“Really, Vanessa? Don’t you think it’s about damn time you stop with all these ridiculous, costly and unnecessary cosmetic procedures!?”
“Keep your voice down!”
“No, I will not
keep it down! I’m so damn sick of this! It’s never enough for you. You’re addicted to plastic surgery. I didn’t sign up for this marriage to help you completely destroy the woman I married!”
She was driving me insane, what I had hoped would be a romantic evening between my wife and me, turned out to be a colossal fight. I guess it shouldn’t have surprised me, all these months it was like the calm before the storm.
“Don’t you understand that I need
it? It’s just a brow lift Noah, what’s the big deal?”
“The big deal? Are you seriously going to stand there and ask me that question?”
I’m outraged beyond belief.
“Uh, well I just did.”
I hated her attitude.
“I refuse to dignify that question with an answer. You need help, Vanessa. I’m sleeping on the couch tonight.”
Well, technically I have many guest rooms to choose from, but I usually prefer to fall asleep in front of the television. So I grabbed my pillow and walked out on my wife. She knew well enough not to provoke me further, otherwise I would’ve really snapped, but knowing her, she was going to get the procedure done whether I liked it or not. I didn’t think she realized just how rocky our marriage had becoming.
“You’re wrong about this Noah.”
I rolled my eyes, thankful when she shut our bedroom door behind me. oOo
The rest of my night was going to be a long one, and I was ready to tough it out with some re-runs of CSI, when suddenly something caught my eye down the hallway. Aria’s lights were still on in her bedroom. It was almost two in the morning and she was still awake at this hour. This concerned me, so I made my way down the corridor and gently knocked on her door.
“Aria? Are you still awake?”
“Yes, come in.”
I found her sitting by her desktop with some of her textbooks disorganized all around her.
“Hey baby girl, what are you still doing up?”
“You need your sleep, otherwise all these long hours will go to waste.”
She looked at me, slightly puzzled. “What do you mean?”
“We sleep to remember. Sleep helps us remember things, it’s important for the brain.”
“I always remember, sleep or no sleep.”
Her girlish smile always made me melt.
“Is everything okay with you? Why are you
I was hoping she wouldn’t ask me that.
“Just…sleepless and also working late just like yourself.”
“Like father, like daughter.”
So true, even though I fibbed a little.
“Well, I just wanted to check in on you. I’m going to get some sleep now.”
I walked over to her, and gently placed a kiss on her head, holding my breath when she looked up at me with those big Sapphire eyes. It’s only then that I noticed just how transparent her camisole was. I quickly averted my eyes.
“I feel like something’s wrong. You’re upset about something.”
Was she also telekinetic?
“No, nothing’s wrong baby.”
“But I heard you arguing with Vanessa.”
Well that explained it, no wonder. I guess I was shouting a little too loud.
“It’s nothing to worry about, just bickering back and forth over stupid things. It’ll blow over by morning.”
That was highly unlikely, but okay, I wasn’t going to drag my daughter into my marriage problems.
“I don’t like to see you sad.”
She was pouting and I felt a tug at my heart strings because I didn’t ever want to be the reason for her sadness. “I’m not sad sweetheart, I’m just frustrated.” Yeah, not just emotionally, but sexually as well.
I thought. Things had been pretty frigid between Vanessa and I.
“You know you can talk to me.”
“I know, and I love you for that, but some things need to stay between us grown ups. Besides, you have bigger and better things to worry about,” I cupped her face and gently kissed her forehead. The scent of her shampoo smelled so good—vanilla and strawberry.
“Sleep well, sweetheart.”
I stepped out of her bedroom and walked towards the living room where I slumped down on the sofa and turned on the television, making sure to bring it down to an inaudible volume so that I wouldn’t wake anyone.
I was halfway through an episode of Seinfeld and unfortunately, sleep didn’t seem to be relieving me of my insomnia. I hated going to bed angry at my wife, but at that point I had grown used to it. Lately all we did was fight and argue, and it was always over the same shit. The fucked up part was, if I were to cheat on her and sleep with someone else, even if I admitted my infidelities or got caught, she would still
internalized it and believed that I just didn’t find her attractive anymore…which (undeniably) had some truth to it, but it was only because that plastic surgery really fucked up her appearance. She was beautiful when I married her. Now I hardly recognize her. No amount of surgery could restore her face to what it once was. I thought about booking us an appointment with a marriage counselor, that’s how severe things had gotten. Vanessa may have been in denial, but I wasn’t. We were definitely in troubled waters. I wondered how this was affecting Aria. I was worried that my wife’s obsession with perfection would rub off on her, and by the time she turned 18, she’d be begging me to fund an expensive boob job or God knows whatever else.
Thankfully, she hadn’t been showing any symptoms…yet
, which was why I needed to get the situation with my wife under control. Aria may have been safe from influence, but if Vanessa and I were to have a daughter together, then psychological trauma would surely follow. Parents were usually the ones who would fuck up their kids. I didn’t want to be part of that statistic. I already felt like shit for abandoning Aria the way I did, but I was trying to atone for my mistakes. It was a miracle she turned out the way she did. Since she was living with us, I felt so much happier, like there was actual life
in this big house. Every morning I’d wake up looking forward to seeing her beautiful face, driving her to school before I go to work, thinking about her while
I was at
and by the end of the day when I’d get to see my little girl who’s all grown up, I felt over the moon because I knew that she’d be right there waiting for me when I got home. It felt so nice knowing someone would be there waiting up for me, and they loved me enough to have dinner already prepared and set on the table. Sometimes I’d get take out, but on the evenings when she decided to cook, she always texted me ahead of time to let me know that she was making dinner. That always put a smile on my face. I was so proud of her, I couldn’t even express how much.
I had taken my shirt off and was wearing nothing but a pair of black pajama bottoms, but for some reason I felt like my skin was suffocating underneath the fabric, so I took them off and just lay under the throw blanket in my boxer briefs instead.
I was trying really hard to close my eyes and fall asleep when I heard footsteps down the hall, and by the time I looked up, my daughter was standing right above me.
“I can’t sleep. Can I cuddle with you for a bit?”
“Of course.” I shifted over a little and felt her slide in next to me, getting under the covers. She turned over on her side and looked at me.
“Everything ok baby girl?”
Aria nodded and moved in closer, hugging my waist. I could really feel that she needed me, but I was just concerned as to why. She looked a little sad. Maybe she knew why I had been fighting with Vanessa so much.
“Mhm?” I kissed her forehead and ran my fingers through her silky hair.
“Am I beautiful?”
Fuck, I was right. My wife’s superficial beauty practices had been rubbing off on her. This was not
good; time for damage control.
“Your beauty is unmatched. I’m sure all the boys at your high school are lining up after you.”
She smiled and then giggled, which let me know that there was definitely somebody
she was interested in.
“Well, yeah. I’d be lying if I said there weren’t any guys interested in me, but I wanted to know if you
thought I’m beautiful.”
It touched me to know that she held my opinion in such high esteem. “That’s not a difficult question for me to answer, because the answer is obvious,” I smiled a bit and caressed her warm cheek. “I’m so proud you’re my daughter. I don’t ever want you to change a single thing on your body or pretty little face. You are perfect the way you are.”
“Then how come Vanessa keeps changing her body?”
I was afraid she was going to ask me this question.
“Because she doesn’t believe that she’s beautiful the way she is, and I’m trying to help her accept herself.”
“So you don’t think I need a boob job or Botox or even a brow lift? Some of the girls at my school are planning to get those procedures done once they’re eighteen. ”
“Aria, please promise me you won’t ever
go under the knife, unless it’s life threatening. You don’t need any sort of enhancement sweetie. I love the way you look,” I brushed my thumb over her perfectly arched eyebrows. “And your eyebrows are perfect, I adore them.”
I was relieved when she smiled.
“I love the way you look too.” She ran her hand down my chest and my heart stopped beating for a few seconds, only to start pumping back into my veins at an erratic rate. It was probably not a good idea that she was touching me like this, because I was already sexually frustrated, not that I would ever
do anything and try anything on my daughter. I would never cross that line.
“I want to work out with you,” she said to me while caressing my skin lower to my abs and then back up again.
“You don’t need the exercise though. I don’t want you all skin and bones.”
I felt her lips on my chest and my cock automatically responded with a throb. Fuck. Not good.
She wrapped her leg over my hip and moved in closest so that our crotches are touching, flush against each other. I’m sure it was innocent on her side, but how would you even begin explain to your own daughter that any kind of stimulation down there would cause an erection?
“Just train me with the weights, it wouldn’t hurt to sculpt and tone a bit.” Seriously
? She was sculpted enough. Every time I saw her in a pair of skinny jeans or shorts I’d to avert my eyes because…well let’s just say it showed off one of her best assets.
“So you want to work out with your old man, huh?”
“You’re not an old man. Stop saying that.”
I could see that she was really bothered by what I said, but I was just kidding around anyway.
“Okay fine, I’m a charismatic, attractive, young
man. Is that better?”
She smiled with a nod and kissed my cheek. God, I loved her so much.
Aw she called me daddy, how cute. That rarely ever happened, but whenever it did, I was like butter in her hand.
“Can you rub my tummy a bit? I’m cramping a little.”
“Sure sweetie, is it that time of the month?”
I placed my hand on her stomach and gently rubbed in a soothing, circular motion.
She hummed and looked at me as if she was searching for something in my eyes.
“Does that feel better?”
My hand was sliding under her shirt, not because I moved it there, but because she moved it for me, and I was suddenly tense and nervous because my palm was in direct contact with her soft, warm skin.
“Aria, are you eating enough?”
“Mhm,” she said with a nod. “Why do you ask?”
“Well, because your stomach is just so…” Jeezus
, how could I say this without offending her or sounding like an ass? “Flat
“Well, I guess those P.E classes have been paying off. I’m just working out a lot Noah. You’re not the only
gym buff around here.”
“No, I guess not.”
I brushed my fingertips over her tummy and kissed her forehead. She was so damn beautiful. She was my angel. I caressed her like this for the longest while, until her eyelids slowly closed shut, and her breathing became slow and shallow. It was probably best to get her in bed, so I gently lifted her in my arms and carried her to her bedroom.oOo
She stirred awake by the time I placed her down on the bed.
“Go back to sleep sweetie,” I whispered, caressing her face, but she seemed to be a bit sleep drunk because the next thing I knew she had her arms wrapped around my neck pulling me into bed with her.
I chuckled and moved in beside her. She had herself wrapped around me so fast that escaping was virtually impossible at that point.
“Just stay with me a little while longer.”
I didn’t know why I was feeling nervous all of a sudden, but I couldn’t shake the feeling. Aria molded herself into me as I lay on my back and looked up at the ceiling. She purred and slipped her arm over my stomach.
The room was quiet, the house was completely still, and I felt like the only thing I could hear was the rhythmic sound of my own heart beat that couldn’t seem to slow down. Why was I feeling this way? If I could compare the feeling, it was similar to my experience as a teenager, when I was thrown into a closet with the hottest chick at school, having no fucking clue what to do or how to kiss because I was almost pissing myself from nervousness.
Minutes went by and there was silence between us. I kept hoping and praying that she had fallen asleep, because I needed to get out of her room a-sap
So much for praying.
“Can you look at me for a sec?”
I reluctantly turned my head and faced her. My eyes had adjusted to the darkness, so I could see her just fine.
“What is it baby girl?” I tried to keep my voice gentle and soft, battling my conscience because it was shaking its righteous finger at me, telling me to just get up and leave. As if I was doing something wrong?
“Do we have,” she paused for a moment. “Something going on…between us?”
My heart was in my throat and I had no clue how to answer her. What did she mean?
“Um…” I swallowed hard and searched her eyes in the darkness. Why the fuck was I so nervous? This was ridiculous. “I don’t…” okay she was a teen, and a girl, with sensitive feelings. With that considered in mind; “Yes, we have something between us, Aria.”
She was my daughter and I loved her. Why did I keep repeating this in my head?
“I feel so close to you, Noah,” she bit her bottom lip and I was almost breathless for a second.
“You’ve really become my best friend, not just a father to me.”
What could I say to her? It was almost as if she was touching the most secret part of me that was locked away in some uncharted chamber in my heart, unlocking it simply with the touch of her fingertips, as if it could only be de-coded with her prints and her prints only.
“I’ll always be here for you angel.”
“I thought about what I want for my birthday.”
It took her a while to respond, making me wonder if she was going through some sort of internal struggle. Maybe it was emotionally triggering for her, so I pulled her in closer to me and caressed her hip. She was wearing baby pink shorts and I was thankful for it because her camisole wasn’t long enough to cover over her panties. What the fuck? Why was I even thinking about all this at the moment?
“I want you to take me on a trip.”
“Yes, just the two of us.”
A father daughter vacation, I liked that idea, definitely doable. “Where to, princess?
“Florence, Italy. Do you think you can take time off from work?”
“Taking time off won’t be a problem, Aria. I can book our tickets tomorrow in fact, but I was really looking forward to throwing you a party, Vanessa especially. She loves party planning and truth be told, she’s been planning it already. So, would it be okay if we make a trip out a few days after your birthday?”
She took a moment to think. “Would it be possible to have my party the day before my birthday? It would just mean a lot to me if we were in Italy the day of my b-day.”
Knowing Vanessa, she would obsess about staying on schedule, but I was sure I could convince her. “Sure sweetie, change of plans then, and Italy it is.” I watched as a soft smile touch her lips.
“I love you,” Aria admitted with such gratitude, as she tangled herself around me, hugging my body tightly.
“I love you too.”
My daughter was looking up at me with those glowing blue eyes and I was suddenly in some sort of trance state, because I couldn’t focus on anything else in that moment other than the fact that she was in my arms, and our bodies were too close for my personal comfort.
I brushed a strand of hair out of her face and carefully tucked it back behind her ear using this as a distraction to force my gaze away from her eyes, but before I could think of another diversion, she captivated me again and I just could not look away. My heart was pounding, both my arms were wrapped around her waist, and I was trying to sift through the chaos in my head.
She was edging closer to me, our faces nearly inches apart. What was going on? Was she going to do what I think she was doing? Her lips were so close to mine. I could almost smell the faded scent of her strawberry lip balm. This couldn’t be happening. Was it happening? Get up! Move your ass out of her bed!
I scolded myself in silence, and yet my body was paralyzed, and that’s when it happened…strawberry and mint, collided
. She kissed me and it wasn’t a full out, passionate kiss. I wouldn’t even say it was sexual. I’ve kissed enough women to interpret every kind of kiss possible. One little kiss can speak a thousand words, and yet I was completely confused in this very moment, while my daughter’s lips were lightly pressing against mine.
Time just seemed to stand still and I realized that I had closed my eyes. I hadn’t moved my mouth to reciprocate her affection, I was literally immobile. Her lips seemed unsure of my reaction, but confident in their intent as she slowly pulled away to read my face. My heart was hammering so fast in my chest that it was almost making my torso vibrate. There was a darkness growing inside of me, shrouding whatever logic and rational thinking I was left with, as I stared back at her, frozen and half panicking because I was never aware of the dormant demon inside my head. Not until she kissed me. It was like her lips were the deadly catalyst to a very toxic chemical reaction. My human brain had literally turned into mush and I was all animal instincts now, carnal and predatory. This wasn’t good.
“Good night, Aria. You should get some sleep,” I mustered every ounce of strength to pull away and stand up, leaving her alone in her room as I walked back towards the sofa in the living area. Please don’t follow me out here.
I repeated in my head.
My lips were tingling and I had a painful hard on. That part where I said her kiss was anything but sexual? Scratch that. This was the first time I had ever been kissed so innocently and had my body respond in such a strong, sexual way. Feeling an urgent need to release, I stood up and barricaded myself in one of the bathrooms downstairs.
My cock was constricted in my boxer briefs and it felt achingly good to just pull them down and let the weight of my manhood hang out freely while I wrapped my fingers around my shaft and began to stroke it hard and fast.
I tried to focus on Vanessa, her body, her face, our love making, but those images were continuously forced away, replaced with one very fresh memory; Aria kissing me
. It was like the harder I tried to erase those images, the longer they lasted in my head, taunting me with its sick meaning and I was left with no other choice but to submit and become a slave to the indescribable pleasure and sensation, eternally chaining myself to the sorrow and guilt that I’d feel once I would find my release. My body was almost convulsing as I stroked my length harder and faster, my breathing was laboured and harsh as beads of sweat dropped down my forehead and chest.
It was all happening in flashes now inside my head. I was assaulted by X-rated graphics that just wouldn’t disappear. Everything was Aria now, like a virus that had entered my system and wouldn’t leave. Her eyes, her lips, her breasts, her stomach, her long shapely legs, her ass, her sweet vanilla and strawberry scented hair…I kept replaying every moment that I’ve shared in her presence, every moment that she’s hugged me, sat on my lap, cuddled me, kissed my cheek, touched my chest, no memory was safe anymore, no longer was it stored inside my vault of innocence, because my demon within had confiscated that purity by contorting and manipulating the memories to everything lustful, sexual and sinful. I felt like the room was spinning, so I reached out and steadied my balance by holding my weight up against the corner of the vanity. I opened my eyes, hoping and praying that her beautiful angelic face would fade away, but it didn’t, and I couldn’t stop jerking off. It was like some maddened, hungry beast had taken over me and it wouldn’t stop until it was satisfied.
I exhaled once and then held my breath as my cock stiffened, shooting out an unbelievable load of hot, thick cum. I quickly grabbed some tissues and I ejaculated so hard that I accidently got a few drops on the toilet and the floor. What the fuck Noah…
My body finally relaxed and my demon was sated as he chained me and shackled my wrists to a wall, sneering at me with a gleeful grin. He was my doppelganger; my evil, demonic shadow self that I had no idea existed until tonight. I broke down in tears as I quickly cleaned up and washed my hands. I was so ashamed that I couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror. What kind of father was I? How could I allow this to happen? How could I be so weak and perverse? I should be locked up. I should turn myself in tomorrow. How the hell could I imagine fucking my own daughter? She kissed me so sweet and innocently and all I could think about was running away to tend to the instant wood she gave me. What kind of sick person was I to get turned on like that, by my own daughter!? I needed help.
I finally raised my head to stare at my reflection in the mirror. Noble, chivalrous Noah-versus dark, twisted and shameful shadow self. I was drowning in the guilt of what I had done. Drowning in sin, and I didn’t even touch her. It wasn’t like I had to in order to bare the weight of this guilt. Just the fact that I crossed that line in my head for the past five minutes said enough. The man who was staring back at me was completely foreign to me, and I was suddenly afraid of myself because I didn’t recognize my own reflection. You just murdered the salvation of your own soul, Noah. Welcome to my world.
I had split myself in half. Who was I? Had I always been this person? Was this shadow of a man always present? Had I just ignored him, or had I been completely oblivious to his existence? Nothing made sense to me, and no matter how hard I tried to rationalize, it still didn’t take the heavy burden of shame away.
My temper suddenly splintered into pieces and I felt this surge of anger go through my body as I resisted the urge to punch my fist through the mirror. Instead, I pushed back my tears and decided to call up my shrink tomorrow morning. It wasn’t too late, I could fix this. There had to be a reason for all of this and it was fixable. Nothing was destroyed and I would never ever
lay a hand on my daughter in any sexual way. I wouldn’t lay a hand on her, period. I’d rather kill myself.
Crying, showing my most vulnerable emotions, even shedding a tear had never really been my kind of deal. I mean, I had been through a lot of shit in my life, but I never felt comfortable crying in front of anyone, much less on my own. The fact that my daughter could get so close to me and make me feel this emotionally exposed, scared the fuck out of me. I didn’t know how to deal with all these feelings. It was too much and it was overwhelming me. I knew it was wrong and I probably had a spot reserved in hell just for me by Satan himself after what I did that night, but I would never drag her to hell with me and I would never
do this again. You’re just sexually frustrated. You haven’t had sex with the wife in a long while. She’s been frigid, what more do you expect? Give yourself a break, it’s nothing serious. It was just the wrong situation at the wrong time. No need to call that crusty old shrink. You love Aria the same way any protective father loves their daughter, nothing more. Relax man. No need to freak out.
I found myself desperately trying to comfort the shattered part of me as I walked out of the bathroom, ascending back into the darkness. The fucked up part was that it wasn’t Noble Noah
doing the comforting inside my head; it was my evil twin, slapping my shoulder, mocking me with a gloating grin that was supposed to pass for a sympathetic smile. I wished I was a blissfully ignorant person. Maybe my life would’ve been much easier. Fuck my life. Authors Note:
Sorry about the long hiatus everyone. For those of you who don’t know, I’m a student so obviously I had to put my studies first, but exams are over which means I have more time to devote to writing :) Thank you to all my readers who encourage me and appreciate my writing, your support means a lot. I hope I can continue Noah and Aria’s journey for as long as possible before I finally finish it. I know there are many of you who are dying to see some bedroom action between these characters, but my story delves deeper than sex. Noah and Aria need to explore their emotional boundaries first before engaging in a physical relationship, which I’m not saying won’t happen, because the inevitable will, but I need to keep it going at a realistic pace. This is what separates my story from the norm on here. I hope you guys can appreciate and respect that. Sorry for any grammar, spelling mistakes! I try my best to edit as best I can.
This story is protected by International Copyright Law, by the author, all rights reserved. If found posted anywhere other than Lushstories.com
with this note attached, it has been posted without my permission.
<a href="http://www.lushstories.com/stories/incest/i-shouldnt-feel-this-way-chapter-12.aspx">I Shouldn't Feel This Way- Chapter 12</a>