ARIA “Where is she? Where’s my daughter!?”
“Calm down, Noah—”
“Don’t tell me to calm down! You had no right bringing her back here! You should’ve called me!”
“She was begging me not to contact you, do you hear me? Begging.
That’s how terrified she is of you, and I don’t blame her. You’ve got one hell of a temper.”
I had just gotten out of the shower and was still in my towel when I heard Noah arguing with my uncle outside my door. How did he know where I was? I didn’t think Evan would’ve contacted him. And then it hit me. It was quite possible that Jess let it slip, and Steph
must’ve called my dad and told him where I was. That bitch probably wanted to get me in trouble on purpose. “Aria!”
Oh crap, I was panicking now.
“She’s in the shower, Noah. You seriously need to cool it.”
“You find my daughter drinking under age at some night club, and you didn’t even think to call me first? I’m her fucking father, not you!”
“I don’t understand why you’re so upset. I took care of her. See, this is exactly why she didn’t want me contacting you. She wanted to avoid this.
You’re completely losing it bro. You would’ve just flipped the lid had I called you last night, and getting mad at a teenager while they’re drunk is counterproductive. I brought her back to my place so she could sober up in a safe environment.”
You seriously did not just say that to me. Tell me you did not just say that.
“…uh well, yeah. I did.”
“You’re nothing but a goddamn piece of shit you know that, Evan? I’m on to you. Don’t you dare think for a second that I—”
Okay, I seriously couldn’t take any more of their arguing. So I just stepped out of the bedroom, completely wet and naked, with just that tiny white towel wrapped around my upper body. “Stop yelling at him, Noah!” we stared at one another, and I suddenly felt so incredibly intimidated because that calm ocean in his eyes was polluted with gasoline, and I seemed to be the spark that set the waters ablaze. I could almost feel his fury, but I quickly found my courage and straightened my posture. That magnetic attraction I felt towards him was uncomfortably pulling at my insides. He was still able to turn me on, even while he was unbelievably angry.
“You’re in big trouble
young lady,” his voice sounded threatening.
“Yeah, I figured as much. You’re angry, but don’t take it out on Evan.”
“Aria, don’t worry about it,” my uncle intervened.
“No, let me speak.” I looked at him, and then faced Noah once more. “If you want to completely lose it, then go off on me, because going to Avalon was my
idea. Uncle Evan coincidentally showed up, and he certainly didn’t put a shot glass full of vodka in front of me. We ran into each other just as I was about to leave, and he noticed that I was a little intoxicated. So he brought me back to his place after I begged him not to call you.”
“Stop making excuses for him. He’s the adult, you’re the—” he stopped midsentence and sighed.
“I’m the what
?” I’m pretty sure he was going to say child,
and this really pissed me off. “Well, go on. Say it, Noah,” he stared at me and I held his gaze without blinking once. I knew he was raging on the inside, and attempting to make me back down and not argue with him, but I wouldn’t obey. I refused. My heart was pounding as he took a few steps forward and closed the gap between us.
are my very irresponsible
teenage daughter, and I’m extremely disappointed in you,” something had changed in his eyes. I couldn’t see that tidal wave of fire anymore. The ocean was still again, and eerily lifeless. He looked…hurt
. “Get dressed, Aria. I’m taking you home.”
I wanted to argue back and shout at him. I wanted to be a drama queen and make a big scene, to get under his skin and push him over the edge, but I just couldn’t. His expression made my heart sink, and I couldn’t stand the humiliation of being scolded and punished in front of Evan. So I swallowed my pride, turned around, and did as I was told. oOo
“Stay away from my daughter, Evan. I mean it.”
“What are you going to do, get a restraining order? She’s my niece.”
“That’s a very good idea. I think I’ll personally serve you with the papers myself. The next time you try and pull a stunt like this as a favor to me, I’ll thank you with my fist.” “Will you please just stop?”
I cried out in frustration as I walked out of the guest room. I was wearing my skimpy club outfit and heels, and noticed that Noah had this horrified look on his face when he turned his head. I think his mouth dropped a little as he gawked at me. Evan on the other hand, looked amused.
“You wore that
last night…to a club…filled with horny men that could’ve swarmed you like vultures!?”
“Um…yeah,” I muttered. “And I didn’t get swarmed.”
“We’re leaving. Now
,” he glared at me and grabbed my hand before facing his brother “I don’t want to see your face again.”
My uncle folded his arms against his chest and rolled his eyes while he chewed on some gum. I looked back at him and mouthed ‘I’m sorry’
as my dad practically dragged me down the hallway with him. He gave me a sympathetic smile and gestured that he would call me with his hand. oOo
The car ride back home was more than awkward. I was expecting Noah to completely let loose and blow up, but he didn’t say a word. There was just this uncomfortable silence between us, and he wasn’t even road raging. Not yet anyway. Oh god, it’s the calm before the storm,
I thought to myself. The stillness was really bothering me, so I turned on the stereo. He had a Dubstep mix playing, which I didn’t mind at all. I set the volume on low and sat back watching palm trees go by, as I looked out my passenger window. A couple seconds later, I heard the sound of a Zippo lighter, and then the smell of nicotine assaulting my nostrils. Hesitantly, I turned my head and looked at him. “What the hell? Since when do you smoke?” now I had something to be angry about.
“My smoking habit is none of your concern,” he devotedly took a deep puff from that cancer stick and flashed a sardonic smile before he tapped the ashes out the window. Ugh,
Noah so did that on purpose to get a rise out of me.
“I’ve never seen you smoke,” I looked at him in disbelief.
“You’ve never seen me do a lot of things.”
“You always say that. I’m being serious, Noah.”
“So am I.”
I rolled my eyes at him and folded my arms in my chest before I looked out my window again. Did I really want to instigate an argument? Not really. “You’re going to smell like an ash tray,” I started to cough and lowered my window down all the way. The blaring sound of the car horn startled me and made me jump in my seat. He cursed under his breath and flicked the cigarette out the window.
“Happy now?” those icy blue eyes pierced right through me as we stopped at a red light. I wanted to hide, but there was nowhere to hide or run.
“Why don’t you just yell at me since you’re so obviously pissed off? I’m sure you’ll feel a lot better,” but he said nothing, and kept his eyes on the road. The light turned green, and we were moving again. “Are you going to ignore me now as punishment for giving you the silent treatment these past few weeks?” I was somewhat freaking out inside, because I had no clue how I was going to endure getting the cold shoulder from him for an extended period of time. Maybe this was all I wanted all along; attention. Well, I certainly attracted the wrong kind to myself.
“We both know what happens when we argue,” Noah finally answered me.
“Yeah, I know. I push your buttons, you push mine. I hurt you, your hurt me and then we—”
“And then we what?” he glanced over at me and turned down a street.
I wanted to say we kiss and make up,
but for some reason it didn’t feel appropriate. Oh, who was I kidding? I didn’t say it because I felt insecure. These past weeks had been rough on me, and I had been feeling like he didn’t love me the same anymore. My step mom was doing a good job stealing Noah away from me.
“Finish what you were going to say, Aria,” he stopped at another light and locked his eyes on me.
“...we come to a resolution,” I murmured. Not exactly a save.
“Well, we’re failing in that department lately, aren’t we?” there was nothing but sarcasm in his tone.
“I’d rather you get mad and lose your temper on me than to watch you deteriorate your health because of the stress I’m giving you.”
“Is that what you think you’re doing?” he narrowed his eyes and cocked his head to the side as the most condescending smile spread across his lips. “And correct me if I’m wrong, but did you just admit to deliberately stressing me out?”
“Noah, you know
why I haven’t exactly been…” I hesitated. “Friendly
with you lately. Last night was just an act of teenage rebellion.”
“You need to get over what happened.”
“The same way I’m expected to get over what happened between you and me?”
“You’re digressing from the subject at hand.”
“We’re not in a courtroom, Noah. And this certainly isn’t some deposition
, so stop cross examining me.”
“Is someone interested in law school now?”
just way too smart for their years.”
“Your actions last night prove otherwise,” the light turned green and he turned his attention back on driving. “By the way, I was referring to you and Vanessa.” Oh god.
“I’m not interested in making up with her. All those things she said to me were out of line and she knows it.”
“You say you want to be treated like an adult, then act
like one. Adults communicate. Adults listen to each other, and work together when trying to repair relationships.”
“The same way you’re trying to repair things with Evan?” it was my turn to throw some sarcasm back in his face.
“Don’t go there, Aria.”
“Why not!? You pretty much stormed into his place and treated him like he committed a crime, abducting me and holding me hostage against my will.”
“I’m your legal guardian, not him!” Noah honked the horn again as he pushed his foot down hard on the brake pedal. I felt my body jerk forward, and I’m sure if I didn’t have a seatbelt on, I would’ve gone right through the wind shield. Someone had cut him off. He cursed out loud and switched lanes. We were both quiet for a while, until I finally broke the silence.
“She doesn’t give a shit about me.”
“I think you have it the other way around,” he looked over at me from the corner of his eye while I just sat there letting his words sink in. I felt a little guilty because it wasn’t like my step mom had it out for me. From the moment I moved in with them, she was nothing but overtly nice to me. My feelings for Noah had clouded my judgement and turned me into some villainous uber bitch.
People do desperate things for love. Was I just a desperate and jealous lover? Maybe the only viable explanation was that I was so starved of love, that I couldn’t fathom sharing him with someone else. Maybe loving Noah only brought out the worst in me, not the best. My heart weighed heavily in my chest as I blinked back tears and tried to drown in the music instead of my despairing thoughts.
“What’s going on in that pretty little head of yours?”
“A train wreck,” I suddenly felt a gust of wind blow through my hair as the roof of the car began to retract back. Noah put on his sunglasses and turned up the volume as we cruised down the freeway. I was relieved in a way, because I didn’t want to open up and sift through all those ugly emotions inside me. oOo
“So, I’m assuming you haven’t had breakfast yet,” I notice that my wife isn’t home by the time Aria and I get through the door, which means she’s at her morning yoga class.
“Well, Evan was in the middle of making some, but—”
“Get changed, I’ll make us some scrambled eggs,” just the idea of him cooking for her really pisses me off for some reason.
“You haven’t eaten yet?” she looks surprised.
“I woke up, showered, saw that you weren’t home, and knew I had to hunt you down. Eating breakfast wasn’t exactly first priority on my list.” Whoa, is she blushing?
“How did you know where I was anyway?”
“Does it matter?” I watch her ponder that thought for a moment before she decides to head into her bedroom and change. Fuck, that dress is so damn tight and short.
I never would have let her out of the house in that. oOo
I’m busy scrambling some eggs by the stove when I feel a pair of slender, feminine arms wrap around my waist.
“I’m sorry,” Aria quietly confesses.
How can I stay mad at her? It’s honestly impossible. She just has this way of completely controlling every single emotion inside me, even the ones I thought I could never feel. I stand there for a moment and just enjoy the feel of her body against me. I seriously miss this; the contact, the closeness…
“Please don’t stay mad at me,” she gently kisses my back and I feel my body tense up. Now is really not a good time to be getting a hard on.
“I’m not mad, Aria. I’m just…disappointed. You lied to me. I trusted you enough to let you stay over at your friends when I could’ve just kept you grounded. Your silent treatment hasn’t exactly been pleasant, and I know you’ve been sneaking around behind my back to see Evan.”
“I wouldn’t have to sneak around behind your back if you would just let me see him,” she answers and loosens her arms a bit.
“I told you why I don’t want him around you,” I turn around and practically regret it because she’s wearing short shorts and a white bikini top that’s showing off way too much cleavage. But I cup her face in my hands and desperately try not to stare at her breasts. “You’ve only known Evan for a few weeks. I’ve known him all my life. Why can’t you trust what I tell you?”
“Because I believe that people can change.” My sweet, naïve little girl
…she has no idea how twisted people can be. “Aria, I’m just trying to protect you.”
“I don’t want or need your protection. All I’m asking is that you give him a chance. He practically saved me last night.” You’re just jealous because he comes out looking like a hero while you’re labelled as the dick. Remember what Dr. Grey told you? Keep your friends close…and your enemies closer.
There’s that nagging voice again…right on time. “Fine,” I drop my hands from her face.
“Yeah, but on one condition.”
She looks at me, waiting for my response.
“You can see him as long as I’m there with you too.”
“That’s even better. You two really need to bond anyway, being brothers and all
“I’m not interested in bonding with him. I’m interested in making sure that bastard doesn’t poison your mind,” this conversation’s already starting to exhaust me. It’s irritating when she doesn’t take me seriously.
“You really need to forgive people you care about.”
“I don’t care about Evan,” I admit with bitterness.
“That’s a lie and you know it,” she arches an attractive eyebrow at me. Fuck. You could take her right here, Noah. Just lift her up on that counter and fuck her brains ou—
“Um, I think your eggs are burning.” Shit.
Pop goes that fantasy.
Those X rated images quickly evaporate from my mind as I turn around and turn off the gas stove before I dump the eggs in the garbage.
“I’m more of a cereal person anyway,” she laughs and leans against the counter as I place the hot pan in the sink.
“You distracted me.”
“It’s nice to know I still can,” her tone is flirtatious and I’m so tempted to flirt back, but I try and utilize what Grey taught me during our last therapy session.
“I miss you,” she snakes her arms around my neck and pulls herself so close to me that I feel her breasts press right against my chest. Officially rock hard
. This is so wrong. I wish my body wouldn’t react this way, but it does. It’s frustrating as fuck.
“Don’t think I’m letting you off the hook that easily missy. I’m still mad at you for what you did last night,” I stare into her eyes and see a reflection of myself. Does that make me narcissistic to love her to this degree because she’s a part of me?
“Tell me what I can do to make it up to you,” she leans forward and places a trail of soft, sensuous kisses along my jawline. I know exactly what she’s doing. But I don’t want her to stop.
“Make nice with Vanessa.”
“Done,” her lips are gliding down my neck now as I battle with myself to not reciprocate her affection.
“No more silent treatments with me,” my hands take on a will of their own as I start to caress her hips.
“You got it,” she’s kissing my neck really slow, resting her palm right on my heart chamber. My animal instincts are telling me to relinquish control and completely ravage her with my cock, but I ignore those impulses and gently ease her arms away from me.
“And we can’t do this
anymore,” I gaze deeply into her eyes and feel like shit because I know I’m hurting her.
“Because you’re married?”
“No, Aria. It’s because I’m your dad
, and you’re my daughter.”
“Is that the only barrier that’s keeping you from being with me?”
“I’m a husband, and a man of morals, not to mention the fact that I’m a lawyer. I can’t break the law. What transpired before between you and me…” I’m at a loss for words as I huff in frustration. “It was wrong.”
“Spare me the criminal law bullshit, Noah, please
. You’re a closer, not a district attorney.”
“I was an associate working under the D.A before I transferred to my firm. And I’ll have you know that I did
get promoted to head litigator, so I’m very familiar with criminal law. I used to help put bad guys away, and now look at me. I’m the biggest fucking hypocrite ever!”
“Fuck the law!”
she cries out in anger. “You’ve already broken so many rules! You can’t take it all back now. It’s too late, and I told you that I can’t go back and pretend like everything we shared didn’t happen,” her eyes betray so much inner turmoil and I know I’m responsible for it.
“Can we ever survive a day without arguing?” I just don’t know how I can do any damage control now. That’s the whole reason why I decided to see Dr. Grey again. I have no idea how I can take it all back and normalize things between Aria and me. I’ve always been excellent at resolving and handling just about anything, especially in regards to my profession. But when it comes to my daughter…she’s my only weakness. I can’t fool her, I can’t lie to her, and I certainly can’t manipulate her like I do on the job. It’s a necessary tactic in order to be a successful lawyer, and also one of the reasons why I even made it to senior partner.
“You’re right about one thing, Noah. You are
a hypocrite. I’ll make up with Vanessa. I’ll even keep my hands off of you from now on,” I feel my heart sink when she says this. The idea of no physical contact with her…hurts. “But I refuse to live a lie and pretend. And you know exactly
what I’m talking about,” she looks at me with all seriousness, and then leaves the kitchen because I have nothing else to say.
Well, that went well. I want to go after her. Every part of me is desperate to just give in and show her exactly what she means to me, but I resist and resolve that it’s best to keep my distance for the moment. It doesn’t help when she gets me so turned on like this. I don’t trust myself around her. She really has no idea how many times I have sex with her in my mind, in my dreams, day and night. I feel like that corrupted, shadow half of me grows stronger every day, and I’m finding it more difficult to stay in charge and keep him locked up. I have no idea why she makes me feel this way, but it’s definitely one huge mind fuck.
I thought sleeping with my wife would fix my problem,
but it hasn’t. Yes, I was sex deprived for a while, but it hasn’t stopped me from fantasizing about Aria. Every time I’m in close proximity to her, I’m resisting the way my body naturally gravitate towards her. She usually gives in and gravitates towards me anyway. It’s like this never ending dance that we do around each other. Will it ever end? At this point I’m losing hope for any sort of redemption. oOo
ARIA June 8 th 2013 12:03 AM Dear Diary, Today was a shitty day. It wasn’t easy apologizing to my step mom when she came home, but surprisingly she wasn’t mean about it and accepted my apology. Things with Noah and I were pretty awkward all day. I think he was avoiding me just as much as I was trying to avoid him. So, I called Jess and she came over in the afternoon. We hung out by the pool in our bikinis, sunbathing. She told me that Steph was the one who called my dad (which doesn’t surprise me at all). Needless to say, I’m not friends with that skank any more. Things are just going to be weird at school. Not looking forward to that on Monday. Thankfully there’s only a few weeks left before graduation. I should be hearing back from the universities I applied to very soon. I sent applications to several different schools. I really wanted to go to Berkley because it’s in California, which means I wouldn’t have to leave Noah. But ever since the drastic revolution between us, I definitely prefer to leave ASAP and study out of state. At this point I’m even happy studying abroad to get as far away from him as physically possible. I think I want to study languages, either Italian or French. Or maybe I’ll just fly to Paris and try to launch my modelling career. Evan might be able to help me with that…. I was surprised to find an email from ‘Dr. Alexander Grey’ in my inbox. It pisses me off that Noah still won’t leave me alone about the whole therapy thing. I don’t want or need counselling. I know exactly what’s going on and I don’t need some quack doctor to tell me that. The man was polite in his email, but I wasn’t really motivated to respond…so I didn’t. I really don’t know what to do about my feelings for him. It’s not like I can magically make them disappear. I’m in love with Noah…and I thought he was in love with me too. It seriously hurts my heart to know that he’s sleeping with Vanessa every night instead of me. I know it sounds sick, but I never anticipated any of this to happen in my life. I never thought I’d even be in a situation like this. I’m positive that if I Noah raised me, I would never have felt this way about him. But that paternal bond between us never developed. I just can’t look at him as a father figure. He’s dead handsome for one, and the sexual attraction I feel is just too intense. It’s so hard to ignore it day in and day out. Most days I just want to cry…and I usually do, at night…like I am right now. Shit, how many more diary entries do I need to smudge with tears? So done right now. Yours truly, -The unfortunate, unhappy
I closed my diary and wiped my tears away. Why do I always do this to myself?
People listen to music to help them feel better, not to trigger more pain inside which will inevitably lead to crying your eyes out. I guess I really was an emotional masochist. I’d been raping the replay on this one song for the past week, and it made me cry every time. Sean Ryan’s
voice was just too amazing to skip on my playlist, even though his lyrics opened the flood gates inside me.
The lights were off and I had lit a trail of cinnamon scented tealight candles along my white dresser and night stand. I liked the way the warm glow of the flames made my room look cozier. Sleep wasn’t going to come any time soon, so I reclined against my mattress and stared up at the ceiling. I was lost in a sea of thoughts when I heard someone knock on my door. Oh god, that better not be Vanessa. I’m really not in the mood for some lame girl talk.
I thought in semi panic. “Aria, it’s me. Can I come in?”
Oh crap, it was Noah. Why did he want to see me? I wasn’t blasting my music, so that couldn’t have been the reason. I sat up straight and ran my fingers through my hair real quick before I answered him. “Yeah, it’s fine.”
My bedroom door opened and I had to hold my breath because I was once again in the presence of a God.
,” he smiled sheepishly at me.
“Hey,” I tried to mime his expression, but failed. “You don’t look like you’re dressed for bed,’” I was only in a white T and shorts, while he was still dressed in a pair of ripped jeans and a black tank top.
“Yeah, I was about to head to bed, but I thought I’d just come in and check on you.”
“I’m alright. Can’t really sleep, so I’m listening to music,” I didn’t think I’d ever get tired of staring at him. In my eyes, (and I’m pretty sure in the eyes of many straight women and gay men) he was the epitome of perfection. I was pretty confident that he had the ability to turn a lesbian straight over night. Noah just possessed this intoxicating sex appeal. I couldn’t help but secretly drool over him every time I had the viewing pleasure of seeing the demigod
“I used to do that whenever I had trouble sleeping,” he replied and looked around at the candles in my room. “Is that apple cinnamon?”
“Yeah, I’m sort of obsessed with scented candles.”
“Smells nice,” Noah answered and sat down on the edge of my bed. Not as nice as the way you smell.
I commented, privately. He met my eyes and held my gaze for a moment. It was difficult to read his expression. The only thing I could feel was this elephant stampede that was occurring in the pit of my stomach.
“Are you doing okay? I wanted to talk to you earlier, but I didn’t want to disrupt your time with Jess.”
“Yeah, I’m fine,” no I wasn’t. I was dying inside and craving his touch, his kiss, his love. Four weeks of Noah deprivation felt like months spent trying to survive in the Sahara Desert with a dangerous shortage of food and water. And I was down to the last few drops. How was I going to survive, knowing that he didn’t want me anymore? He was nothing more than a mirage now; like he was there, but not really there. Not in the way I wanted him to be. It was torture because I so badly wanted to just reach out and touch him, but I knew I couldn’t. Whatever hopes and dreams I had of him, quickly took the form of an illusion in my mind. And the realization of that was depressing as hell.
“You don’t look fine. You look like you’ve been crying,” he frowned at me.
“No, I wasn’t,” goddammit, why did he always have to notice? I hated how he could read me so well.
“I feel like crap. I just want you to know that.”
“And that’s supposed to help me feel better?” I glowered at him because I could smell faint traces of nicotine. “You seriously need to quit before you really get addicted.”
“Well, it’s either become addicted to smoking or become addicted to—” but he stopped himself. “Addicted to…?”
I sighed and decided to lie down. He always managed to make me feel so vulnerable. As much as I hated it, maybe now wasn’t the time to push him away. Maybe it was time I pulled him closer to me and made him realize how right it was to feel this way about each other.
“I don’t like making you cry,” his eyes never left my face.
“How are you so sure I’m even crying over you? That’s a little cocky of you to assume.”
“Because I know that I hurt you, and I understand how you feel—”
“Do you?” I cut him off. “I mean, do you actually
understand me, Noah? Or are you just saying that to make yourself feel better?”
“You think this isn’t hard for me?” he knitted his brows together. “You honestly believe I’m not torn about what’s happened to us? My conscience weighs heavier than yours, Aria.”
I was so mad inside, but I knew the reason why I felt this way was because I was hurting deep down. And as tempting as it was to push him away, all I was screaming for was to be held and comforted. I missed him so much. Ignoring him for so long was a difficult task, but I had my anger to fuel me during moments of weakness. When I let all of that go today…I felt like I didn’t have any armor on anymore. My eyes welled up with tears as I stared up at the ceiling again and desperately wished to turn into a robot that was absent of a human heart.
“Don’t cry, please,” he softened his tone and lay down next to me. “Baby, look at me,” Noah coaxed my chin in his direction just as a tear spilled down my cheek. I was slowly falling apart from the inside.
“I know I said that I don’t need you to protect me, but can we just forget about that for tonight? Because I really need you right now,” I started to choke on stifled sobs as I broke down in front of him, placing my pride beneath my feet and exposing my weakness.
“Sweetheart, I’ll always protect you,” he admitted earnestly in a soft, soothing tone. “Whether you want me to or not, it’s like second nature to me,” Noah pulled me into the safety of his arms, and allowed me the opportunity to relieve myself of all the hurt and agony that I had bottled up inside. I buried my face in his chest and cried in silence.
“Shhh...it’s okay. I’m here,”
he gently rubbed my back as I hugged my arms to my chest. He held me for the longest while, and whispered sweet words of comfort in my ear. The warmth of his body, his affection and gentle caresses were healing and injuring me. Because as good as it felt to be this close with him and feel such intimate contact, it only ripped open wounds that weren’t anywhere close to healing inside my heart. He only made me crave more from him, and I knew I desired things that he could never give me. It was a crushing reality, but one I had no choice but to accept. You can’t force someone to want you, or love you the same way. Maybe I had trapped him into giving me what I wanted, because he didn’t want to lose me. That shameful thought only made me feel like a manipulative person. I still remembered that night on the Ferris wheel. Noah had this look in his eyes when I told him I was going back to NYC. He was so scared to lose me. Maybe he was trying to give me what I wanted when in reality…it wasn’t what he
wanted. If that was the case, then he was an extremely good actor, deserving of an Oscar
. All these ‘what if’s’
suddenly popped into my head, and it only made me cry more.
“Aria, talk to me. Just let it out.”
“No,” I struggled to speak. There was still that uncomfortable lump in the back of my throat.
“You should go. I’m sure Vanessa’s waiting up for you,” I sniffled and kept my eyes closed. His chest was my only shield at the moment and I preferred to hide my face in it.
“She’s passed out on sleeping pills upstairs, and even if she wasn’t, I wouldn’t leave you while you’re crying like this," Noah kissed the top of my head and ran his fingers through my silky hair.
“I wish I could hold you,” I whispered into his shirt.
he whispered back, and guided my right arm around his waist. Oh god, it felt so good to touch him.
How did I ever end up in such a romantic Shakespearian
tragedy? What did I ever do wrong in life to deserve this?
“Try and open up to me. I promise I won’t lecture you. I’ll just listen,” his voice was gentle and modulated, which made it pleasant to listen to. I always enjoyed listening to him, because Noah had this incredibly sexy bedroom voice. But he was offering me the spotlight at the moment, so I had a choice to make. I felt his hand brush down my spine, sending chills all over my body, before he rested it at the small of my back. Apprehensively, I took a deep breath and pressed the side of my cheek against his hard pectoral muscles as I hugged his body closer.
“I’m a mess, Noah,” I paused and tried to think for a moment.
“Don’t think. Just let it all out. You’ll feel better afterwards.”
I seriously doubted that. “I’m just afraid.”
“What are you afraid of angel?” Noah began to caress my back with a lazy hand. Oh god, I could feel my nipples hardening. Why couldn’t I just be asexual?
Then he wouldn’t have this power over my body, and I wouldn’t think of perverted fantasies starring him every day. I wished he was telepathic. It would save me the trouble of having to actually
say the words. I could just think them.
“I’m afraid you’ve been pretending to be attracted to me so that I wouldn’t leave like I threatened I would when we were on the Ferris wheel that night.”
“Aria, look at me.”
I refused, until he practically lifted my chin for me. There was no way to avoid those brilliant blue eyes now. Crap, why did he have to be devastatingly handsome? My heart was frowning, big time.
“I know I can pull off a hell of a poker face, but I would never pretend
to be attracted to you. I have a hard enough time struggling with all these emotions. Most times I feel like I need to check myself into a psychiatric hospital. Being your father and having to pretend
to feel attracted to you is just…wrong
. I would never do that. I battle with myself so much because every time I’m around you, I can’t focus on anything apart from this raw, intense attraction I feel. It’s wrong on so many levels. At one point it was so strong that I gave in to it and acted on some of my desires with you.” Some of his desires? Is there a list?
I wondered, feeling a little bit better.
“If you’re second guessing whether my actions were real or not, then allow me to speak off the record and just be honest with you,” he stroked the side of my cheek and searched my eyes. I was drowning in his beguiling beauty, so much that I could hardly focus on what he was about to confess to me.
“Everything- and I mean everything
that happened between us was real.” Was? It is real. “
It’s what I wanted, but I’m also at fault because I’m responsible for your wellbeing. And what I did with you,” he paused for a moment, struggling with his words. “It was wrong baby girl. Fathers aren’t supposed to lust after their teenage daughters.”
“I’ll be eighteen next year,” I added.
“You’re barely seventeen right now.”
“My birthday is only two months away.”
“It doesn’t matter. Look, my point is that no matter what age you are, I’m your father and you’re my daughter. You’re a part of me, Aria. You’re my flesh and blood.”
“I’m also part of your soul,” my cheeks heated up as I said this. “…a missing piece of your soul. Don’t you see that when you look at me?”
Silence befell upon us as we just stared into each other’s eyes.
“I often look at you and I stand in awe because I have no idea how I created such a divine person that outmatches not only her mother in beauty, but her father as well. Sometimes I feel like I never created you,” he bent his right elbow up and rested his head in his hand.
“Why do you say that?”
“How could two people who are so imperfect, create such perfection?”
“I’m not perfect, and that’s not how I see you,” I candidly confessed.
“You’re too evolved for your age in every aspect. It’s like you’re not human. How could I have possibly made you? I often wish I didn’t.”
It warmed my heart to hear him say this.
“Then what am I? Because it’s pretty clear I’m far from being some heavenly angel.”
Noah took a deep breath and pressed his lips to my forehead as the song changed to Ocean Lab- Sirens of the Sea
. He was silent for a moment, and I think he was concentrating on the lyrics.
“You’re a Siren
,” his eyes lit up. “Are you familiar with Greek mythology?”
“Yeah, a little.”
“Well, Sirens were considered to be very beautiful and dangerous creatures. You could compare them to modern day femme fatales
who lured men that were voyaging by sea. They used their enchanting music and voice to shipwreck the sailors on their island. The Siren’s song had an appeal that was hard to resist, and once a man was drawn in…the outcome for them was not exactly a very happy one.”
“Are you saying I’d ship wreck you?”
“You’ve already ship wrecked me.”
He stared so deeply into my eyes as we both said nothing. I kept glancing at his lips, feeling this burning desire to just lean in and kiss him.
“Most times I feel like I’m floating in the middle of an ocean all by myself with no life jacket, no boat, just clutching a piece of drift wood whenever I’m around you. I’m literally helpless. I hear you calling out to me, I can even see you,” he reaches out and caresses my cheek again. “But I can’t swim to shore.”
“They call it Greek Mythology for a reason. It’s only a myth. A logical, rational minded Noah Hunter would swim to shore.
“A logical, rational minded Noah Hunter
would rather drown alone at sea and get eaten by sharks than to allow that Siren’s voice to lure him towards her island.”
“Why? It’s not like she’d be the death of him. What sort of doom and gloom entails this silly myth?”
“Well, think of it this way…if he were ever on that island, he’d never want to leave.”
“So she would hold him hostage?”
“Technically no. He knew he would fall head over heels in love with her if he swam to shore. She was a Siren and incredibly beautiful. He would become enslaved by her beauty. And most importantly, how could any man leave behind the woman he loved once a ship would come to his rescue?”
“Well, that’s easy. Had he decided to go to her, he could’ve taken her with him.”
“She was trapped and bound to that island.”
“Then he should’ve just stayed and lived there with her. I’m sure society was boring enough to abandon in ancient times.”
“You’re missing the point,” Noah chuckled light heartedly.
“I’m not. I get your point. I guess I’d just rather be a Siren
than your daughter.”
He gave me a sympathetic smile and brushed the hair out of my face. “He did
want to stay with her. He didn’t even have to think twice about it. In fact, he would’ve given up his life, his career, everything, and just lived with her forever on that island. But you know why he didn’t?”
I shook my head.
“Because he knew that enchantingly beautiful Siren was
his daughter. He set sail looking for her for many years, expecting to find her in some offshore town, but no matter where he looked, he never found her. When he heard the Siren’s song in the middle of the sea, he was entranced by the melody. And when he approached her island and saw her beautiful face through the looking glass of his telescope, he was mesmerized and heartbroken at the same time, because he knew who she was.”
“How did he know?” I asked, curiously.
“She was a broken part of his soul, and when one half finds the other…they just know.”
I blushed a bit and tried to hide my smile. “Why was he heartbroken?”
“Because he was in…” he paused briefly, and once again I was left to draw my own hypothesis. I could’ve sworn he was going to say ‘in love’.
“He was in despair. He wanted to save her and he knew he should resist her call, yet he couldn’t.”
The song continued to play in the background, adding to the magical atmosphere of the story that Noah was narrating. I kept imagining myself as this beautiful Siren, sitting on top of a rock as huge waves crashed on the shore, while I called out to him in song. With every note that I sang, I held onto the hope that he would follow the sound of my voice and swim to shore. “So what does he do?” I rubbed the dragon tattoo on his chest through his shirt in slow, circular motions and gazed up at him.
“He jumped ship and chose a torturous fate for himself, because her face was the last face he wanted to see, and her voice was the last voice he wanted to hear before he died.”
“But why did he choose death?”
“Because he knew that a Siren’s life span was short lived. If a mortal ignored her song and passed the island, she would die. So, with that being said, he chose to die with her.”
“That’s so sad.”
“Well, I told you the conclusion wouldn’t be a happy ending.”
“I would swim to shore and save you,” I felt so exposed admitting this to him as I stared into his eyes, losing all sense of time.
“I know you would,” he flashed a hint of a smile.
“For the record, that Siren didn’t shipwreck him. He shipwrecked himself.”
“If he never heard her song and saw her face, he never would’ve shipwrecked himself to begin with. So she’s held entirely accountable for that,” he smirked at me while I looked at him in defeat.
“I’m not a danger to you.”
“You are. You just have no idea how dangerous.”
He made me shiver when he slid his hand on my hip. Was now a good time to reveal the way I saw him in my eyes? Noah was practically Adonis
“Do you feel any better?”
I wasn’t crying anymore, so I guess that was a plus. I nodded and shied away from his eyes.
“Do you regret going as far as you did with me?”
“I’m going to plead the fifth,
and decline to answer that question.”
“I thought we were speaking off the record?”
“Yes, but if I told you the truth, I’d be self-incriminating myself.”
I sighed and then buried my face in his chest again. It wasn’t long before I suddenly felt him tracing two letters on my back with his index finger. N…O.
There was my answer. My heart began to do cartwheels in my chest as I struggled to keep myself grounded. His subtle confession had sent me soaring. “I wish I could kiss you,” I foolishly admitted.
“I know,” he swallowed hard and caressed my face with a gentle hand.
“I don’t know how to stop these feelings, Noah,” my voice cracked as I started to tear up again. There was sadness in his eyes as he tried to comfort me. “I really don’t know how to forget everything that happened between us.”
“It’s my fault baby. I don’t blame you for any of this.”
“Maybe you should stop blaming yourself and just accept it.”
“I tried to. I can’t. I don’t want to destroy you. I’ve already corrupted your innocence to a traumatic degree.”
“I was already corrupted way before I met you,” how could he honestly believe that he corrupted me?
“Then I’ve scarred you for life,” Noah stated with a heavy sigh.
“You haven’t,” I slowly wrapped my leg over his and hugged his body. The contact made me feel so complete. All my life I never felt like I fit in anywhere, but when I was in Noah’s arms, I felt like I belonged.
What did I have to do to get this unattainable man to make love to me? He made my hormones go all haywire whenever he was around me. It was no secret that I wanted him. “I wish you could stay with me.”
“I’ll stay right here next to you until you fall asleep.”
I was much calmer now, but the pain was still there. Loving him was breaking me, and I couldn’t stop myself from shattering because I couldn’t stop loving him.
“Do you want me to switch off your iPod?”
“No,” I shook my head. “Leave it. Deep trance helps put me to sleep at night.” Betsie Larkin’s
voice made every trance track epic.
His lips curved up into a half smile.
“What?” I let out a short little laugh. “Why are you smiling at me like that?”
“No reason,” he ran his fingers through my hair before his hand landed on my hip once more. I shivered when he started to caress me there. “You’re just so…beautiful,” he was looking at me with such longing in his eyes.
Flash backs of that night in his car flickered in my memory as I closed my eyes and enjoyed his touch. Being up on that lookout point with him all night was just too amazing to describe. That was the furthest we had ever gone physically, and sadly, it was our last intimate encounter together. In some way, I wished it never happened because it only made me want him more. You’ll never know what you’re missing if you never experience it.
“Your therapist emailed me,” I blurted out randomly.
“Oh, did you respond back?”
“No…but I didn’t delete his email either.”
“You should talk to him.”
“No lectures tonight, remember?” I smirked at him. “Alright, alright.”
I snuggled up closer to Noah and let out a contented sigh. His body just felt so good in my arms. I was fighting sleep because I wanted him to stay longer.
“Close your eyes angel.”
My eye lids became very heavy as I fought to keep them open. Being in his arms like this felt like heaven, and I didn’t want to fall asleep only to find him gone the next morning. But I lost the battle, and eventually faded. I dreamt of the ocean, and Sirens
, and ship wrecked sailors that night. ****
It was a Monday morning and Vanessa had just finished showering as she stepped out of her luxurious master bath and towel dried her hair. The weekend had gone by pretty fast. Her Sunday consisted of spending lots of her husband’s money down Rodeo Drive, and even though she promised Noah that she wouldn’t do anymore cosmetic procedures, she secretly visited her plastic surgeon that day to get a consultation for a liposuction around her stomach. She also wanted another brow lift. Of course this wasn’t going to sit well with Noah, but she always got away with it before and she believed she could again. Vanessa was about to blow dry her hair when she heard her phone vibrate. Text message from Lewis to Vanessa: U up for some fun today? ;) Text message from Vanessa to Lewis: Mmmm u bet ;) Text message from Lewis to Vanessa: Usual place?
She paced around her bedroom and glanced over at the bed. A devious smile touched her lips. Text message from Vanessa to Lewis: No. Come over to my place during ur lunch break. I’ve got the place all to myself. Text message from Lewis to Vanessa: U sure? That’s sort of like…Noah’s “domain”
Text message from Vanessa to Lewis: Plz, since when do u care about Noah? Don’t tell me u grew a conscience overnight. Text message from Lewis to Vanessa: I’ll be there. No panties. Text message from Vanessa to Lewis: We both know I never wear panties around u ;)
The reason why she was being unfaithful to her husband was because Lewis made her feel attractive and desired. He embraced her superficial, plastic “beauty”, while Noah always gave her a hard time about it. She was a completely different person when they first got married, but Vanessa slowly started changing for the worst. Her love for money and material things consumed her and transformed her into someone she believed was better; new and improved.
She was always insecure about her looks, and she really felt she had won the jackpot when Noah asked her to be his wife. But since he was such a good looking man, she was constantly paranoid about him being unfaithful to her. And one night, while Noah was out of town, she and Lewis went out for drinks with some friends and ended up in bed together by the end of the night. He wasn’t a better lover than her husband, but he fulfilled her emotional, egotistical needs, which is why she enjoyed sleeping with him. Vanessa had convinced herself that Noah was also cheating throughout their marriage, just to make herself feel better every time she contacted his “best friend” for a quickie.ARIA
I seriously wanted to bang my head against my locker when I realized I had left my social studies project at home. I was expected to present that day, and if I didn’t get my ass home to pick it up, Ms. Conrad would’ve given me a zero. There was no point in calling Vanessa or Noah because they were both at work, so Ryan gave me a lift during lunch. oOo
He was waiting for me in the driveway while I quickly stepped inside the house to pick up my presentation on social change in diverse societies
. I was halfway down the hall when I stopped dead in my tracks. Oh. My. God.
Vanessa and Noah were home, and were totally having a loud sex marathon upstairs. Shit!
Why did this have to happen now? I had a very important presentation that was worth 30 percent of my final grade in that class, and I wouldn’t be able to focus because all I could think about was my bleeding heart in my chest. I wiped away my angry tears and ran out of the house. Ryan was waiting for me, and he noticed that I was upset as soon as I got in the car.
“Hey, are you alright?”
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I avoided his eyes and strapped on my seatbelt.
“Is that your dad’s car? Because it’s pretty sweet, but the license plate is kind of umm
…” he started to laugh and I had no idea what he was talking about until I looked at the vehicle parked in front of us. It was a yellow Ferrari with the following licence plate; I M C U M I N
I realized three facts right there and then.
1. That wasn’t Noah’s car
2. That wasn’t Vanessa’s car
3. That wasn’t Noah upstairs in the bedroom with my step mom
“I’ll be right back. I forgot something,” I quickly unbuckled my seatbelt and bolted towards the front door. My heart was beating erratically in my chest as I tiptoed up the stairs. What if that is Noah’s car? What if you walk in on them having really kinky sex? Do you really want to see that? Turn around, Aria.
I couldn’t shut off the paranoia as I finally reached the top of the stairs. Vanessa’s moans sounded like manly grunts; definitely unattractive. I edged closer towards the bedroom and noticed that the door was slightly open. Stealthily, I peered inside and saw a naked man’s buttocks…and a bald head. Oh god…
she was in bed with Lewis! I wanted to kill her for cheating on my dad, but more than anything I needed to tell Noah. What if he didn’t believe me? I needed proof. I pulled out my cellphone and was about to take a picture when I chickened out, fearing that I’d get caught. I had no idea why, but I just wasn’t ready for a confrontation with her.
So I left the house and took some pictures of Lewis’s car. That should be enough evidence to provide him with
“You got what you needed?” Ryan asked me and turned on the ignition.
“Yeah, let’s head back to school.”
That whore was done for. Maybe there was
someone up there rooting for me after all… oOo Author’s Note:
Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. I know some of you really want some bedroom action to happen between Noah and Aria, but my story dives so much deeper than sex. Obviously it’s not a story about mindless incestuous fucking. It’s a love story between two people who are forbidden to love each other. That crucial moment between them will eventually happen. I’m just setting the stage properly so that when it does, it will be epic :) SOUNDTRACK IN CHAPTER: definitely check out these amazing tracks. They’re all very “NOARIA” inspired and totally EARGASMIC :) all songs can be found in my video gallery. MUSIC ON NOAH’S CAR STEREO:
Koven - More Than You MUSIC ON ARIA’S IPOD:
Amurai feat. Sean Ryan - Killing Me Inside (Intro Mix)
Oceanlab - Sirens Of The Sea (Above & Beyond Original Mix)
Ferry Corsten feat Betsie Larkin vs Faruk Sabanci - Made Of Love vs Faces (Alexander Popov Remix)
Above & Beyond - For All I Care (Spencer & Hill Remix)
Andy Moor & Betsie Larkin - Love Again
This story is protected by International Copyright Law, by the author, all rights reserved. If found posted anywhere other than Lushstories.com
with this note attached, it has been posted without my permission.
<a href="http://www.lushstories.com/stories/incest/i-shouldnt-love-this-way-chapter-4.aspx">I Shouldn't Love This Way- Chapter 4</a>