"Hi Mom, can we talk for a minute? I have a big problem."
"Sure, honey. Lets sit down on the couch and you can tell me what's on your mind."
"Well, it's kind of awkward. It's a girl problem..."
"Oh, I see. Well, I know you are growing up, and I knew this day would come. We have always been very close since your father left us. We only have each other now. I want you to know you can always discuss your problems with me. Moms can be pretty smart, ya know! Especially when it comes to girl problems."
"OK, it's like this; I have a date on Friday night, with this really pretty girl at school. I've liked her for a long time, but she is older than me and a lot more experienced than I am. She has had a few boyfrieds that I know about. Her ex-boyfriend told me that she always likes to make out, and I don't want her to think of me as just a friend, instead of a boyfriend."
"I see. Tell me something, have you ever been with a girl before?"
"No. That's my problem. Even though I just turned eighteen, I've never even made out with a girl before, and I'm afraid I'll look like some dumb, inexperienced kid, to her."
"Well, I can understand why this is upsetting you. I wish I knew what to tell you, honey. When you are with a girl, things just sort of happen naturally. It's something that you learn about in life, over time."
"That's the problem, Mom. I don't have time. I really really like her, and I know she usually dates the older more experienced guys. I know that if I don't know what I'm doing on my date with her, well, u know. The kids talk at school and I don't want everyone to know I'm a virgin. If they find out, they would tease me like crazy!"
"You know, honey, the exact same thing happened to me in high school. I know how you feel. I dated an older guy, and I didn't have a lot of experience at the time. He blabbed to his guy friends, and it made me very uncomfortable for the rest of the entire year. I definitely don't want you to have to go through that."
"OK, so I was wondering Mom, do you think you can help me?"
"Well, I'm not sure how I can help. What do you want me to do?"
"Can you teach me about what I'm supposed to do, when a girl wants to make out with me?"
"Wow! I don't really know what to say. You know, moms aren't supposed to teach their sons about making out. It's not that I don't love you, because I do, very much, but it's just not an appropriate thing for a mother to do."
"That's OK, mom, I understand. Just forget about it. I have another plan, anyway."
"You have a plan? What kind of plan?"
"Well, my friend Rick says that he knows this woman who lives downtown. He said that if I give her one-hundred dollars, that she will show me all about making out, and stuff."
"Oh my god, no! Honey, I don't want you to do that. God knows what kind of nasty woman your friend has in mind."
"Well, how else am I going to learn, mom?"
"I, ummm, oh shit. OK, just wait here; I'm going to get a drink.