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Ok guys I have been trying to explain to a buddy of mine that receiving oral sex from another guy doesn't make you gay.Here is the arguing question.You find yourself being woken up receiving a blowjob. Its dark. You think its your girlfriend you just go with it.Next morning you find out it wasn't your girlfriend. The only other person around was your roommate.You are not gay for getting off. Just because you didn't know it was a guy doesn't make it wrong. You didn't go looking for it. It just happened. So. Question.Do you think it makes him gay or is it ok? Were you the roommate?
Thanks for the help everyone!
Okay, you've had all the supportive comments that you were looking for and some of the advice has been awesome. Now for a little reality.Your quoted response from your Mom indicates that she handled this as best she can. The reference to God indicates a deep rooted belief that, at her stage of life, meant your news probably hit her like an express freight train. The good news is that she came right out and said she still loved you so work with that. Keep talking to Mom - not AT her.I applaud your decision to come out. It is a far better world in which you live now compared to 30 or 40 years ago (your Mom's era) so do not over indulge your perceived victim status and have some consideration for how she might be feeling and how she is trying to cope. Remember, SHE STILL LOVES YOU and will no doubt defend you to her dying breath as all of her like-minded homophobic friends suddenly turn on her whilst you go gaily skipping off into the sunset. Mom probably needs you more than you need her approval so tread carefully and tactfully........unlike my response.Sorry, recently had a friends son 'come out' and they were torn to shreds by our small towns mentality. All I heard was "Oh woe is me" from the poor little lad who decided we should all have to suddenly embrace HIS view on life. Parents stand by their son but OMG. For the record, I've never claimed to be a victim and I don't see myself as one. I've dealt with more in my young life than you know and I'm stronger because of it. I'm not even referring to my sexuality. "Oh woe is me" would NEVER come from my mouth!
I think the reaction often depends on the environment and how liberal it is. Coming out might shock people living in a small conservative town or community that revolves in some way around the Church. It might still be seen as something to hide or ignore for a certain generation that probably has little direct experience with the gay lifestyle and probably still defers to stereotypes of negative assumptions.Living in a major city, dealing with reaction to coming out is probably going to be more along the lines of "oh ok - great". Nobody looks twice at a gay couple (either male or female) walking hand in hand in the street. I'd think that family and friends would probably follow with this more liberal, open attitude. I work in an industry that has a solid representation from the gay and bisexual community and everyone is very comfortable being openly who they are, without fear of judgement or raised eyebrows. My city has a very strong gay community, and with things like Pride Parades and celebrations and a cool, trendy area of the city that is probably about 80% gay, I think it's done a lot to give the average conservative straight person enough exposure to the community to realize that other than sexual orientation - they're just regular people like everyone else.I think tides are changing and aside from smaller religious communities, each generation will become more open and accepting and make it easier for people to come out to their family and friends.It's hard to imagine how a family could prefer that their child hide who they really are or be made to feel like it's not acceptable or desired to just be themselves. I can't imagine how frustrating that must feel. Honestly, I think moving to a location that has a strong gay community that's supportive would be ideal - they become like a second family in some ways. Then over time, as your family sees that you're happy, settled and confident in who you are - they should hopefully come around to seeing your happiness as the most important factor. Sometimes it just takes time for them to understand that it's not a phase and to get to the point of acceptance - I think it's just a process. I would love to move nearby or in a major city, but right now I just can't afford it by myself. I'm saving money, but its slow going. Hopefully I can move away soon! A few other attempts have tried and failed (not because of me).
I'm just curious to see how you all feel about it...
Thanks for the advice so far.
In my humble opinion, I think it is more dependent on who you are telling and gauging how they are going to respond. For a friend of mine, he "came out" at a big gathering. No one was shocked, probably because most of us figured it out already. But to actual say to those he cared for "hey, I am gay .... I hope you still love me" was important for him. Even his macho dad came around after about 3 years of ignoring the situation. His father has said about my friends life-partner, I couldn't ask for a better son-in-law.Most people have an idea when someone is gay. Believe me.When my daughter told me in her high school years that she "liked girls more than guys", it honestly did not faze me one bit. I have hoped that I raised my children to not see a difference in a person's skin colour, religious beliefs, sexual preference or gender .... but to look at a person as an individual with spirit and soul. Now, my daughter's father was not too pleased and has suggested this is just a phase numerous times. He'll get over it.I am sorry your mom feels this way about you and your sexual preference ("I love you, but I will never approve of your choice!") ... it's not about a choice ... it's about living in your authentic soul. You are at an age now, where you can live your life for yourself .... you don't need to apologize or change who you are, because when you start to do that, you will lose yourself and hate yourself in the end.*hugs you* .... Authenticity is very important in living a full life.PAxo Thank you!
First of all, allow me to introduce myself. I'm 26 years old. I'm a college graduate. I began my coming out process about a year ago. My only regret is that I've waited so long to come out. I've known for sure I was gay since I was about 13-14 years old. I'm not planning on telling everyone, except my closest friends and family that I know I can trust! I started telling my family about a year ago and that was to my Mom. She's still not happy about it to this day. I remember it very well.When I told her, I started to cry because I was so nervous. I told her that I wanted to be open and honest wih her. I would rather tell her myself than have her find out from someone else. I'm not about to post a mass message on Facebook or spring it on my parents when I come home for the holidays. I can see it now: "Btw, I'm gay, and I'd like you to meet my boyfriend." Not a good idea. :) Anyway... Her response when I told her: "I love you, but I will never approve of your choice!" Then she told me to ask God for forgiveness.With that, I said, "Why? For what? I've done nothing wrong! I am who I am, and it won't change."She's still in denial to this day. Every time I mention it, she either ignores me, or quickly changes the subject. In fact, I told recently that I was planning to come out to me Aunt (who I'm very close to) and she said. "Why would you need to do that?"I said, "Because I need to tell someone I love and trust. I am who I am and that won't change!"I was wondering if you had any advice for me regarding the coming out process? I hope to hear from you soon! Take Care!
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