His name is Erik but he much prefers to think of himself as Erika. Who is Erik you ask? He is my cuckolded, transgendered ex-husband.
My ex-husband Erik is very much a transgendered individual who along the road of life has had three failed but very lively and eventful marriages. We will discuss these interesting marriages very soon, but first a little background on Erik.
Erik was born in 1964 and claims that he has been transgendered as far back as he can remember. Of course he had no real idea what transgendered meant when he was young, he only knew that he was far more comfortable with, and identified with girls far more than he did with boys. Other than just having mentioned that Erik always knew he was different from other boys, I am going to fast forward to the year 1980 when Erik turned sixteen. It is really from here on that Erik’s story really becomes very interesting.
I am going to tell you Erik’s (and my) story in a bit of a timeline format because I believe that his/our story as a cuckolded husband to three different wives and his being transgendered will be better understood by laying it out this way.
1980: Erik says he has no idea why, but he says he was drawn to his parent’s bedroom and specifically to his mother’s lingerie drawer like a moth to the flame. He says that when he opened her lingerie drawer he became very excited and immediately began handling all the items in the drawer. He then pulled out a pair of his mother’s nylons and put them on for the very first time. He then went and got a pair of her heels out of her closet those on as well. He said that the feeling he got was pure ecstasy and that he knew he would never be the same again.
A little observation from me…I think that most people would agree that the average teenage boy is not drawn to his mother’s lingerie drawer, and he certainly has no desire whatsoever to wear women’s lingerie or underwear.
When Erik turned sixteen and began to drive, he would drive to the local supermarket and shoplift (he claims he was to embarrassed to buy) nylons, garters, etc. so that he could wear women’s clothes of his own and not his mother’s. He says that once he began wearing women’s nylons, garters, panties, etc. there was no turning back and he would never be the same again.
I believe this was a major turning point in Erik’s life and really put a permanent stamp on what his sexual identity would be.
1981: I find this chapter in Erik’s life to be very interesting. I call this Erik’s “homosexual encounter.” This is the one and only time that Erik claims he actually wanted to have sex with another male.
When Erik was sixteen his cousin Eddie and Eddie’s parents visited Erik and his parents in southern California. Sometime during their visit both sets of parents planned to go out for an evening of dinner and dancing. Eddie took advantage of this “free evening” by asking Erik, if after the parents left for the evening, would he like to get naked so that the two boys could “play” with each other. Erik told me that it sounded very exciting and immediately said yes to Eddie.
After the parents left for the evening, both boys got naked and started rubbing and playing with each other. Of course this led to Erik and Eddie masturbating each other. During their playing around with each other Erik says that he took the role of the “girl.” He asked Eddie to mount him and pretend that he was fucking him. Erik said he can still remember how excited he got when Eddie put his hard cock on his ass and began to hump him. Erik told me he wanted so badly for Eddie to shove his cock in his ass all the way and fuck him, but being young he was to scared to ask Eddie to do it. Erik also said that he very badly wanted to suck Eddie’s cock, but once again, being young, nervous, and scared, he was afraid to ask. To this day Erik said he still thinks about that night and so wishes that he had asked Eddie to fuck him and allow him to suck his cock. Erik said he really wanted to be Eddie’s “woman” that evening.
1982-85: During this time Erik told me he was very active with both buying and wearing women’s clothes every chance he got. As often as possible Erik would completely dress as a woman (wig, makeup, mini skirt, nylons, heels, etc.) and go out around town, walking around and shopping. Erik was thin and in good shape so when he was all dressed up with makeup and wig he was able to pass himself off as a cute, tall young woman.
Erik also told me that during his senior year in high school and his first couple of years in college, he would regularly go to school wearing nylons and panties under his regular clothes. He said he has always loved wearing women’s clothing because he identifies with women and has always considered himself, in reality to be female. Erik told me that this stage in his life was the very best because he could easily pull off going out in public dressed as a woman whenever he wanted, yet no one ever suspected that he was actually a boy.
1985-87: Erik met and married Christine while they were both still undergrads at SDSU. They were both young and they really liked each other. Erik was (still is) a really nice looking guy, and Chris was very pretty.
As a young and healthy woman in the prime of her life it was only natural that Chris would really love and enjoy sex. Erik said that she wanted to be fucked at least once a day, but as I am sure you suspect by now, Erik was barely able to perform at all, let alone on an every day basis. Also, his performances were far from world class. Erik told me that Chris really loved him and that when not in bed, they had a great time being together, so she wanted to stay and be with Erik, however she also had a strong young woman’s need that Erik was totally incapable of meeting, so she began having sex with other young guys that she met on campus. It started slowly and quietly at first, but soon Chris was very open with Erik about her need to get laid, a need that Erik couldn’t fulfil, so she told him she was having sex with other young guys.
As time went on and Chris really got into partying and having sex with other men, she became open about the whole thing. She even started having guys pick her up right outside their apartment and then head off to a party. Chris started coming back to the apartment at all hours of the night, or even early the next morning. She always smelled of alcohol and her pussy was always hot and wet from the man or men that had been fucking her all night. Erik said that Chris was always on her way to another “party.” Of course that really meant she was going out to get laid that night. Chris told Erik that on occasion at the parties, if she had had enough alcohol, she had allowed more than one guy to fuck her. By the point Chris had no interest at all in even attempting to have sex with Erik because she was getting all the cock she wanted from the young studs on campus.
In the fall of 1987 Erik said he came home only to find that Chris had completely moved out. She moved in with another guy that Erik found out Chris had been fucking regularly when he was in class or at work. They had one daughter, Stacy during their short marriage. Erik and Chris divorced in 1987.
Erik also told me that during his marriage to Chris he was wearing women’s clothing as often as possible and feeling very feminine all the time.
1988: Erik said that during the course of 1988 that he had the opportunity on different occasions to date two very pretty young women. The first woman was a flight attendant from Sweden that he was introduced to through a friend who worked at the John Wayne Orange county airport. Erik claims that she had the looks of a “Victoria's Secret” model, who knows, but that is what he says. The second woman was a food server who worked at an upscale coffee shop in Newport Beach that he ate at quite often.
With both women, when Erik dated them, he says they had a great time going to nightclubs, drinking, dancing, laughing and so on. With each of the women, the problems arose after a couple of dates when they knew each other much better and really liked each other. Because each of them really liked Erik, of course, they wanted to go to bed with him. Erik said that he was totally unable to fuck either woman when he had the chance. He said he never even came close to getting a hard on. Needless to say, each of these women were very disappointed and most likely at least a bit shocked to discover that this good looking guy that they really liked was unable to perform in bed. Erik said that neither one would ever go out with him again. Can you blame them!
1990-94: Erik met, dated and married his second wife, Amanda in 1990. I’ve seen photos of Amanda. She was a very pretty lady, and Erik says, very sexy. I think you may be able to see a pattern starting to form in Erik’s life. He loves being around pretty, intelligent, and fun women (and they love being around him) but he is unable to close the deal. Anyway, as expected, Erik was unable to meet and satisfy Amanda’s sexual wants and needs. She had been very sexually active prior to meeting Erik. He said that with Amanda anything went. She wanted and loved uninhibited sex. She loved being tied up, handcuffed, rubbed with oil or sprayed with whipping cream and having it licked off. She also was into “sex toys” Erik said. Erik told me, “thank goodness for those toys, for without them their sex life would have been completely hopeless. Amanda was also very frustrated with Erik’s inability to perform, the very small size of his cock, and as she put it, “it is like a wet noodle”, completely useless. She told Erik that without her “sex toys” she wouldn’t get any pleasure whatsoever when she went to bed with Erik. She also wondered why he couldn’t get hard, or on the very rare occasions when it did, why it would always go limp inside her when he began to fuck her.
Erik is sure that Amanda began taking lovers within the first six to twelve months of their marriage, but she didn’t say much to Erik about it.
She just quitely had her affairs. That all changed in 1992 when Amanda was trying to find something around the house and she came across a hidden box that contained Erik’s female clothing and shoes. Amanda confronted Erik with the clothes and shoes and he had no choice but to admit that they were his. The light went off in Amanda’s head. She now understood why Erik couldn’t perform. After finding his women’s clothing and shoes, confronting him with them, and now realizing that all during their marriage Erik was wearing women’s clothes at every opportunity, Amanda became very open about her affairs. She would now tell him what a pathetic excuse for a man he was with his tiny, useless cock. Amanda would also make sure she told Erik what “studs” the men were who were fucking her, what big hard cocks they had, how long they could fuck her and give her great orgasms, and how they satisfied her. Erik said that on one occasion Amanda even showed him rug burns that she had on her knees that this guy gave her as he fucked her long and hard, doggie style all around the carpet in a hotel room. She said it was the best “fucking” she had ever had. She always had lovers throughout their entire marriage.
During his marriage to Amanda, Erik continued wearing women’s clothing whenever possible. He said he became even more obsessed after Amanda found out what he was doing. He no longer felt a need to sneak around and hide it.
1995: After Erik’s divorce from Amanda he met a cute young woman while playing tennis. They started playing tennis together and found that they enjoyed each other’s company. As these things go, they started actually dating, and here we go again, it wasn’t to long before she wanted to have sex with Erik. A repeat of 1988 all over again. Just as happened (or more appropriately didn’t happen) with the two women in 1988 reared it’s ugly head again – absolutely nothing! Once again, Erik couldn’t get a hard on, not even a twinge. He said she worked very hard for a long time to help Erik get an erection. She even sucked his limp cock. Finally she realized it was a hopeless situation, she got dressed and left. That was the end of their relationship. No more tennis. No more anything.
1997-2011: I met Erik in 1997 on the tennis court also. I have played tennis my entire life and was a very high level player. I was easily able to hold my own with the top male players at our club Erik and I started playing tennis together and soon started dating as well. Does this “modus operandi” sound familiar? Erik is a really likeable guy and I really fell for him. I had deep feelings for him that soon turned to love. Obviously, before to long I wanted to have sex with Erik. I am sad to say that even from the beginning it was very frustrating going to bed with Erik but I didn’t want to leave him because I really loved the guy. In the beginning I always held out hope that things would change. I thought that maybe he was just a gentle spirit who might be a little shy and nervous.
Sadly however, Erik was hardly ever able to perform, and he never once was able to satisfy me sexually. On the very rare occasions when he was able to fuck me (kind of) he was never able to bring me to orgasm. Because of Erik’s inability to satisfy me, when we were in bed “attempting to have sex” he would look at and admire my naked body, gently rubbing it all over and “fingering me.” It was at these times that he would tell me how much he loved me and that because he loved me so much he was heartbroken that he couldn’t satisfy me. He said because of that, he would show just how much he loved me by allowing me to take other men as lovers. He said that they would be able to give me the sexual pleasure and fulfilment that I needed and that would allow us to have a stronger, happier marriage.
In 1998 I found such a lover. His name was Vince. He too was a very good tennis player at our club. Both Erik and I knew Vince pretty well and had played some tennis with him. I also began playing tennis with Vince without Erik when he was out of town on business or unavailable. Vince and I got along well and enjoyed each other’s company. We started going out to lunch or dinner after tennis, or simply go out and have a drink or two together. As often happens in these situations, things progress quickly and before I knew it we became lovers. Because Erik had encouraged me to take a lover, I was very open to the idea (as well as very, very horny by this stage.) Vince entered my life at the perfect time. Since Erik had been encouraging me for a long time about this, I was very open with Erik that I had taken Vince as my lover.
During the summer of 1998 Erik and I invited Vince to spend the weekend with us at our lake cabin. Late one night at the cabin I got out of bed and joined Vince on our deck where he was quietly sitting drinking a beer. We sat on the deck for a while talking and then we decided to go down to our dock. Vince and I did not know it, but Erik had gotten out of bed and quietly followed us down to the dock. Erik was moving very slowly and quietly so as not to be seen or heard. By the time Erik got to the dock, Vince and I were already in our boat and had removed our clothes. The dock kind of moved and squeaked a little when Erik stepped on it and immediately Vince and I both knew that Erik had come down to the dock. We asked Erik why he followed us down to the dock. He said he was just curious what we were up to (which was quite obvious since we were in the boat without any clothes on.) Vince asked Erik that since he was already down at the dock, would he like to stay and watch him (Vince) “service” his wife. Erik said that he would love to stay and watch. I also said it was okay with me. I didn’t really care because by then I couldn’t wait any longer, I wanted Vince so badly. I already had my hands all over Vince’s cock and was stroking it. Then I got down on my knees and took Vince’s beautiful cock in my mouth. I could have cared less if Erik was watching or not because by then I just wanted Vince to mount me and fuck me. I was so excited and hungry for Vince’s cock that my pussy was already wet and dripping even before he entered me.
Erik said later that it was amazing to watch. Vince fucked me all night and in every position you can think of. I was moaning crying, biting, scratching and having one orgasm after another all night long. Erik has seen firsthand what it’s like for a real man to “service” a woman. It is sad to say, the poor man has never experienced it himself, and never will.
Erik, Vince and I continued to play tennis together, as well as go out together after tennis for food or drinks. When we went out, I always sat with and clung to Vince. Any stranger would think that I was married to Vince, not Erik.
On one occasion Vince had a talk with Erik and told him that he was a lucky man to have me for a wife, but that he also knew that Erik was a horrible lover. He told Erik that he hoped that he was happy that he (Vince) had entered our lives because now I was being “serviced” extremely well, which took all the pressure off of Erik to perform. He told Erik that I was being so long and so hard that I would be a better wife at home because I was so completely satisfied.
I told Erik that when he was out of town on business I would bring Vince over to our home and have him fuck me on our bed. Without actually saying the words to Erik I think the message I was sending him was, that he was such a pathetic lover that even something that should be as intimate as the marriage bed now belonged to another man.
Vince and I remained lovers until 2004. I really did not want to give Vince up because he really was that amazing. He was the best, most virile lover any woman could ever ask for, and I really miss his amazing cock, but I decided to end our affair because at the time Erik and I had 3 and 5 year old daughters and I started to really that our neighbours would find out about Vince and I. Under no circumstances did I want our daughters to become outcasts in our neighbourhood. It really devastated me to give up Vince, but it was far more important to protect our daughters.
Erik and I have had absolutely no sex (though he tried) from 2002 until our divorce in 2011. He and I pretty much lived like roommates. I had short term affairs during those years to meet my sexual needs. After our divorce in 2011 I started dating different men and have had several lovers (no will ever match Vince however.) In 2012 I met my current boyfriend, Brian. Brian “services” very well and very often.
Erik has told me that all during our marriage he was extremely active in wearing his women’s clothing and living out his feminine side.
NOTES: All of these things actually happened which simply proves that real life is more interesting than fiction ever could be.
1) Erik claims he has never been attracted to men and has never had a homosexual encounter with the one exception talked about earlier.
2) Erik loves being around pretty women. He even loves going to bed with them and “playing” with them and using “sex toys” on them. He just has no desire or ability to have actual sex with a woman.
3) Erik says he loves feeling like a woman. He has come to accept that this is who is sexually.
4) He is not your typical “cross dresser.” He doesn’t wear women’s clothing to get excited and masturbate (although he does masturbate), but rather because as a transgendered individual, this is who he is internally.
5) Sexually Erik feels completely feminine.
6) Erik has always encouraged his wives to take lovers because he knew he could never satisfy or fill a woman’s sexual needs.
7) If Erik had it to over again he says he would never marry, but rahter he would have gone through a sexual reassignment program and surgery.
8) Finally, Erik finds it very strange that otherwise normal women would marry him in the first place. All three of us wives were normal (although, after being involved with Erik I do question that) women that simply wanted a normal, active sexual relationship with their husband. Why any of us continued to date, and even marry this man, is a mystery that I will never understand.
