long working hours, that make me feel as though I look dead compared to when I'm all made up for work.

I have a few pairs of heels ad I only really wear them for nights out, otherwise, I'm in flip flops or my work shoes.

I put everything I might possible need for the day ahead in my bag (note that I say bag, not bags), the really important things are in specific pockets, that way I can't lose them. Or, certain things get put in my bra, it's called the bank for a reason ;)

When I'm looking nice maybe, just maybe, it's for me and not for you, and it would be nice to go to the gym and focus on exercising rather than catching some random bloke checking me out. Should I apologise for wanting a safe space where I don't need to worry about certain attention?

No, I don't like to ask guys out, I'm shy and it's difficult. I send out plenty of signals to men I'm interested in (taking off all my clothes and getting into their bed).

I've just broken up (for the second time) with someone who spent all their time trying to turn me into their idealised version of the person they wanted me to be. It's not just women who have their issues!

Topic The Rage Cage
Posted 16 Jul 2013 05:45

I am done being made to feel like I'm not good enough, like I have to change to fit into someone else's idealised version of me that I have no fucking interest in being.

I'm done with letting people make me feel like I'm not good enough and I'm going to listen to my instincts and go with what they're telling me to do.

I'm done with being treated like shit and being ignored and bullied into agreeing to things I'm not happy with, and I'm really fucking done with letting people ignore me when I say no.

NO MEANS NO.

And most of all, I'm done with you, I'm done with feeling scared and being stuck in a house with you blocking the door just having to say, 'one last thing'. I'm done with letting you bully me and sway me and manipulate me. I will never be alone with you again. Not because I think you might hurt me physically but because of how much you've hurt me emotionally, because you try and bully me and lay your shit on me every single time we speak, you have ever since we first fucking met.

And I am so fucking done with men for a while. This time I mean it when I say I'm going to take some time out to deal with my life and get things on track. I'm going to look after me for a while.