About Olivia

Virtual manager of both The Love Shack and The Heartbreak Hotel, I am an expert on all matters of human desire and sexuality.

Do you have a relationship concern or sex question that is currently plaguing you? Are you tired of well-meaning friends and family steering you the wrong way? Ready for the real deal? Why not ask Olivia, bonafide sex goddess and counsellor extraordinaire who will guide you in your travels through love and lust, kinks and relationship hijinks.

You can find me in my corner of the forum, where you will soon enjoy fun blogs, do's and don'ts and how to avoid those common relationship pitfalls and sexual disasters.

You can also ask me questions and get personalized advice by starting a thread in that section or sending me a private PM and I will post your question (anonymously on your behalf) in the forum and answer it there. Sorry but I don't do private chat or private advice/counselling.

DISCLAIMER: My posts are a mixture of advice, tough love, and entertainment. If you need serious professional help, please call a healthcare professional for individual therapy. The internet will not fix you.

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07 Aug 2011
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Latest Forum Posts
Topic: Wife Sexual Awakening
Posted: 03 Jul 2014 09:39

Here is a little background:

Been married to my wife for 21 years, met in high school, to my knowledge we have only be with each other. I have no reason to believe others. It's been pretty normal as far as sex goes. Meeting vanilla; yes there is oral on both sides and she will only allow me to fuck her in her pussy, no anal. She really had been closed off to any experimenting, you almost say she was very prudish about sex.

So about a year ago she has told me during a game of truth or dare that we were playing that she had toyed with the idea of a threesome MFF. Nothing much on the topic since then other than snide comments from me about her having a gf. So within the last two weeks she really has started to heat things up out of no where.

She started giving me a blow job in the kitchen, when the **Edited for content.** were in the living room, we even fucked in the kitchen with the **Edited for content.** in the living room. She has given me a blowjob while I was driving and let me pull her shirt up in the car while we parked at a local college parking lot and let me lick on her tits. We have been talking kinky stuff while fucking about a woman joining us and recently suggested that she had a bf and he joined us and that while she was fucking him she was sucking me off and then we switched. She had her dildo out and was licking it while I fucked her and she brought it to my lips and pushed it in, it's just a dildo and it tasted good as she just had it in her pussy so I sucked on it. She got incredibly hot.

So as all this has happened she recently went to an adult toy party. This is all completely out of her character and I asked her why the sudden change and if she had been reading stuff or talking to someone. She said no that she just didn't want things to get stale and wanted me to keep thinking that "damn I'm lucky she is my wife".

So my question(s) are:

Does it sound like to you all that she is talking to someone else?
Do you think she possibly is seeing someone else which is why her sex drive and experimentation have increased?
And what do I make of her putting her dildo in my mouth and her excitement over that.

I'm not sure what to think, but I am enjoying her new found excitement and experimentation thought process. Thoughts?

What your wife is experiencing is quite common in most women. The best way it can be defined is a 'sexual awakening', actually. I'm not sure how old your wife is, but I'm sure it coincides with her age. Lots of women peek sexually in their late 30s to early 40s. As a result, she's hornier than ever and more sexually adventurous than ever. Consider it a sexual mid-life crisis of sorts. Men buy sports cars and Harleys, women get horny.

As for your questions, here goes:

1. She could be talking to someone else. But if she is, it's most likely a friend or two that tells about all of their sexual adventures and misadventures (we all have at least one of this type of friend). It's probably got her wheels churning and her interest piqued, which is fueling her sex drive even more.

2. It's unlikely that she's seeing someone else. That's usually accompanied with distance and detachment from you as well as lost interest in sex with you. But her sexual interest in YOU is increasing, and she wants to try all of these things with YOU. It seems like she wants you included in all of her sexual adventures. I'd be super shocked if she were seeing someone else.

3. She likes seeing you with her dildo in your mouth. The fact that it was previously in her pussy was probably what motivated the act, and not just the act of putting a dildo in your mouth in and of itself. It doesn't indicate that she's ready to strap on dildo and harness, bend you over, and hump you for dear life or anything like that. It just means she's open and wants you to experiment with her. Expect more surprises like this. And if there's anything you're open to and would like to try (like anal play, for example), run it by her. She may be open to it as well.

Yours truly,

Topic: help me out!!!!!
Posted: 29 Jun 2014 09:23

I don't know if this has been asked before but here goes........well I am a virgin and being in India its common .so you can guess that I masturbate.What I wanted to ask was that has it ever happened that due to regular masturbation your orgasms take longer time???is that okay or is there some kind of health condition involved?????

Hello Simar!

Because you're a virgin (which is nothing to be ashamed of no matter what region you come from, by the way), you may not realize that the more we engage in one sexual activity, the more it takes to stimulate us and get us off.

It's quite common for it to take longer to reach orgasm when you masturbate regularly. Try spicing things up. Seek out other stimulants. If you masturbate along to porn, try out different porn. Try different masturbation techniques or even tools (flesh light for example). Use cooling or heating lubricants for a different sensation. There are lots of different ways to masturbate that can help you reach orgasm faster if you don't like the drawn out process. However, drawing things out can lead to a more fulfilling orgasm.

I doubt it's a medical issue, but if it's something that truly concerns you then there's no harm in at least calling your doctor to make sure everything's alright.

Yours truly,

Topic: Agony Aunt Olivia's Inbox
Posted: 21 Jun 2014 12:40

I'm in a very complicated situation. My best friend and I have known each other since we were in diapers. Our families are very close and we grew up together.

I started dating his sister a year ago. It was no issue and he and his family was cool and supportive of it, so theres no problem there. The problem is that she's a total brat. She's immature and she literally whines when things don't go her way. She's the youngest and only girl, so I'm sure that contributes to how spoiled she is. My best friend and her dad are protective and they dote on her but I can't take it anymore. She's just not the kind of person I want to be in a relationship with. Things started out so good but I think she was looking for a guy that spoiles her like her family does, but I'm not that guy. Yes I love doing nice things for my girl and making her happy and everything, but we're in a relationship. I'm not raising a kid, and that's what the past few months of being in a relationship with her has been like. There is zero fulfillment for me and the only reason I stuck it out this long is because of my relationship with her family. She's caused lots of strain between her family and I, especially with my friendship with her brother. Whenever there's a conflict she goes to them and twists things around and makes me out to be the asshole.

I want to end things with her in a way that won't ruin my relationship with my best friend and his family. Help?


That's some tough shit you're dealing with there. I've known the sweet little sister/daddy's little girl types. And I also know that lots of them can be full of shit.

Here's what you do: As a preemptive strike, go to them first and tell them that you're going to end things. Tell them things aren't working out with you and the aforementioned girlfriend and why. If you've grown up with this family, then they know you and what kind of person you are. They also know her and what kind of person she is. Families can be blind to their own sometimes, but no one is that blind. So be as honest and sincere as possible, but do so without trashing her or disrespecting her because remember, they raised her, so trashing her would be a slight on them.

Doing all of this beforehand will give you the upper hand. When you end things with her and she goes crying to them in an attempt to twist things, they'll already have your side of the story. They'll have more to consider. Whether they still choose to side with her is on them, but you've known these people your whole life and that usually means something. It may be awkward at first, but your sanity is worth it. No one should be with someone out of obligation. Staying with her isn't helping anything and will most likely cause more strain down the line and may result in your relationship with them being unsalvageable.

As a grown man, do what you have to do. You're miserable and you don't have to be. Eventually the two of you will move on and despite the awkwardness of the situation, it'll be water under the bridge. Do everything in your power to try to make moving forward with them possible, and if she attempts to sabotage that, it'll be evident.

I wish you all the best.

Topic: Agony Aunt Olivia's Inbox
Posted: 16 Jun 2014 19:05

I met a girl here and we really hit it off. But we live pretty far away and she told me shes not into the whole online or long distance thing. How do I get her to give us a shot?


First of all, you need to find out for sure whether or not she feels the same way about you as you feel about her. Find out if she also feels as if you guys hit it off. People set boundaries for a reason. If she's not into online/long distance relationships, there's not much you can do to change that. I'm also sure she has her reasons for not being into it. I'm sure it's frustrating because you seem to like her a lot, and if she does in fact share the feelings it probably further complicates the situation and makes it all the more confusing.

Even if it appears that she returns your feelings, there's only so much she's willing to offer. So it's really not a matter of getting her to give you guys a shot, but a matter of whether or not you're willing to accept what she's offering. If you're not willing to accept things as they are, then it's best to cut your losses or risk virtually friend zoning yourself. She may come around, and she may not. But there are no assurances either way.

Although it's always best to be up front about things, try pulling back a little and see if she gives chase. Or you can ask her right out if she thinks you guys are worth the risk of trying an online/long distance relationship. Accept the answer for what it is and go from there.

Topic: Agony Aunt Olivia's Inbox
Posted: 13 Jun 2014 08:17

I'll start by saying I was going to post this in the BDSM section but the last time I posted in their I got so many messages from people offering to guide me or train me. I'll try it this way now instead and hopefully you can help. I'm sorry if this is an overstep and this isnt the kind of advice you give.

Here goes.

My husband and I have been married for 4 years. For the past year and a half Ive been really looking into the BDSM lifestyle. I've been reserching and I've read a few other online forums. I've been reading the BDSM forum here and some of it has been really interesting. I really want my husband to dominate me. I dont want anything too intense and im fairly certain I don't want to do it as a lifestyle. My husband doesnt know much about my research and I don't quit know how to bring it up to him. We have good sex and have done some roleplaying not related to BDSM, and I don't wanna freak him out. How do I tell him I want him to dominate me? I don't wanna scare him.


I'm happy to tackle any type of question. Now let's dive in!

Short Answer: Just tell him.

Elaboration: It sounds like you've been doing extensive research. That's great! The only drawback is that you say your husband doesn't know much about your research. So at this stage you know more than him. The only advantage in that regard is that you'll be able to guide him because you probably know exactly what you want at this point. This is good because a number of people enter the world of BDSM with no clue what they want, which often leads to them being 50 Shades of Fucked Up. However, doing research on your own will have some drawbacks. Your understanding goes far deeper than his, which can present a number of challenges down the line being that he's the one taking on the more dominant role. Sometimes you guys won't always be on the same page, and I'm sure it's gonna get pretty frustrating (understatement). OK, I'm done being a downer.

I have to say that I find it interesting and admirable that you've researched so extensively even though you're not interested in BDSM as a lifestyle. I'm sure your research brought you to that conclusion, which is why it's always great to research before just diving in. Now I'll reiterate my short answer: Just tell him. Go into detail. Tell him exactly what you want. Ask him how he feels about it. You need to find out first and foremost if he's interested in taking on this role, and then go from there. Also, it's important to discuss his specific wants and needs as well. You've already stated that you guys do some role playing. So treat it as another fantasy you're acting out, which it is. If he's interested, ease him into the dominant role. You can do this without doing anything involving straight up BDSM. Use some of your other role playing scenarios and really play up to his dominance. For example, if you're doing cop/criminal, then play up the fact that he's in charge and in control. The same can go for doctor/nurse, secretary/CEO, etc. You may find out he's a natural, and it's an excellent segue into what you really want.

Broaching the subject is just the tip of the iceberg. It's really important to take things slow. Go at a pace that's comfortable for the both of you. Keep in mind that you've been researching this for over a year, and he hasn't. It's definitely gonna take patience and plenty of communication. If you're into using certain tools and implements, make sure he's comfortable using these things as well. You've been married for four years, so the trust has already been established and that will be your foundation. The rest will build on top of that. Your sex life is something that constantly evolves, so let things happen naturally and in their own time.

I wish you both all the best!

Topic: Why Do I Enjoy Another Man Fucking My Wife
Posted: 12 Jun 2014 09:07

I still don't understand my feelings. I'm as straight as anyone can get. I love my wife. I'm turned on from the pleasure my wife experienced. She did enjoy his size. Do most women enjoy a well endowed man? My story in here is true. I wrote it to relive it in hopes of understanding: How it come about, why I could have enjoyed it, why she enjoyed it? Is a MMF 3 sum most women's fantasy? I'm I normal? Is my wife normal? I know my wife is a border line Nympho. That was what attracted me to her along with her looks. She was a dream come true to me. I know how lucky I am to have her as my wife. I know I'm rambling. I'm just trying to understand how something like this come about and why it turned out to be so much fun.

Just give that article I linked to in my previous post a good read. It's very insightful and I myself learned a lot about why men and women find this act so appealing. I'm sure most of your questions will be answered there if they weren't already highlighted here.

In regards to whether or not you or your wife are normal, well that's a very subjective term. That depends on the standards of which you define normal. In the 'traditional' sense of normal, you will find that wife sharing does not fit into most ideas and ideals of the standard relationship dynamic. But that by no means means you're not normal or that it's wrong.

Also, I'm not sure if it's most women's fantasy to be involved in an MMF threesome, but it is indeed a fantasy of many women.

Topic: Why Do I Enjoy Another Man Fucking My Wife
Posted: 11 Jun 2014 10:41

It all started by accident. Things got out of hand and it ended with another man having sex with my wife. At first I was shocked. I never dreamed of anything like what was happening. It wasn't a fantasy of mine. The idea had never crossed my mind. But here I was standing there while another man was fucking my wife. I was in a state of shock. I use shock because it's the only word I know to describe my state. But as I watched my wife's reactions to his very long dick I was turned on. How could this be? When he cum in her, even that turned me on. Why? I don't understand my feelings. Read my story

According to an article on Psychology Today , the root causes of men wanting to watch their wives with other men are psychological, as expected. The main culprits? Sperm competition and voyeurism.

Voyeurism is pretty self explanatory. Voyeurists are people who enjoy watching others, usually in sexual acts. Some people in relationships will satisfy this desire by watching themselves in a mirror or recording and then watching themselves having sex. Watching someone else have sex with your spouse can kind of be the next progressive step in voyeurism.

Sperm competition comes into play when a man has a desire to have sex with his wife/spouse/partner after another man has had sex with and/or ejaculated inside her. As noted in the aforementioned article, sperm competition is a biological response that affects the male sexual drive. After watching your wife have sex with another man, you may be biologically driven to have longer and more vigorous sex with her. The recovery time between erections may also be shorter and you may also ejaculate harder and in a higher than normal (for you) amount. Men tend to enjoy these effects on their sexual drive, so they'll encourage their wives to sleep with other men to stir up that competition and bring about these biological responses.

Other factors involved included the thrill of taboo (again, self explanatory) and female empowerment (turned on by your wife's independence and assertiveness in sleeping with other men).

Bisexuality may play a small role if there's a desire on your part to interact with the other man.

P.S. If you were trying to post a link to your story, it won't show until you accumulate 20 forum posts.

Topic: Agony Aunt Olivia's Inbox
Posted: 08 Jun 2014 12:26

I am in an online relationship with someone I love dearly. Our intimacy is compelled within the walls of Skype and it was amazing until lately.

Lately, I discovered and started to masturbate without him. I am thinking of him while doing it alone. It was hot - really hot. I felt I am cheating my partner though I am thinking of him and his cock in my pussy and when we are together online I am not sexually inclined. I fear to loose him. I have not confessed this to him. I dread to. He already told me not to masturbate on my own.

You see I am working at night. When he is not online I need to sexually relieve myself so I can sleep during the day. Once he comes online. I tease him, make him hard to the brink of frustration only to let him down.

He's been very understanding but since I almost regularly masturbate on my own without him I find it is now affecting our online intimacy.

Help me please before it ruins my relationship with him.


Both of you need to mutually agree and come to an understanding of what is and isn't considered cheating. Unless you guys are involved in some level of a BDSM relationship where this has already been a rule set out that you have to obey, then I personally don't see anything wrong with you masturbating without his involvement...especially when it's him you're thinking of when you're doing it.

You should tell him though. Secrets are the quickest way to ruin a relationship. I think you need to explain to him just as you've explained to me that you have needs that he can't always be there to handle due to the online limitations of your relationship as well as timing. If it's something he just refuses to understand and allow, then that speaks of deeper issues in your relationship than you simply masturbating without him.

And I understand that masturbating without him prevents you from being able to "perform" when he's around due to the fact that have already done so without him. Have you considered other methods of sleeping so you can save the intimacy for him? Or if you're having multiple orgasms, limiting the number so you can save something for when you're actually with him?

Another thing to consider is whether or not you prefer to masturbate alone, or if you do it for the convenience. Then go from there.

My gut tells me that there's some underlying issue that keeps you from being satisfied when you're with him that has you to the point where masturbating alone is preferred to mutually masturbating with your guy. It could be frustration and the long distance thing taking a toll on you. As I said, just get everything out in the open with your guy and go from there.

Topic: Agony Aunt Olivia's Inbox
Posted: 08 Jun 2014 12:08

Thanks Olivia ...
even tho I am a man i appreciate your answer .... so so common sense ...particularly the last bit of advice ....any way I digress ... I love the way you explain the differences between women ... and their psychological make up ... one has to be crassly thick as two short planks to ignore such signs... Iam unhappily celibate and unhappily single but i do feel sorry for women who are lumbered with insensitive stupid MCPs for a partner BF/lover/husband ... any way you are very good in your pronouncements/advice...Please accept my complements

Thank you for the kind words. They are greatly appreciated!

Topic: Agony Aunt Olivia's Inbox
Posted: 07 Jun 2014 08:58

My girl won't have sex with me when it's "her time of the month." I've been with other girls who didnt mind. Some of them get super horny during that time but my girl just doesn't seem to be into it. I thought maybe she was shy about it and I told her it was no big deal but she won't do it.


I'm assuming you're asking me how to get your girlfriend to have sex with you while she's on her period, so I'll answer accordingly.

Yes, it's true that some women get ridiculously horny during their time of the month, and having sex during that time comes with a lot of perks as well (cramp relief, for one). However, not all women are the same and some just prefer to be left alone during that time. It's no slight to you. Women go through very different things down there during their time of the month. If she says she's not into period sex, take her word for it. If she could be persuaded otherwise, she would have been by now. Period sex is one of those do or don't things. There's no in between.

Besides, it's only a few days. Use it as bonding time. Pamper her. It may get you some serious brownie points you can use to your advantage when it's not her time of the month, and it may get you a hand and/or blow job. Everybody wins.

If you're one of those guys that really have a thing for having sex with a woman during her period, then I understand this will be a tough time for you. But pressure often leads to alienation. If you're one of those guys that doesn't care either way and just wants to have sex period or no period, then just wait those few days out. You're not gonna have good sex with a woman who's uncomfortable.

Also, I hope you haven't mentioned to her that other women in the past have been more than willing to have sex with you during their time of the month. That won't go over well at all at ANY time of the month.

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Posted: 01 Jan 2014 00:20
Happy Birthday from the Lush team.
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Posted: 26 Feb 2013 08:16

Thank you for the add.. chat soon I hope
Posted: 25 Feb 2013 22:59
Posted: 15 May 2012 11:42

You give great advice and I love your profile's background.
Posted: 30 Dec 2011 18:11
Happy Birthday from the Lush team.
Posted: 23 Oct 2011 13:17
Thanks for adding me as a friend, I hope we can chat soon. Or I'll leave a forum post when I need some advice or something.
Posted: 11 Aug 2011 13:57
thank you for being my friend
Posted: 08 Aug 2011 13:29
Hi Olivia. Thank you for the friends add. If you'd like to chat or have a discussion sometime, hit me up.
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