My Typical Movie Date

Here I am, 22 years old and have been out on my own for a whole year to the date. My cigarette burns in celebration as I inhale its last contents before throwing it on the ground of the shabby apartment complex I rent with loud noisy, alcoholic, thieving neighbors. It was exactly how I thought it would be. I'm a survivor. People think that those who are an only child tend to be spoiled rotten. That was never the case with me. My father and I just never got along and my mother was always there to make excuses for him. I couldn't blame her; if I dedicated my life to someone, I would try to be a peace maker between my daughter and lover, too.

I had come out to them when I was 20. I knew it wasn't going to be a big deal. My mother smiled expectantly and asked, "Can I be there when you tell your father?" My father simply stated, "I thought you were going to be in the closet a little longer." Now I'm not a butch person, but I'm not feminine one either. I hate carrying purses, so I carry a wallet in my front pocket. I hate dresses and skirts, but will wear a skirt when the occasion calls for it. I'm not big on makeup because I work too hard and tend to sweat it off during the day. Plus, I have one of those faces that really doesn't need it. My long red hair is a bit of a pain, but I never got around to cutting it.

I don't flash myself around, but I'll go to gay clubs with my guy friends and help them get numbers. I received a free drink once... from a gay guy hitting on my friend. I tilted the drink in thanks to him and gulped it down. I'm not ashamed; that drink was free. My friends and family can't figure out why I'm still single. My best friend, Alex, tells me, "You're ridiculous, Mel. You're fucking gorgeous with that body and you play as if your straight and uninterested. Get out there. You have fucking beautiful breasts. If I were straight I'd do a nose dive right into your D's." I seem to be stuck in a place with no time with my job, no money because of the university, and no interest in anyone enough to make room for them.

It's been 2 years since I came out and I haven't yet poked my head into the world and said, "I'm available!" The only thing I've had was a drunk night with some close friends and I was able to undress this hot chick while her boyfriend watched on a dare. It was stupid, but it's all I have.

So, today, when I tell you there's this beautiful girl in my bed while I'm out here smoking my cigarette, please understand how much of a fucking miracle this is. I can barely comprehend it myself. I think I'm numb from the excitement or the cold... it doesn't really matter.

It all started with an invite.

"Mel, we're going to see that new zombie movie this Friday. You down?" Cassie asked from her register.

"Yeah, sure, just text me the time." I was the fastest checker. It's not eligible for the Nobel Prize, but it is something I pride myself in. It's not an overt pride; it's one I definitely keep to myself.

Beth was at the customer service counter continuing her returns. I knew she'd go. Two years ago she told everyone she was gay. Now, she's going out with a guy. That was great. I was happy for her, but kind of annoyed at her switch because it made it look like being gay was a phase. Her grandparents were Salvadorian. She was second generation American and studying to be a nurse. She was a little on the chunky side, but she wore it well. Her long black hair was most of the time pined up with a large red Spanish rose clip that made her dark brown eyes pop. Her smile had a crooked tooth, but it just looked adorable on her. Her personality was intoxicating and brought a smile to everyone she talked with. She was the only crush I had working at my nametag store.

Beth had a dirty playful side to her as she went around smacking the other cashiers on the ass every time they entered the customer service area. When she didn't have any customers she always wandered to my register where we would wind up talking gossip, politics, religion, sports, you name it. I knew what I felt was one sided. I never pushed it or gave any indication I was interested. It wouldn't be right to be with someone I worked with. It'd be awkward. There'd be no way to concentrate after it would happen, too; especially with her. Especially when she turned back to the heterosexual world with a guy she was in deep with.

Friday came and out of the four of us, Beth and I ended up sitting next to each other. Cassie and Tina were on the outside while Beth and I were sandwiched in the middle. Since someone was sitting in the chair in front of Beth she decided to place her feet on the chair I was using. It was fine. It worked. That is until the middle of the movie came and her feet began to touch mine. Even through both of our shoes I felt heat.

This is nothing, Mel, I thought. Quit reacting to something that normal friends do. Then she moved and settled her arm against mine on the arm rest.

Don't. Move. This is normal, just don't move and remember to breathe. She moved and a cold breeze hit my arm. I didn't realize I was so rigid and tense so I exhaled in an attempt to make my muscles limp. That's when she repositioned herself with her head on my shoulder. Everything but my shoulder tensed up. Everything on the right side of my body was just limp from her touch and everything on my left was as tense and hard as a rock. I stayed that way until the lights came back on, indicating the movie was over.

She lifted her head and smiled at me,"That was a good movie. And... now I gotta go pee."

"Yeah, there's a family restroom right across the way."

"Come with me."

"It's one room. I don't think management would like that much," She laughed.

"You might have a point."

All three of us waited for Beth.

"So... Mel.... What's up with you and her?" Cassie's eyebrows were waving up and down with a knowing smile on her face.

"Yeah, I saw you two making passes in the movie. Was that you I heard moaning?" Tina peered over her glasses at me.

"What? I didn't do anything. And Cassie, you owe me a slurpee, you drank three quarters of mine," I said trying desperately to switch the subject. I blush easily and it was a downhill slope with Beth being the topic of conversation.

"You could have said something, but no you just let me have it. Not my fault," By this time Beth had joined us.

"Let's go outside guys. I want to smoke," Cassie said as she began pacing toward the door. The rest lingered behind as we finally met with Cassie outside the theater on a bench by the waterfall. Cassie offered Beth a smoke which she took and offered me a turn. I shook my head no.

"Oh, that's right," Beth started.

"She quit," Cassie finished. "You didn't even smoke that much. I don't know why you would have to quit."

"Too nasty a habit. Didn't like the smell on my hands for hours after washing them over and over again then having a whiff and not knowing if it came from my clothes or hair. I just wanna suck it and leave it, but that ciggy's a little too committal for me."

"Jeez, Mel, if you wanna suck it and leave it, talk to Jeremy. I'm sure he can write you in," Beth said as she exhaled. Her smoke threaded upward into the night sky.

"Oh, I'm sure he'd love me and you sucking a ball in each mouth. Gets a guy turned on every time doesn't it? Sorry, a ménage a trois is not something I imagine happening at all, much less with a guy."

"Oh, good lord Mel!" Tina exclaimed as Cassie was bending forward laughing.

Smiling, Beth dropped her cigarette and exhaled. "No, it wouldn't be with me. That's why we broke up. I caught him at his apartment with this other woman and had the fucking sack to ask me to join them." She dropped her cigarette and twisted it with her foot with a little more force than necessary.

"Holy shit, what did you do?" I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"Not much of anything, just that he should get used to whores, because he wasn't getting me for free anymore. I took what little I had over there, stuffed it in my purse. Then I was gone. He didn't even run after me," She looked at me. "Which is fine by me, I have other ventures to explore anyway."

I couldn't look away. I kept eye contact until Cassie asked where I had parked. Since Beth drove both Tina and Cassie, I was by myself in my car. I was the furthest drive. I have never asked anyone to pick me up in fear of having to pay for their gas. Although, they all had no problem coming to my apartment for a few drinking sessions.

Beth drove me to my car. We waved our goodbyes and that was it. I scrambled for the key, sat in my car and took a big long breath. It was one of the more intense movies that I had ever gone to see. I felt it needed a moment of silence for it to be committed to memory.

That night I drove 90mph home on the freeway. I came to my lovely wasteland of a home in a record of 10 minutes. The upstairs neighbors were playing their rap too loud again. When my door opened the stomping above became amplified.

Home sweet home I thought.

I threw my keys on the stand near the door. The few dishes that were in the sink I washed. I swept the floors and wiped off the kitchen table. When I realized I was cleaning due to stress, I jumped in the shower. I had just wrapped my hair in a towel when someone knocked on my door.

Who the fuck...? With another towel wrapped around me, I went to grab my gun with my finger off the trigger.

There was another knock.

I quietly walked to the peep hole. That's when I saw her.