Forum posts made by iain69

Mmm x is a hard one.... But an X is a cross, so how about being cross with your lover?

Pee all over the bed....



Well, following on from Naughtyannie's theme, it has to be: to shit on the bed! I hope no one finds that a turn on!

I'd prefer plunge or thrust, but I hear what you're saying... And as long as it's not nostrils, ears or eyes...




And I thought you enjoyed nasal sex....? (or is my dyslexia showing again? )

A wet pussy on my warm tongue

Come over here, please race,
I need your fanny on my face,
Your delightful soaking gash,
I need on my mouth in a flash,
Hurry quickly, sit right here,
Cum on my face my darling dear!


Challenge: Double Penetration

50 Sheds of Grey

This is a parody of the 50 shades trilogy, apparently it's been out-selling the original in recent weeks.

There are some classic lines, such as:

" She stood before me, naked in my shed. ‘I’m yours for today,’ she gasped, ‘You can do whatever you want with me.’ So I took her to Nando’s.

We tried various positions- round the back, up against a wall, but the bottom of the garden was the only place for a really good shed.

By the time I’d finished, her bottom was bright pink - I’d mixed up the baby oil and Thousand Island dressing again. "

http://upload.lushstories.com/515567204-lq8azdpx3uk4qih2w1z0.jpeg

How do we really know thats coming out of her flower? Could be her arse! From that angle....we'll never know!

A valid point Ms Diamond, although if it is hanging from her ass she still does have a certain talent: a talent which maybe has more appeal to us men for fairly obvious reasons .

However you are right, at that angle it could even be hanging from her pubes: assuming she has any...

It would be rude not to!

A song from my student days... Have edited in the censored bits now!

Engineers Song
Ah-hum, titty-bum, titty-bum, titty-bum,
An engineer told me before he died,
Ah-hum, ah-hum.
An engineer told me before he died,
I have no reason to believe he lied,
Ah-hum, titty-bum, titty-bum, titty-bum,
Ah-hum, titty-bum, titty-bum, titty-bum.
An engineer told me before he died,
And I have no reason to believe that he lied,

(Chorus) That no matter whatever he tried,
His girlfriend was never satisfied!

(Chorus) That girl she had a Cunt so wide
She could never be satisfied,

(Chorus) The engineer was a designer,
Measured the bore of her vagina,

(Chorus) Then he built her a Cock of steel,
Powered by a bloody great wheel,

(Chorus) Yes he built a bloody great wheel,
Two brass balls and a Prick of steel

(Chorus) Two balls of brass were filled with cream,
And the whole bloody issue was driven by steam.

(Chorus) He tied his girl to the leg of the bed,
Tied her hands above her head,

(Chorus) There she lay demanding a Fuck,
He shook her hand and wished her luck,

(Chorus) Round and round went the bloody great wheel,
In and out went the Prick of steel,

(Chorus) Up and up went the level of steam,
Down and down went the level of cream.

(Chorus) Till at last the maiden cried,
"Enough! Enough! I am satisfied!"

(Chorus) Now we come to the tragic bit,
There was no way of stopping it,

(Chorus) It went like the piston of a train,
He should have fitted a gearing chain,

(Chorus) Clouds of steam blew out the top,
There wasn't a way to make it stop,

(Chorus) She was split from ass to tit,
And the whole Fucking thing was covered in shit,

(Chorus) It jumped off her, it jumped on him,
And then it buggered their next of kin,

(Chorus) It jumped on a departing bus,
And the mess it made caused quite a fuss,

(Chorus) The last time, Sir, that Cock was seen,
Was in Buckingham Palace Fucking the Queen,

(Chorus) There's a moral to the story I tell,
If you see it coming better run like hell,

(Chorus) Nine months later a child was born,
With two brass balls and a bloody great horn,

(Chorus) The warning in the story is,
Always fit a safety switch,

(Chorus) The crux of the matter is plain to be seen,
You should never trust a fucking MACHINE!

We've goat hauners

Aye, mebbe thoosan's o' us Jocks oan here....

Labia

My fanny, hands down.

I'd have said your sparkling wit and personality was your ultimate attention getter, but your fanny is a close second!

Handjob and blowjob (unfortunately not to completion) in a hotel reception at about 2am while waiting for a taxi.

I wish the night porter had gone for a longer smoke break! (I was gonna say "Fag Break" but remembered that confusion might be caused within our Anerican ranks...).

Stop shaving for a couple of days.....

I'm sure you could turn it into a lucrative business!

One slight problem though; you're supposed to wear them first, before sending....

Can't say I have, I don't have a cock ha!... but I certainly wanked when I knew my knickers were wrapped around "someones" cock while "they" wanked.

I thought you didn't wear any? Or are they all out on "loan"?

Guilty as charged M'Lud

I think most men (with a pulse) would be the same, a glimpse of pantie or stocking top can be so erotic: sometimes sexier than seeing a girl stark naked.

Just yesterday, I couldn't resist admiring a girl in tight jeans bending over in front of me. The sight of black sexy panties peeking out above the back of her jeans caught my attention and the imagination started wandering...... Mmmmmm

A "Venery" of Erotic writers?

The word "Venery" means "The practice or pursuit of sexual pleasure, or the indulgence of sexual desire"
A "Term of Venery" means a collective noun.

Maybe get it fixed so it doesn't go down every day. Going for 7 in a row? Going down 7 days in a row... Mmm sounds yummy But on a serious note, the site is free (unless you chose to be a Gold Member) and the fact it's here at all is due to the dedication and tireless effort of a few Lush Stalwarts!

I have one very brief conversation which is displaying OK and one very Loooong conversation ( you know who you are!) which doesn't??
Noticed the unlimited text space too (good, but I still end up keeping them short; out of habit I guess...)

Warsaw

Amsterdam

Wish I'd posted faster under the cute girl!

Errr... You mean apart from the obvious?

Ok: Ski if there was snow, bike or walk if no snow and then enjoy a few cold drinks.

How many friends do you chat to regularly on Lush?

I think I'm qualified for that job.


(kneels down, lifts exposed penis, examines all sides studiously)

"Let's see here...okay, I see some nice veining here, and that's always a plus, both visually and as friction against the inner walls. I do also see some spiderwebbing though...I'm guessing that means you either used a penis pump or fell for some other gimmick. That will subract some value, but otherwise it's a very nice specimen. The glans is nice and big, and the shaft gets a little wider as it descends, and the women always appreciate that. You're forty years old...I'd say your payday would be much better if you were in your early twenties, but still impressive nonetheless, and it will retain much of its value well into your fifties. Thanks for giving me the opportunity to assess this; I'll price your cock at $16,500."


Reminds me of the story of the guy who goes to the doctor and asks him to examine his penis.

The bloke goes behind the screen, undresses and emerges with a 10" semi erect monster, which he nonchalantly slaps on the couch.

The doctor steels himself and proceeds to conduct an extremely thorough examination involving much poking, prodding and even use of the stethoscope (demonstrating this can be a laugh in itself if the joke is told in person). The doctor then makes copious notes before announcing "Well Mr Smith, I can't see a thing wrong with it."

The bloke turns to the doctor, smiles, and announces "I know: it's a fucking beauty isn't it!"

I know!! panic buttons genius!!

http://upload.lushstories.com/2027201137-Capture.JPG

A great adddition for the future (either that or we'll all have to learn Spanish: I can only just about order a beer ..)

Most don't like it but, being the considerate lushie I am, I've found an outlet for those who (dirty matress and all!) have the compulsion to display the Whanger!

http://www.showyourdick.org/

Go on expose your junk to your heart's content!

CD: I'd be interested to see how often this site pops up (excuse the pun) in your browsing history... (That's if you weren't so careful about deleting it )

You forgot the.... blushes .. it's not afterglow, it's after flow!!! Just like the fanny it does come back out, well into the next day (if you are lucky) !. :) "Diligence is the mother of good luck“ Said Benjamin Franklin. I guess that means a diligent buggering will give the "afterflow" you desire.
If you need any help (even a tongue to clean it up!) you know where to come (cum?)

Shit! Sorry I forgot it was our little secret, does that mean I can't post the photos?

Well I can get annoying and childish when i want my own way, but i won't wear silly furry costumes - FOR ANYONE! What? Not even that cute Smurf outfit you had on the other night?