I lay in Nathan's arms, my head resting against his chest. This was one of my favorite times, I realized. In the moments after he came inside me, I grew relaxed and still, my mind mercifully quiet.

His fingers caressed my skin. "If there's something I can do to please you more, Ruby, I hope you feel comfortable enough to tell me."

Lifting my head, I searched Nathan's face. "You already please me! You made me come twice tonight."

He smiled while tucking a strand of my ash-blonde hair behind my ear. When he spoke again, I could tell he was carefully choosing his words. "I just get a sense that you're unable to really let go with me." His eyes held such tenderness that I had to look away. Of course, he thought the problem was with him, which couldn't have been further from the truth. I worried he was sensitive about being so much older. I was twenty-four, and he was forty-six, just a few years younger than my father. When we first started dating, Nathan would make self-deprecating jokes about his age. He was tall and wiry, with dark hair quickly turning gray, and he'd once described his lined face as craggy. Yet I thought he was gorgeous, and I always made a point to tell him so.

Sometimes I wanted to confess to Nathan that I'd never felt such a fierce attraction toward anyone else. I'd met him through his niece, Ashleigh, who was also my roommate. When he'd stopped by our apartment to see her one Saturday afternoon, I found myself immediately drawn to him. His light brown eyes were kind, as Ashleigh introduced us. Taking my hand in his, Nathan greeted me like a friend. After he left, I was far from subtle, asking Ashleigh questions about her uncle. She quickly decided to play matchmaker, for Nathan was divorced and had complained to her that trying to meet someone new was a nightmare.

I knew Nathan was surprised by my interest in him. He seemed even more surprised when we hit it off on our first date. We'd been seeing each other for a little over a month, and at this point, I was spending more time at his house than at the apartment I shared with Ashleigh.

As I now lay in Nathan's bed, I felt a rush of guilt for making him doubt himself. Sex with him was fantastic, by far the best I'd ever had. He was patient and attentive, easily sensing what would excite me most. He knew I could only rarely have a vaginal orgasm, so he indulged his love of oral by spending plenty of time with his face between my thighs. Though I hadn't yet climaxed while we were having sex, I still derived a deep satisfaction from feeling Nathan inside me, and from watching him come.

But he was right: I was holding back. I trusted and adored him, yet I couldn't be completely open. It had been the same in my past relationships, few as they were. But those former boyfriends hadn't been able to read me the way Nathan could. They never sensed the disconnect between my body and mind while they were fucking me.

I loved sex, and I loved being close to Nathan, but I still sometimes tensed at his touch. It was a testament to his skilled tongue that he could make me come while I remained so on edge. I had no idea why I was like this. Maybe I was wired differently because it was hard for me to understand why Nathan would even want to touch me. Countless times, he'd told me how beautiful I was, but when I tried to see myself as he saw me, I simply couldn't. I'd always been thin and pale. Even now, it stung when I remembered a former boyfriend's mother describing me as "sickly looking." And I hated my small breasts. I longed to be curvy like Ashleigh, while she said she envied my willowy frame.

When Nathan and I first started having sex, I insisted on leaving the light off. He'd probably figured someone my age would be more uninhibited, and I feared he was disappointed by my shyness. Yet he never pushed me, instead taking it slow until I was comfortable letting him see every inch of my body.

"You okay, sweetheart?" he asked now, drawing me from my troubled thoughts.

I forced myself to nod. "I'm sorry I can't be what you want me to be." My voice grew low and soft, a tell-tale sign I was close to tears.

"Ruby, you are!" Nathan brought his lips to mine, and I eagerly returned his kiss. "I just want to make sure I'm satisfying you."

Taking his hand, I said, "I'm the problem. I don't know why I feel so uncomfortable in my own skin, but it's nothing to do with you." I swallowed hard while trying to find the right words for what I wanted to say.

"What is it, baby?" Nathan asked gently. "You can tell me."

"Promise you won't think I'm crazy?" Anxiety was already making my mouth dry.

"I could never think that."

I took a deep, calming breath. "I've been reading about something that I think might help." Nathan listened attentively, making it clear he wanted to do all he could to support me. "It's called, um, dollification."

His brow furrowed in confusion. "Dollification?"

I nodded, then rushed on before I could lose my nerve. "It's a kind of fetish, and I totally understand if you're not into it. I know it's going to sound strange, but basically, while we're having sex, I take on the role of a living doll. I wouldn't speak or move, and you'd be in control, positioning me the way you want, and... fucking me the way you want." Nathan didn't speak, and I struggled to read his expression. My worry that he thought I was a freak only made me talk faster, trying to explain. "Some people make dollification an entire lifestyle, but I'm not interested in doing that. I mainly want to try it out in bed, where I have so many hang-ups around physical intimacy. I was hoping that playing this role would..." I stopped, helpless to continue. How could I express what I hoped acting like a doll would do for me?

Nathan considered what I'd shared. "I believe I understand," he finally said. "While assuming the role of a doll, you won't feel pressure to react to me in what you think is the 'right' way. Is that it, Ruby? Because sometimes I sense that instead of enjoying sex, you're judging your performance. It's like you're in bed with me, but your mind is elsewhere, criticizing your every move." His expression softened, and I realized he did indeed understand. "It's as if you feel you don't deserve to be happy or experience pleasure."

My lips trembled while I tried to hold back tears. "That's it exactly," I managed to say.

Nathan held me to him. "I'm so glad you feel you can trust me with this. And if it's what you want, I'm absolutely willing to try. It's just that being so... controlling doesn't come naturally to me. I'm more about listening to my partner and doing what she says she enjoys."

"I know it's a lot to ask." I feared this would strain my relationship with Nathan. I'd never been happier, and now I risked fucking everything up.

"It won't hurt to try something new," he said, giving me a reassuring smile. "How about you share what you've been reading with me so I'll have a better idea of what you want?"

I smiled back as a wave of relief washed over me. "Thank you so much, Nathan," I whispered. "For everything."

*****

We decided we'd try out my kink the following Friday evening. Both of us were relieved to have the workweek behind us, and when I showed up at Nathan's house just after seven, I was delighted to find he'd made dinner.

"You look beautiful," he said. Though my face was free of makeup, and I still wore conservative office attire, his gaze was full of appreciation as it swept over me. Drawing me into his arms, he kissed the top of my head. "Excited about tonight?"

"Very," I replied, unable to hide my grin.

We shared a wonderful meal, along with a bottle of wine. I lingered over two glasses, growing relaxed but not tipsy. When Nathan and I finished eating, he said, "I'll clean up in here while you get ready." His playful wink rallied my courage. Though I had high hopes that Nathan and I would enjoy ourselves, I couldn't help but be nervous. What if he hated playing the role I was requesting of him? I knew he'd read up on this particular fetish and seemed open to exploring it with me. But reading about it was far different than doing it.

Alone in Nathan's bedroom, I changed into the outfit I'd bought just for tonight. It was a pink babydoll dress with puffed sleeves, and pink panties to match. I didn't bother with a bra, as my small breasts didn't require one. Though I always wore a bra for work, I considered the undergarment a nuisance. This evening, I left my feet bare, revealing my freshly painted toenails, also pink.

Examining my reflection in the mirror, I was taken aback by how short the dress was. It barely covered my upper thighs. I never would have dreamed of wearing it out in public, but I hoped Nathan liked it. My hands were trembling a little as I placed a small makeup bag on the bedside table, along with my hairbrush. Tonight, I would be Nathan's doll, and he was free to make me look any way he wanted. Feeling like I completely belonged to him was part of this kink's appeal. He'd agreed to go along with it but insisted that I speak immediately if I grew at all uncomfortable. I promised him I would. We both understood this would never work without mutual trust.

Once I was ready, I left on a single lamp and then climbed onto the bed. Lying on my back, I rested my head on the pillow and folded my hands over my chest. It had always been difficult for me to keep still, which made playing the role of a doll even more challenging. I was grateful for the wine I'd had at dinner; it helped subdue my urge to fidget while I fixed my gaze on the ceiling and waited for Nathan.

He entered the room a few minutes later. In my peripheral vision, I saw him slowly approach the bed. "What a beautiful doll I have!" he murmured. "And what a sexy dress she's wearing." It was so hard not to look at him! But I stared at the light fixture overhead, allowing myself only the occasional blink. Nathan sat down next to me and smoothed a strand of hair back from my face. Leaning forward, he brought his lips close to my ear. "I'm going to have so much fun playing with you tonight."

I had to fight back a shiver of anticipation. Somehow I managed to maintain my pleasantly neutral expression. I didn't move, didn't speak; I only breathed slowly while Nathan took the makeup bag from the table. I was curious as to what he might select. He first chose a silver shadow to complement my light blue eyes. It was one of my favorites, and I was glad he liked it as well. When he moved to apply the cosmetic, I obediently closed my lids, opening them only after he was finished.

Nathan next selected the lipstick he wanted me to wear. Of course, he would pick the vibrant red shade I'd bought months ago but never felt brave enough to try. "I love this one," he said, holding the tube of lipstick in my line of vision. I remained perfectly still as he parted my lips. He took his time, being careful to apply the lipstick evenly.

Then he chose a light brown shade of eyeliner. It was actually Ashleigh's and had somehow ended up in my bag. We often borrowed each other's cosmetics. But Nathan didn't use it to line my lids. I had to hide my surprise when he gently dabbed the tip against my cheek. "My gorgeous doll always covers her freckles with makeup," he said, as if speaking to himself, "but I happen to be a fan of them, so I'm going to accentuate each one even more with this." I almost grinned at his creative use for the eyeliner. Miraculously, I kept my face blank.

Nathan could have gone wild with the makeup, rendering me unrecognizable, but he returned the bag to the table and then picked up my hairbrush. With a hand against my back, he eased me into a sitting position. I'd already decided I wouldn't be limp like a ragdoll, so when he posed me in a certain way, I resolved to maintain the position without moving an inch.

"You have such gorgeous hair." Nathan ran the brush through my long locks, gently working out any tangles. When he laid me back against the bed again, my dress rose even higher up my legs. I felt his fingertips graze my bare thigh. "All mine to enjoy however I want." A pleasured sigh escaped his lips.

Again I stared at the ceiling, though I was so tempted to sneak a glance at Nathan while he undressed. It didn't take him long to strip naked and join me on the bed. With tender hands, he rubbed my feet. Then he spread my legs apart, which caused my dress to ride up and reveal my panties. He let out an appreciative moan at the sight of them. "While I love your panties," he said, his fingers grazing my crotch, "I love what's beneath them so much more."

I somehow managed to keep my breath steady as Nathan pulled off my underwear. Even when he brought them to his face and inhaled deeply, I didn't express my shock. I did, however, feel incredibly exposed with my legs spread wide. The air of the room felt cool against my pussy, which was shaved smooth.

I expected Nathan to slide a hand between my thighs, but he instead lifted my dress higher until my breasts were exposed. Lowering his head, he brushed his lips against my right nipple, and I struggled not to moan. After teasing each nipple to hardness with his tongue, he whispered, "I own you, doll." I remained docile and unresisting when he pulled the dress over my head. Ever so gently, he kissed my mouth. "You're my most treasured possession."

Nathan propped me up against two pillows before straddling my torso, careful not to rest his full weight on my body. I was now at eye level with his hard cock. A drop of precum already waited for me on its tip. Though I did nothing to reveal my pleasure, I was thrilled he'd gotten so excited. Maybe these roles were more natural to us than we'd ever imagined.

He worked his fingers between my lips, opening them wide, and then slid his cock into my mouth. My own arousal grew until I was dripping wet. Mingled with my lust was a sense of relief. Gone was my constant self-judgment, and my habit of questioning every sound or move I made, wondering if it was the right response. As Nathan's doll, I wasn't expected to respond at all. Something like elation filled me when I realized I no longer felt detached from this experience. Before, I'd been so distracted, caught up in trying to see myself as Nathan did. Now my only role was to be his plaything, and I could lose myself in the bliss of surrendering all autonomy.

Nathan knew I had a weak gag reflex, but he didn't try to test it. Burying his fingers in my hair, he claimed my mouth with shallow thrusts. I merely wrapped my lips around his cock, letting him use me for his pleasure. He groaned as his breathing quickened. "What a lovely doll you are, taking my dick!"

Saliva began trickling from my lips, and I allowed myself to swallow before resuming my passive role. When Nathan finally withdrew from me, I stared ahead at his belly. My mouth remained open until he placed two fingers under my chin to gently close it. "I'm so pleased with my toy," he told me.

Those words nearly destroyed my composure altogether, and I knew my juices were dampening the bedspread beneath me. It was only my fierce desire to stay in this role that stopped me from whimpering. It seemed like Nathan could hear my thoughts, for he knelt between my legs once more and said, "You're so wet for me!" I knew he was smiling. When he brought his mouth to my pussy and lapped at my inner folds, I slipped into a surreal headspace that bordered on ecstasy. As immersed as I was in our play, I found the strength to keep still and quiet.

Nathan eased my legs over his shoulders and began working his tongue against my swollen clit. Despite my best efforts, I failed to control my breathing, and my breasts rose and fell at a noticeably faster pace. The pleasure was so intense, I didn't know how I'd be able to stop myself from reacting. I tensed up slightly in an attempt to subdue my trembling. Again I was struck by how free I felt in that moment. Nathan no longer studied me to gauge my response to his touch and his tongue, for he was fully aware I would offer him no clue. In a strange way, this freed us both.

Though Nathan must have sensed I was close, he didn't make me come. Instead, he brought me right to the edge and then retreated until I had to swallow a plea. I couldn't remember ever being this aroused before. All I could think about was how desperately I needed to orgasm.

Nathan pulled me farther down onto the bed, so I was lying flat on my back with my arms at my sides. Then he slid on top of me, guiding his cock to my opening. As he entered me, I stared straight ahead. I could see his face in my field of vision when he planted a palm on either side of my body, holding himself aloft. Motionless, expressionless, and silent, I was free to study him as much as I wanted. I loved witnessing his abject lust. He seemed so different now, just as I must have seemed so different to him.

Our eyes locked. "Such a beautiful little fucktoy," Nathan praised me. I was powerless to stop my pussy muscles from tightening around his cock. Of course, he felt it, for he flashed a grin. "Oh, my doll wants to play, does she?" He began driving himself into me hard and fast. All the while, I gazed up at him, my face revealing nothing. But I could feel the exquisite pleasure building in my core. It was relentless, growing in intensity until I couldn't suppress my trembling. Nathan began to sweat, his skin flushed and hot. He slowed his thrusts long enough to lower his lips to mine. "Every part of you belongs to me," he said. Then he buried his face in my neck, his hips pumping mercilessly between my thighs.

My need was so powerful, I felt tears sting my eyes. Drawing in a breath, I released it as a low scream. For the first time, I climaxed while Nathan's cock was deep inside me. The force of the orgasm made me shudder uncontrollably. Nathan cried out as my pussy gripped his cock with each rhythmic contraction. Lifting his head, he stared down at me, his expression helpless. Then he reached his own release, shouting as he came hard. The forceful spurts bathing my inner walls sent more spasms coursing through my body. With tears spilling from the corners of my eyes, I surrendered to what felt like an endless climax. And I surrendered to Nathan, letting go as he always hoped I would.

"Baby," he murmured, drawing me into an embrace. He remained inside me while kissing my damp cheeks and quivering lips.

I didn't trust myself to speak until my shaking subsided. "That was perfect!" I finally told him. "You were perfect." As he gave me a sweet smile, I whispered, "I love you, Nathan."

His smile widened before he showered me with more kisses. "I love you, too, Ruby. So much."

Finally allowing myself to move freely, I stroked Nathan's hair. "Thank you for doing this with me."

"I was so nervous at first!" he confessed. "I was afraid I'd be no good at this role. But when I saw how wet you were..." I knew by the look on his face that he was enjoying the memory. "My God, it turned me on!"

I couldn't help but beam at his words. "And you were okay with taking total control?"

"I was," he said, sounding a little surprised. "I never thought it would excite me so much."

With a shy smile, I dared to ask, "So does that mean you'd be willing to do it again?"

Nathan's stare grew hot, and the kiss he gave me was insistent, summoning my own need. "I'll always be ready to play with you, doll."