The Full Moon Party

Please be prepared for a story…not a quickie. For those less patient, just scroll down…

The year that I turned 18, I felt like I had the world on a string. I had finished high school as my class valedictorian, I had just been accepted into a prestigious dance academy, and I was ready to indulge (hedonistically) in all the world had to offer. The cliché concept of “finding myself” was something I talked about a lot (rather arrogantly actually) as my teen years were coming to a close. I thought, at the time, that I had it all figured out. I had decided that in order to fully appreciate the true dynamics of ‘who I was’, I had to explore all my boundaries and limitations… the more risqué the better. After all, how can you say “I would never do that” if you are never given the opportunity or choice in the first place?! I had already surprised myself, even at that age, with a few sexual experimentations with a close girlfriend in my last year of high school, and had found it exciting and strangely liberating. There was also a crazy six-week sexual relationship with my skating coach… something I would have considered completely taboo when I was in my early teens. It had felt forbidden and reckless and I came to love the adrenaline rush of planting my feet firmly in the space of what was “wrong” and feeling like I just wanted to push the envelope. Yes, I was all about this kind of youthful ego and self-confidence, when my mother gave me my high school graduation gift… a flight and spending money for a two-week trip to Koh Phangan, Thailand…with my brother as the chaperone!

I hadn’t seen my brother Chris in four years by that point. He is six years older than I, and the ultimate free spirit, obviously taking after our Dad, who had walked out on us when we were kids to trek the globe as a photographer. We hadn’t seen much of Dad over the years, and Chris had really become the ‘man of the family’ for me and I had always looked up to him, almost to the point of idol worship. He was a great big brother, ever the optimist, always encouraging me to pursue my dreams of dancing, even when it wasn’t the most financially stable career path for me to choose. “You’ll make it if you believe it” he would always say, and it was all I needed to bolster my confidence to keep pushing onward.

Chris moved to Sydney, Australia when I was 14 years old and needless to say, I was utterly devastated. “There’s nothing for me in this town” he kept saying. “You’ll understand what I mean when you’re older”. He wanted the experience of going to university abroad while being near the ocean so he could indulge his true passion of competitive surfing. At that time he was 20 years old, and the secret crush of most of my girlfriends. He was just over 6 feet tall, blonde, and athletic and had a kind of mischievous way about him. You could just tell that he would be trouble. And he certainly was trouble for the hapless girls that fell for him. I had watched many a girlfriend come and go during my years as his ‘kid sister’. Actually it made me think, at the time, that I would never let “that type of guy” ever get under my skin. I thought of myself as far more advanced than other girls of my age, and I felt fully confident that I would be able to resist the easy charms of obvious players like the kind my big brother had turned into.

At the time of my graduation, Chris had been in Thailand for several weeks on an extended holiday after finishing a work contract, and had been emailing both my mother and I about all the fantastic things he had done and places he had been. My mother had decided that this would be a great opportunity for me to see an exotic part of the world, as well as getting the chance to reconnect with my brother. With his help, they organized my itinerary. He was staying in a beachfront bungalow at Ao Thong Nai Pan Yai, and I would meet him there to begin my holiday.

“It’s rustic,” he warned me over the phone on the night before my flight “A lot of backpackers and students stay here. Don’t pack too many fussy things”.

“I can handle rustic,” I declared. “Don’t you worry about me”.

As it turned out, ‘rustic’ was an understatement. To begin with, I landed on what felt like the hottest day imaginable. Quickly I was stripping off layers of clothing in the smelly taxi from the airport to the beach resort until I was down to my little jean shorts and a thin white tank top, which quickly felt like it was melting onto me like a second skin. The humidity was unbearable and the sun was raging like an orange inferno in the sky, offering little relief in the way of any clouds.

I was excited and relieved to finally get to the resort… or what really amounted to a collection of island huts right on one of the most gorgeous beaches I have ever seen. There was a light ocean breeze that just tickled the little beads of sweat on the back of my neck and it was absolute bliss. I grabbed my bag and the key they gave me at the front desk.

“Your husband is at beach” the Thai man said when I checked in. He must have noticed we had the same last name, and so I just smiled and shrugged it off. After all, why explain when there was no need to.

I wandered down towards the bungalow but paused to look out at the expanse of sugar-white sand and a serene ocean that seemed like graduating shades of turquoise and blue. It was spectacular.

As I walked towards the cabin and saw a tall male figure not too far away, and realized it had to be Chris. He turned as I neared, and the sun lit up his wavy blond hair that had grown longer, and curled up at the back of his neck. His face had matured, his green eyes twinkled and his smile almost turned into a flirtatious grin when he saw me. “Hey there”.

“Chris!”

Suddenly the grin disappeared and his eyes widened with shock “Lindsey?”

I ran to hug him, immediately pleased that he obviously hadn’t even recognized me. He laughed and lifted me up as I threw my arms around him. “Christ, I didn’t even know it was you!”

He set me down and stepped back to visually take me in. “My god – you were just a kid last time I saw you”. “And now…?” I pressed teasingly, obviously wanting his approval.

“You look… well… hot!” He laughed to hide the blush that crept up to color his cheeks, as obviously he hadn’t had brotherly intentions when he first saw me.

“Didn’t mom sent you pictures of me over the years? She told me she did”.

“Umm… the pics mom sends me are of you wearing giant winter sweaters and ski jackets”.

I shrugged. “Well… here I am”.

“I can see that…” His eyes lingered on the wetness of my tank top clinging to the swell of my breasts. He flushed again, and turned away, clearing his throat.

I was amused by the entire situation, because secretly I wanted the attention and affirmation, even if he was only my brother. I threw my bag over his shoulder and I followed him to the cabin, walking a few steps behind and trying to hide my own admiring glances. He was tall, tanned and all lean muscle from the surfing lifestyle that he had found in Australia. I couldn’t take my eyes off his perfectly round and well-shaped ass in those swim trunks. Funny, I had never looked at him this way before. Back then I had been just a kid, not even in the same league as the girls he dated. And back then I hadn’t known what sex could be like, or what it felt like to have something hot and throbbing inside me… let alone the thought of Chris ever being that something! I completely embarrassed myself with my thoughts and shook them off as we neared the cabin door.

“Ok… so Linds… don’t freak out on me when you see this…”

“What is it?” I asked wearily, wondering what hideous surprises there might be hidden behind that cabin door. The wood on the porch was soft, and felt half-rotten as if it would leave splinters if I were barefoot.

He turned to me “Well… these cabins are pretty standard fare. I booked one with two double beds, but when I got here they had fucked up the reservation. No clue what the hell happened there. Anyway… all the cabins are booked up for the Full Moon Party in two nights over on the main beach. So all they had was either this cabin with one double bed… or a smaller cabin farther down the beach with two beds, but no AC and cold showers only. I figured you’d want one with AC and hot water”.

My mouth dropped open when he opened the door to a very small, very rustic little beach hut with a very small bed. “Seriously,” I asked as I walked inside, staring back at him. “So we’re going to …share the bed?!”

He gave me a half-grin. “Look I can grab a blanket and some pillows and sleep on the floor. It’s no big deal. I plan to sleep on the beach some of these nights anyways. Full Moon is coming. When else will you ever get to experience something like this?” I nodded, feeling a combination of anxiety and a strange excitement at the idea of having to share a bed with him. And then I relaxed. Really it was no big deal. We were in Thailand in a unique situation. And it wasn’t like I would be sleeping next to a stranger. He was my brother after all.

All I really wanted to do at that moment was to get out of my sticky clothes. I glanced around the tiny cabin. There was no privacy to be had. There was a bed, a dresser, some kitschy Thai décor and a microscopic bathroom. Chris sat on the bed watching me peek into the closet and empty my bag.

“Good thing I didn’t pack much” I mused.

“Hey, it’s all about the beach here. It’s not about being high maintenance”.

“I’m NOT high maintenance” I insisted, feeling like the old Chris was coming back – all about teasing me and goading me.

“Umm.. Not to be sounding high maintenance, but where do you want me to change?”

“Oh sorry” he said, “I’ll look the other way”. He turned himself around on the bed to stare out at the window facing the beach. I thought it was odd that he wouldn’t just go back outside while I got ready, but I figured he still wanted to keep talking. Hesitantly I peeled my tank top off, breathing a side of relief to feel the air conditioning hit my damp skin. I shivered with delight at how nice and cooling it felt as I removed my bra, feeling my nipples tighten and rise up hard under the whir of the ceiling fan above.

“So… the big party is the night after tomorrow” Chris said in a tight voice.

“Mmmm Hmm….”

Suddenly I was very aware of how strange it was to be standing there completely topless right behind him. I imagined what he might say or do if he turned his head just slightly. It also crossed my mind, briefly, to be the little rebel, and walk the few feet it would take to be in front of him… just for shock value. The thought sent an unexpected little thrill through me, and my panties were instantly wet. I reached up to rub my breasts and tease the taut nipples that were so hard they almost ached. I could have sworn, even from just seeing the back of him that he was breathing harder too. I paused for a moment – feeling crazy to even be considering it. I looked down at the bed that we would soon be sharing.

“Chris…?”

“Yeah…?”

I paused for a long time, and then just shook my head, half-embarrassed and half-horrified by my thoughts. And I had literally just arrived!

“Um… just – wondering what this big party will be like. Will there be a lot of people? How do we get there? How late does it go?” I threw out a succession of awkward rambling questions while I rummaged in my bag for my pink bikini. I tied the strings of the top and adjusted my breasts to create a nice swell of cleavage. Then I took off my shorts and my damp little thong, trying to keep my thoughts clean and modest as I put on my string bottoms.

“Ready?” he asked literally seconds after I’d finished tying the last string.

“Yeah… good timing!”

He gave an embarrassed little laugh and then turned around, smiling mischievously like a Cheshire cat. “What’s that look about,” I asked.

“Actually… I’m so sorry… I swear I didn’t realize this until you were already changing – but I could totally see a reflection of you in the glass of the window. It’s the way the sun is hitting the glass.”

“What?!” I cried, my face burning with shock. “You should have said something.”

The smile left his face as he realized that he had legitimately embarrassed me. Suddenly he was serious and his eyes were soft “Don’t worry – I really didn’t see that much. And anyways, you shouldn’t be ashamed… You’re beautiful”.

All I could think about was how I had stood there uncertainly rubbing my nipples and thinking about things I shouldn’t have. Had he seen that too? I was desperate to know his reaction, but he just handed me a spare towel “Beach?”

“Sure.”

We sunned and swam all afternoon. I would have liked to be alone with him. I still hadn’t properly caught up with him on all the changes that were happening in each of our lives. But, unfortunately, privacy was not to be had. The beach was filled with tourists, all arriving in town for the Full Moon Party and I realized that Chris had become quite the popular fixture on the beach during his time at the resort. There were groups of foreigners, and way too many girls for my liking, constantly stopping by to chat or set their towels nearby. It quickly reminded me of when I was a kid watching all the girls flirting and throwing themselves at him. I even found myself casually annoyed that he kept introducing me as “his little sister” as though wanting to reaffirm it in both our minds. It also served as an invitation for other girls to continue pursuing him. If someone had just been walking by, they might have thought I was his girlfriend who had just arrived to join him. But, as it turned out, much to my chagrin, many already knew who I was.

At one point, a couple of guys from Germany started chatting me up, and I turned to them, happy for some attention. Chris was talking with a mixed group of people and I noticed him watching me out of the corner of his eye with a not so happy look on his face to see my new admirers setting up camp beside my beach towel. I had dark sunglasses on, so it was easier for me to discreetly keep track of Chris’ reactions as I moved closer to the cuter of the two guys. I continued a completely mindless conversation with them, being sure to intersperse everything they said with a burst of flirtatious laughter even though nothing they were saying was even mildly amusing. I liked watching Chris’ concern; in my mind imagining that it was outright jealousy.

And why shouldn’t he be jealous? After having done my share of people watching, I knew I had one of the best bodies on the beach. It was tight and firm from long hours of dance training, and I had a long mane of natural blonde hair that was occasionally picked up by the ocean breeze, blowing it loose and wavy down my sun-kissed shoulders and back. I didn’t understand, at that time, why I wanted my brother’s attention in the way that I did. There were many cute guys at the beach that had eyed me or stopped to say hello, but there was something immediately exciting about the idea of having the most forbidden man on the beach wanting to fuck me… Even if nothing came of it, it seemed like a fun game to play in my 18-year-old mind. Really, at that point, I just perversely wanted to know for sure that he wanted me. I don’t know if I was even thinking about anything ever actually happening. Possibly because I still doubted it would. I couldn’t help but feel that he would always see me as his little insecure kid sister.

That’s why, at one point, while Chris was talking to a pretty brunette, I got on my hands and knees, offering him a luscious view of my round golden-tanned ass, barely covered by the tiny pink triangle of bikini fabric, while I pretended to be searching through my beach bag. I swayed my hips slightly, deliberately teasing, and then glanced over my shoulder at him. He was looking right past the girl, staring at my display with his mouth just slightly open in shock. I turned my attention back to the beach bag, aware that both of the German guys were staring transfixed as well, although they had a much closer view. Finally I found the bottle of sunscreen and casually pulled it out, handing it to one of the Germans.

“Can you… do my back?”

I was still on my knees and sank down so that my back was straight as the German guy moved around behind me.

It was at that moment that Chris strode deliberately across the beach to where I was sitting, obviously intent on breaking things up quickly.

“Lindsey… you don’t need any more lotion. The sun is dying out anyways. Let’s go shower and freshen up for dinner”.

I smiled up at him innocently, pleased that he had cared enough to not want a stranger rubbing his hands all over me. I think I took it as a sign that my feminine charms were working, and I was thoroughly enjoying it.

We grabbed our towels, said goodbye to everyone and started walking back to our cabin in silence.

“Do you like that guy?” he asked in a tight voice as we neared the hut.

“No” I said “but you weren’t around to help me with the sunscreen so…”

“Just call for me next time, ok?”

“Sure.”

The frustrating bit about the whole experience is that, once we were back in the cabin, he wanted to leave me to “go arrange something”. He sounded very mysterious about it, and I half wondered if it was a vague excuse to avoid having to sit on the bed and watch me sashay around, soaking wet and in a small towel, which was what I had fully intended to do… just for fun! “What are you arranging?” I asked, “Can I come with you?”

“No.” “Why not?”

“You’ll see… it’s for the Full Moon Party.”

“Tickets?”

He rolled his eyes. “Just go shower, ok? Be ready when I get back. I’ll only need 10 minutes and then we can go have dinner and grab some drinks.”

When he left, I put on some music, showered and washed my hair while I reflected on all the unexpected feelings that had been awakened that both shocked and excited me. I couldn’t help but let my hands slowly slip down my soapy body to run my fingers through my smooth pink pussy lips. They felt swollen and engorged with all my naughty thoughts, visibly thicker and slick with juices. I took the showerhead and directed it right at my pussy, warm water flooding it, suddenly imagining it was my brother’s hot tongue exploring every wet fold. Then I used my fingers, first one, then two, and then three, sliding into my hole, slowly moving in an out, in and out, rhythmically moving faster while my thumb mercilessly teased my clit. I was breathing harder, my knees going weak until I finally came hard, while trying to stifle my moans. Last I moved the shower head back over my pussy, spreading the lips wide until I could feel the thick jets of water squirting up into me, and imagining it was my brother’s cum warming my insides. I shuddered, feeling almost shaky with intensity of my orgasm, and with my crazy fantasy that I had never even considered before that day.

I dried myself off (certainly I needed to be dry at some point!), and continued getting ready. I put on a low-cut white sundress without a bra. After all, the beach was so casual. Everyone was half naked anyway. And I liked the way my nipples jutted out in the cool air conditioning, my breasts bouncing softly as I moved about to blow dry my hair and put on makeup. I was going to go without underwear, but I was so nervous I would end up feeling wet at some point, I needed to have something I could soak with my juices without fear of it being noticeable. Chris returned just as it was getting dark, his eyes taking me in slowly from head to toe before he finally looked away. “You look… nice.”

“Nice?”

He just laughed, as though part of him knew exactly what I was up to with the game I was playing. And then to my surprise he looked right at me, his eyes sparkling as though throwing the challenge back at me as he stripped off his t-shirt. And then, casually, he started undoing the drawstring on his board shorts. I was shocked! Was he going to drop them right there?! I cleared my throat, and suddenly, feeling myself chickening out, I walking around him and started to fiddle with my purse.

“So did you get what you went out for?” I stammered awkwardly.

“Yeah.” He paused for a moment, and then just laughed under his breath. He walked into the bathroom with his shorts hanging loosely from his hips, leaving me to breathe a sigh of relief coupled with another thrill of excitement that had my body betraying my mind. I also felt frustrated that I had just walked away from a dare that I was starting to think I might want to take.

I will admit that my first night in Thailand didn’t go exactly the way I had imagined it might. We went to the local restaurant and beach bar at the resort. Everything was strung up with festive Christmas lights and there were colored lanterns and an overall chill vibe. The resort was packed, and everyone was gearing up for the big Full Moon Party the following night – which is essentially a huge rave that happens every month on the full moon, involving international and local DJs, and thousands of people partying and dancing on the beach until dawn. We had timed my trip so that I would be there for the party, because it was supposed to be a once in a lifetime experience. But all I could think about was the evening at hand.

We flirted all through dinner, especially when we started drinking more and more; drinking copiously being the thing to do when you are on an isolated beach in the middle of paradise.

I told him about some of my sexual escapades in high school which surprised him, but also seemed to turn him on a bit as he wanted details about how I had fooled around with my girlfriend and how much I had enjoyed it. I pressed him for his own stories, and found myself excited listening to him talk about the hot sex he’d had with what seemed like an endless string of girlfriends, including two threesomes. He didn’t go into extreme detail, and overall it felt like friends exchanging sex stories, but there was something in the way he was looking at me that night that seemed to move well beyond that of a big brother.

We drank way too many margaritas, and I was finally relaxing and enjoying being with him. I found myself touching his arm as we talked, which is my habit when I am into someone. At one point we were standing at the bar, with the crowds pushing to get drinks, I used the excuse to innocently move close enough to him that my breast grazed his arm. He froze for a minute, not looking at me, and pretending he hadn’t noticed. I did it again, until my nipple was hard and rubbing back and forth against his bare arm. I glanced up at him and saw a small smile on his face that made me realize he was very aware that what I was doing was deliberate. Unfortunately, the gang from the beach showed up, completely crashing our private party. We ended up being pulled apart in conversations, chatting with different crowds of people, and I noticed him getting more and more drunk. Finally, at the end of the night, I realized I had completely lost track of him. I looked around the bar frantically, but to no avail. The German guy offered to walk me back to my cabin. “He probably went off with one of the Brazilian girls” he slurred, “I talked to them earlier. They’re both hot for him. Who knows, maybe he gets to fuck them both?”

I glared at the German with obvious disgust and declined his offer to have sex with me that night, and went back to the cabin alone. I was utterly dejected, and more than a little annoyed that I had been left alone on my first night. The cabin was empty, and with tears burning my eyes, I changed and got into bed… alone. I tossed and turned on the hard mattress for what seemed like forever, waiting and waiting for him to come home. But by the time, the front door creaked open the sun was already up. I sat up and crossed my arms, my eyes narrowed like a jealous girlfriend.

“Where the hell were you?”

“I’m so sorry,” Chris said. “I got fucking wasted. I don’t even remember what happened. I was talking to some people and then I must have just passed out on the beach.”

I looked at him suspiciously, and saw that he was covered with sand, but otherwise didn’t look particularly worse for wear. “Were you with a girl?”

“What does it matter Linds?” he asked, tired and yawning. He sat down in a nearby chair. “I wanted you to have the bed anyways.”

“We could have both shared the bed,” I said somewhat sourly. “I don’t expect you to sleep on the beach for two weeks!”

“Yeah I know…” He seemed ambivalent, as though he didn’t completely trust the situation. “I just… didn’t want you to feel uncomfortable.”

“Well I wouldn’t!”

“Are you sure….?”

“I’m sure,” I insisted.

“Well then… I’ll sleep here tonight.”

Our eyes met, and I felt my mouth go dry, my pussy starting to throb in response to the way he was looking at me. “But tonight is the party…”

“After the party,” he said, his eyes serious, as though silently appraising me. I could tell that part of him was uncertain as to whether I was just being a tease. And maybe part of him was ambivalent about going down that path at all. I just smiled warmly at him, wanting him to know I was clear about what I wanted. In fact, what I wanted most at that moment was for him to walk over to the bed and put his tongue in my mouth, and his fingers deep inside me. But of course he didn’t.

The day passed like a long exhalation of anticipation. We suntanned again on the beach, but this time we chose a more private area. I let him rub me with suntan lotion, and I had to keep returning to the cabin to dry the juices that were mercilessly leaving my pussy soaked with excitement.

The beach was unusually quiet that day. Everyone was saving their energy for the big party. Quite frankly I would have happily skipped the party and gone straight to spending the night in bed with him. But the party was a once in a lifetime, so, as the hours ticked down, Chris finally let me in on the secret of where he had gone the previous afternoon while I had been in the shower. He had found a contact to get some MDMA capsules for us. I had never tried pure MDMA before, but the Full Moon Party was essentially a public rave on the beach, and I knew a lot of people would be on some kind of “party favors”.

“I’ve done it before,” he said. “But I want to try this again with you…”

I had experimented with X before and knew that this was the pure thing – all the good feelings without the mashy mess that often came with X. I was excited at the idea of trying something like that in such a gorgeous tropical setting… and most importantly with him.

That night there was a lot of sexual tension between us as we took turns showering and getting ready. I was perfectly tanned, and, because it was a beach party, I wore my tiny white bikini and, over it, a short white skirt. Chris came up behind me in the mirror as I was fixing my hair. His eyes were intense “You look… really beautiful.”

I smiled and backed up a little so that I was leaning against his chest. I felt a little shiver of surprise when his hands caught hold of my hips and he pulled me back against him, enough for me to feel his cock growing hard against my ass. My breath caught in my throat and our eyes locked in the mirror. A million thoughts ran through my mind. Should I reach back and grab his cock? Should I drop to my knees and tug down his pants and suck him deep into my mouth? I think even he was surprised to be standing there, pressing his sister’s ass against his throbbing hard-on.

Before anything could happen, our moment was rudely interrupted by a sudden loud knocking on the cabin door and we both startled as though we were in danger of our parents coming in and finding us. I tried to catch my breath as Chris went to answer the door, keeping his erection half hidden behind it. Of course, it was the increasingly annoying gang from the beach. “The bus is leaving for the party,” someone shouted. “Come on!”

Filled with agonized reluctance, I grabbed my bag and looked at him helplessly.

He smiled with embarrassment, telling me to go on ahead to the lobby and he would follow in a few minutes. I knew there was nowhere for him to go with a hard-on for all to see!

I waited in the lobby, trying to avoid the guys that kept flirting and trying to get my attention. There was bus transportation from the compound that would take us to Haad Rin beach where thousands of tourists and locals congregate monthly to hear DJ’s playing all kinds of music, from techno to trance to goa to drum n’ bass until the sun comes up. Finally Chris arrived and we sat together on the bus, talking to other people, but with my right leg pressed against his left one. Every so often he would lean back in the seat and touch my bare thigh with the back of his hand and I would feel my pulse race in response.

We got to Haad Rin when the party was in full swing. Let me tell you – this is a spectacle not to be missed. It’s a pulsating crowd of people dancing to incredible music beats under the most beautiful full moon you’ll ever see. Everything is bathed in a silvery light on the beach, giving it an otherworldy kind of feel. Chris and I got drinks to start and then eventually, once we had settled into the crowd, we nodded to each other and discreetly took our capsules. It took about twenty-five minutes to kick in, and when it did, it was incredible… the most amazing body rushes that just came in waves while the music felt like it was all around us, getting louder as the rhythms started keeping pace with our heart-rate. It was better than any X I’d ever tried, and I just cuddled into Chris’s space while his arms went around me, holding me tightly against him as I felt this incredible sense of love for him.

We were moving with the music, dancing together, and it was as if we couldn’t get close enough. His hands were on my bare back, sliding up and down my waist and hooking into the back string of my bikini. All my thoughts and inhibitions, and secret worries melted away and all I wanted was him. No more questions of ‘what if’ or regrets. Even in that heady rushing state of euphoria, it was impossible not to want to take things further. The beach was a wave of people, and I would have happily cleared a space right in the middle of things and begged him to fuck me then and there. My pussy was literally aching to have him fill me up. On and on we danced for hours but really just felt like ten minutes. We had blessedly lost our “friends” from the resort in the crowds, and it felt so good to be dancing so close to him, being able to put my hands on him, and feel his body against mine. Every touch sent shivers through me.

We shared bottles of water, and finally wandered, hand in hand, through the mass of people until he found a ledge where a few others were sitting, resting their feet and watching the pulsating crowd. There was only enough room on the ledge for one, and the girl sitting adjacent moved to make a little extra room. Chris sat down and pulled me down onto his lap. We were both facing to watch the crowd and his arms were around my waist from behind. At one point I saw the German guys suddenly appear and take notice of us, but instead of coming over they just stared at us curiously, obviously surprised to see us sitting as intimately as we were. They said something to each other and just disappeared into the crowd again.

I was glad for it. I didn’t want anything else to interrupt our night. Slowly I started to move to the music again, moving my hips, and rocking back and forth in his lap and I could feel the tension in his muscles before inevitably I felt that gorgeous cock rise up hard under my ass.

Slowly I moved against it, disguising my movements in time with the rhythm of the dance while his hands slid up to clutch my hips, helping to guide my lap dance in a way that would pleasure him most. It was so exciting to feel his cock rubbing against the roundness of my ass, straining against the fabric that interfered with where it wanted to go most.

He pulled me back against him, and I could feel his warm breath in my ear. “I’m so hard for you,” he whispered.

“When can we go back to the cabin,” I gasped, breathing heavily, unable to stand the terrible restraint of not being able to go further.

“Now,” he said. “Let’s take a taxi – I can’t wait for the bus to come round again. I need to get inside you.”

I almost came just from hearing him say that. With a groan I moved up off his lap and we moved through the crowd, with me staying in front of him to hide his erection. Finally we were at the street, and we flagged down a taxi.

I couldn’t believe it was finally going to happen. I didn’t think anything about consequence or right or wrong or moral implications. My desire for him, as well as the free flowing euphoria of the MDMA had left me in a purely hedonistic state, irrational, and cum hungry, willing to do anything to satisfy the throbbing he had started in me.

In the darkness of the cab, I leaned against him, and he put his arm around me. His other hand moved under my skirt, inch by inch to where my pussy was pulsating wildly as he started to trail his finger up and down my slit through the fabric of my bikini bottoms. I instinctively spread my legs, just a little so as to not alert the cab driver who was glancing in his rear view mirror every now and then as though suspicious of what we might be doing. I think I almost held my breath as his fingers found one of the strings on my bikini bottoms and pulled it loose so that the fabric half fell away to make room for his fingers that finally dipped into what I know was the softest, juiciest pussy he had ever touched.

He stifled a moan as his fingers played in my smooth wetness moving in circles around my clit, teasing it to attention while I had to work to control the noises that wanted to be escape my throat. He knew exactly what he was doing as he rolled my clit back and forth between two fingers before dipping into my snatch as deep as our sitting position would allow. And then he leaned in again and ran his tongue along the rim of my ear before he whispered “I’m going to fuck you so hard… you have no idea.”

I had to smother a moan of anticipation. To this day I’m not sure if the Thai cab driver knew what Chris was doing. I thought he might have been enjoying his stolen glances in the rear view mirror, watching what he didn’t know was a brother lovingly fingering his sister! Or perhaps he was just completely oblivious to all of it, in which case he certainly missed a good show. Either way the ride seemed to last forever, because all I could think of was everything else that I wanted to do.

Finally we arrived at the resort and sort of half ran along the path that led to our beach hut. There were literally little explosions going through my body as we hurried through the dark, realizing what we were about to do. It was, I realized, the ‘moment of no return’. As if thinking the same thing, he grabbed my hand as he got to our porch. “Wait, Linds.”

I turned to him, half horrified he might back out of our plan. He looked at me with an agonized expression. “Are you sure about this? I mean, really sure?”

I just took his hand and led him into the cabin, shutting the door behind us. I pushed him back against the cabin door, pressing my body against his, and looked him in the eye.

“I’m sure.”

To this day I’m not sure where that burst of womanly confidence came from, but after that there was no second-guessing from either of us. He lowered his mouth onto mine, teasing my lips lightly with his, until the kiss deepened and I could feel his tongue slide softly into my mouth to encircle mine. Over and over we kissed, half-mad from all the anticipation, the intensity growing as I felt his hard cock throbbing against my thighs. It was so incredibly hot to kiss him after all those years. I loved the way he sucked my tongue into his mouth while his hands moved up under my skirt, exploring the curves of my ass.

His hands moved up my body to pull at the strings on my bikini top, letting it fall away between us. Then his hands were cupping my breasts, squeezing them softly and then moving to tease my nipples that were poker hard and aching to be sucked. As if instinctively knowing this, he bent to roll my nipple with his tongue before sucking the whole nipple and some of the surrounding flesh into his mouth. He suckled and suckled at my breast before moving to give the other one the same attention as my hands twined in his hair, holding him against me. I looked down to lovingly watch him, still feeling like I was floating somewhere outside myself, just watching all of this unfold in disbelief.

My hands worked on the buckle of his jeans, undoing it and unzipping him as we paused so that I could tug them down. In doing so, I moved down so that I was on my knees, excited to finally have a look at this cock that I longed to have inside me. He was, much to my delight, as delicious as I had imagined him to be. His cock was long and hard, cut with a beautiful mushroom head and standing perfectly at attention, glistening with pre-cum.

I smiled up at him and he had the same amazed look that I’d just had. Never in his wildest dreams could he have imagined that one day he’d have his little sister on her knees, so eager to worship his cock.

I stuck my tongue out and slid it under the head and shaft, letting it bob on my tongue for a moment before I started moving my mouth over it. I sucked and licked him all over, working the shaft and flicking my tongue on the sensitive underside and then moving down to suck each of his balls into my mouth.

I loved hearing him groan while his hands stroked my hair. I really began to move up and down his shaft, increasing my pace, feeling it jerking in my mouth while he tried to hold back. The more he tried to hold back, the more I wanted to make him come. He was breathing hard, and his moans became more ragged until finally he realized that I wanted to taste him, and he unloaded in my mouth, filling it with a salty warmth that I happily swallowed.

He pulled me to my feet, his body shaking from what had just happened “Oh my god,” he murmured. “That felt so good. Not just that it felt good. It felt good because it was you doing it”.

He kissed me deeply, sucking my salty lips into his own mouth as we moved the very short distance to the bed. He pulled back the covers and gently laid me back against the sheets, still kissing me passionately and bearing his weight down on me, making me clutch him against me, my fingers digging into his back with excitement.

But he caught my hands and pulled them up over my head while his lips trailed down my neck to suck my breasts again. He waited to hear me moaning and feel me squirm. Then he moved down my stomach, trailing kisses, dipping his tongue into my bellybutton as he slid my skirt off and undid the last string on my bikini bottoms.

Then, with a groan, he slid down the bed, taking both my legs and putting them over his shoulders as he dove into my pussy like a starved man. Nobody has ever licked my pussy the way my brother did, before or after. He had what seemed like an endless tongue and an endless desire for my juices. He rolled my clit between his soft lips, back and forth, before engulfing it with his tongue. The fact that I was so wet seemed to excite him even more, and he was diving into me with his whole tongue, going as deep as he could while I bucked up to meet him. My thighs clamped about his head as he tongue-fucked me until I was almost sobbing from the sweet agony of it. I came in waves and waves, becoming light headed from the blood rushing to my head.

“Oh god,” I kept sighing, still not quite believing how much I had obviously been missing sexually until that point. “That was beyond amazing!”

“Do you still want to keep going?”

At this point I glanced down, happy to see his cock hard and jerking.

“Yes.” “Say it,” he begged.

“I want you inside me. I want you to fuck me,” I gasped.

With a moan he moved up to kiss me hard, and with his tongue in my mouth, teasing mine, he settled over me, and my legs instantly rose up to clasp around him. I could feel his hard knob running up and down my juicy slit.

“Do it,” I sobbed.

Finally, with a groan, he slid the full length of his shaft into me, as deep as it would go, and my whole body shuddered from how good he felt. I could literally feel myself dripping around him as he started moving slowly but deeply in and out. My hips rose to meet every thrust. The sheer size of him just filled me up so well, and the way he moved inside me was driving me over the edge.

He continued kissing me as he pumped his cock into my pussy, making me feel like we were honestly making love. The haze of the MDMA effects had sensitized my whole body and mind in a way that I had never experienced before. Suddenly I was feeling everything. Just a light brush of his lips on my neck drove me into waves of ecstasy. At that moment I didn’t ever want him to stop. Wanting to live the rest of my life with his cock buried deep inside me, and other such irrational sentiments were making my mind spin.

And suddenly I was coming hard all over his cock, drenching him in juices while he drove himself into me as deep as he could while I clutched his ass, not wanting to lose an inch of his cock. The pulsing of my orgasm sent him over the edge and he let out a moan as he came just after me, warming my insides with his hot cum.

We both sighed, trying to catch our breath as we held each other, our bodies wet with sweat, listening to the soft whir of the fan above us.

I have long thought about all the factors that combined to lead me to take that ominous step of making love with my brother for the first time. There was the unbearable heat of those long days under the hot Thai sun that seemed to just get inside me and make me want to become a slave to my body’s desires. And there was the blissful rushing haze of taking MDMA together that exaggerated how connected one might feel toward another person, and makes every touch shiver through your body with unexpected pleasures. There was also my reckless 18-year-old pinnacle of youth ego that wanted to say ‘to hell with the world and what society wanted to condemn as wrong’. But that moment felt very right. And I still have yet to experience as complete a connection as I had with my brother.

A few months after our awakening on Koh Phangan, Chris moved back to our home city, not far from where I had started my training at the dance academy. While he never specifically said that it was because of me, it was a happy “coincidence” for both of us. What followed was an up and down kind of “relationship”. It had the best highs and the lowest lows. But in the end he wanted more than I could give, and has returned to Australia where he still lives today.

And, while I believe our paths were destined to continue separately, there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t miss him… just a little. But that, of course, is another story.