So the next few weeks went by quickly. I swam very well at the next three meets, winning most of my races and consistently swimming at times that were the best in the state. It was all a bit strange - I’d never been the focus of attention in anything I’d done but now, at least as far as the swim team went, I was the queen bee. Youngsters on the team would ask me for advice and help. The coaches were all giving me much more attention, trying to give me any advantage that they could. Sally mentioned that a few college coaches had called and were asking questions about me, even though I was only a junior!
Beth and I began planning for our prom which was quickly approaching. She told me that she and Mike seemed to get closer and closer to doing it every time they went out. She said that he had been asking her to have sex with him, but she said she was scared now. She’d wanted to for the longest time, and it seemed that now that the opportunity was there that she was realizing that it was a bigger thing than she had anticipated.
“I mean I don’t want it to be in the back of his car you know, and I don’t think he even cares about that kinda stuff. You know its scary.” she said.
“Well Beth, actually I don’t know, but I can imagine it would be. Do you think that he’ll wait till you are ready? I mean Mike is such a nice guy that its hard to imagine that he’d turn into a prick about this.” I was confused by the dynamics of their relationship.
“I hope he will. You know guys change soooo much when it comes to sex Amy. Its like when we are at dinner he is the coolest, funniest guy in the world and I so want to be with him. But like when we are in his car at the end of the night its like all I can do to stop him and I can tell that he gets frustrated and mad at me. But I can’t do it like that and he is just soooo, sooo different when he gets worked up.” She sounded sad over the phone.
“Anyway” Beth said, “What about you? I heard that Pete Standowich was thinking about asking you to prom. Do you have a date yet? Would you go with him?”
Pete Standowich was a very quiet guy in our class. He wasn’t a swimmer but was on the track team and ran distant events. He wasn’t all that cute, but he always seemed really nice and he hung out with our clique of friends at lunch and in the library often. He was pretty funny though and would often come up with the joke that ended up with somebody shooting milk out of their nose at lunch. I considered what Beth was asking, knowing that this was Pete’s way of asking me out safely; If I told Beth that I’d go with him then she’d tell him (or a friend of his) and then he’d ask me for real. I didn’t really want to go to prom with Pete. I wanted to go to Prom with Matt, but I realized that there was no way that was going to happen. So my alternatives seemed to be going to prom with Pete, going alone, or not going at all. I really wanted to go though, so of the two options I thought it best to go with Pete. He was such a nice guy that I didn’t think that the night would end up as it had with Richard and I’d have a date and could at least appear to be normal.
“Yeah, sure, that would be great if he asked me. Do you think it would be a good idea?” I asked my friend.
“Oh yeah. Pete is so cool about things so that even if you two don’t like make a love connection he’ll still be totally sweet, ya know?” as she lapsed into a bit of her Valley Girl talk.
So the date was eventually made and in three weeks time I went to the prom on a Saturday night with Pete. We made all kinda plans and doubled with Beth and Mike. It wasn’t a fancy affair or anything - no limos or hotel rooms. Pete drove us in his old Chevy Nova. He and Mike both rented tuxedos - Mike wore tails as I recall. Beth and I both wore poofy-shouldered dresses that we thought were the absolute best things ever, though I still cringe at the photos from that night when I see them.
The night went by quickly for Pete and I, there wasn’t a love connection, but as Beth had promised he was really nice to me and didn’t seem at all put off when he dropped me off at my place and only got a quick kiss on the cheek before I ran inside. Beth and Mike disappeared about an hour before the end of the dance - I had my suspicions about what they were off doing but would have to wait till Sunday afternoon to find out.
Beth called that afternoon. She told me that Mike had gotten them a room at the local Ramada Inn and had taken her there. I asked her if she was surprised by this, but she confessed that they had basically planned it for some time. She had decided that she was ready and knew that she didn’t want to be in a car and didn’t want to have to leave him afterwards to go home. I hoped that she’d tell me all about it, and Beth, true to from did.
“Well, so we got into the room and he’d gotten me a dozen roses in a vase and put a bunch of rose petals on the bed. It was really sweet of him.” she said.
“Were you nervous... what happened next?” I was so very curious.
“He had some champagne, and we had a glass. It was sooo nice Amy, he was soooo nice. He told me he loved me.” I could hear just how crazy in love Beth was by the sound of her voice. “We started kissing and then ... I think he was shy and didn’t want to push me too fast, but I was ready. I sat him on the bed and I took my dress off for him.” she giggled a bit.
“Oh my god! You stripped for him?” This was a side of Beth I’d never have suspected.
“Yes, No... I mean it wasn’t like in the movies or anything. I’ll admit it was totally hot. The way he looked at me. It felt so good. I mean it wasn’t like anything really sexy, or raunchy, I just slowly took off my dress and my hose and shoes for him, kinda moved sexy.”
I knew what she meant about that look. It was the same look that Matt had had in his eyes.
“Oh my god Beth, that sounds so cool.”
“It was Amy, it really was. So I walked up to him and we started kissing, then we were rolling around on the bed and well... you know.” Beth seemed embarrassed.
“Actually Beth, I don’t. Did it hurt?” I really wanted to know that.
“It did hurt a little, mostly at first, but he was really gentle and I didn’t really mind.”
“Beth you are so lucky to have found him, and he is so lucky to have you. That’s a really awesome story.” I think my voice cracked a bit. I was a bit jealous of what Beth had and Matt now seemed farther away than ever.
“It was sooo nice Amy, and I think I’m learning about how cool Mike is. How did things go with Pete?” She asked hopefully.
“It was ok, but nothing happened. I just don’t think he is my type.”
“Well there are plenty of fish in the sea. Ughhh, did I just say that? I’m sorry Amy. You deserve to find a great guy. You really do.”
I really did, and thought I had. Unfortunately it was beginning to seem like he was completely out of reach. Chapter 7
The season ended really well, though it was a bit of an anticlimax. I won at the state meet in my main race and came in second in my other race. I didn’t break my own record but was really happy with my performance as were the coaches. The team came in second place overall - a best for us and for Matt. He decided to celebrate our season with a big party at his place next Saturday where he would hand out awards for the season.
After thinking about things long and hard I decided that the party on Saturday would be the last time I’d try to see if there was any way that Matt and I could be together. I wanted to look really good so I got my hair trimmed and also got my legs waxed, though this time my mom wasn’t there so I had them do a little more around my bikini line. I bought a nice pair of low heeled shoes and a blue mini skirt that would go with them. I got a nice pair of white lacy panties and a matching bra, though I felt a bit discouraged that I could only fill a B-cup. Well, nothing I could do about that now. I found a nice silky blouse that I really liked and that went well with the skirt.
When Saturday finally rolled around I spent most of the afternoon hanging out with Beth. We put on some make-up in typical 80s fashion - Beth had an awesome shade of red lipstick that we both applied and then we kissed my mirror, leaving lipstick kisses that would stay on that mirror till I move away to college. We were in a great mood as we got dressed and got ready for Mike to pick us up and drive us to the party. Beth had invited me over that night to sleep over after the party so I grabbed a small bag with my stuff and we headed over to Matt’s place around 6pm.
There were about 50 people at Matt’s place. It was the first time I’d been there and it was really nice. His living room which was furnished with a worn sofa, a very worn recliner, a large TV and VCR, and incredibly large speakers that were hooked up to an overly large component stereo system which was pumping out tunes loud enough to shake the floor. None of the furniture matched. The wood floors were bare except for some dust bunnies in the corners and a pot that might have held a plant. It was messy - there was a pile of swimming magazines piled haphazardly in one corner, several pull buoys and broken kickboards in another. A hallway led towards the back of the house and I could see a door to the back yard where most of the team seemed to be hanging out on a warm May evening.
A decent sized kitchen was sectioned off from the living room by a bar-style counter, complete with two well-worn bar stools and a brass rail along the bottom for your feet. The kitchen looked a bit messy as well, though nothing that required a health inspector or fumigator. There was a poster of Mark Spitz on one wall, a poster for the NCAA swim meet was framed on another wall (I assumed it was from the year when Matt had won his races), and a couple of framed Patrick Nagel prints. The first was an print of three women in swim caps and goggles (or maybe the same woman three times) and it seemed so right that Matt would have that image on his wall. It was the other poster that completely caught my attention though. The model bore a striking resemblance to me, her hair was almost identical to my own though perhaps a bit darker. Her lips were similarly shaped as were her eyebrows. Our eyes had nearly the same shade of green although the shape of our eyes wasn’t too similar. There was also the apparent difference in our bosoms - she was a least a C-cup or larger. As I took in the image I felt a rush of adrenaline surging through me as I began to wonder about how much I looked like this woman and the fact that she was prominently displayed on Matt’s wall.
Beth and I helped ourselves to some sodas and walked out to the backyard. Matt was at the grill cooking hot dogs, hamburgers, chicken and corn. There were a few picnic tables, most already filled with team members, their dates, a few parents (mostly of freshman). We walked over to Matt to say hi and he greeted us enthusiastically with his ‘kiss the cook’ apron. He looked like he was having a really good time and complimented us both on how nice we looked, though he never seemed to even so much as glance at Beth. He offered and we accepted some food which we took inside to eat.
While we ate Beth remarked about how much the Nagel print resembled me. I blushed and told her that I’d noticed that as well, but didn’t know that it really meant anything. She asked if I still had a crush on Matt. I would have tried to put on a poker face and denied it, but I couldn’t hide anything from Beth so I simply said yes and sighed. I’d promised myself that today was the last day I’d entertain my little fantasy about Matt and didn’t really think that anything would happen.
Beth surprised me though, “Amy, I think you need to try and talk to Matt about this. And do it soon. He is a hot guy and you are old enough to know what you are doing.” She paused, as if thinking about something. “I tell you what, Mike and I will leave before the end of the party and you can use that as a way to talk to Matt after the party. You’ll be alone and it won’t be at school or anything. If it doesn’t work, just call me and I’ll pick you up. This is such a good plan.” She was beaming.
I was caught totally by surprise. It seemed like a very bold way to handle things. It would force the issue but in some ways I was actually beginning to think that it might be better to just let it go and just hold on to the idea that Matt liked me in the same way that I liked him instead of having him reject me as I suspected he would. Nevertheless, I answered Beth, being quite amazed at my response, “Wow... you’d do that? You wouldn’t tell anybody? I think it would be perfect and at least I’ll know, right?”
“AMY! Of course I wouldn’t tell anybody it. I just hope that it really works out for you and is just as nice as it was for me.”
She was thinking that we would have sex. I guess I’d kinda been thinking that when I’d gone to all the trouble to dress up for the party, but my thoughts had always been unspoken and far less concrete than they were as Beth said what she said. I gave Beth a hug, thanking her for being such a good friend. We finished our dinner laughing and gabbing and gossiping.
Somebody, probably Matt, rang a gong or something in the back yard and the few of us inside the house joined the rest of the team in the back yard. Matt had us gather ‘round a big cardboard box that he stood next to along the fence of his yard. He quieted us all down and began, “I’m not the greatest emcee but you’ll have to put up with me for a few minutes here. The first thing I wanted to do was to thank my assistant coach.” He turned to look at Sally who had brought her incredibly hunky boyfriend with her, the guy looked like he was a linebacker for the Bears or something.
“Sally, I’m going to be in your debt for a long time with as much help as you’ve given me and the team. We wouldn’t have been nearly as strong if you weren’t out there pool-side everyday working with the younger ones and pushing each of us to do their best. So, in honor of your work for the team I got you this.” He held up a nice silver necklace with a blue stone pendant that dangled from the chain. The stone was shaped like a dolphin. Sally hugged Matt and put the necklace on.
She turned to the team and said, “I want to thank all of your for working so hard this year. Coaching good swimmers is fun, but its even better to coach good swimmers that want to win, and its even better to coach good swimmers who want to win and are such really cool people. So thank you all and next year we’ll win it all!” Applause and hooping and hollering were offered up by the team.
Matt took over again and started to hand out awards. Each senior got a bar for their letter (or their letter if they hadn’t already earned it). He gave each of the captains, both of whom were seniors and leaving the team, nice t-shirts with our logo that had been signed by the entire team. He handed out certificates to medal winners and record setters. He then started to hand out varsity letters to those who’d earned them. One sophomore got his letter and many juniors got theirs, including Beth. As he began nearing the end of the list of people who would be eligible to get a letter I began to get a bit worried that I wouldn’t be getting one. Maybe he was pissed about what had happened, or maybe he just thought I hadn’t earned it.
“Well, that just about wraps it up people. I’ve got just one more award to give out tonight and then we can get back to the party. The final award is kinda this MVP/most improved thing. Everybody on this team swam up to their potential this year, with one exception. This person swam way beyond their potential or at least what Sally and I thought was their potential, which is a really good thing because if they hadn’t swam that well we probably wouldn’t have made third place this year. So for our MVP this year I have this nice shiny new letterman’s jacket and as you can see it clearly has the swimmer’s letter here. And if you’ll also notice there are captains bars on the letter as well. I’m sure you know who I’ve been talking about...”
I was looking all around to see who was walking forward to get the jacket when I noticed that everybody on the team was staring at me, including Matt. Oh my god. Adrenaline coursed through my body. Me?
“As you can see, Amy is pretty genuinely modest too. Get up here, captain!” He was holding open the letterman’s jacket for me. Beth pushed me and I found my feet, I walked up to Matt and couldn’t help myself and just threw my arms around him and thanked him over and over. He finally pried me off and hung the jacket over my shoulders. “Way to go Amy, you worked really hard for this.” He kinda awkwardly shook my hand, and announced to the crowd, “well, this is still a party so have at it. Don’t forget to do your workouts over the summer and we’ll see you back here next year.”
I slipped the coat on, taking so much pride in what it meant. “Thank you coach. This is sooo cool. I didn’t even think I was going to letter.” I’m sure I must have been both blushing and smiling to beat the band.
Matt’s smile was completely irresistible to me. He looked really proud and happy, “kiddo, you earned that jacket, the letter, and those bars. You’re a smart, mature young woman and are our best swimmer now.”
“I dunno about that, but I’ll try hard. But I guess you already know that.” I felt that dizzy feeling again, the tingle deep in my belly that made me want to hold him close to me and feel his lips on mine. It seemed to come rushing up as if from no where.
“Of course you will. So are you enjoying the party?” He looked a bit unsure of himself.
“Yeah coach, its totally bitchen. The chicken was really good and I think everybody’s having a good time.”
We continued to chat for awhile till some minor annoyance pulled Matt away from me. I headed inside where most of the team was now hanging out. The younger swimmers and all the family members had left, and somebody had spiked a bowl of punch. Nobody was getting sloppy drunk but the punch was bringing out smiles and laughter as people started to dance. I hung out with Beth for most of the rest of the night, but by 10pm people were starting to leave. Beth gave me a hug and whispered in my ear, “good luck tonight.”
I hugged her back and all of a sudden I felt a bit nervous. I decided to take a moment to collect my thoughts, but found that the bath room was occupied so I headed upstairs to use the bathroom up there. I quickly peeked into Matt’s bedroom and was a bit surprised by what I found. I had expected either a total mismatched mess or a swanky playboy style man’s room, but it was neither. The furniture was all unstained, knotty white pine, including the queen-sized futon that was covered in a dark green down comforter. The comforter seemed to be deep, cozy, and warm and it was nicely accented with a host of purple and green pillows. It was a very inviting bed. He had managed to keep a couple of ferns alive up here, and they sat green and luscious by the window. He had a couple more Nagle prints up here and they both had that same similarity to me. These prints were much racier than the ones downstairs and revealed a more intimate view of my twin. I looked at them, and his room longingly, wondering what it would be like to lie in that bed with Matt’s arms around me.
While I was in the bathroom I took some time to redo my lipstick and straighten out my clothes. I was pretty nervous about all of this and was wondering what I was going to do when Matt and I were alone. I found out sooner than I expected.
When I returned to the living room everybody had left and I could hear Matt coming in from the back yard into the kitchen. I watched him for a moment before he looked up and saw me standing there in his living room.
“Oh, hey Amy, you are still here! I thought everybody had left.”
“I was just upstairs in the bathroom and when I came down everybody had left. I can help you tidy up though.” Without waiting for him to deny me the chance I started gathering cups and plates in the living room, but only after I had a half cup of the punch which calmed by nerves and relaxed me more than I expected. “It was a really good party ... Matt.”
“Thanks Amy. I’m not used to throwing dry parties, but it was fun wasn’t it?”
“Uhhh, Matt, did you have any punch? It wasn’t a dry party.” I laughed at him.
“No way... really?” he didn’t look like he believed me.
I walked over to him holding out my cup, “Way... really. I think somebody spiked your punch. He took the cup from my hand, brushing my fingers as he did so and sipped from the cup.
“Hmmm... not bad. Vodka. Well hope nobody tells on me.” I was surprised by his nonchalant attitude about it.
I continued to help clean up the house while he made trips to the backyard. I was trying to figure out a way we could talk about everything that I wanted to talk about but I felt so insecure about myself and my feelings. Since Matt had pushed me away in the pool I didn’t feel confident enough to initiate anything with him, even talk. I got the living room and kitchen straightened up and figured I could at least set the stage for a discussion or whatever so I dimmed the lights in the living room and sat on the floor next to his records and CDs. I looked for something that would be nice to listen to and perhaps a bit romantic, and found Sade’s CD which I put on just as Matt returned to the kitchen.
Matt peaked his head into the living room and saw me sitting there and said, “Find something you like?” He switched off the lights in the kitchen and sat down on the couch.
“Yeah, I love the Sade CD. Its so mellow and her voice is so sexy. I wish I could sing like that.”
“She is great, isn’t she?” He paused, seemed to consider his next words carefully and then spoke, “Amy, I’d like to talk to you about, ummmm, well I guess I’d like to talk about us.” He patted the couch inviting me to join him.
As I stood I felt a wave of vodka, nervousness, and extreme excitement wash over me. It made my head spin and if the couch hadn’t been right there I probably would have fallen to the ground. “I’d really like that Coach. I’ve been thinking about you a lot.”
He smiled, “Jeeze, then stop calling me Coach, at least when it just you and me. So I’d really like to hear what you have been thinking.”
I was almost as far away from Matt on the couch as I could. I took a pillow from behind me and hugged it to my belly as I took a deep breath. I wanted this to happen and realized that I need to just open up to Matt and let him know where I was coming from and what I wanted and how I felt otherwise it would never happen. “Matt, I think you know how I feel about you, but I’m going to say it anyway.” I tried to look at his face but I was nervous and scared so I looked anywhere but his face as I spoke. “I’ve got the most intense crush on you, God, sometimes I think its love. I can’t stop thinking about you and I really want to be with you. I’m not even sure what would be like but I don’t really care. I know that we can’t go out together and be a couple like other people but I don’t think I care... you are sooo cool and handsome and... I just want to ....” I was at a loss for words, and only in this moment of desperation did I have the courage to look into Matt’s face. I don’t know why but I felt tears well up.
Matt sat there for a moment, mulling over what I’d said and considering his response. I took his silence the wrong way and the tears started to roll down my cheeks. I tried to hide them by looking down and away from him, and tried brush them away but they flowed faster. I felt Matt move towards me, put his hand on my shoulder. “Amy... its ok. I want you to know that I feel the same or at least I think I feel the same way. Please don’t cry.” He pulled me into him, wrapping his long, strong arms around me as my face pressed into his neck.
I honestly didn’t believe Matt. I assumed that he was just trying to get me to stop crying, which he did. I’d never been this close to him and I could smell his skin and feel the incredible heat from his body as he held me there. I wiped my eyes and face dry on his tee-shirt and pulled away from his hug. “Thanks Matt. I guess I needed that. But you don’t have to say those things just to get me to stop my blubbering. I’m a big girl and its going to be ok.”
He smiled and took my hand in his. “Amy?” The tone of his voice was so different, I looked up. “I’m not just saying those things. I’m not sure that I love you, and I’m really not sure that you love me, but I want to find out and think you do to. You are so beautiful and bright and funny.” He was looking right into my eyes, “I want you like I’ve never wanted a woman before.”
The white hot intensity of those words and his eyes nearly made me explode. I felt that tingle in the lowest part of my belly like I’d never felt it before. My heart leapt, my nipples hardened, my vagina grew warm and damp, all in the space of a few seconds. I was speechless and could tell that he wasn’t just trying to calm me down. I just looked at him, my mouth slightly open, longing for his lips.
He took my face in his hands, the gentle strength pulled me into him. His eyes never left mine until his closed and I felt the bristly hair of his mustache touch my upper lip followed by the soft warmth of his lips on mine. I felt my body melt as our lips touched and his hands caressed my face and neck. He was so gentle but so strong. Our lips explored each other for what seemed like forever. As we kissed I felt his hands move from my face to my neck and then down my back and he held me close. As we kissed I focused on the sensations on my lips and then as he held me closer the feeling of his body against mine. I could feel the way his body would tighten and relax as he moved, the feeling of our chests rubbing together, his hard and wide, mine softer and narrower.
Sitting on the couch was awkward, but he didn’t seem to mind. I moved back a little inviting him in closer. His arms surrounded me again and we kissed, this time his mouth opened and I opened mine. He became more intense as we both became more aroused. His tongue began to explore the sensitive skin of my lips, and I met it with my own. I opened my mouth wider, inviting him into me, wanting the experience of the metaphor to reassure me about the real act which I felt certain was to happen soon. He responded quickly, his tongue dancing with mine as our lips began to redden with the friction of our kiss.
I felt his hands move slowly down my back, his fingers pressing my skin along my spine as they moved down from my rips, to my lower back and finally slipped between my ass and the couch. For the first time in my life I knew what it meant to be touched. I’d had boys grab me before but Matt’s hands touched me. Over the thin fabric of my skirt his hands first cupped the rounded hills of my fanny, then he began to kneed the muscles there. He didn’t try to slip under my skirt (though I’d never have stopped him) but simply alternated between his strong massage and the gentle exploring touch that seemed to drink in my curves.
As my desire for him increased so did my desire to explore his body. I was caught a bit between not knowing exactly what to do and wanting to touch him. My first tentative try met with success as I placed my hand on his chest. I felt the hard curve of his pecs under my palm, the heat of his body radiating through his shirt. My touch seemed to embolden him, and his hands first massaged deeper into my ass and then moved up over my hips and up along my waist. He kissed me hard and I heard myself moan into his mouth, I’d never been this aroused by any man, and certainly had never been this aroused after drinking some spiked punch.
We adjusted ourselves a bit more as Sade seduced us. Matt’s right arm hugged me closer and I felt his left hand move up from my waist to my ribs. I felt his hand gently run across my breast and I was so thankful that we were reclined on his couch as my head spun. I felt the warmth of his hand radiate through my blouse and bra through to my breast and my painfully hard nipple. His fingers easily found my nipple through the thin fabrics and he began to gently roll the nub of my breast in those wonderful hands of his. I reached up with my hands, running them along the tops of his arms to his shoulders and then his neck.
It was right about this time that I had my revelation. I’m not exactly sure why or how it happened at this time, or for that matter why it happened at all, but when I had my epiphany lying in Matt’s arms a large part of my sexual personality seemed to emerge and I’d always find myself behaving and thinking the same way in sexual situations. As Matt kissed me I realized that he really wanted me and that despite my complete inexperience he would find anything I did as sexy. I didn’t fully realize it right then and there but the gist of the notion that I was in control, at least in some ways, began to seep into my awareness. I also realized that I wanted to make love with Matt that night, perhaps I knew we wouldn’t be able to sustain this relationship for a long time and didn’t want to risk never making love with him, perhaps I was just too uninhibited from the alcohol and events of the night. Regardless of the reason why I knew what I wanted. And I knew what I was going to do.
I felt my legs beginning to spread apart as Matt’s weight shifted. While I wanted this more than anything I didn’t want it to happen on his couch. I put my hands on his chest and pushed him back gently. “Matt...” He pulled back, blushing a bit.
“I’m sorry Amy, we aren’t really talking, are we?” He looked genuinely concerned. “I just couldn’t stop.”
“Matt, its ok. We aren’t going to stop. I just need to use the bathroom.” Though I felt a sudden desire to scrap my plan and just let him take me on the couch. As he moved off of me I reconsidered, thinking that his big fluffy bed upstairs was far too inviting. Besides I had something else in mind.
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<a href="http://www.lushstories.com/stories/first-time/swim-coach-chapter-67.aspx">Swim Coach (chapter 6-7)</a>