08 May 2013 11:34
Porn's greatest use for me is its many eye makeup ideas.
24 Apr 2013 10:29
I'm takin' what they givin', cause I'm twerkin' for a livin'
20 Apr 2013 21:14
Or not. Lol. 420 bitches
20 Apr 2013 19:13
My man Austin Trout's about to make some believers
05 Apr 2013 07:34
Accept all. Love many. Trust few. Surrender to one.
02 Apr 2013 11:57
Okay guys: close your eyes, and picture the most attractive partner you could realistically be with.
No, not her. What are you, high? Now go look in the mirror then try again.
24 Mar 2013 16:58
IDEA: Gloryhole, but for tacos.
19 Mar 2013 08:49
See you guys back soon - gotta handle some business.
17 Mar 2013 15:03
Guys in hats. It either really works or it really doesn't. And if you're not sure whether or not it works for you: it doesn't.
16 Mar 2013 14:57
My dream is to open a bar that is completely normal, except all the beer taps are dildos. And if you ask why, you get kicked out.
14 Mar 2013 20:21
"Who's the black private dick that's a sex machine to all the chicks?" "SHAFT!" "Damn right..." 
11 Mar 2013 17:13
"The reason I hold on, is I need this hole gone."
01 Mar 2013 15:02
Jeez, its like there's barely any acceptable ways to tell your therapist that her son is super hot. 
Something about "boundaries", etc.
28 Feb 2013 08:56
When the store clerk asks me "debit or credit", I always get an ego boost, like "wow, this guy thinks I'm capable of getting approved for credit cards!" Appearances matter, folks.
14 Feb 2013 11:47
What a piece-of-shit holiday. If you've wished me a good Valentine's Day, I know you meant well. But if you haven't yet, then please don't. Tomorrow I will be fine.