From: marimclain8@zyx.com.au
To: renemax6@xyz.com.au
Subject: Telling all: Who to?
My dearest Rene,
After your last mail and the follow-up text, letting you into my secrets may read disappointingly dry and barren. So, before I set to it, I want to tell you how much your snatch-shot delighted me. After twenty-one years, you, my ‘shy’(???) Rene, have still the sexiest, delectably kissable, and so, so fuckable pussy! God, how I envy you.
To change the subject – or do I – I hope you are looking forward to our week in my Robert-built shack in Smoko. It’s a lovely place that I have neglected to describe to you. I was too set on shocking ‘innocent’ Rene by focusing on how I got - in this shack - so lovingly fucked by Bob the Builder. Thus, the hut is full of, say, happy memories for me. I am excited about getting back there, this time with you!
Now, not unrelated, of course, to my secret and to the pussy-envy you provoked all these years ago. After watching Karin’s contortions on the bed and repeatedly looking at her beautiful vagina, I spread, for the first time, my legs in front of a mirror. From that moment on, I knew that my snatch was ugly, even repulsive. Mine looked nothing like Karin’s. I had a flat, fleshy gash between my legs with loose, oversized flaps on either side. They were not lush, pouty lips, like Karin’s and yours that would temptingly open to touch and kisses.
And they were, subsequently, too often just carelessly brushed aside by fumbling fingers and rudely pushed through by clumsy, hole-seeking pricks. It was not that my misshaped – I thought – pussy lacked in nervy sensitivity. I liked and wanted sex. While too proud to be too forward, I was neither frigid nor played hard to get. Still, only one of the dozen or so men ‘I have known’ ever made the love I wanted to my ugly pussy or my, admittedly, too tiny tits. So, I’ll spare you from the boredom of mentioning more than two. (About Bob the Builder and how I got belated ‘full-filled’ we can talk in my shack!). The two I will mention played with and aroused my lively dirty mind more than my unloved, ugly pussy.
To be fair, the first, Anil, did not know what he was doing to me. He was an Indian postgraduate student I met during my year in Cambridge. He was a historian, came from a three-generational Indian railway family. He worked on a thesis and book about the nineteenth Century colonial railway boom.
I was stuck in Newham’s, a women’s college. Anil and I met over a shared table in a Pakistani restaurant. I liked him; liked his brown skin and - when we began to smooch on the banks of the Cam - the way he tasted and smelled. And he was interestingly attracted to me.
We could not risk fucking in our respective colleges. So, I began to accompany Anil on his research-related visits to the industrial centres of Britain’s railway boom. His costs for this were born by his study-grant, and I had generous parents. We fucked in seedy hotels in down-at-heels, rustbelt downs. Slumming heightened somewhat my so middle-class sexual arousal. More interesting was Anil’s Indian scholar’s appreciation of the Kama Sutra. He had studied it in detail through a long, virginally frustrated youth.
Already on our first trip, Rene, Anil lent me his well-thumbed copy. I could study it while he visited the historical sites and industrial museums. And then, at night, usually after another meal in a Paki or Indian diner, we retired to our dingy room and a less than clean bed to practice what I had learned.
It should have been perfect. We were young, horny, and athletically fit. Anil played competitive hockey, and I had been a runner and top Netball player. However, it became soon apparent that the tantric fulfilment the Kama Sutra promised would elude us. Sweet Anil concentrated so much on the artfulness of what he was doing that he forgot he was doing it with and to me.
Instead of being carried away by getting fucked in quite interesting contortions - which I unreservedly admired - I began to watch Anil with amusement., I also learned that I could make him very quickly and prematurely come. I only had to touch him to switch his attention from the theory onto me. I was, after all, the woman he was supposed to pleasure. Anil’s quite beautiful cock would discharge much too soon, and we would abandon Position Twenty-One without reaching tantric perfection.
More serious was that Anil seemed to neglect deliberately two critical elements in his recommended text. I, for one, was most attracted by the centrality of the cock- and pussy, the lingam- and yoni-worship in the Kama Sutra. I was also lecherously keen on Anil’s beautifully coloured, shaped and sizeable lingam. I was prepared - to coin an unoriginal phrase - to go to my knees to worship it. And I longed to have it reciprocated on my yoni! But in our Kama Sutra wrestlings, my floppy, ugly yoni was all too often brought before Anil’s eyes. And I came to believe that Anil was so disenchanted by its looks that he struck all pussy worship from his erotic script. Once I realised this, I lost all interest in Anil and Britain’s industrial centres and seedy hotels.
The other man in my disappointing collection you knew: Michael, my second husband of six years. You formed, I am sure, your impressions. You wondered, perhaps, whatever kept me attracted to a weasel like him for almost ten years.
We met as honours students in English Literature and had an on/off sexual relationship before I left for Cambridge. Both Michael and I had secured tutor-ships in the department, were doing postgraduate work, were considered talented, and had future academic prospects. But we were very different: I was scholarly and self-critical in my work. Michael was erratically brilliant. Both of us had articles accepted for publication. Mine were received with muted praise. Michael’s, however, were usually enthusiastically applauded by some, then, over weeks and month examined more closely. The final judgement was usually that Michael’s work was unsupported opinion. When I won a prestigious scholarship to Cambridge, Michael raged. Over the year I was away, we did not exchange a single letter.
I returned to Melbourne with a mostly completed PhD thesis. I finished it and had it published within eighteen months. It gained me a lecturer-ship in the English Department. Michael was still a tutor and had acquired a reputation, based partly on notoriety, partly on admiration for his sharp wit and original mind. I soon did my part to add to his less than savoury fame. Michael reputedly ‘fucked everything that moved into his orbit’. Within days of returning from Cambridge, it included me!
So, my dear and now curious Rene, what attracted me and my pussy to Michael. As you recall, he was neither a nice man like your Martin nor physically an Alpha male. In addition to being a head shorter than I, non-athletic, he was interestingly under-endowed in the lingam department. He had the thinnest cock of all my male acquaintances. But God, whenever Michael decided to fuck me, this cock was rock-hard. And he certainly knew how to compensate for what it lacked.
But what aroused me most was Michael’s arrogance; his no objection tolerating or expecting manner whenever he wanted to fuck. With others but you, Rene, I would find all sorts of more acceptable explanations for my reaction: for instance, that I loved Michael, admired his intellect, and felt guilty about being more successful and wealthier than him.
None of this was the truth for me. Yes, our relationship had always been a strained one. For Michael, there was his non-acceptance of my success. For example, in the last year of our marriage, I was promoted to Senior Lecturer and Michael, for the first time, to a permanent position as Tutor.
So, jealousy had always given his sex with me an extra edge of triumphant cruelty. After periods of disdain and showy indifference, Michael would just take me in a show of naked sexual aggression. It expressed the fundamental truth of our relationship; it was the only thing that bound us together. We never liked, or respected each other, or sought each other’s company except to fight and fuck.
And Rene, I was addicted. God, it turned me on whenever he wordlessly stepped up to me. There were dozen of possibilities. He could decide to tear open my top and sink his nails into my tits, marking me for weeks. Or he pushed his hand into my pants to press his fingers deep into my unready but then quickly wetting up vagina. Or, he bent me – and I let him – over the table, or my computer or – at night with the room’s light on - the windowsill. He’d rip my panties off and fuck me! Michael’s steely little prick would spear me from behind, and three of his fingers would push into and brutally torment my throbbing pussy from the front. I shook and twisted myself into a torrential orgasm. I could neither stop his attacks nor my unforgivable surges of pleasure. I tried my hardest and mostly succeeded in hiding the latter. And Michael would zip up and grin and walk away.
I don’t know (?? Don’t I, Rene?) why I married Michael. Marriage only hardened his attitude. Added to Michael’s stalled academic career was my higher income and, because of the generosity of my parents, personal wealth. Being married, it began to matter more crucially than before. I had bought a house; it was my property. Throughout our living together, Michael contributed little or nothing financially. Neither he nor I had, I believe, any illusion about our marriage improving and lasting. But, if and when it would end, I was not going to walk out of my house. Michael would either decide to leave or, just as likely, be sent packing by me!
Instead of a calm, although resented acceptance of the situation, it heightened the sexual tension between Michael and me to an extreme level. It became for us a game, an ever-mounting challenge. How far would Michael want to, dare, and be allowed to go in this sexual pandemonium before he or I would bring down the curtain?
Within months of getting married, we vacated a shared bed. The tension arising from Michael’s prolonged refusals to fuck, robbed me of needed sleep. I took, therefore, possession of our bedroom and turned it into my private den. Michael did the same with our smaller guestroom. Thus, throughout our marriage, almost all of our marital intercourse began with an act of invasion.
After lengthy intervals of Michael barely talking to me and treating me with studied disdain, he would turn up in the door of my den. He mostly waited for lights-out to find me in bed. If already asleep, I would wake up, blinded by the switched-on lights, to look at Michael standing in the doorway. He was either in his front-open dressing gown or, in warm weather, naked, with the rampant erection of his finger-like-pointing little cock challenging me. I am now, dear Rene, somewhat ashamed to admit how seldom I pretended to be disinterestedly sound asleep. On the few occasions I did, Michael flicked the light switch a few times on/off before turning and firmly closing the door behind him. Whenever that happened, he ignored me, as punishment, for weeks.
Most of the time, I opened my eyes. We looked at each other, wordless. Michael stepped up to my bed, pulled away the covering, dropping it with his dressing gown to the floor. And then he took me.
He either turned me on my belly and rammed his little prick into my high-lifted cunt, or he raised and pressed my legs against my ears and drilled his steely erection into my stretched-up vagina. All this in silence. When he looked at me, reading my expression, I shut my eyes, determined to give nothing away. But then, of course, my wet-hot, throbbing pussy betrayed me once again as Michael fucked and fingered it into another uncontrollable orgasm. And he, disdainfully silent and grinning, sprayed his semen over my ass or heaving belly!
Over the last two years of our marriage, Michael raised the ante in our sexual contests. He still, though less and less often, invaded my room to fuck me without foreplay or beg-pardon. But now, he always turned me side-on. Michael’s so knowledgeable fingers no longer just ravaged my pussy and clit while he fucked. They began to almost caress the, in this position, opening crack of my ass. And then, Michael’s from my pussy juices slippery finger began to push into my ass. A gasping moan of surprise always escaped me.
It broke my pledge of never rewarding the bastard with a lusting sigh. I could not control crying out and whimpering as his finger slid in deeper and deeper. It turned Michael wildly on. With his finger bending and twisting in my until then virginal ass, his rock-hard little cock pounded me, together with him, into a gasping, howling climax. This time he spent in me before staggering wordless from my bed.
I knew, of course, what was now beginning unless I ended it. Both my mind and body were in disarray. Michael, being Michael, made me stew and wait: Five weeks, thirty-eight days to be exact, before he stood again, naked in my den’s door. And I woke up for him. I neither pretended to be asleep nor told him to get lost.
And he fucked me in a drawn-out, artful and shamefully domineering fashion. He started on my pussy with a long play of cock and fingers until the first throes of coming made me soak the sheet. Then he left me, went to the toilet, leaving the doors wide open. I could hear the arrogant sound of his stream hitting the bowl. Then he stood next to the bed rubbing his cock centimetres from my face, grinning down on me.
I had never consented to suck his little prick. I would not start now. So, with his cock hard and pointy, he joined me again, rolled me on my side, and pressed his member and three fingers into my still slippery-open cunt. God, Rene, it gave me away! And I waited. Yes, I waited, wanting his finger deep in my ass, and the bastard took his time. When he finally dug it in while fucking me in staccato-bursts, the first waves of a wild orgasm surged in on me.
Suddenly Michael’s cock and finger left me. He stood up at the edge of the bed. Pulling me unresisting to him, he jerked up my legs over his shoulders and leant back. His face a grimace, he stared down on me while his hand directed his steely, made-for-it cock at my now cramped-shut hole. He hissed, ‘This is what you want, you bitch!’ and rammed his cock into my resisting rear.
And then he fucked me, and God, did he fuck me open! I climaxed into his first penetrating, burning entry and yelled a – ‘Michael, No! God, stop!’ I howled, it seemed for minutes, while my pussy gushed. With every further thrust, I was now gasping a ‘Yes!’ Finally, when he filled me with a hot load into my entrails, I burst into a hysterical crying fit. Michael collapsed on me and tightly held me for long, long seconds. He had never done this before. Then he hurriedly left me, stretched out on the soaked sheet.
I knew then that I could not permit myself to submit to Michael like this again. Just to be fucked by him in anger and disdain allowed my detached mind to observe my ugly pussy’s orgiastic response. It was a game in which Michael and I were equally matched. But now, the bastard had broken my silence. I had cried out and begged for more as Michael fingered and fucked me anally into the torment of an uncontrollable, blinding orgasm. It was no rape, and I had no excuse. He, for once, had conquered me.
I pledged that Michael was not a man that would ever, ever do this to me again! Only days later, Michael stood naked, erection-ready, again in my doorway. I just looked at him as he strolled to the bed and flicked the doona to the floor. It was such a theatrical performance, and I, for the first time, was not enthralled.
When he joined me on the bed, I did not resist. I spread my legs and allowed him to spear his little prick into my bone-dry pussy. A change had come over me.
I was now observing Michael with almost wry amusement, the way I had watched Anil’s Kama Sutra attempts years’ ago in England. When his fingers moved onto my groin to compensate for what his little cock lacked, I grabbed his wrist, and cooly said: - ‘No fingers tonight, thanks.’ For a moment, Michael froze in surprise. Then, he grabbed violently one buttock and dug his nails into the cleft of my ass. Pressing the marauding hand hard into the mattress, I calmly said: - ‘Take your hand off my ass, please.’ Then I slightly lifted my ass to allow him to withdraw his annoying hand.