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Culture Shock Ch. 16

From online to real-life in 23 chapters.

When Elaine woke the next morning, she was shocked. Her bed sheet was wound around one of her ankles and she was sprawled sideways across her bed, completely naked. She was laying in a wet patch the size of Kansas and she ached all over. She made herself a promise.

Never again would she challenge herself to ‘see how many times she could cum’. After four or five she’d lost count and could only estimate that it was the sixth or seventh that had knocked her into unconsciousness. Sitting up, she adjusted the pillows and got comfortable, glancing at her door. Thank God it was still locked. She’d strip the bed and organise her laundry soon.

 

She was pleased about one thing. Although her grip was tenuous, she imagined it was getting easier to control the force of her orgasms. As long as she didn’t completely let go, then she might be okay. Which was almost impossible after five or six exhausting ones, she thought, smiling to herself. She still believed that Gary, or any man for that matter, would find her less desirable if she couldn’t control herself.

 

After all, self-control is important, right? What if he tells me not to cum and I can’t do it?

 

Maybe she had to practice, but she wasn’t sure if she’d have time. Gary had said what he could do in person was ‘a raging fire’ compared to online. She didn’t doubt it. Her skin flushed. Controlling herself wasn’t going to be easy.

 

Her mind wandered as her imagination took over. The prospect of spending a weekend with Gary was incredibly exciting. And scary. But Elaine was thankful he had reassured her about how rough he’d be. At least she was confident that HE could remain in control.

 

She decided she had to get moving if she was going to get her laundry done then spend some time studying today. And she had her journal to complete.

 

Looking down, she was surprised to see she was lightly caressing a swollen nipple.

 

I think I’m turning into a nympho.

 

**************************

 

Water dripped from Elaine’s hair and trickled down her body unnoticed. After stepping out of the shower, she briefly dried herself before being distracted by her reflection. In less than a moment, she was deep in thought.

 

I’m going to HAVE to let go. I hope it’s okay. I’m not going to be able to control myself. Not for every moment. I am going to need direction. He’ll take care of me. He said he would. I should warn him. It’s too embarrassing. I’m going to be naked before him. God. That’s embarrassing enough just by itself. I hope he doesn’t hate me. Maybe he’ll think I’m too weird. Or too out of control. Or too uptight.

God, I have to let go. I have to let him do what he wants. He has my checklist. He said he was planning ahead. He knows what I THINK I want. And he has his own ideas. He promised he wouldn’t be rough. He could probably be a little rough. As... as long as he starts gently. As long as he’s conscious of my needs. As long as he’s in control of the tempo and doesn’t rush me.

 

I don’t know... I just don’t know how much I can take... how much I can handle. God. I need a safe word... and I need a promise from him to honour it...

 

I need... I need...

 

Elaine’s eyes sprang open when she realised what she was doing. Seeing herself in the mirror sucking on her juicy fingers was a bit of a shock. Pins and needles ran rampant across her skin, raising goose flesh and puckering her nipples into a throbbing mess.

 

“Jesus,” she whispered. She wanted to wipe her hand. Without thinking, she picked up the towel she’d placed on the floor. Her toys fell from it and rolled across the tiles and she almost laughed out loud. Quickly drying her fingers, she gathered her toys together and set about washing them.

 

Look at you. Cleaning your sex toys. You’re turning into a slut. Sex isn’t everything you know.

 

She shook her head.

 

That’s mom talking. She’d be REAL pleased with her little girl right about now.

 

Elaine could feel the heat rising in her cheeks just as she could feel her pussy, hot and throbbing.

 

I’m past pleasing my parents for its own sake. I’m past pleasing ANYONE for that. I want to be pleasing because it makes ME feel good.

 

She glanced in the mirror again as she dried the last toy. She wrapped them up in the spare towel then finished drying herself with the other one.

 

It’ll work out. Gary will take care of me. I trust him. I just have to remember that.

 

**************************

 

It was almost lunchtime. Elaine had been folding her clothes after washing and drying them and putting aside her ironing. Fortunately there was little to iron this week and she was going to do it that afternoon. She decided to do her journal, but first she wanted to check her email in case Gary had written to her. Of course she also checked if he was online, but he wasn’t.

 

He had written to her though. In his note he asked her to answer a question she’d asked herself that very morning, almost like he’d read her mind. Again. ‘I want you to think about what it is you ‘need’?’ he’d asked. ‘Then write and let me know.’

 

Immediately she remembered reading a paper about ‘the care and feeding of a submissive’ almost a week earlier. It was on Castlerealm and she navigated her way right to it, sighing with relief.

 

Reading the article a second time was like a wake up call. The very first heading was ‘I need to be accepted for who I am’.

 

It took Elaine almost two hours to type out her answer to Gary’s question. Most of the first half hour was spent staring at the screen. In her own mind she was trying to justify her need for self-control, while the words in the article haunted her. Tossing ideas back and forth, eventually she came to a somewhat surprising conclusion.

 

‘My need for self-control is the result of a fear of non-acceptance.’

 

Being accepted ‘as she was’ would greatly reduce her concern. The words began to flow as she wrote about her need to be allowed to be who she was. She hoped Gary was the kind of guy who could handle her insecurities. She then wrote about her need to feel safe in his company, and her need to learn. Not only from her mistakes, but from his example.

 

She swallowed as she imagined lying over his lap to be spanked. Her hands shook as she admitted to feeling a strong need to be guided, and if necessary, punished. She didn’t want to be punished. But she felt she needed to know that he would punish her, if he felt it were necessary. She also felt a strong need to be forgiven for her errors once corrected. She didn’t need snide comments or to be reminded of things she’d done wrong when she’d learnt the lesson. Elaine thought it would insult her intelligence, but she didn’t write that. She knew Gary was smart enough to understand her meaning.

 

To finish with, she talked about her need for consistency in his treatment of her, and of course, her need for honesty and open lines of communication. Elaine was concerned that parts of what she had written may have sounded plagiarised, so she added the address of the article she had read before clicking ‘send’.

 

All afternoon questions bounced around inside Elaine’s head. She’d never really given much thought to what she ‘needed’. In the past she had figured that when she found someone who could provide it, she’d know what it was.

 

Despite regularly checking her mail, she hadn’t had a reply from Gary. She didn’t like the feeling of being tied to the computer, but as he was yet to share his phone number, she had no other way of contacting him. Realising she wouldn’t have called anyway just made the idea of waiting by the computer all the more silly.

 

She was just finishing her ironing when she remembered Gary had asked her to begin her journal.

 

In the cold light of day, a blank page of Word felt like a bottomless pit. At least once she got started, it wasn’t too bad. She Googled ‘BDSM’ and ‘journal’ and found a few good examples. It didn’t take too long to note what had happened over the previous twenty-four hours, but it took much longer to write out how she felt about it all. She hoped he’d be pleased with her efforts.

 

By that time she’d spent most of the day on ‘herself’ and not studied at all. But when her roommates had asked her to go with them to the Rat, she decided to accept. She’d been postponing going out with them a lot lately and thought maybe a dance or two and a few drinks would be fun. They’d insisted the band was ‘awesome’ and it wouldn’t be too crowded. Besides, she’d done her chores and was determined not to sit in front of the computer all day.

 

They’d lied through their teeth of course. Not about the band. They were great. Unfortunately every student on campus seemed to know it and had also turned up. People hardly had room to move and the dance floor was crazy but Elaine had such a good time. She’d only had three drinks, but she relaxed and enjoyed the atmosphere. She’d even laughed off the couple of gropes she’d had to endure.

 

The girls were heading to Spotlight, again, but Elaine had insisted she couldn’t go. She had a full day of classes coming up and couldn’t afford to miss any. Not only that, but she couldn’t justify going out when she had a bunch of assignments due in the next few weeks. Besides, she had bigger fish to fry. Despite the girls’ protests, she’d walked back to the apartment alone as the sun was going down.

 

Stumbling up the staircase outside their apartment caused Elaine to giggle a couple of times. She’d never been great with alcohol. Because of her state, she’d easily talked herself out of studying, instead promising herself she’d catch up during the week. If she were going to spend the weekend at Gary’s, she’d have to look at her schedule and find out what was due and when. She was confident she could do it.

 

So confident in fact, that instead of coffee, she poured herself half a glass of wine before getting changed and settling in front of the computer. She decided to read her mail before logging onto messenger.

 

Gary had responded. He said he was very pleased with her considered reply to his question about her needs. He was glad she had researched the topic and her answers had provided him with food for thought. He also said he liked her journal and was glad she enjoyed their meeting the previous day as much as he had. He added that they would talk further when she arrived on messenger.

 

Taking a deep breath, she logged in.

 

Gary was ‘there’, but his computer was set to ‘away’. Elaine sighed as she waited impatiently. The butterflies had already started and her heart was pounding. She licked her lips and swallowed.

 

Why do I always get like this?

 

After only a few minutes, the away setting disappeared and “Hello, Elaine” popped up on her screen.

 

“Hello, Gary,” she typed, sending a smile.   Relief flooded her veins. She was hot already.

 

“It’s nice to see you.” He sent a smile back.

 

“You too.” Elaine wanted to send a blushing face, but she stopped herself. She crossed her legs and it felt delicious.

 

“The horses are all fed. No more distractions.”

 

Elaine bit her lip. “I should warn you that I’ve had a couple of drinks, Sir. I went out to the college bar this afternoon with my roommates.”

 

“Thank you for telling me. I’ll keep it in mind.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

“Did you have fun?”

 

“The band was good. It was very crowded and noisy though. Being surrounded by hordes of college students doing their best to get plastered before seven P.M. isn’t exactly my scene.”

 

“What is ‘your scene’?”

 

Elaine blinked. “I don’t know.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“I mean I haven’t really found much of a ‘scene’ that suits me. I’ve always felt kind of different and a bit isolated in college. My best friends are still the ones I had in high school. My phone bill is horrendous.”

 

“Can you explain what you mean when you say you’ve ‘always felt kind of different’?” He sent a smile.

 

Elaine was glad for the smile. She thought about his question for a moment then typed, “I just meant that I don’t see myself as a hunter of men or a gatherer of experiences like most other girls. I’ve always justified my inertia by convincing myself that I’m waiting for the right guy to come along. But I know it’s not really that. God, I can’t even ask a guy a question without blushing. Even if other girls haven’t got it right, they seem to be getting on in life and aren’t suffering some kind of handicap because of the way they see things. Then again, I feel like I ‘have it right’, and yet I’m the one who is socially inept. I feel awkward around men. Inexperienced. Maybe even a bit naïve.” Elaine took a breath. “I’m blabbering aren’t I?”

 

“You are fascinating.”

 

“Why?” Elaine was glad she could slip in a question and take the spotlight off herself.

 

“I think because you are bursting with potential.” He sent a smile. “But like you said, you’ve constrained yourself. Are you afraid of being hurt?”

 

“Emotionally?”

 

“Yes.”

 

She took another deep breath. “I’m afraid of being rejected.”

 

“You are beautiful, Elaine. Anyone who rejected you would have rocks in their head.”

 

“It’s only skin deep.”

 

“I wasn’t referring to your good looks. You are intelligent, sensitive and kind. You are a very sweet girl.”

 

She swallowed and recrossed her legs, sending tingles through her loins. “Thank you.”

 

“You’ve told me before that you’re not on medication and you rarely do drugs. And while I haven’t seen you naked, I doubt there’s anything wrong with your body.” He sent a wink. “What are you so embarrassed about? What is it that’s holding you back?”

 

Elaine knew it would come to this. The trouble with Gary’s conversations was that she couldn’t prepare for them. He was constantly surprising her with his perceptiveness. It was time to confess. “I get very um, wet. Down there.”

 

“Where? Your feet? You have sweaty feet? Okay, that’s it. Let’s call the whole thing off.” He sent a wink.

 

“Now you’re teasing me.”

 

“You’re right.”

 

Elaine sent a face with its tongue sticking out.

 

“Aw, c’mon. I think it’s lovely. Like I always said, ‘there’s nothing like a girl with a wet pussy’.”

 

“You always said that?”

 

“No. I just made it up.”

 

Pouts.”

 

“I bet you are pouting too. Okay, I’m sorry. I’m listening.”

 

Elaine sighed. This ‘being honest’ stuff wasn’t easy. “My body gets very sensitive and I have really strong orgasms. God, this is really embarrassing.”

 

“Go on.”

 

“Well, when I cum, if I cum really hard, I can knock myself out.”

 

“Awesome.”

 

Elaine blushed. She had to tell him everything. “And I squirt.”

 

“You squirt?”

 

“Yes.” She sent the blushing little computer face. It wasn’t half as red as hers. And her mouth was completely dry.

 

Seconds passed and she’d begun shaking before Gary started typing. “I’ve heard of that. Never thought I’d get to see it though. That’s great!”

 

Elaine could hardly breathe. It’s okay? “It can be really messy.” She sent another blushing face.

 

“You’ll be cleaning it up. Unless I want to.”

 

“I promise I will.”

 

“Good girl.”

 

Elaine read the words over and over. She swallowed again and was pleased to note her saliva glands had started working. “I’m whispering,” she typed. “Thank you. I feel better.”

 

“Would you like to imagine sitting on my lap, cuddling in my arms?”

 

“I’d like that a lot.”

 

“Then I’m opening my arms to you.” He sent a smile.

 

Climbs into them on your lap.”

 

“Wraps them warmly around you. Leans my cheek on your forehead.”

 

“Mmmmmm. Thank you, Sir.”

 

“We’ll do this. For real.”

 

“I can’t wait.”

 

“Nor can I, but I want to do more work with you first.”

 

She sat up straighter and uncrossed her legs. “I’ll do my best.”

 

“Good girl. That’s all I’ll ever ask of you. To try to do your best. If you do try, and you are unable to succeed in whatever task I set or requirement I make of you, I’ll still be pleased by your effort. I promise you that.”

 

“I like that. That’s something I can do.”

 

“I’m pleased.”

 

Elaine relaxed a little. “Then I’m happy.”

 

“Tomorrow I want you to do your journal just before you meet me here around nine P.M. again, okay?”

 

“Yes, Sir.”

 

“In addition to telling me about your day and about your thoughts, I’d like you to answer a question, this time without doing any research. Just a few paragraphs is fine.”

 

“Okay.”

 

“The question is, ‘What does being submissive mean to you?’”

 

“I can do that.”

 

“Good. I’ll look forward to reading your thoughts on it.”

 

“Yes, Sir.” More empty seconds passed. Elaine stared at the screen, only dimly aware of her nipples softly pulsing. Instead she was thinking again of how masterfully Gary used ‘silence’. And timing. Right on cue he started typing again.

 

“I dreamed of you last night.”

 

Elaine grinned. “You did?”

 

“Yeah. One day I’ll tell you about it.”

 

“Tease.”

 

“You better believe it.”

 

Elaine let Gary’s comment hang in the air a moment. Her hands were moving to the keys and her cheeks were getting hotter as she typed. She could hardly believe her eyes as she pressed ‘send’. “When I blush, I get wet.”

 

Before she had a chance to get more nervous, Gary shot back, “How do you know?”

 

“I... I can feel it.”

 

“You must get wet a lot.”

 

“All the time.” Elaine sent a blushing face.

 

“Poor thing.” Gary sent back a wink. “I guess you want me to be gentle with that too.”

 

“I don’t know what I want with that. I like how my body reacts. I hate that I can’t hide it.”

 

“I have a few ideas.”

 

“Will you call me names?”

 

“Would you like me to?”

 

Elaine was going out on a limb here. She felt it in her bones. “Yes.” She sent another blush.

 

“Just a moment. I’m pulling up your checklist.”

 

“Yes, Sir.” With her breathing shallow and her hands trembling, Elaine waited for Gary to return.

In barely a minute he did. “Okay. The first time I read this I noticed you said you were happy to be humiliated privately but not publicly.”

 

“It’s wrong, isn’t it?”

 

“Elaine...”

 

She swallowed. “Yes?”

 

“Nothing is wrong between two consenting, open-minded adults. I want to make your dreams come true, but I don’t want to take unfair advantage of you. It pleases me to see you turned on and hot and yes, wet. If you want me to call you names, then that’s okay. But they will just be words, and won’t necessarily represent my true feelings. Understand that my use of humiliation would be part of a scene. Or sometimes a ‘mini-scene’; like if I whisper in your ear or something. But I’d never embarrass you, and certainly not in a public manner.”

 

“So it would only ever be between you and me?” Elaine asked.

 

“Yes.”

 

“Do you promise?”

 

“I promise.”

 

“Thank you. I can’t believe I’m even admitting all this.”

 

“You are giving me a chance to give you what you need. It’s positive and constructive, Elaine.”

 

“But why does the idea of being humiliated turn me on?”

 

“Hmmm. Good question. How about we get a coffee or something while I think about it?”

 

“Okay. I need to go to the toilet too.”

 

“All right. I’ll see you in a few minutes then.”

 

Elaine made sure she hurried. She wasn’t sure why.

 

“I’m back,” she typed.

 

“So am I. Welcome back.”

 

“Thank you, Sir. You too.”

 

“Smiles. Okay, so the question was, ‘Why does the idea of being humiliated turn me on?’”

 

Elaine blushed and shook her head. “Yes.”

 

“Before we address that question, I think we need to define humiliation in the D/s sense.”

 

“Um, okay.”

 

“Firstly, it would be incorrect to say that humiliation is equal to embarrassment. It’s not. Embarrassment is not enjoyable. Humiliation MUST be enjoyable. You have to like it, or it’s not humiliation, it’s abuse. I think in D/s, we see the whole rainbow of humiliation, from foot worship to orgasm control, from name-calling to ‘forced’ exhibitionism. Being told to kneel for your Dominant or to serve him before yourself may be considered to be a normal practice, but it could also be called ‘humbling yourself ‘. Humbling yourself before your Dominant is something you would only be expected to do in a D/s setting. You do it ‘for’ your Dominant; for his and your own pleasure. In this way, what we are talking about is the ‘play’ of humiliation. Are you following so far?”

 

“One moment please. I want to read that again.”

 

“Take your time.”

 

Elaine did. She read it three times. “Yes, Sir. I follow. I’ve never thought about it like that.”

 

Smiles softly. As with all practices, humiliation must be safe, sane and consensual. I would never say anything deliberately hurtful. Nor would I take advantage of you or embarrass you in public or against your will or somewhere where you might get arrested.” He sent a wink.

 

Elaine giggled and flushed warmly.

 

Gary continued. “Humiliation, or humbling yourself, progresses through certain barriers that we put in place subconsciously or consciously. The first is timing. An example might be, being required to do something at an unusual moment, like pinch your nipples at the dinner table. The second is being required to ‘be’ something you are not. Examples may be dressing in a certain way or being called names. The third barrier is submission to pain at the behest of your Dominant. Examples might be the wearing of nipple clamps or being spanked over my knee like a naughty little girl. The final barrier is ‘coming out’ or going public. Examples might be humiliation in public or confessing your nature to your parents or friends. Depending on the person, these barriers may be crossed at different times or be mixed and matched. Many of the varied ‘humiliation scenes’ will be too much and the barriers would never be crossed, for whatever reason the submissive, or the Dominant, sees fit. Any questions so far?”

 

Elaine was amazed. It all started to make sense. “So really what you are saying is that humiliation is an integral part of D/s?”

 

“What I am saying is that humbling yourself IS D/s. From the wearing of a collar or being leashed, to golden showers or being required to act like a dog, it’s all D/s, and it’s all humbling yourself before your Dominant.”

 

“I don’t want to be peed on.”

 

“LOL.”

 

“Well! I don’t!”

 

“Little one, what I am saying is that everyone has their limits, and we need to discuss EXACTLY what I can and cannot do before I do anything more than the most basic humbling of you. And in any case, you do that yourself.”

 

“I do?”

 

“You call me, ‘Sir’, don’t you?”

 

“Yes, Sir.” Elaine sent a blushing face.

 

“Smiles.”

 

“I think I understand.”

 

“The point is, it’s consensual, and I’d never do anything you didn’t want me to do. Nor would I ever expect you to do something you didn’t enjoy doing.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

“You are welcome. Humiliation play is very dangerous in the hands of an inexperienced Dominant. Also, only the mentally strong submissive can handle it.”

 

Now she was confused again. She always thought it was a weakness. “Could you explain please, Sir?”

 

“Let me give you an example. Say for instance that I called you a ‘dirty little slut’. If you really hated being called that, and I persisted, it could actually cause you a great deal of stress, harm, or even mental or emotional damage, particularly if you couldn’t stop it.”

 

“I see.” Elaine was breathing heavily.

 

“On the other hand, only a strong submissive could handle being called a dirty little slut. She would know it was part of humiliation play, and would know that her Dominant chose those words because he knew her limits and those limits weren’t violated by using them.”

 

At the second mention of being called a ‘dirty little slut’, Elaine couldn’t help clenching her thighs together. She tried to concentrate. “Something is still bothering me. ‘Why?’ I mean, why is it that it affects me so?”

 

“That I can’t answer. It’s how you are wired. It’s ‘who you are’. Being a submissive means you safely, sanely and consensually put yourself in the hands of your Dominant. You would ‘do anything for him’ within reason. It’s why you are a submissive. And now I’ve helped you enough with your homework.” He sent a wink.

 

“I never would have thought of this. This changes everything.”

 

“Kind of. It changes the angle you look at it. Saying humiliation is degrading and abusive ‘in the D/s context’ is looking at it through vanilla eyes. It’s not something you need to be embarrassed about. And it’s not something I would change about you, even if I could. I like you just the way you are Elaine, and I like you more each time I talk to you.” He sent a big grin. “I’m also thinking of lots more to do than we ever could in a weekend!”

 

“Blushes!”

 

Smiles softly. Okay so I’m going to send you the address of a website with a list of about a hundred examples of humiliation play, and I’d like you to rate them as you did with your checklist. You can copy and paste, then send me the result.”

 

“Along with my other homework.”

 

“Yes, along with your short essay on what it means to be submissive. The one I just helped you with.”

 

Elaine hesitated, then typed, “Yes, Sir.”

 

“I get the feeling you are reluctant.”

 

Elaine gulped. She just wanted enough time! “I’m sorry. I just reminded myself that I have a lot of schoolwork to do.”

 

“Thank you for telling me. If I don’t know what might encroach on the completion of the tasks I set for you, then I can’t give you realistic deadlines. Don’t ever be afraid to tell me if you can’t do something because of other constraints on your time. I don’t have a crystal ball. And I’m human. I can forget things too.”

 

“Yes, Sir.”

 

“You may have two days to complete the homework. Okay?”

 

“Yes. Thank you.”

 

“Tell me about your schoolwork.”

 

“I’ve just been neglecting it a little. I’ve been a bit busy and distracted.”

 

“Would it help if you promised me that you will keep up to date?”

 

“If I promised you?”

 

“Yes.”

 

Elaine smiled to herself. That would do it! “I promise to keep up to date with my schoolwork, Sir.”

 

“Good girl. I expect to be kept informed of the state of it in your journal each day. If you are up to date, you need only say so. If you are not, detail it for me, okay?”

 

“Yes. I will. I want to do well.”

 

“Okay. I’ll help with that. The desire to better yourself is something I expect of you in all things, Elaine. Do you understand?”

 

“Yes, Sir.” She licked her lips. A hundred things were occurring to her. She felt like an enormous weight had lifted from her shoulders. For the first time in her life, she actually felt proud of who she was, all of who she was, and she wasn’t sure why. The weekend seemed so far away. She wished it were sooner. The image of Gary’s smiling face gazing down on her as she kneeled before him came to her. Her skin rippled with pleasure and she blushed hotly. Then she smiled. Then she laughed!

 

“Are you imagining what it would be like to be with me?” Gary asked.

 

“Yes!” Elaine shuddered with arousal.

 

“Times it by a hundred.”

This story is protected by International Copyright Law, by the author, all rights reserved. If found posted anywhere other than Lushstories.com with this note attached, it has been posted without my permission.


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