I am a victim of incest and seduction.
I guess many of you have heard stories of women who were victims of incest, in one form or another. Well, I feel like I'm a victim, too, and I don't know what to do about it. I'm an ordinary, average 38 year old white male, college educated professional, with a mortgage and two cars in the driveway. I'm a member in good standing at my neighborhood church -- or at least I was, and I thought I was doing a good job raising my daughter, Emmie, who had just turned 17. Her mother died when she was ten, and I never felt like the few women I dated after that would make good step-mothers.
I don't know where I went wrong. I need help with this situation, but I don't know where to turn.
Emmie was precocious from the start, and frankly, I was proud of that. She started reading at four and could play computer games at six. She's in the gifted and talented program at school now, in the tenth grade. And she's a lovely young woman. In my eyes, she's very lovely. But not in her own. It pains me to hear her speak of herself as fat and unattractive. For her height, she's not more than twenty pounds overweight, but it is all she sees when she looks in the mirror. She could easily lose it in a few months, if I could just get her to stop eating fast food and candy.
Emmie has never had a boyfriend. Oh, she's very interested in boys all right. I hear her talking to her girl friends over her cell phone in the evening. And I found her laptop one weekend when she was off on a school trip. It was unlocked, and I saw the pictures she had saved. Pictures of very good looking young men with big muscles. And big penises. And some... well... porn. Generally of girls her own age giving oral sex to men. I admit I was shocked. I never in a million years thought of Emmie that way, thought of her having sex. And certainly not of her with an erect penis in her... in her mouth. There were other pictures, of course, pictures of girls engaged in normal intercourse. But they were closeups of large penises penetrating shaved... well... you can guess the rest.
I was about to close the laptop when I saw a button for one of those social network chat websites. You know, where teenagers can goof off at each other and copy homework and flirt. Sure, flirting is to be expected. But not... There was a video clip of Emmie exposing her breasts. I was stunned. I knew she wore a D cup bra. But I had never imagined... She was holding them in her hands like soft, plushy pink grapefruit. Aureoles the size of silver dollars. Squeezing and jiggling them. Offering them to the camera. She was 16 when those pictures were made.
The note underneath said, "I know I'm not pretty, but I'll show you what I have. If you want to see more, just ask."
I was heart broken.
And I was perplexed. She was typically such a cheerful outgoing girl. She wasn't depressed or morose. She went out with her friends fairly often, and loved to bike and play soccer. She had asked me to teach her to play billiards and table tennis. A normal teenager, I thought. But she was "sexting" herself over the Internet. And in my mind, the word "sexting" became "selling."
A month after that incident, I worked up the courage to talk to Emmie about sex and relationships. I thought I did a good job of it. I used my own experiences with her mother to explain things. I even let Emmie know that I knew about the breast video -- and disapproved. And she seemed to take that well. She insisted that lots of girls did that and it wasn't serious. She was still a virgin, even though she masturbated often.
That revelation blind-sided me. Damn, why couldn't I anticipate these things? Of course she... you know, masturbates. She's a teenager. I just wasn't ready to... visualize my own daughter doing that. That was TMI. But my daughter kept on volunteering information about herself that I wasn't ready to hear. She had a vibrator. She sometimes used it while on her cell phone to her friends. While they were masturbating, too. Phone sex. Mutual masturbation. With boys and girls. I interrupted and asked her to be careful, and made all the appropriate warnings. And she smiled and hugged me and said, "I'll be careful, daddy. Don't worry."
I guess that was my first mistake. Uncorking all that intimate knowledge about Emmie that I really wasn't ready to hear. No. I know what my first mistake was. A few nights after that I began stopping at her bedroom door and listening for a few seconds, before I went on to bed. I shouldn't have done that. I was putting myself in harm's way. Big mistake.
A week later, I passed by her door and heard her voice. She giggled. She was talking to someone. I heard her repeat the word "Yes" three times. And then she moaned. It was a lascivious moan, a series of sensual moans and grunts, unmistakeably the sounds of a young girl having an extended orgasm.
I hurried to my bedroom and settled in under the covers in the dark. I put it all out of my mind, but my stupid penis didn't get the message. It was hard -- and stayed hard, no matter what I did. Then I made my second mistake. I masturbated. I masturbated while replaying Emmie's video in my mind. Watching my daughter offer her warm, soft, D-cup titties to me in her hands. To me, her father. And I ejaculated explosively, my eyes scrunched so tight that I saw stars.
Well, that changed everything. It changed everything between us. I couldn't see Emmie as just an innocent little girl any more. She tended to wear simple dresses in the house, somewhat oversized dresses held up by shoulder straps, or held up by an elastic band that fit around her chest just above her breasts. And when she bent over, like when she was on all fours on the living room carpet, playing with her dog, she would reveal cleavage. And with her D-cup breasts, that was quite a lot of cleavage. I started glancing at her breasts when she bent over, and up her dress when her knees parted -- things like that. And she caught me doing it.
It seemed to happen more and more often, until it was happening every day. Playing with the dog, innocently exposing more and more of her breasts to me, rolling on the floor, exposing her panties to me. I should have said something, asked her to be more modest, but I didn't. I noticed she wasn't wearing a bra anymore in the evenings. I said nothing. She bought a new house dress for lounging around, and it had a neckline that scooped down much further than her other dresses. I said nothing.
By then, I was masturbating several times a week. Visualizing Emmie's breasts. Imagining them in my hands. Imagining my erect penis sliding between them. The magnitude of my orgasms kept getting bigger and stronger.
I got an invitation. It was an email message inviting me to join one of the dozens of social networking sites. Blah blah. But I stopped just before I hit the delete button. It was the same site that my daughter was on -- and it was from 2shy2chat, Emmie's avatar name. This time I knew it was a mistake. I knew it was a bad mistake even before my cursor went to the Accept button and clicked on it. Ten minute later, I had an avatar identity, with some default picture, and some silly name. I logged out and went to the garage and lifted weights. I felt dirty.
Next day, I signed in, my hands shaking. Emmie had not only accepted, but had given me "intimate friend" status. There was her page spread out before me. Including her gallery of pictures and videos. The pictures were ordinary, except for two that were shot in a mirror. Her face was concealed, but one breast was partially bared. There were three videos, accessible by only friends of intimate status. With shaking hands, I opened one. I had seen it before, Emmie fondling her breasts.
The second one showed Emmie moving around so that her legs disappeared on either side of the camera. She was up on one elbow on her bed, and she pulled up the hem of her dress, revealing her sky blue panties. There were sounds, mostly rustling noises. Then I caught her saying, "wait a second, almost there," and her hand pulled her dress up further, and she spread her legs apart. And her hand... I caught my breath. And her hand slipped under the crotch of her panties. I was aware of my penis getting very hard. And my daughter's hand pulled her panties to the side, revealing her genitals. Two fingers straddled her privates and then pulled apart her labia, revealing the pink entrance to her vagina.
Another burst of sound caught my attention, "I shaved it just yesterday. How do you like it?"
I closed my browser and ran to my bathroom. I got naked as fast as I could and got in the shower. Once the water got nice and hot, I lathered up my throbbing erection and masturbated. Three times. And then I cried.
Okay, I decided not to go to her website page ever again. And I stopped looking down or up her dresses, no matter how much she revealed. If there was a flash of panties, I got up and went for a glass of iced tea or something. And I started praying. Oh, I always prayed something. You know, god bless Emmie, god bless my sisters, god keep the economy going long enough for me to put Emmie through college, that sort of thing. But now it was serious: God, please help me stop thinking of Emmie's breasts. And her shaved pussy. Please help me stop masturbating every night thinking of my daughter's naked body.
And I was. I was visualizing sex with Emmie every single night, masturbatiing myself to at least one explosive orgasm every night. Sometimes two. But the prayers seemed to help after a while. I finally felt that I was gaining some control.
On a Friday night, Emmie had Teresa and Tommy over to the house. They were brother and sister and were in Emmie's Advanced English Lit class at school. They spent the evening in Emmie's room, and made quite a bit of noise. Things were bumping and scraping and clattering, but they seemed to be having a good time. Some time Saturday, I saw that the youngsters had rearranged Emmie's bedroom. Did a great job, too.
That night, as I slipped into bed, I prayed God to save me from my lusts and closed my eyes. And I heard a voice. Emmie's voice. With a flash of understanding, I realized that now Emmie's bed was solidly up against the wall that separated our rooms. Her bed was just six inches from mine. I couldn't help myself. I slid over to the wall and put my ear against it.
"It looks great, just great... can't thank you and Tommy enough... well, we will see, won't we?... oh god I hope this works. I just have to have him... yeah, in the mouth for sure... [giggling]... so nasty... yeah, me too... are you both doing it?... that's hot... I'm using the blue one you gave me... yeah... let's do it together... yeah... I'm imagining him... his cock in my mouth... his big cock... ohh... ohhhhh..."
I pulled away from the wall, shaking in the darkness. Emmie was masturbating. She was fantasizing sucking cock. My cock was so hard, so stiff, so painfully throbbing. I reached for it and started stroking. I could still hear my daughter faintly through the wall, her moans of pleasure and lust getting louder and louder. I stroked myself faster and faster, imagining it was MY cock she was sucking! My baby, Emmie had her lips wrapped around my erect, lust-engorged cock! Yes! Yes!! Yes!!! Emmie had reached a climax!!! And then I did too, spewing my semen in long thick jets into the darkness. I felt it spatter on my arm and my chest.
I was panting heavily, and my heart was pounding. I was thinking that I should turn the lights on and see if I had made a mess of the sheets. I took off my boxers and used them like a towel to wipe the semen off me. All was quiet from Emmie's room. And then it hit me. If I could hear her through the wall, then she could just as easily hear me.
The next day, I returned to Emmie's web page. I had to see the third video. It was Emmie on her knees on her bed. She smiled and pulled her dress up over her head. She was wearing only her panties. She grinned at the camera and fondled her breasts. She pulled them up toward her face for a moment. She said, "I wish I could suck my nipples but they won't reach that far." Then she reached down and pushed her panties off. She scootched closer to the camera as she spread her legs. Only her thighs and her genitals were clearly in the picture. And her hand, holding a blue plastic rod about an inch thick. It was buzzing and she applied it over her clitoris for a full minute before she slipped about two inches of it inside her vaginal canal. I could hear her moaning.
Then I heard her say, "I hope you enjoy this, daddy! I wish this was you instead of a vibrator!"
I reached over and slapped the power off. The screen went black.
What the hell did she say?! Could it have been Danny? Or Daphne? No. No! NO!! Ohmygod! Did she say Daddy?!
My guts were twisted inside me. I went out and pumped iron for a while, then came inside and took a cold shower and got dressed. I went back to the PC. Back to the third video. I watched it all. There was no doubt. Emmie had said Daddy, and then said it a second time as she reached her climax and orgasmed. "Yes! Fuck me, Daddy! Fuck me! I want you inside me!"
I felt numb all over. I felt helpless. Overpowered. I took a stiff shot of whiskey and sat down in front of the TV watching nothing in particular. I called Emmie's name loudly and waited for her to come out from her bedroom. She was wearing one of her new dresses, with the scoop neckline.
"Emmie, we have to talk."
She made herself comfy on her knees on the floor in front of me. The dog came up to her and she bent forward to scratch its tummy. I could see her breasts almost to her aureoles. They were beautiful. I remembered the way she held and fondled her breasts. I remember her mother, so many years ago. She had breasts just like that. And I used to caress them and kiss them and... I cleared my throat -- and the memories from my mind.
"Emmie, I found some videos on your social page. Emmie, I do not approve of you showing yourself naked on the..."
"I don't, dad, those videos can only be seen by people I want to see them. Just my special friends."
"You set me up as one of your intimate friends, Emmie. Did you intend for me to see you naked? To see you... masturbate?"
She stopped petting the dog and looked up at me. My eyes glanced down to the voluptuous curves of her large round breasts. When I glanced back up, she was smiling an enigmatic smile.
"Well, kind of. I was hoping... hoping that you would... you know... enjoy it. That wasn't wrong, was it Daddy?"
"Emmie, what's gotten into you? Did you know that I could... I could hear you masturbate in your bed last night? I could hear you through the wall."
"But you told me that it was okay to touch myself Daddy. Remember?"
"Yes, but I didn't want to hear you do it."
"Then why were you masturbating, Daddy? I could hear you, too. You sounded like you were having fun."
"You heard that?" I was stunned. I felt my face flush, and my penis twitch and start swelling. Emmie had bent forward again, and was gently swaying, causing her pendulous breasts to swing erotically from side to side. The neckline slipped and I could see an aureole on one breast. Then her nipple. My penis twitched and swelled further. My voice was dry and dusty in my mouth.
"That third video, Emmie, you said... did you say you hoped that I was looking at it? Daddy?"
"Yes. I was imagining that you were in bed with me, watching me touch myself, and then that you were putting your fingers inside my..."
"Emmie! Stop it, please. This is just wrong, princess. Father's aren't suppose to feel sexual feelings for their daughters."
"Why not, Daddy? I have sexual feelings for you. You think I'm beautiful and lovely. I love the feeling of your arms around me. That makes me so wet and..."
"Emmie! I... Emmie, your dress. I can see your... I mean, you shouldn't be showing so much..."
Emmie straightened up on her haunches, and for an instant her breasts were hidden from view. Then she reached up and popped some snaps and the top of her dress fell away, revealing her naked breasts. Her nipples were so goddam big and hard. She reached up and grasped her breasts in her hands as she walked on her knees toward me. She looked down at her breasts as she fondled them and squeezed them and made them jiggle and bounce. She pinched and twirled one hard nipple. It was incredibly erotic and my cock jumped to full erection, making a tent in my slacks.
"Emmie, for god's sake! For the love of god, please... please don't..."
"Touch me, Daddy. Please touch my breasts."
She grasped my hands and placed them on her breasts, her nipples burning holes in my palms. Her hands fell into my lap and unzipped my fly.
"No, Emmie, please no, please no, this is wrong, this is... this is just so... so..."
She pulled out my erection. The feel of her hands on me was exquisite. I hadn't felt anything so exciting since the days I had dated her mother. I was losing control. I tried to pray for strength but my hands were fondling and squeezing her warm breast flesh and my eyes were watching her hands ever so gently stroking up and down the length of my rigid cock shaft.
"Would you like me to suck your cock, Daddy? I want to feel your penis in my mouth so bad. I think about it all the time."
I was numb with shock. I tried to shake my head but I could not. She pulled back, pulling her amazing teenaged tits out of my hands and her head lowered to my lap.
No. Please no. Please merciful god no...
Her lips kissed the head of my rigid penis. A surge of erotic shock flashed through my body. My pelvis involuntarily twitched, pushing the head of my penis up between Emmie's lips.
No. Please god give me the strength to...
"Emmie. Emmie. Please. Please..."
Her warm wet lips stretched over the fullness of my cock head and touched the shaft of my erection. Her tongue was swirling over my cock. Ohmygod that felt so good, but oh shit oh shit this was... this was incest... oh god no, don't let me commit incest on my own..."
Her wet lips were stroking up and down the top three inches of my seven inches. The fear and shame and horror of what was happening was smoldering in my soul. I couldn't do this! But another voice in my head said, yes! Yes, you CAN do this! If Emmie wants this, then give it to her! GIVE IT TO HER!!
And in a flash, I surrendered to my incestuous lusts. Totally surrendered and began wallowing in the carnal sin that was happening in my crotch. I stretched my legs wider apart and gently pushed Emmie's head down on her downstroke, causing a full four inches of my cock to be inside her mouth and throat. She moaned loudly. Out of the corner of my eye I saw that she was finger fucking herself. Ohmygod, my daughter was sucking my cock and masturbating at the same time.
God that was so fucking NASTY AND HOT!!!
And my cock turned into a firehose and spewed my semen into Emmie's mouth! I was fornicating with my own daughter! Over and over again, my balls spasmed, ejaculating yet another huge load of hot, salty jizm into my little girl's mouth. Her lips were stroking up and down my cock really fast now, and she was moaning and grunting in the same rhythm. And her hand was just a fucking blur between her thighs. I couldn't breath. My back arched and my pelvis pushed further up, as if to signal my total sexual surrender to her oral ministrations. My balls were dry, but kept on spasming, trying to eject cum that I no longer had.
Emmie's groans got very loud and then wailed into one long, continuing cry of orgasmic lust. She raised her head off of my cum sodden penis, pearly white streams of goo drooling down her chin. She arched her back, having yet another orgasm. Her open mouth was filled with translucent liquid. I stared in amazement. Emmie was cumming! Over and over again!
Then her mouth closed and she collapsed, almost like she melted in on herself. She pressed her face against my damp sticky penis, which was now fully wilted. We froze in that tableau for a full minute. Then she raised her head and looked directly up at me. There were tears in her eyes.
"Daddy, I love you. I need you so much. Please love me Daddy! Please?"
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