Forum posts made by olivia

Topic Trashing Your Ex
Posted 30 Jul 2014 16:15

Glad I'm on good terms with my exes. No dark clouds covering the memories. I understand that this is not always possible though.

Indeed it isn't, so count that a blessing.

Breakups are an essential part of any relationship. They can reveal a lot about you to yourself and change who you are just as much as an actual relationship can.

Topic Wife Sexual Awakening
Posted 03 Jul 2014 09:39

Here is a little background:

Been married to my wife for 21 years, met in high school, to my knowledge we have only be with each other. I have no reason to believe others. It's been pretty normal as far as sex goes. Meeting vanilla; yes there is oral on both sides and she will only allow me to fuck her in her pussy, no anal. She really had been closed off to any experimenting, you almost say she was very prudish about sex.

So about a year ago she has told me during a game of truth or dare that we were playing that she had toyed with the idea of a threesome MFF. Nothing much on the topic since then other than snide comments from me about her having a gf. So within the last two weeks she really has started to heat things up out of no where.

She started giving me a blow job in the kitchen, when the **Edited for content.** were in the living room, we even fucked in the kitchen with the **Edited for content.** in the living room. She has given me a blowjob while I was driving and let me pull her shirt up in the car while we parked at a local college parking lot and let me lick on her tits. We have been talking kinky stuff while fucking about a woman joining us and recently suggested that she had a bf and he joined us and that while she was fucking him she was sucking me off and then we switched. She had her dildo out and was licking it while I fucked her and she brought it to my lips and pushed it in, it's just a dildo and it tasted good as she just had it in her pussy so I sucked on it. She got incredibly hot.

So as all this has happened she recently went to an adult toy party. This is all completely out of her character and I asked her why the sudden change and if she had been reading stuff or talking to someone. She said no that she just didn't want things to get stale and wanted me to keep thinking that "damn I'm lucky she is my wife".

So my question(s) are:

Does it sound like to you all that she is talking to someone else?
Do you think she possibly is seeing someone else which is why her sex drive and experimentation have increased?
And what do I make of her putting her dildo in my mouth and her excitement over that.

I'm not sure what to think, but I am enjoying her new found excitement and experimentation thought process. Thoughts?

What your wife is experiencing is quite common in most women. The best way it can be defined is a 'sexual awakening', actually. I'm not sure how old your wife is, but I'm sure it coincides with her age. Lots of women peek sexually in their late 30s to early 40s. As a result, she's hornier than ever and more sexually adventurous than ever. Consider it a sexual mid-life crisis of sorts. Men buy sports cars and Harleys, women get horny.

As for your questions, here goes:

1. She could be talking to someone else. But if she is, it's most likely a friend or two that tells about all of their sexual adventures and misadventures (we all have at least one of this type of friend). It's probably got her wheels churning and her interest piqued, which is fueling her sex drive even more.

2. It's unlikely that she's seeing someone else. That's usually accompanied with distance and detachment from you as well as lost interest in sex with you. But her sexual interest in YOU is increasing, and she wants to try all of these things with YOU. It seems like she wants you included in all of her sexual adventures. I'd be super shocked if she were seeing someone else.

3. She likes seeing you with her dildo in your mouth. The fact that it was previously in her pussy was probably what motivated the act, and not just the act of putting a dildo in your mouth in and of itself. It doesn't indicate that she's ready to strap on dildo and harness, bend you over, and hump you for dear life or anything like that. It just means she's open and wants you to experiment with her. Expect more surprises like this. And if there's anything you're open to and would like to try (like anal play, for example), run it by her. She may be open to it as well.

Yours truly,

Topic help me out!!!!!
Posted 29 Jun 2014 09:23

I don't know if this has been asked before but here goes........well I am a virgin and being in India its common .so you can guess that I masturbate.What I wanted to ask was that has it ever happened that due to regular masturbation your orgasms take longer time???is that okay or is there some kind of health condition involved?????

Hello Simar!

Because you're a virgin (which is nothing to be ashamed of no matter what region you come from, by the way), you may not realize that the more we engage in one sexual activity, the more it takes to stimulate us and get us off.

It's quite common for it to take longer to reach orgasm when you masturbate regularly. Try spicing things up. Seek out other stimulants. If you masturbate along to porn, try out different porn. Try different masturbation techniques or even tools (flesh light for example). Use cooling or heating lubricants for a different sensation. There are lots of different ways to masturbate that can help you reach orgasm faster if you don't like the drawn out process. However, drawing things out can lead to a more fulfilling orgasm.

I doubt it's a medical issue, but if it's something that truly concerns you then there's no harm in at least calling your doctor to make sure everything's alright.

Yours truly,

Topic Agony Aunt Olivia's Inbox
Posted 21 Jun 2014 12:40

I'm in a very complicated situation. My best friend and I have known each other since we were in diapers. Our families are very close and we grew up together.

I started dating his sister a year ago. It was no issue and he and his family was cool and supportive of it, so theres no problem there. The problem is that she's a total brat. She's immature and she literally whines when things don't go her way. She's the youngest and only girl, so I'm sure that contributes to how spoiled she is. My best friend and her dad are protective and they dote on her but I can't take it anymore. She's just not the kind of person I want to be in a relationship with. Things started out so good but I think she was looking for a guy that spoiles her like her family does, but I'm not that guy. Yes I love doing nice things for my girl and making her happy and everything, but we're in a relationship. I'm not raising a kid, and that's what the past few months of being in a relationship with her has been like. There is zero fulfillment for me and the only reason I stuck it out this long is because of my relationship with her family. She's caused lots of strain between her family and I, especially with my friendship with her brother. Whenever there's a conflict she goes to them and twists things around and makes me out to be the asshole.

I want to end things with her in a way that won't ruin my relationship with my best friend and his family. Help?


That's some tough shit you're dealing with there. I've known the sweet little sister/daddy's little girl types. And I also know that lots of them can be full of shit.

Here's what you do: As a preemptive strike, go to them first and tell them that you're going to end things. Tell them things aren't working out with you and the aforementioned girlfriend and why. If you've grown up with this family, then they know you and what kind of person you are. They also know her and what kind of person she is. Families can be blind to their own sometimes, but no one is that blind. So be as honest and sincere as possible, but do so without trashing her or disrespecting her because remember, they raised her, so trashing her would be a slight on them.

Doing all of this beforehand will give you the upper hand. When you end things with her and she goes crying to them in an attempt to twist things, they'll already have your side of the story. They'll have more to consider. Whether they still choose to side with her is on them, but you've known these people your whole life and that usually means something. It may be awkward at first, but your sanity is worth it. No one should be with someone out of obligation. Staying with her isn't helping anything and will most likely cause more strain down the line and may result in your relationship with them being unsalvageable.

As a grown man, do what you have to do. You're miserable and you don't have to be. Eventually the two of you will move on and despite the awkwardness of the situation, it'll be water under the bridge. Do everything in your power to try to make moving forward with them possible, and if she attempts to sabotage that, it'll be evident.

I wish you all the best.

Topic Agony Aunt Olivia's Inbox
Posted 16 Jun 2014 19:05

I met a girl here and we really hit it off. But we live pretty far away and she told me shes not into the whole online or long distance thing. How do I get her to give us a shot?


First of all, you need to find out for sure whether or not she feels the same way about you as you feel about her. Find out if she also feels as if you guys hit it off. People set boundaries for a reason. If she's not into online/long distance relationships, there's not much you can do to change that. I'm also sure she has her reasons for not being into it. I'm sure it's frustrating because you seem to like her a lot, and if she does in fact share the feelings it probably further complicates the situation and makes it all the more confusing.

Even if it appears that she returns your feelings, there's only so much she's willing to offer. So it's really not a matter of getting her to give you guys a shot, but a matter of whether or not you're willing to accept what she's offering. If you're not willing to accept things as they are, then it's best to cut your losses or risk virtually friend zoning yourself. She may come around, and she may not. But there are no assurances either way.

Although it's always best to be up front about things, try pulling back a little and see if she gives chase. Or you can ask her right out if she thinks you guys are worth the risk of trying an online/long distance relationship. Accept the answer for what it is and go from there.

Topic Agony Aunt Olivia's Inbox
Posted 13 Jun 2014 08:17

I'll start by saying I was going to post this in the BDSM section but the last time I posted in their I got so many messages from people offering to guide me or train me. I'll try it this way now instead and hopefully you can help. I'm sorry if this is an overstep and this isnt the kind of advice you give.

Here goes.

My husband and I have been married for 4 years. For the past year and a half Ive been really looking into the BDSM lifestyle. I've been reserching and I've read a few other online forums. I've been reading the BDSM forum here and some of it has been really interesting. I really want my husband to dominate me. I dont want anything too intense and im fairly certain I don't want to do it as a lifestyle. My husband doesnt know much about my research and I don't quit know how to bring it up to him. We have good sex and have done some roleplaying not related to BDSM, and I don't wanna freak him out. How do I tell him I want him to dominate me? I don't wanna scare him.


I'm happy to tackle any type of question. Now let's dive in!

Short Answer: Just tell him.

Elaboration: It sounds like you've been doing extensive research. That's great! The only drawback is that you say your husband doesn't know much about your research. So at this stage you know more than him. The only advantage in that regard is that you'll be able to guide him because you probably know exactly what you want at this point. This is good because a number of people enter the world of BDSM with no clue what they want, which often leads to them being 50 Shades of Fucked Up. However, doing research on your own will have some drawbacks. Your understanding goes far deeper than his, which can present a number of challenges down the line being that he's the one taking on the more dominant role. Sometimes you guys won't always be on the same page, and I'm sure it's gonna get pretty frustrating (understatement). OK, I'm done being a downer.

I have to say that I find it interesting and admirable that you've researched so extensively even though you're not interested in BDSM as a lifestyle. I'm sure your research brought you to that conclusion, which is why it's always great to research before just diving in. Now I'll reiterate my short answer: Just tell him. Go into detail. Tell him exactly what you want. Ask him how he feels about it. You need to find out first and foremost if he's interested in taking on this role, and then go from there. Also, it's important to discuss his specific wants and needs as well. You've already stated that you guys do some role playing. So treat it as another fantasy you're acting out, which it is. If he's interested, ease him into the dominant role. You can do this without doing anything involving straight up BDSM. Use some of your other role playing scenarios and really play up to his dominance. For example, if you're doing cop/criminal, then play up the fact that he's in charge and in control. The same can go for doctor/nurse, secretary/CEO, etc. You may find out he's a natural, and it's an excellent segue into what you really want.

Broaching the subject is just the tip of the iceberg. It's really important to take things slow. Go at a pace that's comfortable for the both of you. Keep in mind that you've been researching this for over a year, and he hasn't. It's definitely gonna take patience and plenty of communication. If you're into using certain tools and implements, make sure he's comfortable using these things as well. You've been married for four years, so the trust has already been established and that will be your foundation. The rest will build on top of that. Your sex life is something that constantly evolves, so let things happen naturally and in their own time.

I wish you both all the best!

Topic Why Do I Enjoy Another Man Fucking My Wife
Posted 12 Jun 2014 09:07

I still don't understand my feelings. I'm as straight as anyone can get. I love my wife. I'm turned on from the pleasure my wife experienced. She did enjoy his size. Do most women enjoy a well endowed man? My story in here is true. I wrote it to relive it in hopes of understanding: How it come about, why I could have enjoyed it, why she enjoyed it? Is a MMF 3 sum most women's fantasy? I'm I normal? Is my wife normal? I know my wife is a border line Nympho. That was what attracted me to her along with her looks. She was a dream come true to me. I know how lucky I am to have her as my wife. I know I'm rambling. I'm just trying to understand how something like this come about and why it turned out to be so much fun.

Just give that article I linked to in my previous post a good read. It's very insightful and I myself learned a lot about why men and women find this act so appealing. I'm sure most of your questions will be answered there if they weren't already highlighted here.

In regards to whether or not you or your wife are normal, well that's a very subjective term. That depends on the standards of which you define normal. In the 'traditional' sense of normal, you will find that wife sharing does not fit into most ideas and ideals of the standard relationship dynamic. But that by no means means you're not normal or that it's wrong.

Also, I'm not sure if it's most women's fantasy to be involved in an MMF threesome, but it is indeed a fantasy of many women.

Topic Why Do I Enjoy Another Man Fucking My Wife
Posted 11 Jun 2014 10:41

It all started by accident. Things got out of hand and it ended with another man having sex with my wife. At first I was shocked. I never dreamed of anything like what was happening. It wasn't a fantasy of mine. The idea had never crossed my mind. But here I was standing there while another man was fucking my wife. I was in a state of shock. I use shock because it's the only word I know to describe my state. But as I watched my wife's reactions to his very long dick I was turned on. How could this be? When he cum in her, even that turned me on. Why? I don't understand my feelings. Read my story

According to an article on Psychology Today , the root causes of men wanting to watch their wives with other men are psychological, as expected. The main culprits? Sperm competition and voyeurism.

Voyeurism is pretty self explanatory. Voyeurists are people who enjoy watching others, usually in sexual acts. Some people in relationships will satisfy this desire by watching themselves in a mirror or recording and then watching themselves having sex. Watching someone else have sex with your spouse can kind of be the next progressive step in voyeurism.

Sperm competition comes into play when a man has a desire to have sex with his wife/spouse/partner after another man has had sex with and/or ejaculated inside her. As noted in the aforementioned article, sperm competition is a biological response that affects the male sexual drive. After watching your wife have sex with another man, you may be biologically driven to have longer and more vigorous sex with her. The recovery time between erections may also be shorter and you may also ejaculate harder and in a higher than normal (for you) amount. Men tend to enjoy these effects on their sexual drive, so they'll encourage their wives to sleep with other men to stir up that competition and bring about these biological responses.

Other factors involved included the thrill of taboo (again, self explanatory) and female empowerment (turned on by your wife's independence and assertiveness in sleeping with other men).

Bisexuality may play a small role if there's a desire on your part to interact with the other man.

P.S. If you were trying to post a link to your story, it won't show until you accumulate 20 forum posts.

Topic Agony Aunt Olivia's Inbox
Posted 08 Jun 2014 12:26

I am in an online relationship with someone I love dearly. Our intimacy is compelled within the walls of Skype and it was amazing until lately.

Lately, I discovered and started to masturbate without him. I am thinking of him while doing it alone. It was hot - really hot. I felt I am cheating my partner though I am thinking of him and his cock in my pussy and when we are together online I am not sexually inclined. I fear to loose him. I have not confessed this to him. I dread to. He already told me not to masturbate on my own.

You see I am working at night. When he is not online I need to sexually relieve myself so I can sleep during the day. Once he comes online. I tease him, make him hard to the brink of frustration only to let him down.

He's been very understanding but since I almost regularly masturbate on my own without him I find it is now affecting our online intimacy.

Help me please before it ruins my relationship with him.


Both of you need to mutually agree and come to an understanding of what is and isn't considered cheating. Unless you guys are involved in some level of a BDSM relationship where this has already been a rule set out that you have to obey, then I personally don't see anything wrong with you masturbating without his involvement...especially when it's him you're thinking of when you're doing it.

You should tell him though. Secrets are the quickest way to ruin a relationship. I think you need to explain to him just as you've explained to me that you have needs that he can't always be there to handle due to the online limitations of your relationship as well as timing. If it's something he just refuses to understand and allow, then that speaks of deeper issues in your relationship than you simply masturbating without him.

And I understand that masturbating without him prevents you from being able to "perform" when he's around due to the fact that have already done so without him. Have you considered other methods of sleeping so you can save the intimacy for him? Or if you're having multiple orgasms, limiting the number so you can save something for when you're actually with him?

Another thing to consider is whether or not you prefer to masturbate alone, or if you do it for the convenience. Then go from there.

My gut tells me that there's some underlying issue that keeps you from being satisfied when you're with him that has you to the point where masturbating alone is preferred to mutually masturbating with your guy. It could be frustration and the long distance thing taking a toll on you. As I said, just get everything out in the open with your guy and go from there.

Topic Agony Aunt Olivia's Inbox
Posted 08 Jun 2014 12:08

Thanks Olivia ...
even tho I am a man i appreciate your answer .... so so common sense ...particularly the last bit of advice ....any way I digress ... I love the way you explain the differences between women ... and their psychological make up ... one has to be crassly thick as two short planks to ignore such signs... Iam unhappily celibate and unhappily single but i do feel sorry for women who are lumbered with insensitive stupid MCPs for a partner BF/lover/husband ... any way you are very good in your pronouncements/advice...Please accept my complements

Thank you for the kind words. They are greatly appreciated!

Topic Agony Aunt Olivia's Inbox
Posted 07 Jun 2014 08:58

My girl won't have sex with me when it's "her time of the month." I've been with other girls who didnt mind. Some of them get super horny during that time but my girl just doesn't seem to be into it. I thought maybe she was shy about it and I told her it was no big deal but she won't do it.


I'm assuming you're asking me how to get your girlfriend to have sex with you while she's on her period, so I'll answer accordingly.

Yes, it's true that some women get ridiculously horny during their time of the month, and having sex during that time comes with a lot of perks as well (cramp relief, for one). However, not all women are the same and some just prefer to be left alone during that time. It's no slight to you. Women go through very different things down there during their time of the month. If she says she's not into period sex, take her word for it. If she could be persuaded otherwise, she would have been by now. Period sex is one of those do or don't things. There's no in between.

Besides, it's only a few days. Use it as bonding time. Pamper her. It may get you some serious brownie points you can use to your advantage when it's not her time of the month, and it may get you a hand and/or blow job. Everybody wins.

If you're one of those guys that really have a thing for having sex with a woman during her period, then I understand this will be a tough time for you. But pressure often leads to alienation. If you're one of those guys that doesn't care either way and just wants to have sex period or no period, then just wait those few days out. You're not gonna have good sex with a woman who's uncomfortable.

Also, I hope you haven't mentioned to her that other women in the past have been more than willing to have sex with you during their time of the month. That won't go over well at all at ANY time of the month.

Topic Agony Aunt Olivia's Inbox
Posted 31 May 2014 08:38

I recently had a baby. I've managed to lose most of the baby weight, but the stretch marks are still there. I have creams that help them fade but they take a few months to have any real affect. They're really embarrassing and make me very self conscious to the point where I don't even want my husband to see me naked. The few times we do have sex is with the lights off. I can tell it hurts my husband especially since he things its not that big of a deal but these stretch marks just make me feel so unsexy. Im sure I'll get over it, but for right now I just want to get him to understand that its not him.


We all have those things that we feel self conscious about that may seem like it's not that big of a deal to other people. Some of these things don't even make sense to others, but they jump out us and make us feel like a spotlight is on them. I'm sure this is the case with your husband.

It's a good thing you've expressed your insecurity to him, as many people keep their insecurities to themselves, which further confuses and alienates their significant other. So you're definitely headed in the right direction. However, although he probably already knows the basis of your insecurity, constantly rebuffing him can't be good for his ego or self esteem. From his point of view, he's just a man that wants to make love to his wife and mother of his child (or children), and she doesn't want to. If he says the stretch marks don't bother him, he means it.

Changes to our bodies can sometimes come with huge blows to our self confidence, but having a significant other to help through those changes can go a long way. If you haven't already, go into detail pertaining to why the stretch marks make you feel the way they do. Not just that they make you feel unappealing, but why. It'll help you both understand better, and it will make him get more proactive about helping you through it, which will in turn make him feel wanted and needed. That's really important.

I'm sure he knows it's something you're sensitive about, and I'm not assuming his mind, but I'm pretty sure he just doesn't know how to broach the subject with you. Maybe he's afraid he'll say the wrong thing. It may seem a little uncomfortable at first, but the more you discuss it and have it out in the open, the less insecure you tend to feel about it. And in time, it won't be a bother.

I understand that it's hard to get over or even talk about the things that make us insecure, but communication is key. And I'm not saying pretend your stretch marks aren't there, but accept that they're there for the time being. The worst thing you could do is shut him out, so let him help you through it. This will help him understand even better.

Topic Agony Aunt Olivia's Inbox
Posted 29 May 2014 10:34

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a few months. Ive npticed that sometimes when we're out I catch him looking at other girls. It usually doesnt bother me, except when he looks at girls who dress more revealing things. i dress normal and I save the sexier stuff for him and sometimes when we go out. Does this meanhe wants me to dress sexier all the time?


Your boyfriend, like all mankind, is human. That being said, our eyes are naturally drawn to things or people that are appealing. When you say you dress normal, I take it to mean modest. If he wanted the scantier clad girl, that's who he'd be with, to put it bluntly.

As long as he's not openly leering or being lewd or crude and making comparisons, then simply having himself a look is harmless. Attractive people are all around us, and our eyes are naturally drawn to them, no matter how they're dressed.

I do not think his looking at females who are dressed sexier is of any consequence to you or your relationship. Do what makes you comfortable. To be honest, he might appreciate the fact that you save the sexy for him. And on the occasions where you do decide to dress sexier when you go out, he'll appreciate having the hot girl that guys keep stealing glances at as well.

Topic Agony Aunt Olivia's Inbox
Posted 29 May 2014 09:16

I get lots of messages in my inbox from those of you who are a little shy about posting in public.

I thought it'd be more helpful to post the questions and maybe even follow-up questions in here along with the answers, where they can benefit a wider range of people. I will always do so anonymously.

Yours truly,

P.S. If you don't see your question here, don't panic. I'm not ignoring you, it may just have been similar to other questions or I just haven't gotten to it yet.

Topic What does Bi-curious really mean?
Posted 23 May 2014 13:36

(of a heterosexual person) interested in having a sexual experience with a person of the same sex.

That's the definition that shows up on Google.

And it really is that simple, when it boils down to it. It's not a determining factor of your sexuality. Bicuriosity doesn't always mean you'll end up being bisexual. It just means you're open to the idea of a same sex experience. But after trying it, you may find out it's not all that enjoyable and it just reinforces your heterosexuality. Or it can be the best thing ever, and you realize you're in fact bisexual or in some cases, homosexual.

For reasons unknown to me, bicurious tends to have some negative connotations. But we were all curious about something at one point or another. And if those urges become stronger, just go for it. Don't hang out in bicurious limbo forever. If the opportunity presents itself take it, and do so in a way that you feel most comfortable. What's the worst that could happen?

No sense in living with regret, especially with something as important as your sex life.

Yours truly,

Topic Summer Breakups
Posted 22 May 2014 14:13

Hi all!

It is I, Olivia, your resident sexpert and relationship adviser.

I've been away for some time, but I have returned and NOT empty-handed, mind you.

Summer's in, and lots of you are probably going through the dreaded summer breakup as I type. Have no fear! It happens to the best of us.

The coziness of Fall and Winter are long gone. Summer is full of things like warm breezes, sunny weather, beach bonfires, girls in short (insert item of clothing here), and shirtless guys. Eyes and imaginations wander. People begin to feel cramped rather than safe and cozy and secure. Those Fall/Winter attachments have lost their charm and probably appear suffocating. Even more so this year, as it seemed to be one long dreary Winter and then suddenly Summer happened.

If any of this feels familiar, you're experiencing the beginning stages of the Summer breakup. Whether you're the breaker upper-er, or the breakup-ee, I've some excellent tips for you, and the best part is that you can use them year-round!

What NOT to do:

1. Constantly contact him/her.

It's important to know when it's over. If it's not meant to be, no amount of calling, texting, emailing, tweeting, or sending pigeons is gonna change that. If someone wants to let you go, have the decency to let them. It won't end well for either if you if you don't.

2. Grieve excessively.

Breakups are tough shit. Not just on you, but those around you. But after a certain point you have to acknowledge and accept that it's over and govern yourself accordingly. Don't be that friend. You know the friend I mean. The one that goes out eating with a bunch of friends then bursts into tears when the server brings a basket of bread because, 'OMG he/she used to eat bread!' If you're gonna be a long-term wallower, it's best to spare your friends and family. People like to help those who help themselves, and if you're not willing to at least try, then you'll end up isolating those who care about you the most and then being bitter about it. The invitations will stop and you'll think everyone who tries to talk some sense into you is out to get you and you'll just be more alone and mad at the world instead of adjusting like a normal human being and moving on. Talk about unhealthy.

3. Trash talk him/her to mutual friends.

If the breakup is less than amicable, don't do the shit-talking to mutual friends thing, or anyone for that matter. Just don't. It's awkward for everyone. It forces people to choose sides, plus the other person doesn't even have a chance to defend themselves. And it'll just be more awkward and embarrassing if you guys get back together down the line.

4. Rush into a new relationship.

This one's a no brainer. You're vulnerable and anxious and on the rebound. This is NOT the time to form new attachments. Your wits aren't about you and you're just prolonging the inevitable. It's very rare that rebound relationships work out due to the fact that you haven't given yourself enough time to sort out all of the stuff from your previous relationship. It's very easy to trick yourself into thinking you're ready for something new. Chances are, you're not. Random hookups can be fun, if/when you're mentally and emotionally ready for that. But be careful with these, and don't trick someone into thinking it's casual and they get more than they bargained for.

5. Go off the deep end.

Mixed emotions make us feel like doing crazy shit sometimes, but keep it together. Don't become a stalker or a bunny boiler. Don't show up where you know they're gonna be. They need to move on too. And if they move on before you, let them be happy. Nothing good will come out of you going crazy. And if you feel yourself going down that dark road, seek professional help.

What you should do:

1. Wallow.

Let it all out, well as much of it as you can. Give yourself as much time as you need. Cry. Call your friends (the real ones) in the middle of the night instead of calling him/her. Listen to sad songs. Give happy couples the finger as you pass by them. Vent to those closest to you. Whatever you need to do. But a grieving period is very necessary and very productive.*

*If it's not a mutual thing, and you're the one that's doing the breaking up, give your new ex time and space to grieve.

2. Pull yourself together.

I know I just said grieving is important, but excessive grieving is just unhealthy (see 'What NOT to do section).

3. Get rid of all their stuff (if necessary).

Old letters, gifts (unless they're diamonds), iPod shuffle loaded with all 'your' songs, etc. Get rid of it. You just don't need that kind of baggage. Pawn or donate things with too much sentimentality attached to it. Or at the very least put it out of your sight. It's kinda funny to come across that stuff years later once you've fully moved on. It's a mix of nostalgia and 'What the fuck was I thinking?!'

4. Get a hobby/do something physical.

Get rid of all that pent up emotion and frustration and/or be too busy to miss that person. It'll help you move on a lot quicker and much more smoothly. Plus it will keep you from doing something foolish. Do some volunteer work, write (hint-hint), acquire a new skill like cooking or playing an instrument. Change your look, hate it, and change it again. Swim, run, hike, bike ride, rock climb, etc. If/when you're emotionally ready and you have no aversion to this sort of thing, get yourself a fuck buddy and have ALL the no strings attached sex.

5. Spend time with friends/family.

Now's an opportunity to make up for all that lost time when you neglected your friends and family members when you were in the puppy love stage with your now ex. Good people almost always make it better.

It's hard to tell what's what sometimes when emotions are running rampant. But it's important to keep a clear head and stay optimistic. Without even realizing exactly when or how it happened, you'll be good as new.

Yours truly,

Topic I can't orgasm..
Posted 09 Feb 2014 12:27

First off, stop 'feeling horrible'. You've done the most difficult part already since you've found a man that you want to have an orgasm with. You also get horny and really turned on. A lot of girls will be jealous of you.

There is no reason to think that your lack of orgasms is in any way a failure. A lot of men don't care whether their girl comes, so long as they get their rocks off. If you or your man does care, you need to teach him how to get you off. Unfortunately for you both, this may not be one of the ways you’re “supposed” to have an orgasm. Porn teaches us that it only happens during intercourse, or oral sex.

That's a load of crap.

If you want orgasms as part of sex, my advice is to find what works. For most girls, this means fingers and / or vibrators. Make masturbation part of sex with your man. Watch some mutually-satisfying porn together. Use your fingers / show him exactly what you do when you masturbate. This might be cringy but it'll be worth it. If he can't mimic what you do, you'll have to tell him. Be explicit about what goes where, pressure, pace, etc.

Good sex doesn't just come naturally. You have to work at it. Teach him what pleases you. Once he knows how to make you come and you relax enough to let him, you’ll probably find it easier to climax in other ways with him.

Topic Difficulty Reaching Climax
Posted 27 Jan 2014 14:28

I've seen a few similar threads here, but they're always for women and I sense the problem may be a little different. In essence, my sexual partners are rarely (if ever) capable of making me orgasm. I've been with several different women and tried just about every kink and fantasy under the sun, but every time I reach orgasm it's through masturbation. I enjoy the sex, it turns me on and I can come really close to orgasm, but so far I've been pushed over the edge once. It's not an exclusively negative thing, the ability to have 4-5 hours of continuous sex almost makes up for it, but I'd still like to be able to finish naturally. I don't know what I expect from you guys, but help me?

This what I like to call a shy orgasm. Since you can orgasm through masturbation, there's nothing physically wrong with your plumbing. What's wrong is in your head. BTW 4-5 hours of continuous sex is a nightmare for most women. Aside from the friction burns, we're busy girls these days and you're eating into valuable shopping / socialising time. You will actually get less and less sex if you're going to be banging away for half the day every time you get a bonk-on.

Anyway. Back to you. You've got intimacy issues. You need therapy. You need to teach yourself that nothing bad is going to happen if you lose control while there's a girl with you. Find a girl you like and tell her what's going on. Perhaps you could make it a game? "If you can't make me come in the next four hours, I get to watch the football tonight." You'd both win as she'll be so knackered from trying that she'll want an early night anyway.

Tell her that she's got a beautiful face / tits / pussy / ass / armpit (delete as appropriate) and ask if you can wank over it and come on / in it. Then get her to wank you (it's what your cock is used to) and see if she can make you come (you can help). Once she can make you orgasm, you can build this into your sex routine. You can then fuck like bunnies and orgasm at will.

Alternatively, you could stay as you are and simply contact a porn company and work for them as a stud.

Topic Bi curious or bi sexual??
Posted 27 Jan 2014 13:42

Hi Im 25 and have a bf and am very happy with him!
But he finds it strange that I can watch lesbian porn and get off to it!! I find 2 women together arousing and would probably sleep with a girl!

Do you think this makes me bi sexual or bi curious?

Opinions welcome!

'Bisexual' and 'bi-curious' are just labels and as such do not necessarily correspond to people’s actual behavior. Try not to worry about the labels or what people think. If you want to try munching some muff, go right ahead. If you like it, you can think about calling yourself 'bisexual' if that makes you happy. The important thing is that you are happy with your choices.

BTW You'll probably find that your boyfriend won't find it at all strange if you decide to let him watch while you fuck another woman.

Topic My army man
Posted 14 Nov 2013 12:50

My best friend just came back from army basic training and he wants to start a friends with benefits relationship with me. I like him a lot and I trust him with my life but I'm nervous because I like him and want an actual relationship. Also don't want to loose his friendship. Any ideas or suggestions?

I was put onto this earth to make clear that which is murky, so let's go about doing that now, shall we?

Fact 1: It wouldn't matter if he just came back from basic training or the loo. His recent whereabouts are of no consequence. If G.I. Joe wants to say that the army is hard and therefore he needs drama-free no-strings sex to lighten his stress load, then he is a bullshitter, an emotional con-artist. Walk swiftly away if this is the card being played, or even being implied.

Fact 2: He wants between your legs without letting you into his heart. Assuming you want the same, this is possibly serendipitous. However, you don't want the same, and this makes him selfish.

Fact 3: If he cannot handle the fact that you don't want this cockamamie arrangement whereby he gets to fuck you and you don't get requited love, then he is sadly not the person you aspired to fall in love with.

Armed with those three facts, your mission with your army man is clear: tell him how you feel, and let his answers reveal everything you need to know about him from that moment forward.

Good luck!

Topic unrequited love
Posted 14 Nov 2013 12:43

i became very close with a girl from work to the point i developed feelings for her, we're both married and she doesn't feel the same way about me. things have been very distant between us and she want us to go back to the friendship we had. how do i give her what she wants without opening myself up to me hurt?

The agony aunt has only tough love for you, sir. The answer is very simple: you can't give her what she wants unless you leave her alone. This is the reason for the emotional distance, as I'm sure that wasn't your idea. Your idea is to have her supply the role that I'm guessing your wife played in your life and in your heart. I will not moralize and ask you loaded questions about why you're not as concerned about your marriage as you are about this person. We don't have your whole story and we don't have your wife's either. It's not our business unless you make it that way. But advice on your questions is my business, and I will simply say: abort mission. Find a new target for your emotional infidelity, such as it is. This woman you seek stronger connection with has let go of the rope.

Better luck in the future!

Topic Nervousness vs. Erectile Dysfunction?
Posted 14 Nov 2013 07:56


Thanks for your posts, I find your advice to be sound and practical and hope you have some words of wisdom to share with me.

I am in my 40’s and dating again. Most people tell me that I look young for my age and that I am sensual, attractive, and sweet. I live in a small College town and find it difficult to find many men my age, so I have been dating mostly 50+ year olds. I am trying to learn what is realistic, sexually-wise, when dating men in this age category as I have not been having the best of luck.

Most recently I meet a 52 year old man that looked healthy and certainly seemed interested in me but when we had our first night together, he was not able to achieve a full erection. I know that he did get fully hard earlier in the evening because I could feel him through his pants. I did not make a big deal out of it and dismissed it as too much to drink; plus life has taught me patience. The following day we tried again and after hours of foreplay he was not able to get an erection, nevertheless the evening was enjoyable in many other ways. I choose an afternoon “date” for our next encounter hoping to rule out tiredness and alcohol. During the third date, he almost achieved an erection but lost it quickly before we could use it although I used every single trick I could think off and was very engaged and fully participatory. At the end I asked him politely if he had ever considered using Viagra or at least having it around just in case. He said he didn’t need it, that it was just a matter of feeling comfortable with me, that he had always had this problem. He claims he can get an erection but he just hasn’t had sex with a woman in 2 years.

My question is: at what point do you decide if the issue is nervousness/lack of practice or a serious issue? I seem to be encountering either PE or an inability to achieve/keep and erection with the pool of men I have available for dating.

Thanks for your help.

First of all you will have to forgive me for my recent leave of absence. A sabbatical of sorts was in order, though it didn't involve much rest. I guess I just feel better about doling out advice if I dive headfirst into a short series of questionable choices once in a while myself. That way, I can come to all of you from a place of experience.

Speaking of experience...

Do you think this guy watches a lot of porn? I ask because a short-lived recent dalliance of mine had the same issues. He was fit, he was young enough to do the job and he did not drink, so I was able to rule out whiskey-dick immediately. He could get hard...until I got naked. And once I was making contact with him, all he had to work with was a thin(ish) soft noodle. Poor chap. He made excuse after excuse, and much like you, I tried to get right back into the saddle since all else was satisfactory. But then it happened again. And again.

And finally, after I let him know in no uncertain terms that the window of opportunity for him had closed, he told me that he was porn-addicted. Maybe he did this so I would have closure, or maybe he did this because people tell me all manner of unsolicited personal details as a matter of course- I call it a gift in order to keep from getting creeped out by it.


He had to have porn to get off. Real women didn't do the trick anymore. Too much complexity, too much participation involved with actual people who may respond in unpredictable ways, and so his brain completely rewired itself to respond to porn, not poon. Could you imagine such a thing?

So I would say that's a definite possibility with the man you found yourself involved with. In fact, I think the evidence is mounting that a sizable percentage of ED (Erectile Dysfunction) cases are actually to some degree porn-related dysfunction. For many men out there who can't seem to get an honest seduction to happen, porn is free while women are not. Easy choice for them, no?

The next most likely scenario is essentially what happens when a man gets no action from women, but minus the porn compulsion. The pressure is so great for him that his arousal shuts down. He's not able to be "in the moment" because he's too busy worrying about performing. Paradoxically, this keeps him from performing at all. In other words, a classic case of ED. He's in denial, and that's natural. But I'll put it this way: if he's not comfortable enough to admit his ED problem to you, he's sure as hell not comfortable enough to overcome it with you!

Now, some tougher love is involved with the next possible scenario, which is:

He's not attracted to you.

And there's no accounting for taste, so don't take it as a personal insult. But let's be honest here, the difference between men and women is that a woman who likes a man but isn't sexually aroused by him will still want to hang out. She'll rebuff his advances but she will still value her time with him, am I right? But a man...a man will still somehow think that meh sex is better than no sex (especially if he hasn't had any in the last two calendar years) and he'll give it a go anyway. Plus he's what- 52? He wants to prove he can still get it up and get off on demand. Bad idea, Mr. Middle Age, your margin of error has left the building, along with the hair on your head and your muscle definition.

So those are the most likely culprits, my dear. In any case, he just wasn't right for you. He probably doesn't want your pity, but he deserves it anyway. Just be thankful that your bits seem to be in working order, unlike his. Hopefully, since it's been a few weeks, you will tell me that you've met another hot male specimen that can take care of business just fine. :) Let me know, yeah?


Topic Girl in work.
Posted 14 May 2013 16:48

Hi, There's this girl where I work that is absolutely beautiful. As in out of my league. She works in a different area so we don't get a chance to talk much. But when we talk our personalities click. We have the a lot of similar interests. I really want to ask her out for a meal or drinks where we can really sit down and have a proper conversation but I'm lacking the confidence to do so. I'm afraid that she'll say no. I've tried a few times but chickened out! Any Advice on what to do? Can't stop thinking about her.

Thanks :)

So you know your role, that's half the battle, Mixmaster!

Sure, you're shy, you're not gorgeous like she is, and you've identified that you're just further down the dating food chain. Fair enough. But let me ask you:

Do you have a big cock?


I kid around, Mr. Mix. But let's get serious now. First of all, I do take at face value when you say she's out of your league. Yourmisterdark was brief and eloquent (and needs to send me a friend request, stat ;) ), and within three sentences raises a salient point. If you think she's out of your league, then she's out of your league. Period, end of story.

You see, this whole "we're all beautiful and we're all alphas in our own special way" is just bunk. It does more harm than good if you ask me (and clearly, you've asked me). This is not to say people should think less of themselves, or not be ambitious, but the pragmatics of this tell me that you'll never get over that "I'm not worthy" vibe with this young lady.

So my advice today is tough love: get over it. Be her buddy, hang out, and that way you can just be 'you', which she seems to enjoy very much.

And since every girl-hunting male should always be looking for an angle, here's what Hommemix can get out of it, if you play your cards right: the less superficially beautiful closeted wild-girl friend of hers, just waiting for somebody to help her unleash it. I'm serious, by the way. Nobody gets more personal endorsements for dates than a girl's non-creepy hetero male friend. She will want to see you happy, because she sees your good points, even if you both recognize that the two of you weren't an ideal fit.

So here are your three takeaways:

1) Stop stressing and let go of your longing.
2) Be her non-creepy guy friend. And if all goes well
3) Find a good match within her (hopefully sizeable) network.


Topic My girlfriend's mother fucking hates me
Posted 10 May 2013 17:11

Alright so this was the deal in 1978-1980... It's not happening now, but...

That woman was the very definition of Cold Fish... I dated her youngest daughter for almost 3 years and was never invited to a holiday or family dinner.

Hell, I was never invited inside the in not through the fucking front door. I had their daughter home before the 11pm curfew, then before the midnight curfew...then (well she was at college the third year and there was no curfew - and by that time I didn't give a shit about the familial home...I wanted her room mate out of her dorm room on weekends).

So, do you deal with a parent who apparently doesn't like you, just because you aren't the guy she wants her daughter to be infatuated with?

ps...Me and the girl's father got along pretty well, but he didn't wear the pants in the family as he never invited me inside or out to his back deck either.

The mother even asked me on a phone call (around month 34 or so of us dating steadily)... "I hope you and Marilyn have never had..."

"No, Ma'am...your daughter and I have never......"

Yeah, I wasn't going to be a total asshole about the whole thing. "Your daughter and I invented about 7 new positions, Mrs Smith, you'd be a grandmother by now, except we both know you can't get pregnant by swallowing cum."

How do you deal with a parent who detests the very sight of you...while you're in love with their daughter (or son)?

Is your lovely avatar featuring the haircut you sported in 1978-1980? If so, then I feel the same as your girlfriend's mother about you. I doubt it is though, so I'll go on as if you managed to present yourself without a mudflap hairdo, and were otherwise well put together, or at least reasonably so.

I'll also set aside the reasons for her ire. Who knows what goulish things you might have done, or what she heard you did; the two are one and the same, really. This is especially true if you were in high school at the time; teenagers are vile creatures. And if you were older, and somebody told her you were a sex offender, then that would likely mean 'game over' from an approval standpoint, too. But you seem normal- wait, no you don't. But you don't seem like an evil predator to me, so I'll give you the benefit of the doubt.

So, what can be done with this tuna on ice who will not give you the time of day?

You would truly wish to gain this person's approval, of course. Otherwise, needling her would be so much fun! sunny

I'm afraid you know the answer, futile as it may turn out to be. Slowly, over time, being on your best behavior, making good choices and treating her daughter right, will at worst rob her of chances to reinforce her distaste for you. And at best, your 'body of work' will outstrip whatever preconceptions she might have had, and you simply wear her down. There is something subtly delightful about leaving somebody with no excuses to dislike you any longer. If they choose to spread the hate, they look like fools when asked the reasons why, and nothing solid can be offered.

Now, people choose irrational reasons for disliking people all the time. I'm as guilty of this as the next person. You know that you can't change someone else's mind if they've decided that they never will, but as the old-fashioned saying goes: living well is the best revenge. In this case, the same applies to treating your adversary's daughter like the queen that she is.

Topic two part question, how to be more 'romantic', how to initiate intimacy with wife
Posted 10 May 2013 15:34

Let's handle these one at a time, shall we?

Aunt Olivia,

AS posted in the topic I need help/advice in two areas. I am a quiet simple person who does not open up any more then I feel is necessary, unfortunatly that leaves wife feeling rather left out. I do want to be there for her more but always feel like I come up short of what she really wants.
She is always tellin me - that ' I need to be more romantic ' but being a loner who does not connect with people easily have never really learned how to be romantic, and no matter what I do it always seems to fall short of being romantic.

So you're a bit of a Marlboro Man, huh? Are you handsome like the Marlboro Man? If so, then that explains partially why she's still with you, what with no conversation, and you being emotionally unavailable...

But seriously, wanting to solve the problem gets you halfway there already. You're reaching out to the best here, and that counts for a lot. Here's the question: do you connect well with her? Sounds like the answer may be no. Not that it means you're a bad fit, but maybe like you say, you're a natural lone wolf. In which case, do nice things for her without being so over the top that it's obviously not something you would normally do. The choices are simple, unless she's a total weirdo. Does she like flowers? If so, bring some home on your way home from work. Tell her she looks pretty. Notice things about her and comment when they change (unless the change is for the worse, of course). Take her out to eat at a restaurant you know she likes, let her order anything off the menu she wants (even an appetizer and/or dessert, you cheapskate!). Open her door. Give her random hugs. These things are not grand gestures, but they're romantic nonetheless. Romance is more about the little things than the big things, really. It's not science, and it's not mysterious. It may not come natural to you, but you'll benefit by learning it, little by little.

My other issue is that I need advice in the bedroom, I do hate feeling the need to ask outside advice on this, but I do want to be able to intiate sexual intimacy with the wife, so askin for advice on this. Ive tried settin up code words with her so that when I use a certain phrase she knows what i would like, and gave her a code word to use also, but it never worked. I also have tried kissin her ears kissin her neck rubbin her arm, and carressin her but the signal does not seem to go through. What do I need to do to get my point accross so I can give her the intimacy she wants, but also let her know what i really want without havin to be crass like stating - lets fuck hun , talkin bout the opposite of romantic, you know what i mean?????

please help me here

Okay, just so I'm straight: you've had sex before right? And you know how that works, where to put the penis, etc? Sounds like you might be a little rusty, maybe you don't have a wide array of tricks in your bag either, but what I'm hearing is a difficulty in a) signaling her that you're in the mood for lovin', and b) getting her to catch your signals and respond to them favorably.

So, the first thing we need to figure out is whether she really wants to have sex with you or not. Depending on the lady, this could be a level that will get unlocked once you work on that first question with some success (be romantic, it's the little things!). If my man never said much, grunted a lot, exercised zero nuance most of the time, and was awkward with his advances, I might not be in the mood for sex all that often either.

But this, my Latin-phrased friend, is fixable too. I think you'll find that making an effort with the little things will in short order open up her legs for that big thing you're hiding in those jeans, pardner.

If not, come back and see me. Women are complicated, but sometimes we're really simple. Help out around the house, notice us, show us you care, and we'll show you our kitty. cat

Topic Premature Ejaculation
Posted 15 Mar 2013 14:08

It sounds like you have a lot of stress. Relieving that is probably the key to unlocking your current issues. Most of the time, it's all in the head.

This thread may help you:

Good luck!

Topic Dear Agony Aunt
Posted 25 Feb 2013 14:32

Is it a localised swelling in a certain area?

I suggest you get your partner to give you an oral exam, see if they can identify the issue.

Failing that, a visit to your GP might be in order.

Topic Can an Alpha be a Switch???
Posted 21 Feb 2013 18:53

A switch is a person who vaccilates between dominant and submissive roles within their sexual relationship. It sounds like you haven't experimented being the submissive party yet, so the jury is still out on that one!

It's very common for men in positions of power, or who have always been "in control" in their lives, to yearn to be dominated / wish to be submissive some of the time. There's a good chance that you could be a sub too.

I suggest you act out your desires and let us know how you go.

Topic A Confused Lesbian?
Posted 15 May 2012 11:20

I think you are having bi-curious feelings, which is entirely natural to have regardless of whether one is straight or gay.

It's definitely not 'un-lesbian' to enjoy penetration. You and your girlfriend can use toys and strap-ons and fingers. The sex act itself doesn't define sexual orientation.

If you are starting to feel sexually attracted to men, then I think you're bi-curious and possibly on your way to being bisexual.

it's definitely something that you need to talk to your partner about if you're interested in exploring these feelings. You'll also have to figure out if she's willing to stay in a committed relationship with you and let you try out men. If she's not and it's become something that you want to explore then you have a very difficult decision to make on whether to suppress these urges and stay with her, or break up and be single where you can experiment with men.

I would encourage you not to get too hung up on definitions of lesbian, bi-curious, bisexual just yet. They are all just labels meant to box people into a certain definable sexuality. Sexuality is very fluid and changes throughout our lives. Attractions and urges can develop where they never existed before. It's completely normal. You just need to figure out if you want to (or are ready) to act on them now and what makes the most sense for you at this point in your life.

If you have an understanding partner and a relationship based on good communication, the first step would be sharing your feelings with her.

xx Olivia

Topic i want the woman i left back ???
Posted 15 May 2012 11:10

It appears that you are suffering from buyer's remorse.

This often happens when we leave one person for another without any down time in between. The new option will always seem like an upgrade because it's a shiny new plaything that you can project all your ideals onto, and you haven't really stopped to read the fine-print before buying into the idea that this girl is better than the girl you already have. Most of the time when we meet someone new, we're in a haze of expectations and excitement. We want to believe that this person is exactly the one meant for us and that we will be happier with them. The existing partner is someone you've been with for a while and the relationship probably feels predictable and dull. It's a reliable car but you long for that new-car smell.

So you trade-up.

And then you realize the new car isn't what you expected it to be at all.

This happens regularly in the dating world, and usually we just break up with the person and move on. It only becomes upsetting if you dumped someone for this new person and realize that your prior relationship wasn't so bad after all. Hindsight is always 20/20, as they say.

Think about this:

1. Are you the type who fears being alone? Are you thinking of being back with your ex-gf only because things don't seem to be working out with this new girl? Clearly there were problems in your old relationship that made you want to consider someone else and break up. Those problems still probably exist. What Olivia fears, to be blunt, is that you want your ex-gf back as a 'filler' until you can find the next best thing, and that you don't like being single. Plus you enjoy great sex (don't we all) but is that enough to make you want to go back to a broken relationship and work things out. Think of all the backpedalling and apologizing you'll have to do to win her back. There's a lot of emotional baggage that comes with re-starting an old relationship.

2. Does your ex-gf even want you back? Was she using you as a fuckbuddy or ex-sex? I have no doubt she was intent on showing exactly what you are missing out on during your tryst the other night. Girls like to do that, especially in the wake of being dumped for another girl. It's almost like a revenge-thing: 'have one more taste of what you will never have again'. It could be that she wants you back, but I would clarify this point before you make any sudden moves. Personally, if I was your ex, I would play things so that you dumped the current girl, grovelled back to me, and then I'd laugh and leave you out in the cold - but perhaps I am more vengeful than many other trusting lasses. It's something to be aware of as a possibility, but only you know your sexy-ex best, how her mind works and what she's capable of.

3. Despite leading you through these questions, it's obvious that you are not sexually excited by your current girlfriend. So my advice is to dump her. It sounds like it's still in the early stages, so bowing out now shouldn't be that difficult. After this you have the option of trying to get back with your ex or finding someone new. Both options will probably be preferable to being with someone that you're just not that into.

How to break up: I would go with the "I just got out of a relationship and need some time to do my own thing. I thought I was ready for another relationship but I don't think I am yet and I know you want more from me than I'm able to give right now. I want to be fair to you, so I think it's best that we just chill things down between us. I hope we can still be friends and I think you're ". Then, don't lead her on or give her false hope. You also won't want to deal with the aftermath of having her see you back with your ex-gf about two weeks later.

xx Olivia