Virtual manager of both The Love Shack and The Heartbreak Hotel, I am an expert on all matters of human desire and sexuality. Do you have a relationship concern or sex question that is currently plaguing you? Are you tired of well-meaning friends and family steering you the wrong way? Ready for the real deal? Why not ask Olivia, bonafide sex goddess and counsellor extraordinaire who will guide you in your travels through love and lust, kinks and relationship hijinks.You can find me in my corner of the forum, where you will soon enjoy fun blogs, do's and don'ts and how to avoid those common relationship pitfalls and sexual disasters. You can also ask me questions and get personalized advice by starting a thread in that section or sending me a private PM and I will post your question (anonymously on your behalf) in the forum and answer it there. Sorry but I don't do private chat or private advice/counselling. DISCLAIMER: My posts are a mixture of advice, tough love, and entertainment. If you need serious professional help, please call a healthcare professional for individual therapy. The internet will not fix you.http://www.lushstories.com/forum/yaf_topics37_Agony-Aunt-Olivia.aspxOliva xxx
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My best friend just came back from army basic training and he wants to start a friends with benefits relationship with me. I like him a lot and I trust him with my life but I'm nervous because I like him and want an actual relationship. Also don't want to loose his friendship. Any ideas or suggestions? I was put onto this earth to make clear that which is murky, so let's go about doing that now, shall we? Fact 1: It wouldn't matter if he just came back from basic training or the loo. His recent whereabouts are of no consequence. If G.I. Joe wants to say that the army is hard and therefore he needs drama-free no-strings sex to lighten his stress load, then he is a bullshitter, an emotional con-artist. Walk swiftly away if this is the card being played, or even being implied.Fact 2: He wants between your legs without letting you into his heart. Assuming you want the same, this is possibly serendipitous. However, you don't want the same, and this makes him selfish.Fact 3: If he cannot handle the fact that you don't want this cockamamie arrangement whereby he gets to fuck you and you don't get requited love, then he is sadly not the person you aspired to fall in love with. Armed with those three facts, your mission with your army man is clear: tell him how you feel, and let his answers reveal everything you need to know about him from that moment forward. Good luck!
i became very close with a girl from work to the point i developed feelings for her, we're both married and she doesn't feel the same way about me. things have been very distant between us and she want us to go back to the friendship we had. how do i give her what she wants without opening myself up to me hurt? The agony aunt has only tough love for you, sir. The answer is very simple: you can't give her what she wants unless you leave her alone. This is the reason for the emotional distance, as I'm sure that wasn't your idea. Your idea is to have her supply the role that I'm guessing your wife played in your life and in your heart. I will not moralize and ask you loaded questions about why you're not as concerned about your marriage as you are about this person. We don't have your whole story and we don't have your wife's either. It's not our business unless you make it that way. But advice on your questions is my business, and I will simply say: abort mission. Find a new target for your emotional infidelity, such as it is. This woman you seek stronger connection with has let go of the rope. Better luck in the future!
Olivia,Thanks for your posts, I find your advice to be sound and practical and hope you have some words of wisdom to share with me.I am in my 40’s and dating again. Most people tell me that I look young for my age and that I am sensual, attractive, and sweet. I live in a small College town and find it difficult to find many men my age, so I have been dating mostly 50+ year olds. I am trying to learn what is realistic, sexually-wise, when dating men in this age category as I have not been having the best of luck. Most recently I meet a 52 year old man that looked healthy and certainly seemed interested in me but when we had our first night together, he was not able to achieve a full erection. I know that he did get fully hard earlier in the evening because I could feel him through his pants. I did not make a big deal out of it and dismissed it as too much to drink; plus life has taught me patience. The following day we tried again and after hours of foreplay he was not able to get an erection, nevertheless the evening was enjoyable in many other ways. I choose an afternoon “date” for our next encounter hoping to rule out tiredness and alcohol. During the third date, he almost achieved an erection but lost it quickly before we could use it although I used every single trick I could think off and was very engaged and fully participatory. At the end I asked him politely if he had ever considered using Viagra or at least having it around just in case. He said he didn’t need it, that it was just a matter of feeling comfortable with me, that he had always had this problem. He claims he can get an erection but he just hasn’t had sex with a woman in 2 years.My question is: at what point do you decide if the issue is nervousness/lack of practice or a serious issue? I seem to be encountering either PE or an inability to achieve/keep and erection with the pool of men I have available for dating.Thanks for your help. First of all you will have to forgive me for my recent leave of absence. A sabbatical of sorts was in order, though it didn't involve much rest. I guess I just feel better about doling out advice if I dive headfirst into a short series of questionable choices once in a while myself. That way, I can come to all of you from a place of experience. Speaking of experience...Do you think this guy watches a lot of porn? I ask because a short-lived recent dalliance of mine had the same issues. He was fit, he was young enough to do the job and he did not drink, so I was able to rule out whiskey-dick immediately. He could get hard...until I got naked. And once I was making contact with him, all he had to work with was a thin(ish) soft noodle. Poor chap. He made excuse after excuse, and much like you, I tried to get right back into the saddle since all else was satisfactory. But then it happened again. And again. And finally, after I let him know in no uncertain terms that the window of opportunity for him had closed, he told me that he was porn-addicted. Maybe he did this so I would have closure, or maybe he did this because people tell me all manner of unsolicited personal details as a matter of course- I call it a gift in order to keep from getting creeped out by it. Anyway.He had to have porn to get off. Real women didn't do the trick anymore. Too much complexity, too much participation involved with actual people who may respond in unpredictable ways, and so his brain completely rewired itself to respond to porn, not poon. Could you imagine such a thing?So I would say that's a definite possibility with the man you found yourself involved with. In fact, I think the evidence is mounting that a sizable percentage of ED (Erectile Dysfunction) cases are actually to some degree porn-related dysfunction. For many men out there who can't seem to get an honest seduction to happen, porn is free while women are not. Easy choice for them, no?The next most likely scenario is essentially what happens when a man gets no action from women, but minus the porn compulsion. The pressure is so great for him that his arousal shuts down. He's not able to be "in the moment" because he's too busy worrying about performing. Paradoxically, this keeps him from performing at all. In other words, a classic case of ED. He's in denial, and that's natural. But I'll put it this way: if he's not comfortable enough to admit his ED problem to you, he's sure as hell not comfortable enough to overcome it with you! Now, some tougher love is involved with the next possible scenario, which is: He's not attracted to you. And there's no accounting for taste, so don't take it as a personal insult. But let's be honest here, the difference between men and women is that a woman who likes a man but isn't sexually aroused by him will still want to hang out. She'll rebuff his advances but she will still value her time with him, am I right? But a man...a man will still somehow think that meh sex is better than no sex (especially if he hasn't had any in the last two calendar years) and he'll give it a go anyway. Plus he's what- 52? He wants to prove he can still get it up and get off on demand. Bad idea, Mr. Middle Age, your margin of error has left the building, along with the hair on your head and your muscle definition. So those are the most likely culprits, my dear. In any case, he just wasn't right for you. He probably doesn't want your pity, but he deserves it anyway. Just be thankful that your bits seem to be in working order, unlike his. Hopefully, since it's been a few weeks, you will tell me that you've met another hot male specimen that can take care of business just fine. :) Let me know, yeah?Cheers!
Hi, There's this girl where I work that is absolutely beautiful. As in out of my league. She works in a different area so we don't get a chance to talk much. But when we talk our personalities click. We have the a lot of similar interests. I really want to ask her out for a meal or drinks where we can really sit down and have a proper conversation but I'm lacking the confidence to do so. I'm afraid that she'll say no. I've tried a few times but chickened out! Any Advice on what to do? Can't stop thinking about her.Thanks :) So you know your role, that's half the battle, Mixmaster!Sure, you're shy, you're not gorgeous like she is, and you've identified that you're just further down the dating food chain. Fair enough. But let me ask you:Do you have a big cock? I kid around, Mr. Mix. But let's get serious now. First of all, I do take at face value when you say she's out of your league. Yourmisterdark was brief and eloquent (and needs to send me a friend request, stat ;) ), and within three sentences raises a salient point. If you think she's out of your league, then she's out of your league. Period, end of story. You see, this whole "we're all beautiful and we're all alphas in our own special way" is just bunk. It does more harm than good if you ask me (and clearly, you've asked me). This is not to say people should think less of themselves, or not be ambitious, but the pragmatics of this tell me that you'll never get over that "I'm not worthy" vibe with this young lady. So my advice today is tough love: get over it. Be her buddy, hang out, and that way you can just be 'you', which she seems to enjoy very much. And since every girl-hunting male should always be looking for an angle, here's what Hommemix can get out of it, if you play your cards right: the less superficially beautiful closeted wild-girl friend of hers, just waiting for somebody to help her unleash it. I'm serious, by the way. Nobody gets more personal endorsements for dates than a girl's non-creepy hetero male friend. She will want to see you happy, because she sees your good points, even if you both recognize that the two of you weren't an ideal fit. So here are your three takeaways:1) Stop stressing and let go of your longing.2) Be her non-creepy guy friend. And if all goes well3) Find a good match within her (hopefully sizeable) network.
Alright so this was the deal in 1978-1980... It's not happening now, but...That woman was the very definition of Cold Fish... I dated her youngest daughter for almost 3 years and was never invited to a holiday or family dinner.Hell, I was never invited inside the house...as in not through the fucking front door. I had their daughter home before the 11pm curfew, then before the midnight curfew...then (well she was at college the third year and there was no curfew - and by that time I didn't give a shit about the familial home...I wanted her room mate out of her dorm room on weekends).So, Auntie...how do you deal with a parent who apparently doesn't like you, just because you aren't the guy she wants her daughter to be infatuated with?ps...Me and the girl's father got along pretty well, but he didn't wear the pants in the family as he never invited me inside or out to his back deck either.The mother even asked me on a phone call (around month 34 or so of us dating steadily)... "I hope you and Marilyn have never had...""No, Ma'am...your daughter and I have never......"Yeah, I wasn't going to be a total asshole about the whole thing. "Your daughter and I invented about 7 new positions, Mrs Smith, you'd be a grandmother by now, except we both know you can't get pregnant by swallowing cum."How do you deal with a parent who detests the very sight of you...while you're in love with their daughter (or son)? Is your lovely avatar featuring the haircut you sported in 1978-1980? If so, then I feel the same as your girlfriend's mother about you. I doubt it is though, so I'll go on as if you managed to present yourself without a mudflap hairdo, and were otherwise well put together, or at least reasonably so. I'll also set aside the reasons for her ire. Who knows what goulish things you might have done, or what she heard you did; the two are one and the same, really. This is especially true if you were in high school at the time; teenagers are vile creatures. And if you were older, and somebody told her you were a sex offender, then that would likely mean 'game over' from an approval standpoint, too. But you seem normal- wait, no you don't. But you don't seem like an evil predator to me, so I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. So, what can be done with this tuna on ice who will not give you the time of day?You would truly wish to gain this person's approval, of course. Otherwise, needling her would be so much fun! I'm afraid you know the answer, futile as it may turn out to be. Slowly, over time, being on your best behavior, making good choices and treating her daughter right, will at worst rob her of chances to reinforce her distaste for you. And at best, your 'body of work' will outstrip whatever preconceptions she might have had, and you simply wear her down. There is something subtly delightful about leaving somebody with no excuses to dislike you any longer. If they choose to spread the hate, they look like fools when asked the reasons why, and nothing solid can be offered. Now, people choose irrational reasons for disliking people all the time. I'm as guilty of this as the next person. You know that you can't change someone else's mind if they've decided that they never will, but as the old-fashioned saying goes: living well is the best revenge. In this case, the same applies to treating your adversary's daughter like the queen that she is.
Let's handle these one at a time, shall we? Aunt Olivia, AS posted in the topic I need help/advice in two areas. I am a quiet simple person who does not open up any more then I feel is necessary, unfortunatly that leaves wife feeling rather left out. I do want to be there for her more but always feel like I come up short of what she really wants. She is always tellin me - that ' I need to be more romantic ' but being a loner who does not connect with people easily have never really learned how to be romantic, and no matter what I do it always seems to fall short of being romantic. So you're a bit of a Marlboro Man, huh? Are you handsome like the Marlboro Man? If so, then that explains partially why she's still with you, what with no conversation, and you being emotionally unavailable...But seriously, wanting to solve the problem gets you halfway there already. You're reaching out to the best here, and that counts for a lot. Here's the question: do you connect well with her? Sounds like the answer may be no. Not that it means you're a bad fit, but maybe like you say, you're a natural lone wolf. In which case, do nice things for her without being so over the top that it's obviously not something you would normally do. The choices are simple, unless she's a total weirdo. Does she like flowers? If so, bring some home on your way home from work. Tell her she looks pretty. Notice things about her and comment when they change (unless the change is for the worse, of course). Take her out to eat at a restaurant you know she likes, let her order anything off the menu she wants (even an appetizer and/or dessert, you cheapskate!). Open her door. Give her random hugs. These things are not grand gestures, but they're romantic nonetheless. Romance is more about the little things than the big things, really. It's not science, and it's not mysterious. It may not come natural to you, but you'll benefit by learning it, little by little. My other issue is that I need advice in the bedroom, I do hate feeling the need to ask outside advice on this, but I do want to be able to intiate sexual intimacy with the wife, so askin for advice on this. Ive tried settin up code words with her so that when I use a certain phrase she knows what i would like, and gave her a code word to use also, but it never worked. I also have tried kissin her ears kissin her neck rubbin her arm, and carressin her but the signal does not seem to go through. What do I need to do to get my point accross so I can give her the intimacy she wants, but also let her know what i really want without havin to be crass like stating - lets fuck hun , talkin bout the opposite of romantic, you know what i mean?????please help me here Okay, just so I'm straight: you've had sex before right? And you know how that works, where to put the penis, etc? Sounds like you might be a little rusty, maybe you don't have a wide array of tricks in your bag either, but what I'm hearing is a difficulty in a) signaling her that you're in the mood for lovin', and b) getting her to catch your signals and respond to them favorably. So, the first thing we need to figure out is whether she really wants to have sex with you or not. Depending on the lady, this could be a level that will get unlocked once you work on that first question with some success (be romantic, it's the little things!). If my man never said much, grunted a lot, exercised zero nuance most of the time, and was awkward with his advances, I might not be in the mood for sex all that often either. But this, my Latin-phrased friend, is fixable too. I think you'll find that making an effort with the little things will in short order open up her legs for that big thing you're hiding in those jeans, pardner. If not, come back and see me. Women are complicated, but sometimes we're really simple. Help out around the house, notice us, show us you care, and we'll show you our kitty.
It sounds like you have a lot of stress. Relieving that is probably the key to unlocking your current issues. Most of the time, it's all in the head.This thread may help you: http://www.lushstories.com/forum/yaf_postst21495_delaying-ejaculation.aspxGood luck!
Is it a localised swelling in a certain area? I suggest you get your partner to give you an oral exam, see if they can identify the issue.Failing that, a visit to your GP might be in order.
A switch is a person who vaccilates between dominant and submissive roles within their sexual relationship. It sounds like you haven't experimented being the submissive party yet, so the jury is still out on that one!It's very common for men in positions of power, or who have always been "in control" in their lives, to yearn to be dominated / wish to be submissive some of the time. There's a good chance that you could be a sub too.I suggest you act out your desires and let us know how you go.
I think you are having bi-curious feelings, which is entirely natural to have regardless of whether one is straight or gay.It's definitely not 'un-lesbian' to enjoy penetration. You and your girlfriend can use toys and strap-ons and fingers. The sex act itself doesn't define sexual orientation.If you are starting to feel sexually attracted to men, then I think you're bi-curious and possibly on your way to being bisexual.it's definitely something that you need to talk to your partner about if you're interested in exploring these feelings. You'll also have to figure out if she's willing to stay in a committed relationship with you and let you try out men. If she's not and it's become something that you want to explore then you have a very difficult decision to make on whether to suppress these urges and stay with her, or break up and be single where you can experiment with men.I would encourage you not to get too hung up on definitions of lesbian, bi-curious, bisexual just yet. They are all just labels meant to box people into a certain definable sexuality. Sexuality is very fluid and changes throughout our lives. Attractions and urges can develop where they never existed before. It's completely normal. You just need to figure out if you want to (or are ready) to act on them now and what makes the most sense for you at this point in your life.If you have an understanding partner and a relationship based on good communication, the first step would be sharing your feelings with her.xx Olivia
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