Hi, There's this girl where I work that is absolutely beautiful. As in out of my league. She works in a different area so we don't get a chance to talk much. But when we talk our personalities click. We have the a lot of similar interests. I really want to ask her out for a meal or drinks where we can really sit down and have a proper conversation but I'm lacking the confidence to do so. I'm afraid that she'll say no. I've tried a few times but chickened out! Any Advice on what to do? Can't stop thinking about her.

Thanks :)

So you know your role, that's half the battle, Mixmaster!

Sure, you're shy, you're not gorgeous like she is, and you've identified that you're just further down the dating food chain. Fair enough. But let me ask you:

Do you have a big cock?




I kid around, Mr. Mix. But let's get serious now. First of all, I do take at face value when you say she's out of your league. Yourmisterdark was brief and eloquent (and needs to send me a friend request, stat ;) ), and within three sentences raises a salient point. If you think she's out of your league, then she's out of your league. Period, end of story.

You see, this whole "we're all beautiful and we're all alphas in our own special way" is just bunk. It does more harm than good if you ask me (and clearly, you've asked me). This is not to say people should think less of themselves, or not be ambitious, but the pragmatics of this tell me that you'll never get over that "I'm not worthy" vibe with this young lady.

So my advice today is tough love: get over it. Be her buddy, hang out, and that way you can just be 'you', which she seems to enjoy very much.

And since every girl-hunting male should always be looking for an angle, here's what Hommemix can get out of it, if you play your cards right: the less superficially beautiful closeted wild-girl friend of hers, just waiting for somebody to help her unleash it. I'm serious, by the way. Nobody gets more personal endorsements for dates than a girl's non-creepy hetero male friend. She will want to see you happy, because she sees your good points, even if you both recognize that the two of you weren't an ideal fit.

So here are your three takeaways:

1) Stop stressing and let go of your longing.
2) Be her non-creepy guy friend. And if all goes well
3) Find a good match within her (hopefully sizeable) network.

Alright so this was the deal in 1978-1980... It's not happening now, but...

That woman was the very definition of Cold Fish... I dated her youngest daughter for almost 3 years and was never invited to a holiday or family dinner.

Hell, I was never invited inside the house...as in not through the fucking front door. I had their daughter home before the 11pm curfew, then before the midnight curfew...then (well she was at college the third year and there was no curfew - and by that time I didn't give a shit about the familial home...I wanted her room mate out of her dorm room on weekends).

So, Auntie...how do you deal with a parent who apparently doesn't like you, just because you aren't the guy she wants her daughter to be infatuated with?

ps...Me and the girl's father got along pretty well, but he didn't wear the pants in the family as he never invited me inside or out to his back deck either.

The mother even asked me on a phone call (around month 34 or so of us dating steadily)... "I hope you and Marilyn have never had..."

"No, Ma'am...your daughter and I have never......"

Yeah, I wasn't going to be a total asshole about the whole thing. "Your daughter and I invented about 7 new positions, Mrs Smith, you'd be a grandmother by now, except we both know you can't get pregnant by swallowing cum."

How do you deal with a parent who detests the very sight of you...while you're in love with their daughter (or son)?

Is your lovely avatar featuring the haircut you sported in 1978-1980? If so, then I feel the same as your girlfriend's mother about you. I doubt it is though, so I'll go on as if you managed to present yourself without a mudflap hairdo, and were otherwise well put together, or at least reasonably so.

I'll also set aside the reasons for her ire. Who knows what goulish things you might have done, or what she heard you did; the two are one and the same, really. This is especially true if you were in high school at the time; teenagers are vile creatures. And if you were older, and somebody told her you were a sex offender, then that would likely mean 'game over' from an approval standpoint, too. But you seem normal- wait, no you don't. But you don't seem like an evil predator to me, so I'll give you the benefit of the doubt.


So, what can be done with this tuna on ice who will not give you the time of day?

You would truly wish to gain this person's approval, of course. Otherwise, needling her would be so much fun!

I'm afraid you know the answer, futile as it may turn out to be. Slowly, over time, being on your best behavior, making good choices and treating her daughter right, will at worst rob her of chances to reinforce her distaste for you. And at best, your 'body of work' will outstrip whatever preconceptions she might have had, and you simply wear her down. There is something subtly delightful about leaving somebody with no excuses to dislike you any longer. If they choose to spread the hate, they look like fools when asked the reasons why, and nothing solid can be offered.

Now, people choose irrational reasons for disliking people all the time. I'm as guilty of this as the next person. You know that you can't change someone else's mind if they've decided that they never will, but as the old-fashioned saying goes: living well is the best revenge. In this case, the same applies to treating your adversary's daughter like the queen that she is.

Let's handle these one at a time, shall we?

Aunt Olivia,



AS posted in the topic I need help/advice in two areas. I am a quiet simple person who does not open up any more then I feel is necessary, unfortunatly that leaves wife feeling rather left out. I do want to be there for her more but always feel like I come up short of what she really wants.
She is always tellin me - that ' I need to be more romantic ' but being a loner who does not connect with people easily have never really learned how to be romantic, and no matter what I do it always seems to fall short of being romantic.

So you're a bit of a Marlboro Man, huh? Are you handsome like the Marlboro Man? If so, then that explains partially why she's still with you, what with no conversation, and you being emotionally unavailable...

But seriously, wanting to solve the problem gets you halfway there already. You're reaching out to the best here, and that counts for a lot. Here's the question: do you connect well with her? Sounds like the answer may be no. Not that it means you're a bad fit, but maybe like you say, you're a natural lone wolf. In which case, do nice things for her without being so over the top that it's obviously not something you would normally do. The choices are simple, unless she's a total weirdo. Does she like flowers? If so, bring some home on your way home from work. Tell her she looks pretty. Notice things about her and comment when they change (unless the change is for the worse, of course). Take her out to eat at a restaurant you know she likes, let her order anything off the menu she wants (even an appetizer and/or dessert, you cheapskate!). Open her door. Give her random hugs. These things are not grand gestures, but they're romantic nonetheless. Romance is more about the little things than the big things, really. It's not science, and it's not mysterious. It may not come natural to you, but you'll benefit by learning it, little by little.


My other issue is that I need advice in the bedroom, I do hate feeling the need to ask outside advice on this, but I do want to be able to intiate sexual intimacy with the wife, so askin for advice on this. Ive tried settin up code words with her so that when I use a certain phrase she knows what i would like, and gave her a code word to use also, but it never worked. I also have tried kissin her ears kissin her neck rubbin her arm, and carressin her but the signal does not seem to go through. What do I need to do to get my point accross so I can give her the intimacy she wants, but also let her know what i really want without havin to be crass like stating - lets fuck hun , talkin bout the opposite of romantic, you know what i mean?????

please help me here

Okay, just so I'm straight: you've had sex before right? And you know how that works, where to put the penis, etc? Sounds like you might be a little rusty, maybe you don't have a wide array of tricks in your bag either, but what I'm hearing is a difficulty in a) signaling her that you're in the mood for lovin', and b) getting her to catch your signals and respond to them favorably.

So, the first thing we need to figure out is whether she really wants to have sex with you or not. Depending on the lady, this could be a level that will get unlocked once you work on that first question with some success (be romantic, it's the little things!). If my man never said much, grunted a lot, exercised zero nuance most of the time, and was awkward with his advances, I might not be in the mood for sex all that often either.

But this, my Latin-phrased friend, is fixable too. I think you'll find that making an effort with the little things will in short order open up her legs for that big thing you're hiding in those jeans, pardner.

If not, come back and see me. Women are complicated, but sometimes we're really simple. Help out around the house, notice us, show us you care, and we'll show you our kitty.

It sounds like you have a lot of stress. Relieving that is probably the key to unlocking your current issues. Most of the time, it's all in the head.

This thread may help you: http://www.lushstories.com/forum/yaf_postst21495_delaying-ejaculation.aspx

Good luck!

Is it a localised swelling in a certain area?

I suggest you get your partner to give you an oral exam, see if they can identify the issue.

Failing that, a visit to your GP might be in order.

A switch is a person who vaccilates between dominant and submissive roles within their sexual relationship. It sounds like you haven't experimented being the submissive party yet, so the jury is still out on that one!

It's very common for men in positions of power, or who have always been "in control" in their lives, to yearn to be dominated / wish to be submissive some of the time. There's a good chance that you could be a sub too.

I suggest you act out your desires and let us know how you go.

I think you are having bi-curious feelings, which is entirely natural to have regardless of whether one is straight or gay.

It's definitely not 'un-lesbian' to enjoy penetration. You and your girlfriend can use toys and strap-ons and fingers. The sex act itself doesn't define sexual orientation.

If you are starting to feel sexually attracted to men, then I think you're bi-curious and possibly on your way to being bisexual.

it's definitely something that you need to talk to your partner about if you're interested in exploring these feelings. You'll also have to figure out if she's willing to stay in a committed relationship with you and let you try out men. If she's not and it's become something that you want to explore then you have a very difficult decision to make on whether to suppress these urges and stay with her, or break up and be single where you can experiment with men.

I would encourage you not to get too hung up on definitions of lesbian, bi-curious, bisexual just yet. They are all just labels meant to box people into a certain definable sexuality. Sexuality is very fluid and changes throughout our lives. Attractions and urges can develop where they never existed before. It's completely normal. You just need to figure out if you want to (or are ready) to act on them now and what makes the most sense for you at this point in your life.

If you have an understanding partner and a relationship based on good communication, the first step would be sharing your feelings with her.

xx Olivia

It appears that you are suffering from buyer's remorse.

This often happens when we leave one person for another without any down time in between. The new option will always seem like an upgrade because it's a shiny new plaything that you can project all your ideals onto, and you haven't really stopped to read the fine-print before buying into the idea that this girl is better than the girl you already have. Most of the time when we meet someone new, we're in a haze of expectations and excitement. We want to believe that this person is exactly the one meant for us and that we will be happier with them. The existing partner is someone you've been with for a while and the relationship probably feels predictable and dull. It's a reliable car but you long for that new-car smell.

So you trade-up.

And then you realize the new car isn't what you expected it to be at all.

This happens regularly in the dating world, and usually we just break up with the person and move on. It only becomes upsetting if you dumped someone for this new person and realize that your prior relationship wasn't so bad after all. Hindsight is always 20/20, as they say.

Think about this:

1. Are you the type who fears being alone? Are you thinking of being back with your ex-gf only because things don't seem to be working out with this new girl? Clearly there were problems in your old relationship that made you want to consider someone else and break up. Those problems still probably exist. What Olivia fears, to be blunt, is that you want your ex-gf back as a 'filler' until you can find the next best thing, and that you don't like being single. Plus you enjoy great sex (don't we all) but is that enough to make you want to go back to a broken relationship and work things out. Think of all the backpedalling and apologizing you'll have to do to win her back. There's a lot of emotional baggage that comes with re-starting an old relationship.

2. Does your ex-gf even want you back? Was she using you as a fuckbuddy or ex-sex? I have no doubt she was intent on showing exactly what you are missing out on during your tryst the other night. Girls like to do that, especially in the wake of being dumped for another girl. It's almost like a revenge-thing: 'have one more taste of what you will never have again'. It could be that she wants you back, but I would clarify this point before you make any sudden moves. Personally, if I was your ex, I would play things so that you dumped the current girl, grovelled back to me, and then I'd laugh and leave you out in the cold - but perhaps I am more vengeful than many other trusting lasses. It's something to be aware of as a possibility, but only you know your sexy-ex best, how her mind works and what she's capable of.

3. Despite leading you through these questions, it's obvious that you are not sexually excited by your current girlfriend. So my advice is to dump her. It sounds like it's still in the early stages, so bowing out now shouldn't be that difficult. After this you have the option of trying to get back with your ex or finding someone new. Both options will probably be preferable to being with someone that you're just not that into.

How to break up: I would go with the "I just got out of a relationship and need some time to do my own thing. I thought I was ready for another relationship but I don't think I am yet and I know you want more from me than I'm able to give right now. I want to be fair to you, so I think it's best that we just chill things down between us. I hope we can still be friends and I think you're ". Then, don't lead her on or give her false hope. You also won't want to deal with the aftermath of having her see you back with your ex-gf about two weeks later.

xx Olivia

Sexual addiction is a real phenomenon and while many people might think they are "sex addicts" because they seem to love sex more than the average person or think they suffer from "major depressive disorder" because they just broke up with someone and laid in bed for two weeks eating cookie-dough ice-cream and listening to Evanescence on repeat on their ipod... this doesn't make it an actual clinical disorder or issue that requires outside help or therapy.

But when a fixation or focus becomes something that affects your daily life in a negative way for a prolonged period of time, it needs to be taken seriously.

If you find that you're missing work to masturbate or watch porn or that your social life with family/friends takes a constant backseat to your pursuit of orgasms and having sex with strangers, then you have a problem.

Many people think about sex quite often, and this is often influenced by hormones and age. Between 10-14 days after the first day of your period, you are ovulating which is when a woman is at her most fertile, and women often feel easily aroused and horny. I would say that's normal. If it becomes a problem for you where you feel like you can't focus or concentrate on anything other than sex, I would recommend going on the birth control pill. This will regulate your hormones and you won't be ovulating, so you will experience a more steady state.

Next, think about your sexual activity. Is this a phase you're going through? A woman may have promiscuous periods in her life where her list of sex partners starts to escalate. This sometimes happens when you just get out of a relationship or marriage, when you move to a new city and feel bored (and more anonymous) or when you want to enjoy the last thrills of single life before settling down.

Think about what you want from these men. Are you just looking for orgasms? Does it make you feel temporarily comforted or loved? Does it make you feel validated or more desirable to have constant sexual attention? Do you ever talk to these men again or are they all one night stands? Are you using safe sex practices or are you being self-destructive by taking risks and chances as a form of self-punishment? Do you care about their orgasms or are you merely focused on your own sexual gratification and needs during these encounters? Would one partner satisfy you or do you feel you need the thrill and excitement of multiple partners in order to get off? Is sex allowing you an escape from other unpleasant things going on in your life right now?

If the situation is concerning you and affecting your day to day life, then you may need professional help. There can be many issues at work here which I'm unable to comment on based on the limited information.

Sex creates a kind of physical and emotional 'high' for many people. Getting addicted to this rush is not that different from using drugs or alcohol. It can be a serious problem and definitely shouldn't be shrugged off or ignored.

MommaBear looks a little somber at this joyous occasion, and probably rightly so.

In the thrill and jubilation of celebrating one life-changing milestone, he's decided to kill two birds with one stone.

Sure he can save on the champagne with one combined celebration but let's say this engagement/marriage doesn't work out in the future. I know, imagine that, right? Couldn't possibly happen! Everyone knows that sports celebrities are renowned for having successful unions of love and longevity. But let's say the relationship trainwrecks. Now, when he looks back on this special night, it's forever attached to the night when he proposed to *that girl* that he may one day not be singing the praises of.

His mom might be thinking along those same lines. Or maybe she saw the dollar signs in the girl's eyes. Or maybe the pictorial got it all wrong and she's really weeping happy tears behind those sunglasses and letting her son have his moment in the media spotlight with his future bride by just observing from the sidelines.

He obviously came prepared with the chunk of bling, and maybe took winning as an omen that he was meant to propose that night. Who knows.

He has to follow his heart and Momma has to save the "I told you so's" until after the divorce. Parents have the right to offer advice and opinion if asked honestly, but most of the time parents would probably be wiser to just be supportive of their child's decision - errors and all. When it comes to love, it's impossible to be rational about it. If he loves her and thinks she is the 'the one,' then his mother needs to support his decision. If she doesn't, it's just the beginning of an endless awkwardness and hostilities going forward.