“Philip wait it's not what...” I jumped, the sentence left hanging in the air as the front door slammed closed.

“Penny, stop him, please!” I begged her, “I have to explain to him.”

Penny was already up and followed him out through the door.

I tried to stand also but my head was spinning and throbbing so much that I just slumped back onto the chair and waited, my breathing difficult and laboured.

It seemed an eternity until Penny returned... alone.

I looked around her, trying to see behind her.

“Where is Philip, did you catch him, did you tell him...?”

Penny looked apologetic.

“I caught up with him,” she said, “But he wouldn't listen to me. He said I had caused enough trouble and wanted nothing to do with me and that you and I could...”

“Could what?” I pressed.

“He said that we could... that we were welcome to each other, that he had enough and didn't want to see any of us again. I won't tell you his exact words except to say that I have never heard him use such vile language before, ever.”

“Nooo... Penny!” I grabbed her arm so tightly that she cried out. “We have to find him. I have to find him, prove to him that he didn't hear what he thought he heard, Penny, please!”

“Come on then,” she said, dragging herself free from my vice-like grip and helping me to my feet.

Philip's car was still in the drive.

As he had originally gone for a walk he didn't have his keys so at least he couldn't be far.

We drove in ever increasing circles, slowly searching each and every road and peering up every alleyway but he was nowhere to be seen.

I began to panic, where the hell was he.

Penny turned the car around and we headed back towards my home.

“What are you doing?” I yelled, “We have to find him!”.

“Anna, get a grip on yourself,” she replied, “Think!”

“Wh... what?”

“He stormed out didn't he?” she stated rather than asked.

“Er, yeah...” I replied with heavy sarcasm.

“Oh Anna!” Penny was getting impatient now. “He has no car keys, no coat. It is not exactly warm out is it. Sooner rather than later he will come back to get one, if not both of those things.”

“Oh my Lord!” I exclaimed as the realisation hit me like a hammer. “Come on, quickly, we have to get back!”

My words were totally unnecessary as we were only around the corner from home and I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw his car was still in the drive.

When we had stopped Penny came to my side of the car to help me out but I pushed the house keys into her hand.

“Go in and see if he is back, I'll be all right.” I urged her.

She took the bunch and ran up the path to the front door, fumbled for a moment and pushed it open.

I waited and watched and when she didn't come out I hauled myself out of the low car and hobbled up to the house.

The front door was slightly open still and I pushed through it with my shoulder and called out.

“Philip, Penny!”

“Up here, Anna.”

Penny's voice came from the bedroom upstairs and I began to climb up, step by step, using the handrail to pull myself up.

After a minute, my husband appeared at the top and ran down to meet me.

“Anna, no, stop! You will hurt yourself!” he said as he ran down the few steps.

He put his arms around my waist and firmly guided me back down the three steps I had managed to negotiate.

His touch was electrifying, the most wonderful feeling and I looked up to him and said through blurry eyes,

“After all I have done to you, you still care about me?”

He tried to smile but produced barely a flicker.

“Anna, I have never care cared about anyone the way I do about you. I'm sorry I stormed out.”

“Oh Philip. You have nothing to be sorry for. I know it will be a long time until you trust me again and I don't blame you for anything.”

I put my arm around his waist, as though to steady myself but held him close to me. I felt him soften but he did not return the hug. Instead he guided me through to the kitchen and held me whilst I lowered myself back onto the chair I had so quickly vacated those few long minutes beforehand.

I hadn't noticed but Penny had followed us quietly and was now standing in the doorway.

“Erm, I hate to bring this up but...” she began.

“Then don't!” Philip interrupted her testily.

Penny ignored him and continued,

“Sam,” she said. “She will be at my house at any moment and there will be no-one there...”

Philip pursed his lips but bit his tongue and remained silent.

“I looked up at him.

“I have to do this.” I said holding his gaze steadily.

He looked away and sighed.

“Fine...” was all he said and shrugged.

I stared at him, my gaze steady.

“Philip, do you still love me, even now?” I asked him.

“At the moment, I hate you,” he said.

I was shocked into silence. I deserved it, I know but I didn't expect him to say it, not so brutally.

Maybe he saw the shocked look on my face because he looked at me and continued.

“I should hate you, Anna and, in all honesty, I don't like you very much right now but yes, of course I love you. I never have and never will love anyone else in the same way.”

“But you don't trust me...” I stated.

“No.”

The word came without any hesitation whatsoever and my heart ached with the intensity of a cardiac arrest.

“I know I have no right to ask you to but I have to. Please trust me to deal with this in my own way, Philip.”

He sighed deeply.

“I don't really have a choice, Anna. If you let me down again, we are through. I am struggling so much to come to terms with what you have done, there will be no more chances.”

“I know,” I whispered. “I am grateful that you are still here. I ask for no more than that, especially as I don't even deserve that much.”

I reached out my hand across the table to take his but he didn't offer it and I sighed miserably when he said,

“No, Anna, you don't,” he said slowly. “Nothing is decided yet. I don't know when, or even if I can forgive you and move on but I have to try. You were my whole life.”

That word, 'were', almost stopped my heart! Until he said that I was sure we would be all right but now...

I slowly stood then looked down at him.

“I will earn your trust again, Philip, I will!”

Taking up my crutches, I followed Penny through the door and back to her car.

Neither of us spoke in the few minutes it took to get to her house, there was nothing to be said and once inside, Penny ground some coffee and filled the espresso machine.

Finally, with a mug of hot black coffee in my hands I broke the silence.

“I've blown it, haven't I?” I asked her.

Penny looked at me from across the room.

“I wish I knew, Anna,” she replied sadly. “He won't even speak to me. I suppose both your futures are in your hands now.”

“Yes it is,” I agreed, “It always has been. I know Philip still loves me but I have hurt him in a way that may never heal. He could easily turn around and tell me I am not worth the heartache, that he cannot trust me enough and that he doesn't want to risk suffering losing me all over again.”

Penny nodded but there was no reply she could make that would make things any different.

The ding-dong of the front doorbell made us both jump and as Penny went to let Sam in my heart began to pound heavily at the realisation that the time had now arrived to finish all this and move on, begin the long fight to rebuild the tattered ruins of my marriage.

I sat waiting nervously, listening to the voices in the hallway as Penny opened the door and greeted Sam and then my heart leapt into my mouth when they appeared in the doorway, Sam leading.

“Hi Anna,” she said, “I've missed you so much... Oh my Lord! What happened to you?”

I was on my feet now and she stepped towards me, arms outstretched and held me so tightly I could hardly breathe.

I wanted so much to hold her back but I had deliberately used both my crutches so I would have an excuse not to.

Already my resolve was beginning to fade. I loved this young woman so much and feeling her warmth against me once more felt so good.

Penny was watching every move, I could feel her eyes burning into me but still I rested my head for a moment against Sam's neck.

Her heady scent in my nostrils and the softness of her hair against my cheek.

We stayed locked in this loving embrace for a few moments until I heard Penny's soft voice whisper,

“Anna...”

I sighed and the thought of lying to Philip came back to me so I gently pushed her back.

“I am all right, Sam,” I said quietly, “Tried to run before I could walk and fell over. I banged my head quite hard.”

“You look as though you have been beaten up! Are you telling me the truth because if he did this to you...”

Her words trailed of and she took on such an angry look that Penny answered for me.

“No, Sam, it was as she said.”

Sam turned her head to kiss me and I held back... but it was no use, I couldn't stop myself and the moment her soft lips touched mine a spark of electricity flowed through me just as much as it had the first time. I couldn't stop a slight moan escape and once again, Penny's sad voice cut through it all.

“Anna, sit down. Take the weight of that ankle...”

This time I did as I was bid and, with breaking heart, released Sam totally and lowered myself back onto the sofa.

Sam was about to sit beside me but Penny had positioned herself in such a way that she would have had to have pushed past and, as she had such impeccable manners, she followed Penny's indication to sit in the armchair, alone.

We sat silently, each waiting for another to speak first.

“How is your ankle, now, Anna?” Sam asked politely in an effort to break the deadlock.

I smiled weakly, fully understanding that the answer was not really of great importance.

“Oh, mending nicely...”

My words trailed off, the conflict within me preventing any further discourse.

Seeing our discomfort, penny stood.

“There is something I must take care of upstairs,” she said, being very diplomatic, “I f you will excuse me I will leave you two to talk.”

She smiled sweetly at Sam and headed towards the stairs.

At the bottom, out of Sam's sight, she stopped and turn back, catching my eye with an expression which left no doubt that she was urging me to get on with it, winked reassuringly then climbed the stairs making it as obvious as she possibly could to Sam that we were now alone.

For a short time, we sat awkwardly, looking at each other.

She was the first to move and she stood up and came over to sit beside me on the sofa and took my hand in hers.

The sensation of just her hand upon mine made me go weak inside but I couldn't look at her, I knew I had to end this and end it now, before anything more happened.

I went to pull my hand away but I couldn't.

It wasn't that she was holding me tightly or anything like that, it was just that although my brain was telling my hand to move, my heart was intercepting the command signals and making it stay put!

“Anna,” she whispered, “I feel that something is different, something wrong.”

I didn't answer but remained motionless, staring at my lap whilst she continued.

“When you told me that your husband knows, you didn't just mean about my existence, did you?”

I shook my head slowly. I had lost the power of speech due to the ache in my throat and I didn't dare look up for fear of her seeing the torment in my eyes.

“ You told him about us, about what we did together?”

“No,” I whispered, my voice cracking, “I just told him we were having an affair. He didn't need details.”

“So what happens now? I take it he will leave you so we can be together?”

Her words hammered into my brain with the power of a hydraulic ram and I raised my head and slowly turned to face her.

“Is that what you wanted, Sam? To destroy my marriage?”

She looked startled.

“No, of course I didn't. You were the one who told him, not me!”

“Sam, Philip has been my life for far more than the twenty-five years we have been married. We have been happy together for most of our lives. He is not leaving me.”

Her eyes opened wide.

“So he doesn't mind then? He will share you?”

I rested my head in my hands, shaking it in despair.

“No, Sam, he will not share me. Don't you see? I betrayed him and broke his heart. Can't you imagine how he must feel when the love of his life, the only women he ever wanted has so badly let him down?”

“You mean...”

“It has to end , yes. I promised him I would not lie again to him and I will not break that promise.”

I held her gaze and saw her eyes begin to fill as the realisation dawned on her.

“But, Anna. You promised me too.”

“My love for you was... is real, Sam. That I am hurting you in the same way is breaking my heart and there is nothing I can do to change it. I was wrong to seduce you, the worst thing I have ever done in my life.”

I saw a small bead of water break free from her lower lid and trickle gently down her cheek and there was absolutely nothing I could do to prevent my own tears fro doing the same thing as I continued to explain.

“I have to make a choice, today, immediately. I have to choose between losing you, losing Philip and losing you both.”

“No, Anna, you don't have to choose, we can go on as we are. Philip doesn't need to find out. I will be discrete, I won't call you, we can meet here or at my house... Anna... Please!”

The tears were flowing freely down her cheeks now, making her eyes dark with streaks of mascara.

She pleaded desperately but what could I say or do?

“We can go on, Anna, please say we can. I love you so much...”

I took her hands in mine and squeezed her fingers.

“That is the problem, Sam, that is how he knew something was wrong,” I said gently.

She shook her head and frowned, not quite understanding.

“He knew because what we had wasn't just sexual. If it had been then maybe I would have been able to hide it better, I don't know, but I fell in love with you that very first night in Birmingham and that was something I just could not hide from him.”

Still frowning with confusion she asked,

“So... I don't quite follow, what are you saying?”

This was it, now was the tame to gather all my strength which, up until now, seemed to have deserted me.

“I have to make a choice, Sam and I have to do it now. I cannot see you again.”

Sam looked aghast.

“After all you said, you are telling me we are finished?”

I couldn't look at her but just nodded slowly.

“Anna, you promised me! You said you loved me and would never hurt me and yet, here you are dropping me like a hot potato now you have been found out! How could you?”

The outburst took me completely by surprise. I had hoped she would understand my position and let me go.

“I know,” I whispered. “My heart is breaking at what I have done to you but Philip has made it abundantly clear that I am a hairs breadth from losing him.”

“Then let him go. Stay with me, Anna.”

I looked at her for the first time and realised that I didn't know her at all.

“Sam!” I gasped. “Don't you get it? He is not just my husband, he is my whole life! Without him I have nothing!”

“Nothing? Are you saying I am nothing?”

The anger in her voice was palpable.

“No, of course I'm not,” I countered, “But I have known for just a few days. What we shared was wonderful and I don't want to give you up but I have no choice.”

“You do have a choice, Anna, you do! Look at me...” As she spoke she tore open her blouse revealing her scarlet lace bra with its jet black trim.

“Feel them, Anna, remember how you felt that first time...”

She grabbed my hands and held them against her breasts.

I drew back in horror.

“Sam, stop it!” I exclaimed but she didn't stop, she held my hands tightly and with a little manoeuvring managed to push up her bra so my hands were against her naked breasts.

The contact with her soft warm flesh brought back the memories of that first night and, for a moment, I wavered and relaxed just slightly enough for her to notice.

“You see?” she said, “You love me, you want me not him!”

Her words crashed through my head like a tidal wave and I jerked my arms suddenly away from her.

“No, Sam, I want Philip. I need Philip! You can't wipe out my whole life!”

My head was spinning, a million thoughts flying around and not a single answer.

This wasn't the Sam I thought I knew, so sweet and demure. No, this Sam was beginning to frighten me.

It made me realise that I knew Philip, his behaviour when I confessed to him was exactly how I expected him to react but I didn't know Sam.

Sam suddenly launched herself upon me, throwing her arms around me and pressing her lips against mine and I didn't have the strength to push her away.

I tried to shout, to object but only a muffled protest escaped as I tried to turn my head to release myself from her embrace.

“Sam! What on earth are you thinking?”

Penny's voice broke through the anguished haze and Sam jumped back, pulling her blouse together to hide her nakedness from Penny's eyes staring wildly at her and then at me.

Without a word but with tears streaming down her cheeks she ran out of the house to her car. I heard the door slam, the engine rev and the scream of tortured rubber as she accelerated madly away.