Introduction: A Mother’s Sin – My excuse
These events took place in November 2011, a little over a year ago…..
My mind wanders frequently; often in ways I do not intend, or want. I do not know if I am unique or not, but on occasion, I find myself thinking about things that society deems highly inappropriate. When I allow myself to explore inappropriate fantasies, I used do so with the strong belief that these were only fantasies; I would never actually act upon them. Further, I was comforted by the belief that in the real world in which I live, I knew I would not be tempted to act out any of these perverse desires that haunt my subconscious because I believed I would never actually be placed in a situation that would allow me to act inappropriately. As you will see momentarily, I was wrong.
Fate is unpredictable and, on occasion, cruel. So as you read my story, I ask you to try to refrain from judging me too harshly. It was an unexpected and unplanned set of events that lead to my most heinous sin, and my demise. It was a moment of an avalanche of emotions associated with my father’s unexpected illness and death, the unwise decision I made to drink with my son to alleviate my sense of loss, and being thrust into the unusual situation where I was forced to share a hotel room with my son, that combined to drive me to cross a line that I never intended to cross.
I never expected or intended to do the things that I did. Before judging me, you should realize that perhaps you too could make grievous mistakes if placed in the ‘wrong situation’, with the proper emotional state of mind. I am not proud of what I did; but this is my story nonetheless. Chapter one - the intimacy starts
I was sitting at my desk when I received the call from my step-mother; my father had a stroke, was in very serious condition and was not expected to live long. Lorraine told me, that if I wanted to see him alive again, I should make haste and get to Santa Fe, New Mexico.
I was numb. Although, it had been over a year since I had seen Dad, I spoke with him at least once a week, often more frequently. He and I were close.
Of course, objectively speaking, I knew that he was eventually going to die; we all do; but he had been healthy and vibrant the last time I saw him. I did not expect a call like this for many, many years. I was in too great of a shock to really know how to respond.
I arranged to pick up Gary, my only son, at his high school and then headed home to pack for the trip. Gary was a few weeks shy of his 17 th birthday, and was in his junior year in high school. Gary and I had been very close since his father and I divorced nearly a decade earlier. We had a bond and an emotional closeness that is difficult to express in words.
We packed quickly and left our home shortly after lunch for a multi-day journey to see my father before it was too late.
It was after 1:00 p.m. when Gary and I headed out of Chicago in my Honda Civic on I-55 on our trek. Dad and Lorraine (my step mother) had retired to Santa Fe years ago and it was quite a trip from Chicago to see them. It would take us three full days of driving. Gary and I would share the driving.
As we drove, we talked about dad, our family, Gary’s and my closeness. I cried some and laughed some. In my emotionally needy state, I felt even closer to Gary than usual. At the time, it did not feel wrong to lean on Gary the way I did. In fact, our closeness seemed natural and appropriate.
It was almost 9 p.m. when we pulled off the road for the night outside St. Louis, looking for a place to spend the night. Since the trip was completely unplanned, we did not have reservations. We went to three different motels before finding one with vacancies; a Holiday Inn Express which did not have any rooms with two queen beds, only rooms with single king beds. I really could not afford separate rooms.
As I was traveling with my teenage son, this presented an awkward situation; however, we were both exhausted and were far too tired to get back on the road and continue to look for a more suitable sleeping arrangement. Gary & I agreed we could share a king size bed tonight under these circumstances. I bought a bottle of cheap merlot wine from the convenience store in the lobby, thinking that I could use a little help getting to sleep to night.
We went to the room. I took a shower, dried my hair and came to bed wearing a t-shirt and my panties. I was not overly matronly, but neither was I wearing anything revealing or overly provocative. I exited the bathroom to find Gary lying on top of the bed in his boxers without a shirt; he watching TV. I was immediately impressed with the nice physique my son had now. He had nice muscle tone; his chest and arms were developing nicely. I also noticed his ‘package’ in front of his boxers bulged slightly, indicating that he was developing nicely there too. I must admit, I took some degree of pride in the fine looking young man my son had become.
Gary ’s father was a big man, about 6 ft 4 inches tall and 225 pounds. One the other hand, I was a small petite woman, 5 ft 4 inches (if I stretched), and about 115 pounds. Gary favored his father, he was slender, but had grown to 6 ft 3 inches and was approaching 200 pounds. He had broad shoulders, muscular arms, and a nicely developed chest. No question about it, Gary was going to be very popular with the girls once he got over his shyness. In a somewhat perverse way, I envied the young women that I knew Gary would sexually ravage and pleasure some day soon.
I opened the bottle of wine and poured myself a sizeable glass of the burgundy colored nectar that I hoped would relax me enough to get some sleep. I climbed on the bed next to Gary and sipped my wine.
“Mom, can I taste that?” Gary asked.
I handed him the glass and watched with interest. He sipped the merlot, and nodded appreciatively. I then asked, “would you like a glass?” He nodded. I saw no harm, so I poured him a glass and refilled my own glass.
We spent the next hour or so, talking and together we consumed the bottle of wine. Gary got a little gabby and frisky with the two glasses of wine he had. I could feel myself becoming slightly light headed from my third glass; usually my limit is two.
It was after 10:30 p.m., when I declared it was time for ‘lights out’; we needed our sleep. We climbed under the covers, each staying on our own side of the bed in the eerie silence of the darkness. Then the enormity of my father’s stroke, and his impending death hit me, and I began to cry. Although I tried to be silent in my tears, Gary sensed that I was weeping.
“Mom, are you OK?” he asked with genuine concern.
“Oh, I will be. I am just upset about your grandfather.” I said, my voice cracking as I spoke. I turned on my side, my back to my son, and continue to cry.
Gary rolled over next to me, and placed his arm around me, comforting me. I welcomed the contact as he slid behind me, spooning me. I was not dating anyone at the time and it had been many months since I had enjoyed the comfort and intimacy of a man’s touch. I missed it, a lot.
My thoughts were completely innocent up to this point. Gary’s strong arm draped around my shoulders, and gently massaged my upper arm and I snuggled back into my son’s chest and abdomen.
Gary ’s strong, but gentle contact seemed to trigger an emotional release within me. I started crying harder, weeping, as much chest heaved slightly in uncontrollable sobs.
Gary held me tighter, trying to calm me. I needed his comfort and contact at that moment. We cuddled and I accepted this innocent and emotional comfort and physical contact for several minutes; enjoying the closeness that my son and I shared.
Suddenly, I felt his penis throb to life against my backside. The first pulse was so slight, I was not sure what it was. But seconds later, another, firmer pulse pressed against me, and I was certain; Gary’s penis was growing erect as he held me.
I froze. I did not want to embarrass or scold him. After all, 17 year old boys are infamous for getting unwanted, almost perpetual erections at the most inopportune times. I did not know what to do. I did not want to encourage his growing excitement, but above all, I did not want the contact to stop. So I pretended not to notice the throbbing penis pressing against my ass.
I laid there motionless and silent as I experienced my son’s erection growing firmer, and larger against me. Neither Gary nor I spoke for several minutes as he held me, but I was aware that he was growing fully erect as he cuddled with his mother. But his erection was now unmistakable.
I wondered, could my 17 year old son be so naïve that he could possibly think I am not aware of his throbbing hard-on pulsing firmly against my buttocks? I felt my heart pounding in my chest from the combination of fear and excitement as my son grew harder and larger with each progressive pulse of his penis.
Gary pulled away ever so briefly, and he reached down with his hand, placed it in his boxers, and he subtly adjusted himself, allowing his erection to point upward towards his naval, releasing some obvious discomfort his ‘boner’ was causing him. With this adjustment, he slowly returned his arm around me, pulled me close to him, pressing his hard cock into the crack of my butt. I was shocked to realized that his erection was outside the opening in the front of his boxers now, separated only by the thin cotton material of my bikini panties. Gary had placed his ‘boner’ through the slit in front of his boxers when he had ‘adjusted’ himself.
I was suddenly aware that my vagina was responding to this unnatural and improper contact with my son. I was aware that I was beginning to lubricate, and I could feel my clitoris growing erect. I could feel my pulse very distinctly in my engorged clit as Gary pressed himself into me.
I laid there, motionless, enjoying the closeness and intimacy of this sinful moment. God, it was difficult to resist grinding back into him. But with my vagina getting wet, my clit throbbing with each beat of my pulse, and my heart and mind racing; I successfully remained mostly motionless with Gary’s youthful erection pressed firmly against the thin cotton material of my pale green panties which was covering my ass. I was so excited and so confused.
Although I knew it was wrong, I enjoyed this sinful contact with my teenage son. I convinced myself that if I did not acknowledge it, I could pretend it was not actually happening.
Finally, with the wine’s assistance, I drifted off to sleep in the arms of my son, his erect penis pressed firmly into my buttocks. It was a wonderfully intimate moment that very few mothers will ever enjoy with their sons. And I was convinced then, as I am now, up to that point, I had not done anything too terribly wrong; I had committed no sin.
From a deep sleep, I was awakened. Gary and I were still cuddled together, spooning with my butt pressing into his groin.
Somewhere from the depths of slumber, Gary tentatively started rocking his hips, grinding his cock against my ass. I could not determine if he was awake, or asleep.
At first, he started out pressing against me slowly, tentatively, in order to subtly to gauge my reaction. When I continued to ignore his actions, his humping became more pronounced and forceful. But I was not sure he was awake.
I knew then, as I know now, I should have broken off our embrace, and rolled away from my son. I know that I should stop this before it went any further. But somehow, I seemed powerless to move away; I did not feel I could break away from his embrace. I seemed frozen. The combination of the three glasses of wine, and my emotional neediness at the moment coupled with my arousal from this surreal situation, somehow prevented me from doing what I knew I should.
My mind went wild trying to decide what I should do. I continued to ignore the humping, feigning sleep. I continued to lie there silently and motionless, pretending to be in a deep, deep slumber. However, Gary’s movements were becoming too forceful for any non-comatose person to sleep though. There was no credible scenario that would allow Gary or me to actually believe that I was sleeping and not aware of him grinding his cock against me. But was he asleep? Was I suddenly and innocently part of a teenager’s wet dream? I really did not know.
I was becoming more and more aroused at this situation. I knew that Gary needed a release; a release he was driving closer and closer to achieving. I pressed my thighs together stimulating my own clitoris as he humped against my backside. His breathing was getting labored. I knew he was close to orgasm. I reached up took his hand that was draped around me and placed it on my breast. This was my first overt sin. Up until then, my crime had been a crime of omission, not moving away. Now I was becoming slightly complicit in an unnatural and sinful act between a mother and her son, encouraging my son to feel me up.
He found my erect nipple between his fingers and gently tugged at it. I pushed myself back against him and said ever so softly, barely at a whisper, “It is OK baby. Go ahead let yourself go. It is OK, I understand what you need. You can let yourself climax against me.” I do not know if he was awake or not, or if he even heard me. I was speaking to myself as much as I was to my son. I wanted to share his orgasm with him. I needed to let my baby cum.
Then with a grunt and groan, Gary’s entire body stiffened, and he pressed his erection hard against me. I could feel the distinct pulsing and throbbing of my son’s erection as he released his seed against me. Suddenly, I felt wetness on my panties and lower back as his penis pulsed against me.
Believe it or not, as Gary shot his semen I pressed my thighs together tightly, squeezing my clitoris, and I had a small, but wonderful orgasm myself. I could feel my vagina spasm as my juices leaked into the now very wet gusset of my panties.
“That’s it baby, let go!” I whispered as I felt his warm semen soaking my backside. I pressed myself back against him, relishing the warm semen soaking my lower back and buttocks.
Suddenly, Gary seemed to stir to consciousness, and pulled away from me. “Oh god, I am sorry mom….I must have been sleeping…I am so sorry….”
“It is OK baby. I was asleep too. I guess the emotions of grandpa just got the better of us. It is fine, normal reaction for a young man your age. Just go to sleep now.” I tried to reassure him. “It is OK, you did not do anything wrong, baby. I’m not mad. Just go to sleep now.”
I rolled away slightly, trying to process what had just happened between my son and me. My backside was wet with his semen. My pussy was still wet with my arousal. The small but pleasurable climax Gary had triggered in me filled me with some guilt, but I also felt fulfilled, loved, and at peace.
I was torn and conflicted. I wanted to savor the moment, but I also wanted to pretend nothing had happened between Gary and me. I was aroused and guilty. I never intended for anything like this to happen, ever.
However, it was not too late. I could ignore this event and pretend it never happened. If I had the will power, it could be a special memory that I cherish, but something that goes no further than it has.
I reached behind me, and I touched the large mess of semen on my ass with my fingers. And then I slowly brought my fingers to my nose; I could smell the aroma of his fresh sperm. I drifted off to sleep savoring my son’s most intimate scent as I held my semen drenched fingers slightly away from my nose. Chapter two: The next morning….
Gary woke with an erection, which he tried to hide from me as he went to the bathroom….
I needed a quick shower to wash the dried semen from my backside….
We cleaned ourselves, did not speak of the events of the previous evening…got packed, ate breakfast, and hit the road.
We drove all the way to Oklahoma City, and the ride was quieter and less jocular than the first day. Gary and I were trying to come to grips with our ‘incident’ the previous night.
We arrived in Oklahoma City after dark, I found a room with two queen beds at the Hampton Inn. We would not have to share a bed tonight.
We brought a pizza and two bottle of wine to the room. After my first glass of wine, I went to the shower. Soon there was a knock on the door….”Mom, can I come in, I need to pee…”
“Sure honey…we are family…," I reassured him. But I was unsure of what was occurring between my son and me at this moment. At home, he would not ask if he could urinate in front of me. This was a boundary that I was not sure we should be crossing. But I tried not to overreact; after all, we did only have the one bathroom that we were sharing.
Gary came in, and stood in front of the commode for an extended period of time. I had to look. I pulled back the shower curtain and saw him standing there…his back towards me. “What is wrong honey?”
“Nothing mom, I just can’t seem to go now….I don’t know why.” I could see Gary was ‘a little stiff down there’, suffering with a partial erection as he tried to urinate. I smiled, somewhat amused that my mere presence was arousing my son now. I wanted to reassure him, without reacting to his situation.
“A lot of men cannot pee with an audience…let me get out of here and leave you alone with your business….” I said, rinsing off before turning off the water and grabbing a towel.
I stepped from the shower as I was wrapping the towel around myself…I knew I was exposing myself to my son…it was wrong, but I could not help doing it. I wrapped the towel around my waist and left my breasts exposed. Gary stared at my naked breasts as I walked past him. I took a moment to look at his penis and could see it was growing more erect. I knew I was the cause of his erection. I should not have teased him this way, but I could not help myself. The sexual tension between us was tremendous.
I excused myself from the bathroom to allow my son to urinate in peace. I quickly donned a t-shirt, but I did not put on any panties. I would like to say it was a simple oversight, or that I do not know why I did not put on my panties; but that would be a lie. I was aroused by the events of the previous evening, and by seeing Gary’s partially erect penis moments before, and I wanted to have the opportunity to innocently expose myself to him if the situation seemed to warrant it.
At that moment, I was not contemplating any further physical contact between my son and me; however, I imagined that I would masturbate in the bed next to him, and I hoped he would do the same. I reasoned that after last night, a mutual but separate session of masturbation was a reasonable and relatively innocent compromise to relieve the sexual tension and the frustration we were both wrestling with.
I poured two glasses of wine, one for Gary and one for me, as I waited for Gary to exit the bathroom. I looked at my image in the mirror. You could not tell that I was not wearing any panties, but my erect nipples left no doubt that I was sans a bra. My perky, 34B breasts poked proudly through the white cotton material of my t-shirt.
After four or five minutes, I began to suspect that he was masturbating alone in the bathroom. That thought, both disappointed me and relieved me. I was disappointed I was not allowed to witness him, but on another level, I was relieved that perhaps any temptation for a repeat of the previous night’s ‘contact’ could now be avoided.
I sat on the bed, sipping my wine, wondering exactly what Gary was up to. After another few minutes, I got up, poured myself a second glass and walked to the closed bathroom door. “Gary, is everything OK in there?”
“Yeah, mom. My body is just not cooperating right now. I can’t seem to pee.”
“Well come out, try to relax and you can try again in a few minutes. You just need to let yourself relax a bit.” Inwardly, I was smiling at Gary’s dilemma. I thought it was absolutely adorable that his erection was preventing him from emptying his bladder right now. And yes, I was pleased that I was the cause of his erection.
“Have a glass of wine with me and see if that relaxes you.” I shouted through the closed door.
Slowly the door opened, and Gary exited the small hotel bathroom wearing only his boxers and sporting an enormous erection. “Oh my. I think I see what the problem is.” I said. I was taken aback by the size and maturity of my son’s massive and very erect penis. The large purple head stood nearly two inches above the waist band of his boxers. There was no hiding that massive erect tool right now.
Gary was blushing deeply and tried to cover his erection behind his hands which he held in front of his bulging groin.
“I’m so sorry mom. I don’t know what is wrong.” He said with obvious embarrassment.
“Oh baby, nothing is wrong other than the fact that you are a normal and very healthy young man who is having a normal reaction to a very unusual situation that you and I have been thrust into. It is quite normal for a young man of your age to get erections, even at the most inopportune times. It only shows you are normal and healthy.” I smiled at him as I tried to reassure him.
“Mom, I don’t think it is normal to get a boner in front of your mother.” He admitted quite candidly.
I thought for a moment, trying to think how to respond.
“Well, you have a point; but literature is full of stories about young men recognizing that their mother’s are in fact ‘female’, and responding to it a bit. In fact, they even have a name for it: ‘Oedipus complex’. It is not that uncommon. And it is a little bit flattering to me.” I was speaking without fully thinking about the meaning or ramifications of my words. I was really only trying to relieve any awkwardness and anxiety my son was experiencing at the moment.
“It is just so weird that I am reacting to you this way. I’m sorry mom. I try not to think of you and make this go away, but it isn’t working.” Gary said, looking at the floor, unable to look at me. His penis continued to throb, the large purple tinged head pulsing above his waist band. God he was a sexy young man.
“Gary, why don’t you take care of that ‘manually’? I can go take a nice long bath and leave you here to relieve your ‘stress’, OK?”
Gary blushed deeply and then looked at me with a cute, shy innocence that I will always cherish, “Mom, can you stay while I do this? I would like to share this with you, if it is OK?”
His words shocked and excited me. I knew I should not participate in this, or even witness it, but I wanted to experience this with my son. I felt my pulse quicken and as the very thought of watching my son masturbate aroused me.
“Are you sure? I can give you some privacy if you want?” my voiced quaked with excitement at the very thought of watching my son.
Gary looked at me, and slowly removed his boxers, freeing his erection, and simply said, “Please lie here next to me.” as he laid down on the bed.
I watched as he large hard cock waved proud as he walked to the bed. His penis looked to be about 7 inches long and about 2 inches thick. He was a fine looking young man. When he lied on his back, his penis reached nearly to his navel.
I stood there watching this beautiful and erotic scene unfold and then slowly moved to the bed, lying next to him. This was a very dangerous game we were preparing to play. I thought for a moment that ‘I wish I had kept my panties on as some minor barrier to prevent us from going further than we planned.’
Gary took his erection in his fist and began stroking it, up and down, in the most erotic and sexy visual scene I have ever witnessed. I was sitting up on the bed next to him, in a hypnotic trance, absolutely mesmerized by the scene unfolding before me. I must admit, I had never before watched a man masturbate to orgasm.
Gary ’s erection was long, thick and rigid. The head stood out distinctly, its mushroom shaped head perfectly defined atop the long thickly veined shaft. He was ever bit as large as his father, but the cooler was paler, and more of a white-pink color than the pinkish-purple hue of his father’s erect penis.
I felt myself begin to leak my own secretions from my vagina as it slowly began to open and dilate from the erotic visual stimulation in front of me. Gary and I did not speak. His breathing became more labored as he began to arch his hips upward against the thrusts of his fist.
I could feel my own breathing and heart rate increase as I watched. Gary surprised me by placing his free hand on my thigh as he continued to pump his cock. “Gary?” I questioned.
“Mom, I just want to touch you while I do this. I just need some contact.” He replied, not stopping his pumping fist.
I decided to allow his hand to remain on my thigh rather than remove it. I enjoyed the contact as well. I was becoming very aroused; I could feel my wetness beginning to run out of me, making my upper thighs very wet. I wondered if Gary was aware of the subtle scent of my arousal.
I wanted to touch myself, to join in the masturbation, but I fought to resist this urge. Gary’s hand was massaging my upper thigh as he brought himself closer and closer to his climax. Involuntarily, I began rocking my hips slightly, squeezing my thighs together to exert pressure on my swollen clitoris. I was losing control of my actions as Gary’s excitement and the beautiful scene of my son masturbating in front of me took over my emotions and any rational thoughts I had. I felt myself slipping slowly into a lustful and emotionally seductive abyss.
Slowly his fingers traced up my inner thigh. I closed my thighs together tighter to prevent him reaching his intended goal; but oh how I wanted his touch. His fingers remained trapped between my thighs, just inches from their desired target: my pussy. I was so tempted to allow my son access to my vagina; God I wanted him to touch me…I wanted to touch him…But I managed to temporarily resist the seemingly uncontrollable urge to go further than I had already.
“This is so weird, mom. I can’t believe I am doing this in front of you.”
“Just let yourself go baby.” I encouraged. I was taken by what a fine body he had, and how very handsome he was. Objectively speaking, he was a fine looking young man. “You are a very attractive man; and you have a beautiful penis. I love how rigid and firm it is. Are you going to cum for me, while I watch? Cum for me baby, cum for mommy….”
My words seemed to trigger his orgasm. The pace of his fist quickened, and he let out a low guttural moan as his body shook and stiffened. With his hand firmly at the based of his shaft, Gary held his erection straight up, pointing towards the ceiling and a long, large viscous rope of semen erupted from his penis, shooting two to three inches in the air before spilling on to his abdomen. Almost instantly the wonderful aroma of my son’s ejaculate filled my nostrils. And then a second, slightly smaller string of semen shot out, trickling down the head of his erection and down the shaft, covering his fist.
Transfixed, I reached over and took a small sample of the sticky white gelatinous mess covering Gary’s abdomen on my finger tips. Scooping it up, I brought it to my nose and inhaled the wondrous fragrance of my son’s most intimate nectar as Gary’s watched me with confused interest.
:”Your semen smells very good to me.” I explained. “Don’t move, let me get you a warm cloth to clean up.”
As I got up and walked to the sink, I was very aware of the wetness leaking from my vagina, coating my inner thighs. I was still very excited, but I had not succumbed to the temptation. Gary had his orgasm, and I had not strayed too far over the line.
I returned with a warm wash cloth. I should have handed the rag to Gary to allow him to clean himself; but I did not. I reached down and wiped the large mess of sperm from Gary’s stomach. I then took his erection, which was still very hard and wiped the semen from the head and shaft. It pulsed in my hand. My contact caused it to grow a bit thicker and longer under my touch. I was playing with fire. I knew I needed to stop, to separate myself from my son’s gorgeous penis that was throbbing under my touch.
“Gary, we better get some sleep. We have a full day of driving tomorrow. Santa Fe is still a long way off.” I tried to sound normal and casual, pretending nothing had changed between us as I released his rigid cock. I climbed into the other bed and turned off the lights. Gary remained on top of his covers, lying there silently for the moment.
I needed to touch myself…I needed to cum….I needed a release…
Coming soon – Chapter 3 - Gary climbs into my bed….
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<a href="http://www.lushstories.com/stories/incest/a-mothers-sin-chapter-1.aspx">A Mother's Sin - Chapter 1</a>