I Shouldn't Feel This Way- Chapter 14
How far would a father go to protect his only daughter? Will he ever recognize his desires?
The house was empty when I came home from school, which wasn’t surprising because Vanessa was rarely ever home. I had a pretty average day, and even invited some of my girlfriends to come over for dinner, but only Jessica said she’d make it because the other girls had cheerleading practice that evening.
I was feeling nauseous and to be honest, wasn’t looking forward to seeing Noah later in the evening.
God, how stupid can you be? You’ve officially made things awfully awkward now Aria, great job! I painfully thought to myself as I dragged my feet to my bedroom, tossing my bag down on the floor before dropping my weight down on my mattress.
I stared at the ceiling for the longest while, focusing my energy to clear my mind and erase the memory of what happened between my dad and me earlier that morning, but it was impossible. So I decided to turn on my iPod and listen through a playlist. I was in the mood for some ’80s music. Now I know I’m not a product of the ’80s, but the music always put me in a good mood. That era was the most fashionably confused. I swear; shoulder pads, parachute pants, mullets…so thankful that the fashion industry had since significantly advanced and abandoned retro fashion locking it forever away in the fashion hall of shame. But I must admit, I loved ’80s films, like Pretty in Pink, The Breakfast Club, Sixteen Candles, Back To The Future, oh and Dirty Dancing. I was a sucker for those chick flicks.
I turned up the volume on my iPod (because my favorite retro track was playing; The Romantics- Talking In Your Sleep), and then I picked up my school bag so I could start on my math homework.
I had already changed out of my school uniform when Jessica came over. It was almost five in the evening, and we were just hanging out in my room until my dad would be home with dinner.
“I so need to go on a diet.” Jessica was your typical all American teenager, standing at 5’5, green eyes, thin, with super straight dirty blond hair. She was also really tan. Almost everyone in this state was tan because of the California sun.
“Jess, seriously…I’m not going to repeat myself again, you don’t need to diet. You’re already thin enough.”
“Yeah, but I think if I lost ten more pounds, Jake would ask me out.”
I rolled my eyes and placed my pencil down in my notebook. “If Jake isn’t asking you out now, that should say enough. You’re a pretty girl. Don’t think so shallow, and don’t settle for super shallow guys. They’re not worth it, not even mega dreamy jocks like Jake Matthews.”
She was silent for some seconds. I took it as a good sign. Hopefully my advice was sinking in.
“How come you won’t give Ryan a chance? You’ve got the guy wrapped around your finger.”
I wasn’t sure how to answer that. “I don’t know. I’m just taking my time. I’m not one to commit to anything serious so soon.”
“Is it because of your mommy and daddy issues?”
My face went bright crimson.
“Oh shit, I’m sorry. I really don’t have a good filter sometimes, and I end up blurting things out stupidly. I’m sorry, Aria. That really came out as insensitive.”
“No, it’s fine,” I smiled and brushed it off. “You’re right. My commitment issues are because of the ugly history between my parents. I’ve sort of developed this fear of getting close to people, especially guys. I feel like nothing will ever last. I mean, my parents are a prime example of failed high school relationships, and they were supposedly high school sweethearts. I don’t think I was a planned pregnancy to say the least.”
“Still, it must be so much cooler having younger parents. My rents are in their mid-50s, and unbelievably boring. God, they are so old. Your dad is just so cool, not to mention a total hunk.”
“Sorry! Sorry! I’m just being honest. I’m sure it’s not the first time you’ve heard that your dad’s a total DILF.”
Indeed it wasn’t, but it annoyed me that all my girlfriends had developed these secret girl crushes towards Noah. Maybe it was just pointless jealousy I was feeling.
“I’ve got some juicy gossip to share with you,” she raised herself on her elbows, swinging her feet back and forth, while she laid flat on her tummy on my bed. “Technically I’m not supposed to tell you this, but oh well. I pledged no loyalty to Steph—”
I arched my eyebrow at her, curiously. “What do you mean?”
“Stephanie told me today that the next time you invite her over, she’s going to put the moves on your dad.”
“She’s so hot for Noah, it’s insane. She was telling me about her plans to seduce him.”
I was suddenly raging with jealousy on in the inside. How dare she go after my dad!
“Yeah, she went through all these fantasy scenarios of being alone with him.” Jess began to giggle and it extremely annoyed me, though I didn’t show it. “And she really wants to suck his cock,” she giggled again and threw her head back laughing.
“Oh my god! Okay, enough!” The sheer thought of snobby Stephanie Spinney getting it on with my dad made me want to puke.
“I just think it’s funny. I’ve been over at your house so many times, and your dad is always charming, and nice in a very non pervy way. I wouldn’t worry about Steph. She’s just lost in some delusional fantasy.”
Steph was labelled as one of the sexiest girls at school, there was much to worry about. I seriously didn’t want to have her over anymore.
“Besides, I think she’s way too chicken to actually put these plans into action. Your dad’s married to a woman who’s got the body of Jenna Jamieson. I doubt she would be an ideal lay for him.”
I seriously wanted to change the subject before I vented about their marriage problems.
“Let’s take a break. My brain is already fried from all these assignments.” It was as if Jessica read my mind as she rolled off my bed and walked over to where my iPod was docked.
“I just downloaded this song yesterday, and I can’t stop listening to it since,” she switched my iPod, replacing it with hers, while cranking up the volume.
“It’s a mash-up mix. Come on, get up! Let’s dance!”
I laughed as she began to sway her hips side to side. She could definitely keep rhythm.
“I’m so beautiful, rich, and horny!”
I couldn’t believe she was singing those lyrics out loud. The worst part was that I started singing along with her. I recognized the song.
“Oh my god! We have to choreograph this and make a video!”
“Are you kidding me? We are so not placing this on Youtube.”
“We so are! Come on, Aria. Have some fun!”
I was so tired of being the responsible teenager. I wanted to do something dumb and potentially reckless. I wanted to act my age.
“Tie up your shirt. Like this,” she walked over to me and pulled up the edge of my black vest top so that she could tie a knot. My entire stomach was exposed now.
“Now pull down the front a bit so your cleavage pops out.”
I followed her instructions, like a young impressionable girl learning the art of seduction.
“Let your hair down.”
I pulled out my hair band and tossed my head back and forth, shaking my hair free.
“Way sexier, now unbutton the first button of your jeans.”
“No way, Jess! They’re already low rise enough.” You could’ve seen my hip bones just fine.
She rolled her eyes at me and tugged my pants down lower so that my pelvic bones were visible now.
“Cute thong you have on. You know what black thongs mean right?”
I shook my head.
“You’re ready for sex.”
Jess knew I was a virgin, and I blushed when she said this.
My wild and quirky friend emulated my wardrobe style and then placed her mac book on my desk. She really resembled actress, Sasha Pieterse.
We choreographed a basic dance routine that just about consisted of plenty of ass shaking, belly rolling, and booty popping before we were confident enough to sing along with the lyrics, to get it all on film.
Jessica sang the first part and then it was my turn as I got in front of the camera.
“I’m so beautiful, rich, and horny!” We lip synced together.
I felt so slutty dancing the way I was, but I didn’t care. It honestly felt good to just let loose. Jess backed her ass up and started to dance on me, grinding against me while I thrust my hips into her as if I had some invisible dick. It was really very laughable. I was so lost in the music, and at one point I had closed my eyes, not realising that my dad had arrived home, and was standing right against my door frame, watching his daughter dance like some stripper.
The music suddenly stopped.
“Why’d you stop the music?” I looked at Jessica, confused. Her face was flush and she was untying the knot on her shirt really quick.
“Hi, Mr. Hunter—” she sounded embarrassed, but not as embarrassed as I was when I slowly turned around and faced my father.
“Hello, Jessica. I hope this isn’t a dance routine for the school talent show…”
“Oh, no. We were just screwing around and having fun,” she laughed nervously, untying the knot on my shirt since I was too paralyzed to move. “Right, Aria?” Jessica quickly closed her Macbook shut. Well, I guess it was safe to say our video footage wasn’t going to be uploaded to the world- wide- web.
He was staring at me with those seductive blue eyes, and I was too hypnotized to respond.
“Hello? Earth to Aria…” I heard Jessica say.
Noah unfolded his arms from his chest and pushed his weight off the door frame. I think he knew I was uncomfortable. “I’m going to order pizza. Do you girls want the usual?”
“Veggie pizza sounds great, Mr. Hunter. Thanks.”
“Please, call me Noah.”
Something snapped inside me and I was suddenly annoyed as I stormed right up to him with confidence. “Makes you feel old to be dressed so formally, we know.” my tone was filled with attitude as I rudely slammed the door in his face.
“Aria! What the hell?” Jess seemed shocked by what I did.
“What?” I looked at her innocently. “I just want some privacy.”
“Well, technically you did leave your door open, so it’s not like he was intruding.”
Ugh, I hated how she was defending him.
“Whatever,” I shrugged and slumped back down on my bed.
I’ll admit, the way I reacted was kind of mean, but I just couldn’t handle him being all up in my space at that moment. It was frustrating me even more that I couldn’t read his expressions, the way he was staring me at me. I couldn’t tell if he was silently laughing at me, or checking me out. Well, needless to say, the embarrassment downright left me mortified.
Jess and I eventually left my bedroom and joined Noah in the kitchen when the pizza delivery guy rang the doorbell. My dad had changed out of his suit and was wearing a pair of faded low rise blue jeans, and a black tank top; probably all Calvin Klein.
Jessica couldn’t stop staring at his arms and I couldn’t blame her. Noah was indeed a fitness buff and he worked damn hard to stay in shape. He didn’t get those biceps and six pack overnight. I remember when he showed me a photo album of his younger years. My dad was such a tiny, skinny little kid. It’s really crazy how people grow and change.
“How’s the pizza?” he asked, while helping himself to a slice.
“Delicious,” Jessica smiled, dabbing the corner of her mouth with a napkin.
I felt Noah’s eyes on me, and I swear it was like they gave off some sort of invisible heat wave of their own, because I literally wanted to fan myself. My face was so hot; probably because I was still embarrassed about him walking in on us dancing.
“Aria, you’re pretty quiet this evening.”
I shrugged. “Don’t have much to talk about.”
Jess looked at me and then at my dad. “Well, I have plenty to talk about!”
She started going on and on about how she was going to go cross country all over Europe in the summer with some of her cousins. I tried to take a genuine interest in all that she had to say, but I was too annoyed to even stay present in the conversation. Noah on the other hand, gave her his undivided attention, occasionally giving me worried glances every now and then, which only seemed to enrage me even more. Not because he was worried, but because of the way he was making me feel.
“Sounds like you’ll definitely have a blast. Aria and I are going to Italy this summer as well.”
“Say what?” those viper green eyes were suddenly glaring at me. “You never told me.”
“That’s because I changed my mind,” I declared very casually and stood up to carry my plate to the sink.
“Funny…I wasn’t aware of this,” Noah turned his head and looked at me.
“Sorry, maybe next summer. Jess, are you done? We have that stupid project to work on still.”
“Um yeah, okay. I’m done eating. Thanks for the pizza, Noah.”
“You’re very welcome.” He smiled that seductively charismatic smile that made every woman melt while I scowled at him, hooking my arm around Jessica’s, and pulling her away as quickly as possible.
“Are you two fighting or something?”
“No, what makes you say that?”
“I don’t know. You’re acting weird around him.”
“Come on, Aria. You’re usually always very affectionate and sweet to your dad whenever I’ve seen you interact with him.”
“Oh,” I paused for a moment. “Well, how observant of you.”
“That’s it? You’re not going to tell me what’s going on?”
“There’s nothing to tell, Jessica,” I answered with a heavy sigh.
“I’m your best friend. You know you can talk to me.”
It was true. She was the only person at my new school that I was closest with, but best friend status? No…not yet. Jade and Ally were my real true blues. I missed them a lot.
“We just had this stupid little argument this morning.”
“Well, clearly it wasn’t little, and doesn’t look like you’re over it since you cancelled your trip to Italy, unbeknownst to Noah of course.”
“I don’t want to get into it. Let’s focus on this project.”
She studied me inquisitively for a while, and then eventually surrendered.
Jessica left my place around 9:30 that evening, and my step mom still wasn’t home yet, so I just barricaded myself in my room and distracted myself with some music. I was listening to some Radiohead while I sat in front of my mirrored vanity, applying a variety of heavy duty cosmetic supplements to my face.
Maybe if I make myself look older, he will notice me in a different way…a more desirable way. Tears streaked down my cheeks, leaving pink track marks as it messed up the blush I had just powdered on.
I finished brushing on some red lip gloss and then evaluated my reflection in the mirror. I hardly recognized myself. I was a hot mess, that’s what I looked like. It felt like I was having a serious identity crisis. I stood up and pulled off my shirt so that I was only in my black push up bra and skinny jeans. Carefully examining my figure, I slowly twisted my body around in different angles, searching for some sort of flaw. My breasts were nowhere near as big as Vanessa’s, but I was a decent C cup. I ran my fingers down my hips and stomach.
Maybe I should get it pierced. I thought, and tried brushing my hair to one side to see if it improved my look. But I felt dissatisfied with the style, and ended up running my fingers through my brown locks really fast in frustration. I think I used too much hair spray, although it did look like I had some crazy sex hair going on.
I stepped into my walk in closet and put on a pair of black six inch heels.
Now I feel really sexy. I thought, as I grabbed my phone and snapped a picture of myself blowing a kiss to the camera, before sending it to Ryan Taylor.
A few seconds later, I heard my phone vibrate.
Text message from Ryan T:
Damn Aria. U r fine as HELL.
I smirked triumphantly, but couldn’t help feeling a little guilty and anxious inside, because the last thing I wanted was my picture being trafficked through hundreds of other cell phones come morning when I walked into school. Well, it wasn’t like I sent him a topless nude photo. I was just in my bra…
I suddenly heard a knock on my door.
“Aria, can I please come in?”
My music was playing pretty loud, so I walked over to my iPod dock and turned down the volume a bit.
The whole Noah Hunter physical side effects started to afflict me again as my heart began to beat erratically. I didn’t bother putting a shirt on. I just pretended not to care or feel embarrassed by my visible indecency.
I contemplated opening the door the at first, but as much as I wanted to move, I was frozen in place, standing in the middle of my room, somewhat naked, dressed like some…street walker?
Clearing my throat first, I finally answered him; “Come in.”
The door slowly swung open and my heart stopped beating for about three seconds when he stepped inside and closed it behind him. Noah’s eyes cascaded over my body from head to toe and it made me shiver as I instinctively reached for my left arm, rubbing it nervously. I felt so shamefully naked in front of him, worried that he could see right through me and mistake my wardrobe experiment for desperation. Was I desperate? I mean, why was I even doing this? Maybe I was in denial. No, it wasn’t desperation. I was just acting out.
The music ironically only added to the seductiveness that surrounded him, shifting the atmosphere of the room upon his presence as if he were some ageless vampire that could psychically compel me to surrender to his will. But Noah wasn’t a vampire, he was very much human and the fact that he had the ability to make me feel this way was such a huge danger to my heart.
“Aria,” his voice sounded gentle, yet deep as he stepped closer to me causing my skin to flare up with fever. If he got any closer I was sure to possibly faint.
“Sweetheart, why do you have all that makeup on? Are you going somewhere?”
I strengthened myself and convinced my wounded ego to step forward and stand tall. “So what if I am? What’s it to you?”
He frowned at me, clearly displeased by my demeanor. “Put a shirt on please.”
Noah folded his muscular arms against his chest and arched a very sexy eyebrow at me.
“You’re in my room. If you don’t want to see me in my bra, then it’s quite simple, leave.” Ouch that was harsh. Now it was clear where I got my temperament from.
“If you refuse to cover up, then I’ll just have to cover you up myself,” he rolled his eyes at me and then pulled off his tank top.
I watched him close the space between us before he put his shirt over my head sliding it down my upper body. It was a useless effort because I defiantly pulled it right off and threw it on the ground before I kicked my heels off. Now we were both barefoot, with no shirt on.
We stood in front of one another, topless, staring each other down. My breasts were covered in my bra, and Noah was naked from his waist up.
I looked at his body, quickly glancing at the rippled muscles on his washboard abs before reluctantly meeting his eyes again. I could’ve sworn he flexed his pectoral muscles, but maybe that was my overactive imagination playing tricks on me.
“We need to talk, Aria.”
“I don’t want to talk. There’s nothing to talk about.”
He sighed and stared deeply into my eyes, as if he was searching for all the right answers in them.
“Why have you changed your mind about Italy all of a sudden?”
I shrugged and ran my fingers through my hair. “I want to go back to New York for the summer. I miss my friends and mom.” It wasn’t entirely a lie.
“I don’t want you living with that bastard again,” he clenched his jaw and knitted his brows together.
“I don’t think Rob will be a problem after what you did to him last time…”
“I don’t care. Look, angel, if you want to spend the summer in NYC because you miss your family and friends, I understand and we can cancel the trip. But I would feel much more comfortable setting you up with safer accommodations.”
It was sweet, what he was offering me. Why did he always have to be so nice and understanding?! It was making me angrier because I wanted him to give me all the more reason to hate him.
“At least let me come and stay with you.”
“No,” I quickly interjected.
He frowned again, and I noticed an exhausted sadness in his eyes as he took one final step closer to me, cupping my face in his hands.
“Aria,” his eyes were piercing right through me. “Please don’t push me away like this,” he said it almost in a whisper.
I trembled, rubbing my left arm again, hoping the goose bumps would disappear faster.
“You have no idea how much it hurts me when you keep me at arm’s length. It’s not even arm’s length with you at the moment. You’ve got me standing behind a brick wall and you’re on the other side.”
It was difficult to process any sort of rational thought because the only thing my brain was registering was;
1. Noah’s standing inches away from me with his shirt off
2. I’m in my bra standing in front of him.
3. I want him.
4. I’m in love with him
5. I shouldn’t be
6. He’s turning me on
7. This music’s turning me on
8. I want to kiss him
9. I want to feel him all over me
10. I shouldn’t feel this way
So many conflicting thoughts and emotions were consuming me all at once.
“That’s hardly an appropriate metaphor to use, Noah. I’m standing right in front of you, minus a brick wall and absent a shirt,” I pointed out the obvious with my hands.
“You know what I meant,” he eyed me carefully and dropped his hands from my face. I felt secretly disappointed inside.
Neither of us moved. We just stood in place, staring at each other as the music played on in the background; alone in our own little messed up universe.
“You really don’t need all this makeup,” he reached out and carefully rolled his thumb over my bottom lip, swiping the red gloss away before brushing his thumb over my upper lip.
My stomach tightened and twisted into knots as my nipples instantly hardened upon his touch. I could’ve smacked his hand away, but I didn’t. Instead, I decided to declare my dominance and stubborn will through useless verbal exchanges.
“Don’t tell me what to do.”
He cocked his head to the side and brushed his thumb over my lower lip again to wipe the rest of the gloss away. “I’m your father. I’m supposed to tell you what to do.”
I glared at him and drained whatever warmth I had in my voice so that I sounded cold and just as venomous as he did this morning when he argued with Vanessa.
“Maybe I don’t want you to be my father anymore.”
I was expecting him to laugh it off or roll his eyes at me, but he just remained silent for what seemed like the longest ten seconds of my life before he finally said something.
“You really know how to cut me deep. That scares me. I hope you didn’t mean that.”
I stared into his ocean eyes and felt the tide turn within them, submerging me into his sea of sorrows.
I did mean it, but only because I didn’t know how to make these feelings disappear. It was virtually impossible for me to carry out a normal father/ daughter relationship with him, and there was no way of making him understand.
“It doesn’t matter,” I shrugged.
His eyes periodically wandered down to my cleavage. “I’m sorry if I’m not doing a very good job in the daddy department. I’m trying my best, Aria—”
“Stop it,” I interrupted him with a protesting hand before he could speak any further. “Stop being the nice guy! Please just stop making me love you anymore than I already do.”
Here we go, the water works were starting again as I struggled to fight the tears back. Noah looked back at me with compassionate eyes. It made my heart squeeze.
“And please, please don’t look at me like that.”
“Like what?” his voice was low and seductive as he locked his gaze on me, refusing to look away, making me fall under the illusion of believing that behind that look in his eyes, held a promise…a promise that he would reveal his soul to me and allow me to see his true self. If only it were true. I knew better though. It was only a figment of my imagination. This was his true self, the loving father who loved his daughter just like any father would. My Erotomania was making me believe that he loved me differently deep down inside. It was part of my disease.
“Like…like that,” I stuttered, continuously switching glances from his eyes to his lips. My body was on fire. I wanted him to touch me so badly, yet we both remained stationary in that same spot, sickly teasing one another, torturing and taunting our demons that danced around us, whispering temptations into our ears, begging us to give into one sinful act that would forever bind them within our bodies, claiming our very identities as their own, drinking our soul’s into unsalvageable nothingness. At least that’s how I saw it in my mind at that moment.
“I don’t know how else to look at you.”
I swallowed hard as he stroked back a strand of my hair and then lightly brushed his fingertips up my arm, guiding my fallen bra strap back over my shoulder. I shivered at his touch, feeling that arousing electrical current that flowed into my body from his fingers.
This man was just too damn beautiful, and my heart was achingly breaking and shattering into pieces with every second that passed in his presence. What a curse and blessing this was. A blessing to even know him and be around him, and a curse to never feel content, because I wanted more; so much more.
He had me under some sort of hypnosis. Maybe it was the music. It must’ve been. I mean, there’s a reason why religious fanatics ban un-Godly music, because it puts you in a state of trance. And when you achieve that trance like state, that’s when so many influential images and thoughts manifest in your mind. Doesn’t the bible technically imply that Lucifer participated in some sort of musical worship? Maybe Satan was to blame. Maybe I was hell spawn, but how could I be a product of the devil when a fallen angel contributed to my creation, and was clearly standing right in front of me? He wasn’t evil, and my mother didn’t even possess an ounce of wickedness that had deeply rooted itself within me.
Perhaps there was some sort of satanic intervention when my mom got pregnant, like that horror flick, Rosemary’s Baby.
I imagined myself as some evil seductress for a moment with hell horns, and then looked back at Noah, imaging white feathered wings appearing from behind his shoulder blades, arched and flapping wide open, like the fallen angel I believed he was. It was possible that he was my only chance at salvation, but I was too corrupted to the core to be saved. All I wanted to do was give into my temptations and contaminate him as well. But you can’t corrupt an angel, the only angel who biblically holds proof that there was such flawed science in the divine creation of the angelic species is Lucifer himself. Noah isn’t Lucifer. He’s not evil. But I am.
My iPod switched tracks and played something slower; like seductive chill out music. As if the sexual tension wasn’t bad enough.
“You should go. Vanessa will be home soon.”
“Why are you so adamant on pushing me away?” he scowled a bit at me.
The distance between us was so small that I could literally feel the heat radiating off his lightly tanned body.
“I…” my voice cracked. “I’m not trying to.”
Noah was breaking through that brick wall I had reinforced around me, and I was freaking out inside because I didn’t want to cry. I really didn’t want to break down in tears in front of him.
“Just talk to me. Please baby,” he gently slid his fingers through mine, holding my hands as I looked down, watching how his slender fingers intertwined around mine with such natural ease. It felt like his hands belonged there. How could I ever communicate these feelings to him without losing him? I never could.
The lyrics of the song were really getting to me. It was almost as if fate was mocking me. Whatever powers that were at work, were clearly making a joke out of me.
My palms were sweaty and my cheeks flushed upon realization. I wanted to pull my hands away, but Noah stopped me and squeezed my hands firmly so I couldn’t untangle my fingers from his.
“It’s okay, I don’t care. I know you’re nervous.”
Apparently he was psychic too. Great. I thought to myself.
“Whatever’s bothering you, or hurting you, you can talk to me, Aria. I love you.”
Hearing him say those three words resurrected my barely beating heart back to life, and then I started to cry because I knew he didn’t mean them in the way I wished he would, and it was just so heart breaking for me. I couldn’t bear it any longer.
“Sweetie, don’t’ cry. Please,” his eyes were sad and I really was trying my hardest to compose myself, but the tears just kept falling.
“Aria,” he whispered my name and gently guided my hands over his shoulders before he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me in flush against his body.
I was hugging him now, and it felt like heaven falling down above my head when he enveloped his masculinity around me. My mascara and eyeliner was super runny as black tears fell on his naked shoulder. I sniffled and tried to stifle my cries.
“Hey, shhh,” Noah slowly caressed the small of my back with his open palm that felt warm to the touch, but it only made me cry more because of what he was doing to me inside. “It’s okay baby girl. Don’t cry.”
I snaked my arms more tightly around his shoulders with such a strong, yearning need, and held on to him as if my life depended on it while he slowly rocked me side to side in rhythm with the music. It felt so soothing, comforting, and erotic all at the same time.
It was such a beautifully haunting melody, and I could really relate to what the artist was singing about. I don’t think we realized that we were basically slow dancing to the music. It all just happened so…naturally.
I had eventually managed to turn off the tap on my emotions as I rubbed the wet mascara tears off my dad’s shoulder. It left a few black smudges.
“Don’t worry about it,” he slowly pulled back and glanced at his shoulder, then flashed a warm, comforting smile at me. “You’re so beautiful. I swear you really don’t need all this makeup.”
I smiled. “I know it doesn’t define my beauty, it just enhances it.” Okay it was a quick witted rebuttal.
Noah chuckled as we kept moving side to side real slow, dancing almost half naked. Why did he always have to smell so good? I rested my head in between the crook of his neck and secretly breathed in his scent, wondering what Vanessa would’ve thought if she walked in on us like this. Maybe she wouldn’t have cared. In some ways I felt she didn’t really love him, because she loved herself more; typical narcissist.
“Yes?” I kept my eyes closed and waited for him to ask me something, but he just hesitated, and then he finally spoke with a heavy sigh.
“I love you.” He said it really slow, and just the way he told me he loved me made my heart flutter and pound violently in my chest.
“I love you too,” I whispered back and then gently placed the softest kiss against the base of his throat. I felt his chest rise and fall as he held me closer and caressed my back so tenderly.
“Are you going to tell me what’s going on with you?” Noah whispered in my ear, sending goose bumps all down my spine. I’m sure he felt them, but I just shook my head in silence.
“Alright, but I’m not letting you off the hook that easily. You’re only getting a get out of jail free card tonight Missy.”
I pulled back and looked into his eyes. I so badly needed him to know that I wanted him to just take me right there and then. Just slam me back against the wall and devour me, and take me with his cock, to forever possess me as his. As if the only way I could ever transition into womanhood is if he made love to me, and my gift to him would’ve been my virginity. I would’ve practically laid it all at his feet. He would’ve had me kneeling before him willingly. The things I would’ve done to that body…
If he only knew, he’d probably think I’m some sort of porno slut in training. How horrible.
There were many nights where I dreamed of waking Noah up by taking his rock hard cock to my mouth and sucking it so slowly in his sleep. By the time he realized what was going on and opened his eyes, he was already ejaculating so hard, releasing wave after wave of cum down my throat, it would’ve been too late to stop and prevent “damage control”. I’ve had countless dreams of him penetrating me in so many positions; spooning, missionary, doggy, reverse cowgirl. I always woke up super wet, especially when I’d dream of him going down on me in my sleep, licking my slick, wet pussy with his warm tongue, teasing my swollen clit while shoving two fingers inside me. Oh god, I was getting really hot. I had to stop these excessive sexual thoughts.
The music slowly faded out and ended. And with that, so did our intimate little encounter as he dropped his arms from my waist and stepped back.
“You need to get a shirt on,” he reached down towards the floor and picked up his shirt. “And I need to finish up some work.”
I couldn’t help but steal a last glance at his flawless body before he covered it up again. No words were exchanged on my part. Instead, I just hugged myself and watched him.
“I’ll be in my study if you need me.”
With a slight nod, I signalled an okay.
“Okay,” he exhaled deeply. “Going now—” Noah didn’t seem to want to take his eyes off me, as he slowly backed towards the door. I just stared at him, with a subtle smile.
He finally turned around and was halfway out the door when he stopped in his tracks. My heart was racing, and accelerating faster as I watched him turn around and walk back over to me in one quick stride, taking my face in his hands and pressing his lips ever so tenderly right against the corner of my mouth, almost touching my lips. Sparks were flying in my head, grand finale fireworks and he wasn’t even full out kissing me. That’s the kind of effect he had on me.
I was happy and disappointed at the same time, because I wanted more. And his sudden act of affection had triggered that same urge inside me that I had almost lost control of when I was in the car with him earlier that morning.
My hands took on a new will of their own as they landed on the sides of his face while I gently pressed my lips against his, over and over and over again, kissing him so sweet and sensually. They were slow, chaste kisses, nothing with tongue, but still arousing for me nonetheless.
I could taste his minty breath and it only made my lips tingle as I left one last tender kiss against his soft lips before pulling back to look at him with fear in my heart.
Noah stared at me, searching and observing me as I surrendered and lost myself under that ocean wave that pulled me closer into his deep blue eyes.
Please don’t leave, please kiss me back. I was aching to be touched.
“I love you,” I said to him, my eyes never leaving his.
He stared at my lips, breathing just as slow as I was, and then gazed into my eyes, intensifying his stare. “I can feel it,” his voice was husky, and incredibly seductive. The energy between us was so emotionally charged that it was overwhelming me and making me want to shy away from his spellbinding gaze.
Noah gently slid his hand down my jaw line, up my chin and then rolled the tip of his thumb over my bottom lip really slow so that my lip softly bounced back in position when he released it. It was so incredibly hot and erotic because for a moment, I was sure he was contemplating kissing me.
I watched him lick his lips before he slowly leaned forward. Oh god this was it, I closed my eyes and anticipated the heat of his kiss, but his mouth didn’t crash down on mine. Instead, he left a long lingering kiss right in the center of my forehead.
“Okay, I’ll get out of your way now. Sleep tight princess.”
He turned around and left, leaving me all alone in my room, totally sexually frustrated. My insides were contracting and my panties were wet. I decided to take a shower, but before stepping into my bathroom, I locked my bedroom door and got completely naked.
I laid down on my bed on my back, spreading my legs and moving my left hand down my stomach, while I touched and fondled my right breast with my free hand. I couldn’t help but writhe and twist, holding back my breathy moans when my fingers finally found my very swollen clit. I began to touch myself, imagining Noah standing in front of me in between my legs, naked, watching me touch myself for him; making his cock incredibly hard. He would start to stroke himself, and groan while shoving his fingers into my pussy with his other hand. I wanted him to rub my juices all over his cock as he was stroking, and just as soon as he got enough pre cum dripping down his dick, I wanted him to wipe it on his fingers and shove it in my mouth so I could suck it all clean and taste him.
Oh god I just couldn’t stop. I kept rubbing my clit faster and harder as the feelings intensified. I was practically digging my toes into my mattress. It was just impossible to stop at this point. Noah’s body was burned into my mind, and I continued to fantasize him jacking off in front of me, until he would shoot a huge, hot load of cum all over my smooth pussy, pushing his cum inside me with his fingers, and then allowing me to suck his dick clean afterward.
Such naughty, sick, twisted thoughts, yet I couldn’t stop as it sent me over the edge reaching a quick, earth splitting orgasm. My body quivered and convulsed as I finally found release.
I stood up and walked into my bathroom, feeling confused and ashamed. The shame always consumed me afterwards, to the point where I’d get depressed about it. I didn’t want to feel this way. Life would’ve been much easier if I didn’t feel this way, but sadly that was not the case.
I didn’t know whether to be elated with joy over my little conquest with Noah earlier, or to cry tears of agony for seducing him and corrupting his soul just a little bit with my sinfully evil deeds. I couldn’t even trust myself anymore, especially around him.
Music Inspired in this chapter:
1.Romantics- Talking in your sleep
2.Epiphony & Mr.Black vs. Beautiful - Drip Drop Rich & Horny (Fabio Loretto MashUp)
3. Radiohead - Nude (City Rain Remix)
4. JMSN - Alone (Kastle Remix)
(All music listed can be found on YT, definitely check them out!)