I Shouldn't Feel This Way - Chapter 3

He pulled out my chair and I sat down across from him scanning my surroundings in awe and curiosity. The restaurant he took me to was definitely upscale and magnificently modern. I was thankful that I wore a formal black dress to court; most of the ladies around me had on fashionable cocktail dresses and heels, very semi-formal to say the least; no one was dressed casually. I personally love wearing heels and I rarely leave the house without a pair of black pumps, unless I’m going to the gym, then the sneakers go on! But on that particular day I had sensibly matched my formal ensemble with a pair of heels.

There was soft chillout music playing in the background and the variety of delicious aromas that wafted in the air from the chef’s kitchen really teased my appetite. I felt too shy to say anything, and tried to focus on the dancing flame of the small white candle that was placed in the center of our table. Still, I felt his eyes on me and prayed that he would somehow break the silence. I was relieved when our server came by to hand us our menus.

“What shall you be drinking tonight, sir?”

He seemed to know exactly what he wanted, because he didn’t even glance at the menu to look at the beverages. Maybe he’d been here before; perhaps with a date? Noah ordered a Spanish red wine and even let me drink a glass, which I thought was totally cool of him. Mom didn’t like the idea of me going to parties and drinking, even though her husband was a damn alcoholic. Sigh.

“So, tell me about yourself, Aria.”

I watched him drink his wine while he gave me his undivided attention. My face was heating up. The way he was staring at me was…doing things inside of me.

“Umm…well, I’m in my senior year of high school.”

“That’s great, how are your studies going?” He folded his hands over the table and looked directly at me, those blue eyes piercing right through me, making me feel naked.

“Good, I don’t have any problems in the world of academia, Noah.”

He gave me a pained expression, as if I injured him. “Aria, you know you can call me dad, right?”

I nodded and took another sip from that exquisite wine. “I know, I just… I don’t feel comfortable calling you that yet. I mean, you haven’t been in my life. You feel like…a stranger to me.”

His frown slowly faded and he nodded understandingly. “I realize that, and you’re right. If you feel more comfortable calling me Noah, go right ahead.”

I suddenly felt guilty, I was sure I hurt his feelings a bit.

“I like your name…” Well, that was a lie, I loved his name.

He smiled warmly at me. “I wanted to name you Aria, did you know that?”

I shook my head.

“You were born just one day before my birthday.”

This was news to me.

“I’m 32 years old now, I’m getting old.” He chuckled a bit and I couldn’t help but smile because I loved the way he laughed, even though it was short and light.

He was far from old. He seriously could’ve passed for 25-27.

“I was very young when I got your mother pregnant.”

“You’re still young.” I blushed and felt embarrassed that he was having this effect on me.

Our server came by the table again to take our orders, distracting my dad long enough for the crimson color that had spread across my cheeks to fade.

Noah ordered some oysters for appetizers and then looked down the menu real quick before he decided what he wanted to eat for the main course.

“I’ll have the Butter Poached Nova Scotia Lobster.”

“Excellent choice.”

“What would you like to eat, sweetheart?”

I couldn’t think. I was freaking out in my mind because my brain was trying to register the fact that he called me sweetheart!

“Ummm...” I sounded way too nervous as I desperately scanned the entrées section of the menu. Everything sounded so fancy and I had never tasted any of these dishes before.

“Do you like pasta? Steak? Fish?” My dad was clearly trying to help me out. Oh god, I bet I looked so stupid.

I quickly decided on a pasta. “I’ll have the Primavera.” I prayed that I pronounced it correctly. It was Fettuccini mixed with Portobello mushrooms, broccoli, black olives & sundried tomatoes in a basil pesto cream sauce. It sounded appetizing enough to eat.

“Truly one of our best pastas. I’ll be back shortly with your appetizers.” Our friendly waiter smiled politely at us while he collected our menus and left the table.

I felt Noah’s eyes on me again, and I started to rub the side of my arm out of habit because I was ridiculously nervous.

“Are you cold?”

“What? Oh, no, I’m fine.” I removed my hand away from my left arm and grabbed my wine glass to take a sip, praying that the alcohol would make my nerves less jittery.

“So, why did it take you this long to acknowledge my existence?” I watched him anxiously as he gazed back at me, searching my eyes for the longest while before he answered;

“I can’t forgive myself for not being involved in your life. I was young and when I finally decided to get away from my family. I really did try to make things right with your mom, but she wanted nothing to do with me. I was angry, and careless... I decided that I’d get a lawyer and fight for my rights to get custody of you while I was in college, but I developed an addiction... I started hanging around the wrong kind of people and before I knew it, I was snorting coke so many times a day that I lost count.”

I couldn’t believe it. This flawless man sitting before me was a junkie at one point.

“I needed to get my shit together...” He quickly paused. “Sorry, I shouldn’t curse around you, it’s a bad habit.” He smiled apologetically.

“I don’t mind, I’m used to it, Rob cusses me out twenty-four seven.”

He looked incredibly outraged by that little tidbit of information. “That pri...”

I assume he was going to say prick, but stopped himself just in time.

“That jerk shouldn’t speak to you like that. I’ll have a word with your mother.”

I just shrugged and folded my hands in my lap.

Our server came by with our appetizers and placed a plate of oysters down in the middle of the table before he set two small white plates in front of us.

“Enjoy.”

“Thank you.” My dad sounded pleasant, but as soon as our server left, he frowned at me.

I watched him shut his eyes for a second, releasing an exasperated sigh from his lips. He opened his eyes and looked at me. “Aria, I’m not proud of myself for abandoning you, in many ways I abandoned myself. I needed to get my life back on track before I could attempt to enter your life again and try to repair our relationship. I managed to kick my addiction, graduated law school, secured a great job at a firm, and I met my wife shortly after on the job, she was a temp there.” He cleared his throat.

Jeez I wonder how many times he bent her over on his desk and banged her brains out before he popped the question. Ugh, I didn’t want to think about it.

“There’s always been this emptiness in my life no matter what or how much I achieved. Nothing filled that void for me. I knew I needed to make contact with you and I know you may find this hard to believe, but I do love you, very much.”

I watched him pull out his wallet and open it in front of me.

“I’ve had this picture of you forever.”

There was a lump in my throat as my eyes welled up with tears. I tried to blink them away as fast as I could so they wouldn’t spill down my cheeks.

“You were only six months old here. Please forgive my absence in your life. I was too young when I got your mother pregnant and the whole pregnancy had freaked me out, which is why I wasn’t involved in your life. I was just a coward and a slave to my family, much to my shame.”

I didn’t know how to feel. I could tell he was being genuinely honest, but I just didn’t know what to say.

He slid his hand across the table and reached for mine. I felt a spark of electricity jolt through my body upon contact and wondered if he felt it too.

“I want you to spend time with me and get to know me better. I want to earn your trust and be the father you always deserved. Come to California with me for the rest of the year, Aria. I promise you won’t need for anything.”

How could I say no to those eyes? He was undeniably charming by nature. There was a huge part of me that wanted to escape my shit hole of a life, escape Rob and my annoying siblings, even my overbearing mother who never protected me from her abusive husband. I wonder how my dad would react if he knew the truth.

“I can get you enrolled in the best school in the state, and the weather’s warm all year round. I know it’s going to be impossible if I ask your mom, but if it’s something you’d like, I’m sure you could convince her.”

And here it was; the decision that changed my entire life and outlook on love and sex forever. It took me long enough to respond, but I eventually did.

“Okay, I’ll come, I’d like that. I think a change of scenery would be good for me.”

“Really? Oh, Aria, I can’t tell you how happy that makes me.”

I watched his face light up and it made my heart flutter because I realized that I enjoyed making him happy.

“Try one of these.” He smiled charismatically at me while pointing at our plate of appetizers.

It was my first time eating oysters and I actually liked it. The rest of our dinner conversation was pleasant and the food was impeccably delicious. I had more questions for him, but for some reason, they didn’t matter at that moment. I just wanted to hear about everything that he was interested in; places he had been, people he had met. It turns out that he was very athletic as well, and had a strict gym regimen five days a week. He was into all the mainstream music genres that I was into, which I thought was totally awesome and he even admitted that he had a few tattoos. We spent two and a half hours just chatting away, laughing and enjoying each other’s company while we indulged in our meals, and within that time frame, I discovered so much about him. It just made me fall for him even more.

He ordered a delicious New York cheesecake for dessert, which we shared between each other. God, he even looked hot when he ate. Time seemed to go by so fast and before I knew it, our dessert plates were cleared.

“Are you all set to go? I should get you home soon before your mother flips out.” He glanced at his watch real quick. It was a Rolex.

I nodded and he paid the bill, tipping our server generously before we left the restaurant. My father was indeed rich. He put on his long black trench coat and helped me get into my jacket as we walked through exit doors and onto the street again. It was dark out and I was totally caught off guard when he took my hand into his. I think he noticed me flinch.

“It’s dark and we’re down town, I don’t want to let you of my sight.”

Oh believe me, I don’t want you to let me out your sight.

We got into another cab and were soon headed back to mom and Rob’s place. I didn’t realize how exhausted I was until the car started moving.

“Are you sleepy baby?”

Oh my god, he called me baby. I’m sorry but this was totally new territory for me. It made me smile.

“Grandpa used to drive me around the neighbourhood in his Cadillac when I had trouble sleeping. He said I’d go out like a lamp within five minutes of driving around the block. I tend to get really sleepy in moving vehicles from time to time. I just didn’t sleep well last night.”

“I bet it was because of today wasn’t it?”

I nodded feeling shy all of a sudden.

He shifted closer towards me, his intoxicating cologne permeating the air while he wrapped an arm around my shoulder. “You can rest on my chest. I’ll wake you up when we arrive at your place.”

I didn’t know how to receive his affections, but there was a part of me that so badly needed it because I was starved and deprived for a long time. His eyes were so warm and inviting, as I gently settled my body against him, resting my head on his chest. His cologne… gosh I needed to figure out what he had on so that I could buy a replica of it. Or maybe I could ask him to give me one of his shirts and secretly spray his cologne all over it…but how would I manage that? It’s not like he’s taking me back to his hotel. But there is the rest of the week…

“Thank you…” I murmured.

“Thank you for allowing me back into your life princess.” He whispered softly in my ear.

Princess? I always experienced the bitterest feeling of jealousy whenever I saw my girlfriends interact with their fathers as they spoke to their daughters so lovingly. But just hearing Noah talk so sweetly to me made me so warm inside, like he was melting my iced up barriers, and knocking down my titanium walls around me so effortlessly.

oOo 
The drive home took about fifteen minutes and I felt uncomfortable when he insisted to walk me to my apartment door. The place we lived in wasn’t exactly the best or most clean apartment building.

“I can’t believe you live here…”

I felt embarrassed and on the verge of tears while we took the elevator up to my floor. It was evident that he wasn’t hiding his distaste at the sight of the abomination of my current place of residence. My dad noticed my reaction and frowned.

“Aria I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you. I just thought your mother’s husband would’ve done a better job to take care of you guys.”

I steeled myself and plastered on a poker face. “It’s fine, I know what you meant. I don’t exactly like living here either, but it’s closest to his job and well that saves money on gas.”

I could feel his eyes studying me, almost as if he was expecting me to cry, but I refused to show such a vulnerable display of emotions. It would’ve felt too awkward. We were standing only inches away from each other and the air seemed to shift between us as we waited in silence. The elevator stopped with a ding when we finally reached the 12 th floor. I was first to walk out and my dad followed, catching up beside me.

It took a short stroll down the purple carpeted hallway for us to reach my apartment door. I stopped and pulled out my keys from my handbag. My heart was beating like a drum. I never felt like this before, even when I went out on dates with the hottest guys from school. Seeing my father had forever ruined me, because no one else could ever compare to his perfection. How could they? He was clearly the hottest man alive.

“Well, this is me.” I glanced at him, showing a hint of an appreciative smile.

“You have my number Aria, you can call me anytime, seriously, if you’re ever in an emergency, or you need to see me, I will fly down on the next available flight.” He looked at me so lovingly, as he cupped my face and kissed my forehead. My blood was singing in my veins.

“Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me, it’s my duty as your father.” He stared so intensely into my eyes that it made me tremble. There was something about him that was pulling me towards him like a magnet. I was finding it difficult to resist that compelling attraction.

I wanted to kiss his cheek but for some reason when I leaned in, my lips caught the corner of his mouth and it was too late to pull back. I was worried at first, because my lips brushed against the edge of his, but just barely. He didn’t move and I was positive I heard him breathe out in the most erotic way. Maybe it was all in my head. Most likely.

I felt him wrap his arms around my waist and pull me into his body, hugging me longer this time, and I enjoyed every second of it.

“I love you my sweet angel.”

My heart swelled with so much emotion as my arms found their way around his neck, hugging him back and taking comfort in the physical exchange of affection between us.

I took a moment to just breathe him in, so that the scent of his cologne would linger in my nose for as long as possible before my step dad’s disgusting cigarette smoke would quickly assault my sense of smell.

“God, I don’t want to let you go.”

Please don’t. I silently pleaded.

“But I have to…” He reluctantly let go of me and my heart sunk because I didn’t want to go inside and say goodbye.

“Good night Noah.”

“Good night baby girl.” He smiled gently and slowly backed away from the door, watching me slip inside. That night was one of the best nights of my life.

“Took you long enough.” Rob glared at me with hateful eyes. He was sitting at the kitchen table with my mom, smoking a cigarette with a bottle of beer in his hand.

“There was traffic.” I lied and quickly ran into my room to lock it before he had the opportunity to yell at me. The man always smelled of booze.

“Aria, Aria!” Mom called after me, but I didn’t want either of them to ruin the evening for me. So I grabbed my iPod and played The Raveonettes- Curse The Night on full blast before I slumped down on my bed and replayed the way my dad hugged me over and over in my head.

oOo 
Noah had just gotten out of the shower inside his penthouse suite at the Royal Majestic Hotel. His six figure salary could definitely afford it. He wrapped a white towel around his V shaped waist and dried off his chest and arms with another towel, stepping towards the bathroom mirror. Noah was in the best shape of his life. He had a pair of washboard abs that looked photo shopped on him, except they weren’t, he worked long and hard to chisel his body into perfection. His wife definitely appreciated it. His chest was smooth with no traces of hair, and there was a tattoo on the left side of his pectoral muscle. It was a tattoo of a black dragon coiled around a bleeding human heart. His daughter’s name was tattooed inside of it. Noah had gotten the tattoo when he was away in college and it definitely held a very special meaning for him. He lightly brushed his fingers over it and smiled.

Once he walked out of the bathroom, he changed into a pair of black boxer briefs and black silk pyjama bottoms before he tossed his body onto his king sized mattress and folded his hands behind his head. He fixed his eyes on the ceiling and started flashing back to the past four hours of his day; seeing Aria for the first time, she had grown up to be such a beautiful young lady, and he wasn’t able to keep his eyes off of her all evening during dinner. He was definitely proud of her, for being so strong, intelligent compassionate and forgiving. He thanked his lucky stars that she didn’t get mixed up with drugs like he did.

She was a slender, delicate little thing, with full sensuous lips, big blue eyes that were somewhat off grey and he absolutely adored her thick black hair that she had worn down that evening, reaching just past her breasts. Her hair color was unique because he noticed that it changed into a dark chestnut color in the sun light. She had her mother’s beautiful hands and a well-endowed chest and derriere, but her eyes were definitely like his. Aria was also quite tall; she was 5’7, while her mom stood at 5’5 in comparison. Both Noah and Emily had definitely created a stunningly, gorgeous daughter together.

He smiled to himself and felt so blessed to have her back in his life and as he entertained all the places he was going to take her when she came to visit, Noah slowly drifted off to sleep.

oOo

“Oh fuck baby that feels so good.”

Loud feral moans and laboured sounds of breathing filled the room as a blond haired woman straddled Noah back and forth quickening her pace.

“Mmmmm yeah, your cock is so fucking big in my pussy.”

“Fuck, Vanessa…” He grabbed her hips and flipped her over on her back, pressing his cock right against her cunt as he shifted his weight above her.

“Yeah baby, give it to me.” She rubbed her fake silicone breasts and motioned him forward until his cock was submerged deep inside of her. His wife let out a loud breathy moan as he began to penetrate her.

Noah buried his face in the crook of her neck and breathed loudly as he pumped her pussy in and out. Something strange started happening amidst their steamy love making.

“Fuck…you’re getting tighter, how the hell are you doing that?” He penetrated her faster as the walls inside her pussy squeezed and contracted around his shaft, it felt like he was taking her virginity.

“Oh god…Vanessa… fuck I’m going to cum!” He groaned and lifted his head up to look into his wife’s eyes, but what he saw completely left him horrified, because it wasn’t Vanessa’s brown eyes staring back at him, it was a pair of blue eyes that belonged to someone else. Long wavy black hair was sprawled out on the pillow around her face and she was dragging her fingernails down his back.

“Aria…”He breathed out while his cock exploded inside of her as soon as he said her name.

Noah’s eyes snapped wide open as he gasped for air. He had a painful erection that was achingly constricted inside his boxer briefs. His breathing was heavy and he had broken a sweat. There was no explanation as to why his daughter showed up in his sex dream like that. It was a nightmare for him. Little did he know that his subconscious mind was trying to send him a message.

Desperate to find some sort of release, Noah tugged down his boxers and pulled out his nine and a half inch cock, quickly jerking off for a minute, while trying his best to focus on the images of his naked wife riding him and not the naked body and angelic face of his daughter that flickered through his mind like snapshots every ten seconds. He stroked his cock so fast that his arm was getting sore, but it was definitely worth the relief. He shot a big load into some tissues before he washed up, and settled back into bed. Noah was indeed a very sexual man; he loved sex and preferred to get laid every single day. He was the kind of guy that loved to dominate his woman in bed, and although he was married, he had been with his fair share of women before he decided to settle down. Needless to say, he was a very experienced lover. But nothing had ever disturbed him so much as the images of his daughter appearing before him while he was making love to his wife.

Noah reached over to the bottle of water resting on his night stand and gulped down a few sips before he reclined back onto his mattress and closed his eyes, convincing himself that it was an accidental mix up that she appeared in his dream. It couldn’t have been any further from the truth.