Standing naked in front of the mirror, I don't look like much. I’m skinny, boney even, and my breasts are non-existent, some would even say I look like a boy. Sometimes I wish I had been born a boy. So many things would have been different, so much of my life might have turned out different. Most importantly, Tina might have fallen in love with me.

I run my hands over my breasts. My nipples spring to life after my hands pass over them. I think about Tina and all the things we've done together. What would it have been like to touch her, hold her, and even fuck her as a boy? My fantasy is silly. Tina wouldn't have stayed with me if I were a boy. She never stays with any guy longer than a couple of weeks. Girls like her never do.

What is wrong with me anyway? I shouldn't be thinking of Tina. I'm Desire's girl now. Desire is the one coming to my party tonight. But it isn't Desire's face in my mind as I touch myself, my fingers sliding between my thighs, my body responding. Tina is the only one I think about, the only one I really want. My thick pussy lips part for my fingers and my knees fold together. I'm about to have an orgasm just thinking about her. Guilt floods my mind after it is over. Desire can't know how much I love Tina still.

I've always masturbated when I'm nervous or bored. I find comfort in masturbation the way some people find solace in a song or good book. In fact, I masturbated when I woke up, because I was naked. I masturbated after brushing my teeth, because I saw myself naked in the mirror. I masturbated sitting on the couch because I was topless, and anyone outside could see me through the living room window. I masturbated on the old swing in our back yard, but it wasn’t comfortable, so I came back inside and masturbated in the bed and fell asleep. Now, I’m standing here in front of the mirror, and my juices are running down my thighs, and my hands are sticky, and all I can think about is Tina.

Masturbation keeps me from going insane.

I realize I have no idea what time it is, so I run into my room and look at the pink clock beside my bed. It’s 3:34pm! Tina should be home! I rush to the phone and call her.

Tina's little sister answers, "Yeah?"

"Hey lil' sis, Tina there?"

"Yeah, but she ain't gonna talk to the likes of you!"

"Come on, let me talk to her," I say.

"TINA! PHONE!" she screams. I hear Tina ask "who's on,"and her little sister tells her. I can't hear Tina's reply, but I hear Loren say, "Tina, take it! GOD!"

“Hi Paula.” Tina sounds flat, like someone ready to be on to other things.

“Hey, are you coming over?” I ask.

“Huh?”

“I was hoping you would help me out with the party,” I try not to sound too eager. I have to sound cool, like I don't want it, when really, I'm already dripping just thinking about Tina in my house.

“Why weren’t you in school?”

“I was getting ready for the party.”

“Oh.”

Silence.

“Are you coming over?” I ask again.

“Yeah, when does it start?”

“Whenever you want.”

“Yeah, ok. Well listen, I gotta go.”

“Oh…” What's wrong? Tina should be excited to come to the party. She should be dying to get here, after all she loves parties. She lives for parties, but she doesn't even sound like she's interested, like…like she's forgotten all about it.

“See ya.” Tina hangs up the phone.

I decide to get ready. I step into the shower, but my excitement has gone. I've been so worked up all day because Tina would be coming over; now I just feel like crawling away and hiding under my bed. All my familiar insecurity comes flooding like a cloud of bats at dusk, pouring out of the cave of my own depression. I get dressed and ready for people to show.

6:00pm arrives. Nobody.

6:34pm. Nobody.

I pace the floor. I open the front door and look down the street. Just some kids playing. I go back inside and change clothes again. My neighbor, Meredith, hasn’t come home yet. She was my booze connection, if she doesn't show, my party will suck. I chew on a nail, look out the window again, chew the nail again. I go back in my bedroom and change my bra, look at it under my shirt and walk back to the front door again.

7:10pm. Nobody.

7:20pm Meredith drives up. I run out the door to catch her before she goes inside. Thank God! If I have booze, at least some kids will be too drunk to know my party sucks.

“How is the party going?” Meredith asks when I come running up.

“No one is here yet,” I say, a little out of breath.

“Yeah... well it’s really early,” She smiles. She opens the back of her car and takes out a brown paper bag. Inside was one bottle. One bottle! One bottle of booze for an entire party!

“Listen, you kids have fun,” Meredith says.

“You aren’t staying?”

“With a bunch of teenagers?”

Jesus! Is nothing going to go right for me tonight? Meredith loves teenagers. In fact, Meredith is completely into robbing the cradle. Why wouldn’t she stay? Calm down Paula, I tell myself. Just chill. Deep breaths. Maybe I can mix the booze with something and make it go further. Who wants a woman in her thirties at a party anyway?

“Come here.” Meredith hugs me, and gives me a kiss on each cheek. She fancies herself so worldly. I retreat to my house with my one bottle of booze. I looked inside... Tequila. Who even drinks tequila? My party is going to suck ass!

A few minutes later, and I sit in the house alone, with a bottle of tequila. “It’s only, like, 7:30 Paula, calm down,” I tell myself. I fumble with the top of the bottle. I open it and smell it, and recoil when the stench burns my nostrils. Was Meredith insane? Why would she think I wanted tequila?

8:30pm. Nobody.

I open the bottle of tequila and turn on the television. No one is coming. Tequila burns my throat, but I don't care and continue to guzzle it down. I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand. I look down and my padded bra looks like it is two sizes too big. I need a new shirt. I run to my room to change again.

A knock! A knock at the door!

I run down the little hallway and turn toward the door nearly falling on my ass. One swig of tequila, and I’m worthless. I fling open the door and standing there is a beautiful, but sour face. Her name is Missy, and I invited her on a whim. Missy is one of those girls with money and brains and looks, and when you combine those three, you usually end up with instant bitch. Missy is the perfect example. But who am I to complain? So far she is the only person to even show.

“Who’s house is this?” She asks.

“Hi Missy! Come in, come in,” I say too loudly. The alcohol is talking, not me.

“Is this your place? Did you, like, buy this place yourself?” She seems amazed anyone could live here.

“Hey, come on in. There are a bunch of kids showing up soon. I have tequila!”

Right behind her, a few guys from school show up. Missy retreats to the corner. She looks like she doesn’t want to touch anything. Who cares. More people are coming behind them.

Ian shows a little later with some of his nerdy friends. Ian is the kind of kid that will one day probably be a CEO of his own company, or something of the sort. For now, however, him and his friends are barely capable of getting laid.

“Ian,” I slur. Damn it, I’m drunk. I hear it in my voice. I’ve never been able to take alcohol. One shot, and I’m a lush. Ian hugs me, and his friends stare at me. I can tell Ian probably told him we are fucking. His friends look at me with hungry expectation. More kids pour in behind Ian and his friends. Almost in minutes, the house is filled with people.

Imagine a woman lost in the desert for days. Imagine her starving and burning on the hot sand. Imagine she crawls over a sunburned dune to find an oasis of water and food, her cracked and dry lips quiver as she tries to get to the water. She would cry, if she had tears to cry with. If you can picture that, you can picture me at that moment. My party, my oasis, my water in the desert.

Somehow the party moves into the yard, and the pale orange light hovers over the trees, darkness only minutes away. I move through people I don’t know, noticing a few neighbors mixed in with the people standing around. Everyone has beer. Where did beer come from?

I walk through the front door to find the living room nearly empty. Parties seem to do this, move from inside to outside.

“Paula, come over here,” Ian says.

“Why?”

“Just come here.”

“I want to go back outside.”

Ian and his friends are sitting around the couch. Why they wouldn’t just be out talking to everyone, I don’t understand. It’s like they WANT to be alone.

“I need to tell you something,” Ian says. He pats his lap, and so I sit down. He puts his arm around me.

“What did you want to tell me?”

“Huh? Oh, I just wanted to talk to you.”

“So…”

Ian is erect. I feel his cock stiff against my leg. He doesn’t want to talk, he wants to fuck. His friends are right here beside us! I’m so confused. I look over, and his friends are all watching me, not speaking; it’s really bizarre. It’s like they all expect me to do something, but what? Ian moves and his erection slides free and stands tall against me.

“Come on,” I say.

“What?”

“Let’s go to my bedroom,” I tell Ian.

“Huh?”

“I’ll give you a blowjob.”

His friend’s eyes open wide. Hilarious. I can only imagine what Ian’s been telling them all this time. He looks at his friends and they look at me. There is something in their eyes. One of them actually licks his lips.

“I can’t…well you know…I came here with the guys and well…you know.”

“What?” I ask, fully understanding where he is going.

His friends desperately undress me with their eyes. I wish I hadn’t worn the padded bra. I wish I had kept on the orange shirt.

“Well the guys want to party, and I can’t just take off to the bedroom and leave them.”

“Ok, bring ‘em.”

In the bedroom, the guys stand around like they don’t know what to do with their hands. They look around my room, but never at each other.

I knelt down and unzipped Ian’s fly. He grabs the back of my head, and tries to push my mouth down on his cock.

“Calm down,” I say.

I look up at him, and he seems to be trying to shield his dick from the other guys. The other guys are staring at me; I’m porn to them. I wonder if they’ll pull out their dicks and start jerking off?

“So are we gonna do this?” Ian asked.

“Do what?”

“You know.”

I look around to all the guys. They have expectant looks. They want this to happen and two of them are certainly ready.

“Suck your cocks you mean?”

“Yes,” Another boy says.

“Whip ‘em out,” I say, and grin. I feel like I'm in another world. Like I'm watching a porno, only this time I'm in it.

I take Ian’s cock in my mouth, and suck. Another boy whips out his cock, and I wrap my hand around it. It only takes a minute for the other two to fall in, and drop their pants. Four cocks surround me. I loose myself in them. I move from cock to cock, without thinking about it. Just the sensation of their stiff rods ramming in and out of my mouth. That's all I know.

Ian moans. He's excited. I don’t even know how long I've been moving from one cock to the next. I don’t remember. A minute? Two? Ten? Ian moans louder. He's ready to cum. I let him spray his salty spunk into my mouth. I swallow every drop. Ian backs up. Done.

Next.

The smallest of his friends came next. His cum tastes odd. A little off, like bad milk. I long for something to drink. I don't have time to even move before the next guy is cumming. He shoots a spray of cum across my face and mouth. I open my mouth to catch it, but it dribbles down my chin and on my shirt. He thrusts his cock into my mouth and I swallow. It is beyond taste or sensation now. I am in that dream state, everything unreal.

Ian and the others stand in the doorway, leaving my door open for anyone to walk up and see. One guy left. I suck him, and suck him. He won't cum. I work his balls, and suck his cock...fast and slow, fast and slow. My jaw is starting to hurt.

“Come on, cum,” I say.

"I need more than this to help me cum," He tells me.

"No! No way. I'm not going to fuck you!"

"No, you just have to show me your tits or something."

“You’ll be disappointed.” I say, and remove my top. I shouldn’t have worn the padded bra. I drop the bra on the floor, and look up at him with my tiny breasts exposed. His eyes linger on them for a moment, I can't tell if he is disappointed or just curious, then his cock begins to rise.

“Can I touch them?”

“Yes.”

He grips my boob and gives it a squeeze. His hand runs over it, and he pinches my nipple. It might be the first time he has ever felt a breast before. Somehow this gives me a thrill.

"Oh yeah, I think I'm getting close," He says without looking at my face.

I suck. I jerk him, the wet sticky sounds from my saliva seem so loud. Hi pinches my nipple hard, pulling it. Finally, he shoots a huge load, instantly filling my mouth. There's so much! I try to swallow but it's running out my mouth, spilling down my chin and onto my chest. I think he is done so I pull away, drunk on cock and cum. But he isn't done. He grabs his cock and jerks, jerks like he is going for a speed record or something. He thrusts out and points his cock at my face. A huge jet of his cum lands across my face and chest. Another, and another.

“Fuck.”

I hold my hands out, completely unable to believe the amount of cum I had just digested compared to the amount now covering my stomach and jeans! I stand up literally covered in cum. Reality sinks back in, and I feel used, and stupid.

“GET OUT!” I yell, and push him out the door, slamming it behind him. It was one thing to feel like I was giving him something, another to point his dick at me and cover me in cum, like I was a whore. That's what I feel like, a whore. I rush into the bathroom. I wet a wash cloth, and begin cleaning up. The geek goop doesn't come out of my jeans, it's like glue. I unzip them, and let them drop to the floor. I stand in front of the mirror in only my panties.

“Wow, you really are a slut.” A voice states from the dark side of the bathroom.

“Oh fuck!” I scream, and jump back away from the voice in the room. It's Missy. I really thought I was alone in the bathroom, but Missy is there on the edge of the tub, smiling at me.

“What are you doing in here?” I ask.

“Right now? Watching you,” Missy says.

“What? Like...like some kind of peeping Tom?” I'm trying to find a way to turn this back on her. I know it's stupid and silly, but my face and body burn with shame. It is so my luck to get caught. SO, my luck.

“Hardly,” her voice is dry, monotone, as if none of this is new to her, “I was actually using the bathroom, until you and your 'friends' came in,” here she pauses, gives me a look and says, “then you started sucking them all off. Wasn't like I could just jump up and run away.... I wasn't really into watching that, and how was I supposed to know you would freak out and come in here?”

“Freak out? Huh...anyway, why didn’t you just say something?”

“Because I’ve never seen anyone degrade themselves before, it was…interesting.”

“Fuck you.”

“No thanks.”

I didn't know what else to say, so I tried to just ignore her and keep cleaning. I wet the cloth again and got the rest of the junk off me. I grabbed my tooth brush and squeezed a huge blob of toothpaste onto the end and brushed. Missy stood up and walked behind me. She is uncommonly beautiful, and taller than me. Her light brown skin in contrast to mine. Her huge eyes look at me in the mirror, glaring at me over my shoulder. She has huge breasts and the kind of stomach you only get when you're perfect. Missy was the proverbial wet dream, but also a bitch.

“What? Why don’t you leave, you going lesbo?” I'm trying to be mean, trying to sound like other’s had been to me.

“Maybe.”

“Whatever,” I have the distinct feeling she is fucking with me, but I refuse to allow her to get the best of me. She's right though. I had totally degraded myself. Why had I done it? To show off in front of Ian’s friends? Why did I care what they thought? Why did I want to impress Ian? Am I that desperate for friends? Yes, I guess I am. Fuck, I'm so pathetic sometimes.

“So you’ll do anything sexual won’t you?” Missy asks me. Her expression is half accusation, and half curiosity.

“No.”

“Really?” Missy's eyebrow pops up, obviously unconvinced. I'm intrigued by her cool responses, her calm reaction to my graphic display, and her obvious curiosity. She has the upper hand, and she knows it. “I think you will. I think you aren’t a lesbo at all. I think you just love sex.” She moves closer, and I feel an electric connection between us; a jolt that shivers through my body. Jesus...she smells wonderful. I suspect she is wearing some sort of expensive purfume. I'm acutely aware of my nudity in contrast to her completely clothed body. Voices through the walls, permeate the silence that seems to have taken physical heaviness in the room. Neither of us care who is outside this room, outside this moment. Something is about to happen, and these are the moments I crave...like a drug.

“I think you should leave…” I say to her, my voice shaking, and my naked body facing her. Slowly, I look up into her perfect dark eyes, and butterflies dance inside my chest. I swallow and manage a whisper, “… or kiss me.”

To my surprise, Missy leans forward a little. I think for a moment she is going to kiss me, but she says, “You just sucked four guy’s cocks, what makes you think I would want to kiss you?”

“Because... you like sex as much as I do. Because you’ve been standing behind me, watching me clean up wearing nothing but panties, and because if you were really so disgusted with my degradation, you would have walked out a long time ago.”

“And if I kiss you?”

“If you do?”

“You want that…don’t you?”

“Yes.”

“Slut," Missy says dryly.

“Yes,” I say, my words nearly a whisper.

“I bet you are turned on like hell right now huh?”

“Yes.”

Missy surprises me again by cupping her palm over my panties, leaning down just slightly because she is taller than me. Her face is inches from mine, I smell her breath, her perfume, her sweat. She feels how wet I am. I'm soaked. Hell, I'm gushing. Missy's fingers sink into the soft flesh between my legs, pushing my soaked panties into my slit. She moves her hand up and down, making me moan. Her eyes dart down to my tiny breasts and back to my face. Is that hunger in her eyes?

“You are wet.”

My whimpering craving is my only reply. I open my mouth, I want her lips on mine, I'm locked to her eyes. Close up she is even more perfect; not a flaw on her skin, not a single…oh God, I'm cumming. I can't help it! I barely know Missy, I'm still a little tipsy, and this is a dreamlike situation. How could I not cum?

“Oh…g…god,” I manage to get out. I'm trying to keep my voice down, but it is hard for me. I shudder an shake, and my knees buckle under me. My orgasms always nearly take me to the floor. Now I really, REALLY don't want anyone to come through that door.

“You came?” She asks amazed.

“Yes.”

“Take off your panties.”

“Ok.”

I slip off my panties, and stand in front of Missy completely naked. Missy's eyes are all over my body, and she says, “You are cute.”

“Thanks.”

“You would do anything I want right now, wouldn’t you?”

“Yes.”

“Anything?”

“Yes.”

“Wow.”

I want her to touch me again. I desperately want her to kiss me. I try to lean in for that eager kiss, but she backs away. She leans against the open bathroom door, the door to my bedroom and says, “Come to my house tomorrow and we’ll pick this up again, I just hope you are true to what you say. I want you to do anything I ask.”

“Ok.”

Missy smiles, turns, and leaves me alone in the bathroom. Naked, I stand there, and it takes a few minutes before I hear my own breathing, ragged, fast, and a bit like a panting dog. I'm so out of breath, I nearly pass out when I turn back to the mirror. I look at myself, and can't recognize me. Who is the girl in the mirror? She looks kinda like me. She is skinny, and naked, and she looks more like a doll than a person. A doll people move like a pawn, and fuck when they feel like fucking her. A little sexual fetish doll.

I reach between my legs, and sink my fingers into the soft folds of my dripping pussy, and masturbate again. I can't stop, and, honestly, I hope like hell someone comes into the room, into the bathroom. I would do anything. I want to be anything to anyone. But I'm not so lucky, just me alone again. I'm in a house full of people my own age, and I'm totally and completely alone.

I cum.

***********

Chapter 2

11:10pm. Tina still isn’t here.

I sit on the couch and someone is talking to me. I don't really hear anything they are saying. My mind is still on craving...something. A van drives up, speakers blaring, bass thumping, and all the kids run over to the window. We are all curious who would come blaring down the street, disturbing the peace and serenity of suburbia? I have to admit, I'm pretty much shit-faced by this time. I've never really had much alcohol before, so it hardly takes much to get me drunk and tonight the drinks just seem to be flowing. Why was I worried? I drank because, even though there are more people in my house than there have ever been, I fell more alone than I have all day. The appearance of a strange van with more people only makes me feel like pushing everyone out of the house. Instead I hardly move.

“Is that a band?” Some kid yells.

“Looks like a band,” Another remarks.

“Holy shit!” someone else yells out.

Everyone is running outside. I force myself to standing, and make my over to the window with the others. It's dark outside, and I can see people piling out of the van and other cars; college kids. I'm renewed with excitement! I know who it must be.

The first chick I recognize is Amber. Amber is a fantastically cool alternative chick I met near my work, and she is decked out! She has on thigh-high leather boots with thick six-inch heels, a shiny skin tight body suit, and beneath her leather jacket, I can see peeks of her nipples because the rubber top is open over each breast. People back up when she walks out into the crowd with a dog leash. Behind her, Persia steps out of the car, the trailing up to the collar around her neck. Persia is her girlfriend and a beautiful butch-dyke. Persia's also decked out in thick soled, lace-up dance boots, black, very tight shorts, and a completely see-through mesh shirt.

This is unreal. It's the coolest thing I could possibly imagine. The coolest people I could possibly imagine are at my house, walking half naked through my lawn, walking straight toward...me! Amber stops in front of me, and puts her first two fingers under my chin, and then...oh God...and then she kisses me in front of everyone! She smells wonderful, like leather and musky fur, and her tongue feels rough and cat-like. She eagerly explores my mouth, and it is heaven. Every son-of-a-bitch around me finally gets a dose of what I've been eager for all evening. Amber breaks our kiss, and I nearly fall forward.

Amber leans forward slightly and says, “You can thank us later.”

Everyone moves out of the way for her and the other punks and freaks walking up behind her. More and more of them keep flooding out of cars. It's a sea of multi-color hair, leather, latex, and metal piercings and tattoos. I nearly cry. They are so beautiful. It's the best day of my life!

Then...Desire steps out of the shadows of an open car door, and I freeze. She is a black skinned goddess dressed completely in white. If there were really angels on earth, Desire would be one of them. Her outfit perfectly displayed her toned and sleek body. My jaw dropped open, and I felt my knees shaking. She approached me, and I saw her dark nipples through the white top. I shivered with excitement.

"Hello little Witch," Desire said. Missy had sent a shiver of electricity through me, but Desire...oh Desire burned through me like an all consuming fire.

"I'm not a Witch," I reply, knowing she is referring to my job at the new age store.

"You aren't? Well how disappointing,” Desire says, a teasing smile on her face.

Desire wraps her arm around me and together, we walk into my house.

I feel a sea of eyes following us, people I know and don't know watch us together. Me and my girlfriend. A sense of defiant pride floods my thoughts. Desire pulls my hand, stopping me in my living room and turning me toward her. She kisses me, there...in front of everyone. Amber’s kiss was nice, but Desire’s is passionate, hungry, and eager. Her hands are on my ass, pulling my hips into her, grinding me and rubbing our bodies together. The moment is perfect. I'm lost in the eager way her hands explore me, there...in front of everyone, until some guy pushes us, almost knocking me down and says, “Move it.”

Our kiss broken, my eyes come back into focus, and I watch guys bringing in speakers, wires, boxes, and other stuff. It's all stuff I've never seen before, far better than the pitiful little stereo I had going before they arrived.

“I didn’t know if you had a system, and the guys are into making sure every party kicks ass,” Desire says.

“Wow,” is all I can think to say. What else could I say? In only minutes, my living room has been transformed. Music blasts so loud, no one can hear themselves thing. It's perfect. It's everything I wanted. I don't even care that my neighbors might call the cops.

I love it.

My house came alive. Kids are dancing, girls are making out with guys, music's blasting, and I'm loving it. My party will be the one people talk about for years to come. I'm dancing so hard, I think my heart is going to burst.

The music is new, electric, something I've never heard before. It rocks my bones, my flesh, my soul. I feel liberated and alive. For the first time in I don't know when, I feel alive. Suicide the furthest thing from my thoughts, which is a pretty big deal for me.

I bump into someone, and turn to find Persia. She is topless. Her breasts are tight, firm, unmoving. She dances with the attention of every boy and girl around her. I know Persia wants the attention. Her nudity is erotic, but when Amber returns, the two become something else, something almost pornographic. Amber licks Persia’s nipples, her hands caress Persia's ass, digging nails into soft flesh. Persia rocks with Amber’s body, and she allows Amber to molest her in ways obviously practiced between them. Amber's hands slide under Persia's pants and slip them down. Persia stands naked before everyone.

“I want to fuck you,” Desire whispers in my ear.

“What?”

“I want to fuck you,” Desire repeats in a seductive warm blow across my ear.

I can't believe it. Beside me, someone reaches under my shirt and lifts. I slap away the hands before I see they are Persia's.

“I thought you didn’t like me,” I say to Persia.

“I don’t,” Persia says with a snide grin.

I'm so confused. Persia is slipping her hands under my shirt again. Amber is behind her, Desire is kissing my neck. All of this is happening too fast. People I know are watching. People I have to go to school with are going to see this.

“What Persia likes and doesn’t like isn’t important. She does what she is told,” Amber says.

“Why?”

“Because we own her.”

“You do?”

“Yes.”

“Like a slave?”

“Like a plaything.”

“And...” Desire moves around me, “I’ll own you before tonight is done.”

Persia slides my shirt over my head. Her hands are on my jeans now, pulling at the button. It pops open and her hands slide down inside. I'm all too aware of the eyes in the room. Persia slides her hands down further and pushes my jeans with them, sliding them down my legs. I stand there in only my panties and little bra. I know I should stop this, I'll regret it later...but I don't want to. I want this in the worst possible way. I watch my jeans fly up and over Persia’s head, flying into the crowd of dancing people. Some guys cheer. I'm not the only girl getting naked, another girl is riding a guy's shoulders and she is topless. This makes me feel better. I won't be the only one with a crazy story. I'm just starting to relax when fingers slide under my panties.

A warm hand caresses my swollen and dripping pussy. I close my eyes, fall back and thrust my hips into her hand. Fingers slip inside me, tease me, circle around my moist heat, and I'm lost.

"Amber, she's shaved," Persia says, and pulls the front of my panties down. She shows the entire room my shaved mound. Heads lean down, eyes widen...and I honestly don't give a good God damn.

Persia opens my slit with her fingers, pulling apart my folds, exposing me in a way that goes far beyond nudity. Desire kisses me again. I feel something wet running down my front and thighs. Persia is pouring her beer down my stomach.

Desire pulls me to her and says, "Just relax little girl, we are gonna have so much fun."

Persia is kneeling in front of me, her tongue moving up my thighs, up toward my heated panties. Amber smiles when I look at her. Persia’s tongue feels wonderful moving up my thighs. Desire holds me up, I've lost all ability to stand. I smell beer and feel Persia’s tongue inching closer and closer to my panties. Beer isn't the only thing soaking my panties at this point. The room is alive with bodies and the penetrating thump of the music. Persia’s tongue finally dances over my little blue panties, and she eases into my slit. Shivers of pleasure run up my spine. I moan softly and I'm thankful Desire is holding me up.

"Ok, ready?" Amber says.

Desire pushes me up to standing, she cups my small breasts and presses into me. With a shove I'm moving down the hall. Amber pulls on Persia’s leash. Persia crawls away from me, and follows Amber like a dog. It's freaking me out! I've never see anyone do anything like this. I feel a gentle tug on my arm, and I stop. I turn to face Desire. A guy slips up to me and caresses my breasts. I think that Desire is going to be angry at him, but she isn't, she's just smiling. I relax and let his hands massage my breasts and nipples. Desire pulls off her top and begins a slow and seductive dance. While Desire does her dance, rubbing her perfect brown breasts, the guy behind me is pressing his erection between my ass cheeks. He trusts and thrusts and pinches my nipples. I can't take my eyes off Desire.

Desire moves in a way I've seen before, her body turning, her hands slipping her clothes off, and it dawns on me... she's stripping! Desire is a stripper! If she isn't, she's doing a damn good imitation of one. She moves out on the floor and people start going wild. Guys are yelling and cheering, and Desire is keeping her hands over her breasts, teasing everyone, never exposing her nipples. The music changes, the beat sounding out a rhythm Desire connects with, and she drops her hands. Her chocolate nipples exposed, become part of the dance, her breasts moving with her body. The guy behind me is trying to remove his pants so he can fuck me. I don’t know if this is what Desire wants, but if she doesn't do something soon, he'll be inside me. I'm not going to stop him. I want it. I'm so ready. Desire danced over, grabbed my hand, and blew a kiss at the boy behind me. We left him literally hanging, or should I say bouncing, and made our way through the crowd of people to my bedroom.

We walk into my bedroom, and find Persia kneeling in the middle of the floor. Amber is rummaging through a bag on the floor, a large fabric bag, almost like the kind people keep sewing stuff in or craft materials. She is intent on finding something.

Desire plops down on my bed and lefts her boot up to me. I take the hint and reach down and grab the top and bottom and give a pull. It doesn't come off the first try. I pull again and it gives. Finally it slides off and sends me stumbling back a few steps. We get the other boot off and she reaches around her hips and slips her bottoms off. Her wonderfully powerful legs are spread, and her pussy is shaved, smooth, with thick labia that pucker out like a kiss. Her stomach is tight, darker brown in the middle and her large breasts hang down, her nipples look lighter now. She moves over to me and presses her body into mine. She grabs me and shoves me onto the bed.

“Just stay there and don’t move,” Desire tells me.

Amber has hooked together metal poles, and brought them over. Amber grabs my feet and pulls me to the end of the bed. I'm surprised by her strength, forceful like a man. I reach out for the bed, but can't hardly find anything to hold onto. At the foot of the bed, Amber puts a pole between my ankles, and in seconds she has me bound and my legs spread. She reaches under me and lefts me into doggie style position. I feel horribly exposed. My ass is in the air and my legs forced open. Nothing I can do to keep everyone from seeing my little, blue soaked panties. I feel the cool night air like ice between my thighs, and I'm left feverish for someone to touch me. Almost on cue, fingers push against my soaking wet panties. I push back into those fingers, rolling my hips, and wanting more. I want those fingers inside me. I know everyone is watching me, but I don't care. I just want someone, anyone to fuck me. What I get instead is a paddle held against my ass. I look back and see Persia standing there, an evil smile across her boyish face. She looks ready to give me that paddle, the kind of paddle you see in old boarding school movies, with holes drilled all down the length.

"Hey...what the hell? Amber?" I'm worried.

Amber leans closer and says, "Do you want us to stop?"

"I...”

"If you want us to stop, just say so. We'll stop."

I don't want them to stop. I'm terrified they'll leave me. I'm terrified of doing anything to make them even want to leave me. "I...I...I want you to stay with me," I say pouting. Amber smiles and holds my little face in her hands. I look into her beautiful eyes and know I'll do anything. Behind her Desire says, "Have you been a bad little girl?"

I don't say anything. I'm not used to this kind of thing. I don't really know how to play their game. I just know I want to make them happy. Amber waits, Desire waits, and finally Amber says, "You better answer her."

"What?"

Whack! Whack!

The paddle slaps down across my little ass and stings like hell! The sting sinks deeper than flesh, deeper than a simple whack across my rump. It rocks me. I feel it down in my soul. I want to turn and say something, perhaps protest, but...

WHACK!

"Oh God! That really hurts," I say quietly.

"Tell us what kind of little slut you are, you little baby!"

"Ok Desire, I think she is starting to get freaked..."

I must have a look of confusion or something on my face because Amber seemed ready to stop. I don't want them to stop, ever. "I'm a bad little girl, I'm just a little slut!" I yell. Amber is surprised by my outburst. I am too. I want to be punished. I want someone to do something to me for all the stupid shit I've done. Punish me for sucking all those guys off, punish me for fucking things up with Tina, and most of all, punish me for fucking up my life and making so many people hate me.

"That's right, you are a little slut! A cheap, little tart!" Desire yells at me, her voice strict and harsh.

Down came the paddle! The sound of the slap across my ass reverberates around the room before the pain travels up my spine. The stinging burn fills every nerve, sending a wave of cleansing pain through my whole body.

"Ok, Desire, that's enough," Amber says.

I'm barely able to keep my eyes open, I feel like I'm traveling out of my room, out of my body. I look into Amber's cool eyes, her face concerned and yet loving. Amber pushes the hair out of my eyes and kisses me. I surrender to them.

"I want more," I whisper.

Maybe that was it, maybe they are going to stop? Amber walks away from me. I want to yell “Don't Stop!” Keep punishing me, I'm not free of myself yet. I want to be spanked. I needed to be spanked. But Amber and the others have plans obviously, because Amber walks back into the room with a big, black strap-on tied around her hips and waist. She walks right up to my face, shoves her hips forward and says, "Suck me... cunt."

I look at it for a second, it's black, it smells strange, and looks stranger, but I eagerly take it in my mouth and suck. I suck it with everything I have, but apparently everything isn't quite enough. Amber grabs the back of my head and yanks on my hair, whipping my head back.

"I said suck it! Little slut!"

I close my eyes and sucked her cock. I take as much of it in my mouth as I can manage. It rams my throat, I gag and drool. I'm doing all I can to make it look good, but I feel like I'm anything but sexy. I taste beer. I look up and see Persia pouring beer down the length of the rubber cock. The girl must have a beer fetish or something, this is the second time she has been trying to make me drink while doing something sexual. Amber pulls away, leaving my little mouth open and searching for cock. Suddenly the pleasure of sucking her cock is replaced by the harsh sting of Desire's paddle. She smacks me so hard the whole bed shakes! I scream out in pain. I feel tears and sweat running down my face. Hands are on my chin, forcing my mouth open, shoving a cock back inside. I suck it, taking more than I thought I could. Spit runs down around the sides of my mouth. I gasp for air, the cock rams in and out of my tiny little mouth. She pulls away, letting my head drop. The ropes cut off the circulation to my hands. I can't speak. I can't cry out for help. The paddle came down again, but I barely feel it, the only thing I'm aware of, is the vibration of music in the room.

"Stick out your tongue, girl... suck her!" Persia yells at me. I don't even know what is going on any longer. I can't focus. I can't really even tell where I am any longer. I catch Desire behind me, her hands moving up and down a huge black rubber cock! I think she is going to put that thing in me. I'm far too small, it will never fit. She can't mean that for me, she can't. I think I say “no” before Amber pulls her legs up around my face and shoves her pussy against my lips. She is rubbing up and down, her sticky juices spreading around my mouth and nose.

“Lick me you fucking slut!”

Whack, whack, the paddle jolts me forward, and into the shaven pussy in front of me. Amber is wet, warm, and she smells strong, musky and sweaty. Her pussy is strange, I'm barely in and out of reality. What is it that is is off? She still has the strap-on tied to her, and it bounces around above my face. In a strange switch, she pushes the rubber cock down and into my mouth. I suck it. I'm dripping with sweat. I feel it glistening on my face, my arms, my breasts. The rubber cock hits the back of my throat and this time I don't gag. She fucks my little mouth. My jaw hurts, my tongue hurts, but I don't care. I love her, I want her. Something presses into my crotch. I can't see what it is, but it is big. It feels like something is trying to push through my panties. Amber pulls the cock out of my mouth, and I gasp for air, taking in deep merciful breaths of smoky air. I strain to look back, and see Desire has the other end of the paddle pressed down against my panties, pushing into me.

I look at Amber and say, "I need to be fucked."

She looks back at me with an evil grin, and says, "No, you need to be whipped!"

Amber moves away from me, leaving me tied helpless and exhausted. My whole body seems to have transferred to somewhere else. I can't even move, I just lay there completely helpless. I feel hands rubbing my sore little ass, caressing it, and sliding under my panties. God, the hands feel good. My ass feels like it is on fire and they are so cool, so comforting. Desire leans down and whispers in my ear, "You are so wonderful!"

The whip came down on my ass, and I jolt upright, more reflex than anything. Again the whip slaps hard across my tender ass cheeks. After a few lashings I hug the table I'm tied to. I'm lost. Where am I? I don't even know if I'm in my house any longer. I just want this pain to make me go away. I want the whip to take away all the stupid shit I've done. Every lash to remove some fucked up thing about my life. The leather straps sting my ass, my thighs, and my legs. Another – another – another, they just crash down on me like waves. I want to cry out, tell them I've had enough. I open my mouth, but what I say is, “Please...I need to be fucked.”

I feel my panties sliding off. Then nothing. I hear a door closing and my own ragged breathing.

I look up to see Amber walking toward me. She must have closed my door. She has the most beautiful milky white breasts with small pink nipples, and, of course, a ring hanging from each. She isn't completely shaven after all, she has a thin V-shaped patch of hair. Persia walks over and puts her arm around Amber. She's naked as well, and I can clearly see her pussy now and it shocks me. Hanging from her thick labia are metal rings; thick heavy metal rings.

"Doesn't she look sweet?" Amber says to Persia, "She looks just like a little girl, sweet and innocent and so cute."

"You want her bad, don't you Mistress?" Persia says.

"Yes..." she smiles, "Yes, I do."

Amber runs her hand up my thigh and across my pussy. I thrust my ass higher. I'm well past caring what's happening, as long as she fucks me. She pushes fingers inside me and spreads her fingers and my pussy open.

"Look Desire, a little teenage flower. Probably the sweetest little thing you've ever have."

"Yes, she is sweet isn't she?"

Desire’s moves her thick rubber cock between my legs. Amber takes it in her hands. She sucks it all the way down. Somehow I'm not prepared for the sight of Amber on her knees with a cock in her mouth. I think because I admire Amber. To me, she's too intelligent, too sophisticated, to suck cock, but somehow that makes it even hotter to watch. I'm so turned on, I can't stand it. I'm dripping, I'm eager, every nerve in my body is crying out for something inside me.

Amber drops away from Desire's cock and a thick string of saliva hangs from her lips to the cock. She eases it down to me. I don't care if it's too big. I just want it. Desire slowly, slowly slides the cock in me.

It is big. Really big.

I scream. My knees are weak, barely holding me up. I drop, spreading my legs open more, my ass hurting, my pussy throbbing. Desire leans over me and grabs my tiny breasts. She whispers into my ear, “You belong to me,” and rams her rubber cock into me again. If Desire planned to have mercy on me, I can't tell. I just hold onto anything around me and try to take it, all of it, over and over. Desire seems like she can feel something. She is moaning, grunting, and fucking me hard. I whimper and cry. Tears run down my cheeks, but I don't want her to stop. Without warning, she falls onto my back, pushing me down onto the table, and ramming the cock deep inside. I feel her tremble and shake. She moans, and I realize she is cumming.

Moments pass and Desire pulls out of me. I'm sore and my heart is beating fast. Amber kneels behind me. I turn and look into her beautiful eyes. She holds her rubber cock in her hand and guides it into me. I gasp again, but there isn't any pain. She is so gentle, and it feels wonderful. She caresses my ass as she fucks me. Slowly, gently pushing in and out.

Amber bends over me, her strong face down beside mine. My legs are spread wide. Amber's cock deep inside me.

"Oh my god,” Amber cries out. Behind her, Desire has her cock in Amber's ass, fucking her slowly. With each thrust to Amber's ass, Amber's cock moves deeper inside me. I look under my arms to see Persia lying on the floor with her fingers buried inside her. Desire pulls out of Amber’s ass, and Amber pulls out of my pussy. She unhooks her cock and throws it to the floor. Amber leaps on top of Persia and the two wrestle to the floor, kissing and fingering each other.

"How are you doing little girl?"

"Ok," my voice is soft, feeble, and hardly sounds like me.

“Are you ready to cum?”

"Yes... Mistress,” I say.

"Then let's get you untied and over here," she motions to the other side of my bed. She kisses my lips softly and sweetly. I'm a little surprised. She has been so hard, so mean, now she's sweet.

"Come here sweetie and lay on top of me."

I didn't know what she means at first, but she guides me, and I lay on top of her facing up. She spreads her legs and wraps them around mine, pulling mine apart. She runs her hands across my nipples and down my stomach. Her fingers find my swollen and aching pussy. She fingers me, playing with my clit and in seconds I'm ready to cum.

"Not yet," Desire whispers in my ear. She moves around and opens my legs. Her warm tongue enters me and that is all it takes. My orgasm shakes every muscle in my entire body. I feel like I'm going to pass out. Every pore feels drained.

“Oh my God,” is all I can say.

Desire and I fall asleep in each other’s arms. I feel like something inside is finally calm, finally at peace.

The next day I call Tina.

“Why didn’t you come to my party?”

“I did.”

“You did?”

“Yes.”

Her voice is bitter, maybe even angry. I don't really get it. I ask, “Why didn’t you say something? Where were you?”

“You were…busy.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, Oh.”

“You know I love you,” I say.

“You are fucking pathetic,” Tina says.

Tina hangs up.

Epilogue:

Soon after the party I moved in with Desire. She found me a job dancing which I did for several years after. It paid the bills and kept me out of trouble…well not really. I met others and have many more stories, but those are for another time.
The old house went on the market a few years later and I found myself drawn back to it over and over. Slowly the neighborhood I grew up in became overrun with development and now there is nothing left. It’s like that living in the south; you find more and more that the world you knew is gone, developed and filled with strip malls.
My mother was hit by a car about six years later. They called me to come pick her up. Her drug addict, drunken boyfriend was nowhere to be found. I put her in a rest home with what money I had but she didn’t last long. She died in her sleep a few months later. The only thing she said to me was that she was angry that I hadn’t gotten married. I think she was trying to make a joke. It wasn’t funny.
I heard from Tina a few years later. She found my cell phone number from a friend of a friend. She called me and wanted to get together. We made plans to meet but she made excuses and never showed to any of our planned rendezvous. Despite never showing in person, we connected over the internet. She was amazed that I remembered our little erotic encounters. She claimed to have forgotten them. She had a daughter and a son from two different men and was divorced. The only thing that hadn’t changed about her was that she was still after a man, but this time he was married. They were hooking up while he was on business trips and fucking every chance they had. For some reason she expected me to understand this, even approve of it. I didn’t. Maybe it was because I was jealous or maybe it was because I was just sad for her. Whatever the reason I didn’t approve but kept my mouth shut, for a while.
One afternoon I signed onto chat and Tina was online. Her married man was over at her house and they were having fun. His family was at the beach and he had told them he needed to go back into work so he left them alone for the weekend. Something about the situation sickened me. They invited me to watch their cam. I turned it on and saw my Tina after several years. She was still beautiful but tired. Her eyes said she was tired, her face said she was tired and most of all, she had lost the luster of youth. I turned on my cam for them and they were thrilled. They both remarked how young and “hot” I looked. It was obvious they wanted something to happen. It didn’t take long for him to remove Tina’s top and expose tired breasts. Tina was still thin but the muscles of cheering were long gone. Her breasts were still beautiful to me. She was still beautiful to me. I could only think what she would look like if she had stayed with me.
I took off my top for them and they both remarked about my breasts. How perky and cute they were. How much they enjoyed seeing them. He sucked on Tina’s nipples and she laughed and flirted with him. Then I did what I always do…I fucked things up. I asked how his wife was doing.
Silence.
We entered into a moral debate which I was bound to loose and within minutes the cam went black. The chat requests went unanswered. I never heard from Tina again.
I miss my youth despite its horrors. I find that it’s the time between the ages of twelve to fourteen that define our personality for the rest of our lives. The years after sixteen start to fly by faster and faster until you find yourself pregnant and ready to bring your own kids into the world. One day you wake up and find out that your life is defined by the moments you’ve spent with other people. I’ve had many lovers over the years both male and female. All of them have touched my life and we’ve shared moments that will forever define who I am, yet none of these people will ever be as brightly burned into my memory as Tina. She is forever my first love. She is forever the one who made me both complete and completely lonely.
To her I dedicate this story and hope you’ve enjoyed reading it. Thank you for those who followed me along on this ride.

THE END