Topic Dom/Sub: Is that all there really is to you?
24 Apr 2013 11:08
Thanx for being so nice Sprite. I feared that I was going to be bombarded with insult because of my unsophisticated post. :) I understand the safe word concept (was explained to me recently). So thats cool however some profiles say I can only talk to you if I have permission. Or, I can only cyber with you if I have permission. Or, I can't cyber at all because I'm not allowed. Doesn't sound like they have or want any control at all. And then you see pics of BDSM/Dom or porn of the same. My gawd...I call it 'rape by permission'. It's so violent. The lingering feeling, to me, is the sub is an object with three fuck holes that are all going to be abused. Maybe there is much more to it than that but you lost me already.
*hugs* there's really no need to be rude here - most people are genuinely curious and it IS something that is misunderstood a lot. :)
every couple has different sets of rules - honestly, there's a lot more to them than black or white at times. often, the sub requests some of those things you see in profiles; personally, i was a sub here, with a Mistress, and her rule not to cyber with anyone else was my out: when people would bug me to cyber, i could simply tell them "My Mistress doesn't allow me to." the truth is, i had ZERO interest in doing it, but telling them that usually led to them trying to convince me otherwise. this way, i had a hard and fast rule that i could throw up. end of conversation. No. don't ask again.
personally, the bit about not being able to add friends, chat with friends, etc, isn't my thing, and i would balk at any restriction to do so. that's just me, of course, and i'm a bit too social - once again, tho, this is often at the subs request - she's shy, she isn't interested in that kind of thing, etc - oh, and yes, there are some BDSM relationships, like any others, that might not be ideal. where the Dom really is a controlling jerk or it's unhealthy, certainly not saying there aren't.
as for the porn, you have to remember that most of it is entertainment - the girls talk about what's going to happen before hand, give their consent, are probably into it, or enough so that it's not an issue for them, and afterward collect a healthy paycheck. personally, some of the rougher stuff, i won't watch. it's disturbing to me as well! that said, in my personal life, i've done some things like that before. i've been flogged (and, afterwards, taken care of very gently), been tied down, been bitten, scratched, used very roughly, and i enjoy it - it's been by someone i love and trust and, honestly, it bothers her more than it does me, enough so that i know she'll never go past my limits. to an outsider, a few of our sessions would look like abuse. from inside, it's incredibly beautiful and tender in it's own way - that's how it feels to us, at least.
btw, this is a topic i feel strongly about and i think i have a lot of insight, so i'm always open to questions or comments or what have you. when i first got involved in bdsm, i didn't get it either, really - which led to a very abusive relationship that i had been convinced was the norm. now, i know better, and am in two very "rational" bdsm relationships, one here on line (first as a sub, now as a Mistress), and one with my real time wife who i've been with for 5 years now. :)