The personnel changes went smoother than anticipated, as one accepted the move to marketing with some enthusiasm and the person we let go acknowledged she needed to do better. I liked her and probably violated some employment laws giving her honest feedback. I didn’t think her future was in sales, but she was good at project management. I encouraged her to think about certification.

Finding a trainer was somewhat more difficult. It’s pretty easy to understand which trainers are in it for you and which are in it for them. Of course, I wanted someone with expertise in running, as I was looking to shave some seconds off my 10K time. It seemed my options were down to two, a running coach who knew a little about weights or a trainer who was great in the gym but admitted upfront she knew little about running.

I didn’t feel like compromising, so I put off a decision. Saturday I was out on the road and came on a group of runners prepping for their Saturday run. I sort-of recognized a face from my building and he sort-of recognized mine, so I stopped to say hi. He invited me to join in, but I’d already done most of my run, so we agreed I would join them next weekend.

He put his hand on my shoulder as I was turning to go and it seemed to linger there a moment too long. But maybe I was making things up. It had been a while since I had cum, always remembering my promise to myself to not cum until I hired a trainer. I told myself I was just horny and he was a reasonably attractive, if bland guy. Then again, that probably described me also.

I spent the rest of the weekend stewing. I was horny, confused, and tired of myself. On top of it, my soon-to-be ex texted me that she was “sorry” and that I’d be served with the papers on Monday morning. She “hoped” we could do it painlessly. I only replied that I hoped so also. What else was there to say.

She was as good as her word, as the server was waiting for me at the building’s front door. On tv, servers are posing as flower delivery or the like, but you could tell this guy from a mile away. The way he kept checking his phone just confirmed it. His eyes sought out mine and I nodded to him, walked over. There was no need to be an ass about it or make this guy’s life more difficult.

I shut my office’s door and opened the sealed envelope. On the surface, it looked pretty fair. Other than the condo we didn’t have many shared assets. She suggested a price for me to buy her out and a figure for some alimony. I called my lawyer, confirmed being served, told her I’d send a copy over, and gave her some suggestions on my counter. 

As I was training one of the new hires today, I was away from my desk most of the morning. The week progressed like that, training in the morning, then work in the afternoon for a couple of days. Then Thursday came and it was time for the all-staff meeting at the hotel downtown. I bit my lip, realizing it had snuck up on me but also realizing that between work and running I hadn’t thought about my coworker for a couple of days. 

I also hadn’t made any progress on finding the right trainer, admittedly not for lack of effort, but I stuck to my promise to hire a trainer before I came. 

I put on a suit for the meeting. Most there would be business casual, but I wanted to stand out. It was also my first company meeting without my wedding band and I wondered if anyone would notice.

We all sat in an overly air-conditioned ballroom looking at PowerPoint presentations that told us nothing more than the press release to the investors the company released earlier that day. For all the talk about company spirit and can-do attitude, this was another mediocre quarter dressed up as long-term market building.

I was bullshitting with some other department heads afterward when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I mentally composed myself to face the coworker who avoided me in Portland and I was right. 

What I wasn’t prepared for was how good he looked. I couldn’t keep my eyes from sliding down his arm and I was somehow disappointed to see the wedding band still there. Then I mentally kicked myself and got myself back in the game. He looked at me oddly, then motioned me to step over to a corner with him. He did fill out his pants nicely.

He held up his hand to stop me from saying anything. “Look, this isn’t the place to do this, but I am sorry. I wanted to…” And he trailed off.

I waited. I had nowhere to go. I was getting divorced, rethinking my sexuality, hadn’t come in more than a week, and now was standing in front of the guy who pushed me over the edge. And he didn’t even know it.

He stopped, then started. I tried not to roll my eyes. Then his facade fell. He was trying to hold something back. I called myself an asshole and waited, my posture changing to focus on him.

After another minute, I spoke. “O.K., I don’t know what you are trying to tell me, but you are right, this isn’t the place,” I said, as kindly as I could. “You know where I am,” I put my hand on his shoulder, squeezed it, and left.

I have no idea if he turned to watch me go. I have no idea, actually, if I was supposed to stick around at the event. Fuck it, I thought and I left.