My god, what a miserable experience. Senior Prom. A solid month of preparation, a two hundred dollar dress that will have me working for Mom all summer, a three hundred dollar pair of shoes that will see me enslaved to her postal/shipping/mailbox store until I'm fifty-six, and we can't forget the ninety dollar haircut. What did I get out of it? A rather mediocre dinner, some nice dancing, a great picture and my now ex-boyfriend attempting to get me to put out. I'm not a prude, far from it, but it just wasn't going to happen.
I'm still a virgin. Eighteen and still got my cherry. Why? Did you want me to make something up? Or will the fact that "I haven't met the right guy" be acceptable for you?
Oh no, don't get me wrong, I'm not a lesbian. Yes, I did tongue kiss my friend Jenna at a party, but that was to split the twenty bucks the guys put up for the dare. Really. I'm not gay.
The right guy will come along, I'm just not sure when. He's got to be super nice, super gorgeous, and...he's got to melt my heart. I'm not holding my breath waiting. We'll see what happens when I get to college, meanwhile, I've got work to do.
"Darcy! Grab me some more tape rolls!"
This was yelled by my brother Stuart. He's my...boss when Mom's not around at the store. I grab some more packing tape and toss it to him. My throw is poor, as usual, but his athletic grace allows him to make a nice catch with a full extension of his six foot two body. I signal first down and he laughs.
"If I could just get a better quarterback, I wouldn't have to make so many sideline plays and we'd win more often!"
I take my rebuke with a giggle and get back to the books. He's finishing up the last packages for the last pickup, and I get to do the paperwork for Mom. She's not really that bad to work for, especially in the summer as we're usually out of here by seven at the latest. It's Friday, and it was pretty mellow. My plans involved an hour or two by the pool with a couple of cold sodas, a movie, and a decent night's sleep. All my friends were out with their boyfriends, and being among the recently dumped, I had no place with them.
We finish up and instead of me having to bus it back home (I don't get a car until I start college), Stuart kindly offers me a ride. Usually he's out the door in a flash, so I catch a break.
"Why the ride? You're usually gone the second we're out the door?" I ask.
"Short version, Holly's pissed at me. She's at the movies with her friends and I'm home alone until she forgives me." He looked depressed.
"What did you do?"
He grimaces. "I uh, was helping Mia. With a shoulder massage."
"Holly knows you're in school learning massage therapy, right? Why would she be mad?"
"Um, 'cause she hates Mia, and because Mia had a thing for me before Holly and I got together. Hence, the doghouse."
It's not nice to laugh, but I had to. "I'll call her myself and put in a good word for you, I'll just tell her you're a real bonehead. You dolt."
"Gee, thanks, Darcy, you're so nice to me." he said it sarcastically, but I could tell he was hoping my vouching for him would help. I'd do what I could, all things considered, he was a pretty good big brother.
"Seeing how you're gonna be home tonight, you wanna order pizza? I was just going to nuke something, but if you're there, we'll get the whole deal, breadsticks, etc."
He smiled. "You're on, but please, let me pick the movie, I don't wanna see a chick flick!"
PIzza was ordered and being eaten, the movie was a pretty funny comedy, and we were enjoying ourselves. It was still kind of warm so we were gonna hit the pool after the movie.
Bzzzt!!!!!! No movie. No lights. No power.
"Aw, crap. Hope it's not out all that long." I said.
"I dunno, if it's something simple,it'll be up quick, if too many air conditioners pushed it over the edge, it might be awhile. You want another soda? Let's not open the fridge too often in case it's out a long time."
"Yeah, grab me one. Thanks!"
He came back a moment later, but not with the promised soda. He's got a beer for himself and a wine cooler for me.
"Hey, underage drinker here, bro?"
"Yeah, right," he grinned, "like you've never had one."
"Okay, one or two, maybe. But let's keep it our secret."
After twenty minutes and another wine cooler, a neighbor popped over to tell us he'd checked with the power company and it was going to be about two or three hours. We thanked him, grabbed a fresh round of drinks, and changed into our suits and headed to the pool. It was cool by the water, and Mom and Dad had spared no expense on the patio furniture, it was very comfortable. We pulled our chairs to face each other and just started talking.
We get along great, but somehow we weren't really opening with each other. it was odd, and I had the bright idea of challenging him to truth or dare.
"Okay, sis, I accept, truth or dare?"
"Truth!"
"Why are you out here with me, when two weeks ago, you were all set for prom with Nicholas?"
"He dumped me because I didn't put out."
He nodded. "I can't get mad at that, but he shouldn't have dumped you for that."
"I'll say. Truth or dare?"
"Dare!" he said with a wicked grin.
"Up to the top of the slide, toss a rock at Mrs. Willard's window, get her attention and give her a full moon."
The top of our slide had a perfect view of Mrs. Willard's family room, and she was sure to be watching TV. He gave me a dirty look and climbed to the top of the slide with me right behind him to watch. He looked at me, and tossed a small rock at her window, she looked up and he flashed her. She gave us a look of indignation and opened her patio door to yell out "Hooligans!" and slam it shut. We about fell off of the slide we were laughing so hard.
"I'd forgotten how much fun it is to piss the old bat off!" he laughed. "Okay, truth or dare?"
"Truth."
He looked thoughtful for a few moments. "Why didn't you put out with Nicholas? I thought you already had."
Not what I wanted to answer, but I'd been the idiot who suggested the game.
"I.....haven't put out for him....or anyone yet." I said in a small voice.
"Oh." He looked stunned by the admission. "I mean, you were with Nicholas, and before him, Stephen, and before that, Bryan so I kind of assumed...sorry."
"Why are you sorry?" I asked.
"Well you seemed kind of embarrassed to admit it. Should have taken the dare, I was gonna have you swig from Dad's Jack Daniels bottle."
"Believe me, Stuart, there's time I want to slug back Jack when it comes to sex."
"Why would you want to when it comes to...holy shit! You're not telling me you're a dyke??"
I could only laugh at that. He looked half horrified, half excited at the thought.
"No, not a dyke, and if you heard that story about me and Jenna it was only to win the twenty bucks."
"So...then why does sex give you so much trouble, sis? I doubt it's lack of interest from the guys. Sister or not, my eyesight is fine, and you're pretty cute."
I sighed. "I wish we'd never started this stupid game. I wish the power was back on."
He surprised me by reaching out and taking my hand. "Sis, it's cool, you don't want to talk about it, forget it then. You do know, however, that you can tell me anything. You know I won't squeal to Mom or Dad."
"You really want to know why I haven't give it up? Really, honestly and truly want to know?"
He nodded. "Yeah, if you want to tell me. Only if you want to tell me."
"It's because.......I can't get the right guy." There, I'd said it.
He chuckled. "Well, so you're waiting, not that big of a deal, actually kind of admirable in this day and age. That's something to be proud of, you know."
I shook my head. "You got it wrong. I know who he is, I just can't."
"What? If he's got a girlfriend, wait her out, or heck, go beat her up, you're tough." He said that last smiling, but I wasn't smiling back.
I know I wanted to be honest, but I couldn't be! I started to cry and ran into the house and upstairs to my room where I flung myself on the bed in tears.
A few moments later he knocked gently on my door.
"Darcy? You okay? I'm sorry for whatever I said that upset you so. You know I wouldn't be mean like that on purpose."
No. He wouldn't be. That was part of the problem. He was a pretty damn good brother.
"Darcy? C'mon, talk to me. I'm sorry, whatever I said, I apologize for it."
I rolled over on my bed to face him. "It's nothing you said, it's nothing you've done, it's what you can't say or do that's making me feel this way."
"Sorry, sis, I'm confused here. Whatever it takes to make you feel better, I'd do it, you know that." He was so genuinely concerned it was tearing me to pieces.
I looked up at him, tears cascading down my face like a waterfall.
"I haven't been with a guy yet, because the very best man I know, the one I'd want to give myself to, I can't have because he's standing too damn close to me." I blurted out.
"Huh? Is the guy one of your guy friends? Or is he-"
"He's you, Stuart, he's you. The perfect guy, the truly sweet man, the one I'd want to be with, the one I'd happily take in my arms, and he's my own...brother. I am one sick person. That's why I have issues with sex, okay? I'm a sick, perverted freak."
I erupted in fresh tears and hugged myself tight and just wanted it all to go away. I hadn't counted on Stuart being every bit the guy I'd wanted in life. He sat down on my bed and caressed my shoulders. It was agony because I wanted him to take me in his arms.
"Okay, that was a surprise to say the least. I honestly don't know what to say, really. How...long have you felt this way?"
"For about four years. I was just a stupid little girl when you did it with Allison for the first time. She was waiting for you once and I overheard her on her cellphone with a friend of hers, describing your first time. Every other thing was how sweet you were, how kind, how gentle, and how you'd made it so special, and so perfect for her first time. I don't know if she knew if was your first time, too, but she had a great time, and she got to find out how special you were. I already knew how kind you were, how sweet, and I thought my first guy would be like you. Five times I've tried, and all five times the guy was a jerk before we got to it. I don't want it to be like that, I want it to be sweet and wonderful."
The tears were pouring out of control now, but he had a tissue and he gently wiped them away.
"There can be other guys who are like me, you know." He said softly.
"But what if they're just acting like that to get me in bed? Jenna's first guy was so sweet, until they did it, and he laughed at her, told her she gave lousy head, and never called her again. I don't want that for my first time. I want it to be with a man I trust, that will be gentle and accept me for not knowing how to do things right."
"i can understand that.....Deanna appreciated it, and so did Katie. I wasn't Holly's first, but she said I treat her better than any of the other three guys she's been with."
I managed a bit of a smile. "She didn't just tell you that. I found that out from her myself."
He looked confused. "You talked with Holly about me and her having sex?"
"Girls talk, it's genetic you know." I said with a small smirk. "But she was wowed by you, Allison was, Deanna was, and so was Katie. And now I can't give myself to another guy because I have this weird fixation with you, and because I'm deathly afraid of my first time being horrible."
"But Darcy, we couldn't....that's just wrong. Not exactly a future there, is there? You have to know that."
"I know there's no future, but can there be.....the one time? So my first is as special as I want it to be? So the guy doesn't treat me like shit if I'm terrible? I know that's wrong....but I don't really care." I was now an official mess. What little makeup I'd had on was a mess, with tears streaking it, and my face was all red. I'd opened up, I'd told him my ugly secret, and now, now, I was probably going to lose my brother's love as he was surely disgusted.
He looked me in the eyes, partly with pity, partly with understanding. I hadn't lost his love, but he was wrestling with himself inside. He finally sighed, and took my hands.
"How, uh, do you, um, want to do this?" he asked quietly.
"For reals?" Was he going to be mine for my first?!?!
"For reals, it's going to be kind of weird, but I think understand what you mean, you know I'll be nice about it all."
"If it helps, go ahead and fantasize about whatever supermodel is currently on your desktop wallpaper." I said.
He shook his head. "I might fantasize by myself, but when I'm with someone, they get all of my attention. It's um,...dishonest the other way."
My god, he was the sweetest guy! Holly had damn well better forgive him, otherwise she's an idiot.
"Oh.....let's just...start so slow and go from there?" I had no idea exactly what to do, and I knew he would be be a gentle and loving guide. I didn't expect him to get up though.
He looked anxious. "Can we do this...in my room? Plus that's where I have my......" I couldn't understand his mumblings.
"What did you say?" I asked.
"Um, my condoms..." he was actually blushing. "We REALLY have to be careful, you know?" He extended his hand to me and I took as I got up. He then led me to his room, which, not surprisingly was tidy and well organized. He closed the door and locked it and smiled at me. "Mom and Dad aren't supposed to be home until Sunday, but you never know."
He then put out several candles and lit them to dispel the darkness. Just like him to consider the mood.
He reached under his bed and pulled out a small toolbox. He opened it to reveal a top tray of computer tools, which was removed to reveal condoms and a few small bottles. He pulled out a strip of three condoms and placed them on the nightstand, and then he looked over the bottles and carefully selected one that he put next to the condoms and also pulled out a tube of some sort. I gave him a questioning look.
"Several condoms, in case it breaks, a bit of...warming oil, which I think you'll like and some uh, lube, just in case um, well, you know."
I smiled sweetly, and acted dumb because he looked so embarrassed. "No, I don't know, I'm a virgin, remember?" I knew this was kind of uncomfortable for him so I thought a few laughs might help.
"It's in case you're uh, really, um, tight." He was bright red, and it was so cute. Just one more reason to love him. I stood by the bed and waited. I wasn't sure if I should kiss him, or what. He gave me a soft smile and took both my hands. He pulled me close and for the first time, I felt his lips on mine.
The kiss lasted for a several seconds, and I was really enjoying it, and I dared to open my lips and extend my tongue. I felt his and we gently played a bit as I explored his mouth and then he would explore mine. His arms wrapped around me and he held me by the waist while he kissed me and it felt incredible. I had my hands around his neck, and I caressed his hair as our passion mounted and he gently lifted me into his arms and lay me down on the bed.
