I walk into Meredith’s bookstore expecting another afternoon of cleaning, pricing and stocking instead I find Meredith and Tina sitting behind the counter. Neither notices me when I walk in. I have a moment to watch them. Meredith is older, her face more mature and her body more womanly. Tina is losing her baby fat, her face becoming that of a woman. She has matured in other ways, her clothes are nicer now, she has become adept with powders and paints and, simply put, she makes more effort to look like the princess everyone knows she is. She makes my heart beat faster by hardly trying.
Tina and Meredith laugh about something. Tina’s cute little laugh, her scrunched up little nose, and the way she puts her hand up to her face each time are so familiar to me. I can tell by her laugh that she is slightly uncomfortable but Meredith doesn’t see it. Tina is my secret, my deciphered code. I love her completely.
“Paula!” Tina shouts when she sees me.
“Oh good, you are finally here!” Meredith seems thrilled. I find this odd. I’ve had sex with Meredith and Nick only once after the incident at her house and it didn’t turn out well. I think it was mostly me. I was nervous and felt insecure. I didn’t respond well to Meredith and this made her leave. Nick and I finished but I think this only pissed Meredith off more.
“Hey guys!” I address both of them then turn to Tina, “What brings you to the shack of Satan?” I ask Tina.
Tina looks to Meredith as if asking her to explain and when Meredith doesn’t immediately respond Tina begins playing with something on the counter. Meredith is a modern woman, a woman in charge, the tension between us doesn’t bother her. She wants something and she is going to get it.
“Tina and I are going to run out for a bit, can you man the store?” Meredith asks.
“What?” I have a moment of panic. I think of “Gone with the Wind” and my brain screams, “But I don’t know nuttin’ bout birthin’ no babies!”
It’s just something that always pops into my head when I panic.
“Meredith… I don’t know how to run the register… and… if someone has questions I don’t know…”
“Paula,” Meredith pauses with a look of distaste, as if she is consoling an ignorant child, “You won’t need to run the register and you won’t be here long. Nick is coming over in a bit. I called him and asked him to run the store as soon as he can leave work.”
“Ok…well…what are you guys gonna do?” I hear the pathetic childlike whimper in my own voice. I see Meredith’s smile flatten slightly, her lips tighten, obviously annoyed with me. I can’t help it. I feel left out. I feel…I feel betrayed by Tina.
“Are you ready for the party tomorrow night?” Tina asks, always the positive and happy peacemaker.
“Sure, I guess.” Actually I haven’t done anything. What do you do for a party? Fuck if I know.
“Ok, great.” Meredith picks up her designer bag and keys. She puts her arm through Tina’s and they leave. Tina looks back over her shoulder for a minute. Her face seems to say, “Sorry, you know how it goes.”
Yeah Tina, I do.
I also know Meredith. I know what she will try to do with Tina.
Even after the luxury car pulls out and drives away, I can’t even believe it just happened! I stand there like a statue for at least twenty minutes just staring at the doorway.
“You have got to be kidding me!” My own voice breaks me out of the trance, makes me jump a little. I walk behind the counter refusing to do anything. I sit in Meredith’s chair and open a book. Fuck that bitch.

The store is dead for another hour. Nick still hasn’t shown up. I eye the clock. A couple of overweight women enter the store. They smile as they past me, shooting me uncomfortable glances. They are probably surprised to see only me behind the counter. Fumbling through books and new age trinkets they build up the courage to ask me something. Finally one of them turns and looks at me. She studies me as if she is trying to figure out if I belong here.
“Little girl?” She asks.
“Yes Ma’am?” I reply in my best adult voice. I’m far from being a little girl but I’ve always looked about ten years younger. It’s a curse. I’m used to people thinking I’m twelve.
“Do you know the woman who owns this place?”
No lady, I broke in, decided to sit behind the counter and act like I work here. Instead I say, “Yeah, Meredith is my boss.”
“Oh, I thought maybe you were her daughter.” She smiles in an obvious effort to bring humor to her mistake.
“Can I help you with something?” I ask, trying to seem in charge.
“Well…when will Meredith be back?” She asks.
“I don’t know.”
“Ok, well thank you young lady. You are doing a good job for such a little girl.”
All sorts of things pop into my head but I know that I need this job so I don’t say anything. I smile and watch as the two women waddle to the door. Just another couple of overweight new age women in muumuus and too much jewelry, women just like them come in just about every day. Maybe there is a secret society of them I don’t know about?
The chimes by the door ring. The two fat ladies huddle close together. They are jostled by a team of college kids walking through the door. I don’t know it yet but this is my life completely changing.
The first one through is wearing a leather jacket and a white t-shirt under it. His or her hair is cut short, spiked and dyed bright pink. Holding his or her hand is a slightly shorter girl, she looks amazing. Her black shirt is skin tight and printed with faded gray and blue designs that look maybe like a band logo. I can’t tell, maybe the shirt isn’t a shirt at all but a dancer’s tank top, it’s certainly hugging her skin. She’s wearing a studded belt that hangs across her hips with a fat silver buckle hanging at an angle just above her crotch. Her jeans are super tight with a blue bandana tied around her leg. She is wearing leather shoes with thick soles and fat heels. Two silver studs poke out below her sexy bottom lip. My stare doesn’t go unnoticed by her boyfriend/girlfriend, ahhh, I’m leaning toward girlfriend because I see breasts and permanently erect nipples under the leather jacket. All five of them are covered in tats of one nature or another. In fact the pink-spiked-hair punk girl has full sleeves. I’m mesmerized and they know it. They love it.
Then SHE walks in.
SHE is black, African-American a voice says in the back of my mind. Her face is striking. Her features are almost masculine yet soft around the chin and the more I look the more she looks sweet and feminine. She has that power. Her full lips are painted a deep red that shimmers in the light as she enters. Her very presence in the room commands the attention of the others, making her seem taller in every way. Her light brown and black hair twists in tiny curls and braids that fall behind her head in a huge ponytail. Her shoulders are bare, leaving plenty of skin to dream about. Her skin actually seems to change in the light as she moves. Her top is a mix between a corset and a shirt, and presses up her breasts into fleshy cleavage that tantalizes as she walks. She wears capris that seem more painted on that real and they hug her perfectly round slender hips. Those hips flow right into long sleek legs accented with the six inch heels. I’ve never seen a woman more amazing in my life. The most amazing thing about her is that she is looking directly at me. Her eyes never move from me and I don’t seem to be able to take my eyes from her. I’ve heard about Voodoo. I’ve read that some priests can give the evil eye. Maybe you have to be black to do it because I’m telling you when she looked into my eyes I felt power. I thought I would die.
She walks straight in my direction. I sit helpless behind the counter. My instincts scream flee but my body doesn’t move.
“Hi.” She says. Her voice is a bit smokey and yet delicately feminine and cuts through me. She walks around to the side of the counter and leans against it like she’s the owner instead of Meredith.
“H..Hi.” I squeak.
Those full red lips spread open into a smile. Her brown eyes flicker and her skin keeps changing color, becoming a light milk chocolate then a dark mocha. She smells of exotic places and she makes me think of pirates.
“Are you the new woman in charge around here?” She asks.
I laugh a little too enthusiastically, a nervous habit.
“No, Meredith left and I’m just holding down the fort until Nick shows.”
“Who is Nick?” She asks.
“Her husband.”
“Oh, so not a boyfriend?”
She moves in a little closer. Behind her the pink punk girl smirks.
“No…no, not at all.” I said.
“Wow, a little bit of venom in that response.” She said.
“No, I have a boyfriend.”
I was used to trying to prove I wasn’t a lesbian or bi or whatever I am. Kissing girls at parties is one thing, really loving women is an entirely different reality. Men don’t mind if you like women but tell them you ONLY want a woman and be prepared for a completely different reaction. I didn’t really have a boyfriend. He was just a guy that came over and fucked me after school but I guess that counts. Whatever the case I knew what I was, I was confused.
“Oh, ok.” She said.
“Where…umm…are you guys from around here?” I ask.
“Yes.” It was the dark haired beauty with the punk girl. She moved with a dancer’s grace over to the counter. “We just opened a tattoo place around the corner.”
“Wow! That’s awesome!”
“You like tattoos?” They ask.
“I don’t know. I guess so. I mean no one around here really has tattoos.”
“Well, when you turn eighteen you should come by and get one.”
“I…”
The black woman that smelled like a mix of Indian spice, coffee, and chocolate leans down close to me and places her hand on my shoulder whispering, “You don’t really have to be eighteen.”
“Don’t tell her that shit Dee! She’ll go tell her friends and then all these kids will be getting us shut down.”
“You wouldn’t do that would you?” She asks.
“No. You guys are the coolest people I think I’ve ever seen.”
This made the entire group erupt in laughter.
“And you are the prettiest girl I think I’ve ever seen.” Dee said. “What’s your name?”
“Paula.”
“I’m Desire but most people just call me Dee.”
“Ok Dee.”
“No, call me Desire. You aren’t most people yet… but we can work on changing that.” And Desire winks at me.
“Dee, she is way too young for you.”
My eyes must have been as big as golf balls. Sure I was confused, sure I was in love with Tina, a GIRL, but I had never really been open about it. In fact I had been taught that it was something to be ashamed of and to suppress. I believed that I was wrong and everyone else was normal. Now, oh God, now a beautiful woman was hitting on me! Me!
“Shut up Persia. I think Paula is a woman and she can make up her own mind.” Desire looks at me and I really did have to hold my legs to keep from trembling.
“I saw the way she was looking at Amber.” Persia says. Amber smiles and tilts her head slightly allowing a lock of blue hair to fall in with the rest of her shiny soft black hair. She was a woman used to having people look at her and obviously enjoyed it.
“Persia, come look at this shit.” One of the guys in the back said.
Persia rolled her eyes and walked to the guys in the back. I heard them talking in the background. Amber moved closer and in the right light her top was completely transparent. Her navel and nipples are pierced. She seems unconcerned by her semi-nudity or the fact that the rings through her nipples are clearly visible through the sheer dance top. In fact I think that was exactly what she was going for. She told Desire she was going to join Persia in the back and I could see her tongue was pierced as well. To me, she seemed like an exotic bird.
“Like that?” Desire asked and breaking my stare.
“What?”
“Her tits.”
“Wha..I wasn’t…”
“Its ok baby, she has amazing tits. I would look at them too if I didn’t see them every day. I don’t think she should have pierced her nipples though. You should have seen her cute little nipples before she shoved that metal through them. Mmmm…mmmm, it was like looking at two little white chocolate Hersey’s kisses.”
“So you guys are like…”
“Yep, Gay. One-hundred percent.”
“Wow.”
“Stand up.”
“Huh?”
“Stand up.”
Unsure why, I stood up. I expected that Desire was going to tell me something about my clothes. I knew I wasn’t dressed anywhere near as cool as them. In fact I was wearing the same clothes I had been wearing since the 10th grade. I became self-conscious about my body but only for a moment because Desire grabbed me around the waist and pulled me to her. Her lips locked onto mine and she wrapped her other arm around me and tipped me back. I felt like I was in a movie. Roles were unclear and I didn’t fight her when she pressed her tongue into my mouth. I felt the metal stud roll around between our tongues as she kissed me. Her hands moved up my shirt and she cupped my little breast. She pinched my nipple sending sharp sensations up my spine. Heat flooded down my body and centered right between my legs.
“Fuck Dee!”
Desire didn’t stop when she heard Persia’s voice. She moved her hand down to my ass and cupped my butt cheek. She ground her hips into me and I fully expected to feel a stiff cock but there was nothing, just the soft mound of a womanly flesh.
“What is she Dee, fourteen? Jesus Christ! Get us arrested why don’t ya?”
“Wow, maybe we should leave?” A guy’s voice came in.
“Maybe we should get them a room.” Another guy said.
Desire’s kiss faltered. Her tongue slipped out of my mouth. The last thing she did before the kiss broke completely was to slip her hand over my crotch and press her fingers into my pussy. I was beyond wet. I was beyond return. I would have done anything Desire wanted at that moment. Anything.
“I think you need to break up with your boyfriend.” Desire said.
I look over at the others and see them pretending to mind their own business. I look back at Desire and see she is absolutely serious.
“Ok.” I say.
“Want to give me a number?” Desire asks.
“I…our phone…our phone got shut off.”
I hated it the moment I said it. It sounded like an excuse and I could see by the look on Desire’s face that’s exactly how she took it.
“Really?”
“Yes, really. But I’m having a party tomorrow night. You guys should totally come! There will be lots of people there. Meredith is bringing some booze.”
“How quaint.” Persia said.
“Oh, you are about to have the best party your little teenie-bopper friends have ever had. What is your address? Write it down for me.”
I wrote my address down on a piece of paper and folded it handing it to Desire. Desire grabbed my hand and curled her fingers through mine like I was her girlfriend. I had never had this happen before. I had dreamed about it. I had written about it. I had masturbated about it. All my life I had felt this was what I wanted but now that it was happening I just wanted to jerk my hand away and go run and hide.
“Amber! Look at this little Voodoo bank! Isn’t it cool?”
“Oh you should get it. This would look great in our room.” Amber said.
They were like any other couple. They were cute and in love. I could have this. That could be me.
“Call him.” Desire said.
“Huh?”
“Your boyfriend, call him.” Desire picks up the phone and hands it to me.
Amber and Persia walk away. I feel the unpleasant air that has suddenly blown into our happy lesbian party. I feel the need to challenge Desire.
“I’ll do it later.”
“Why? Why not do it now?”
“Ok, don’t get angry.”
I pick up the phone and dial Ian’s number.

The phone rang and Ian picked it up.
“Hey Ian.”
“Hey Paula.” He never sounds too excited about anything.
“Hey, uh, I need to talk to you about something.”
“Oh no, I think I know what’s coming.” Ian always expects the worst.
“Yeah, I think so. I think we need to break up.”
“Uhh, ok.” There’s a pause before he says, “Can I still come to the party?”
“Well…sure…but…see…I’m kinda like seeing someone else now.”
“Ok fine. I see.” Ian sounds disappointed. In fact he sounds completely broken. I feel horrible like I’m the worst scum of the universe until he says, “So can we still have sex?”
“Bye Ian.”
I hung up the phone and Desire looks pleased, thrilled in fact.
“Here, I want to buy this bank.” Persia says. Her face held none of the pleasant air of someone who should be welcoming a new girlfriend into the gang. In fact she seemed angry.
“Uhh, ok. Well I guess…”
“Is there a problem?”
“Well Meredith said that her husband Nick was going to be back soon. I don’t know how to run this fucking register.”
“Let me see.” Amber said.
Amber walked behind the register and punched a few buttons and then said, “How much is it?”
“Says like twenty bucks.” Persia said.
“Ok, five bucks it is.” Amber said and punched in the numbers and the register popped open.
“Don’t get the poor girl in trouble.”
“It’s ok, she’s about the quit this fucking lame ass job anyway. She just doesn’t know it yet.” Desire said.
I didn’t say a word as Amber rang up Persia and then closed the register. I bagged the bank for Persia and the crew walked out the door. Desire stayed behind and she pulled me close. She ran fingers through my hair and leaned in to kiss me again. Her hand went to my little breast and this time she placed my hand on her breast. I held my hand over the tight corset top, afraid to move.
“Don’t worry little doll, soon enough you’ll get to feel everything.”
She pushed her hand down the front of my jeans and forced her way through my panties to my pussy. Her fingers found my soaked and hot little slit and pressed inside. She moved her middle finger over and inside twice before finding my clit and pressing hard against it. I held onto her neck as she fingered me and opened my mouth. I come fast. It doesn’t take much to make me cum and I was very ready.
“Wow, you are about to cum ain’t you babydoll?”
“Yes.” I whisper.
“Damn, not yet babydoll. We need to save some for the party.”
“I’m not 14 or whatever, I just look young for my age.”
“Doesn’t matter.” Desire said. She ran a finger through my hair and then our eyes met again. I felt my heart race and my knees tremble. I didn’t want her to leave.
“You are mine now.”
As quickly as all this had happened, it ended. The chimes rang and Desire walked out the door. I stood alone again but with a different feeling. For the first time in my life I was someone’s girl and it made me feel wonderful! I jumped up and shouted and did a little dance back over to the counter.

***********

Nick’s car pulled in over an hour past time to close. I didn’t care. He rushed in and asked, “Is the till closed out?”
“I don’t know.”
“Ok, well we’ll get it tomorrow. Let’s go.”
“Why are we in such a hurry?” I asked.
“Thought you might like to hurry up and see your friend.” He said.
“Yeah, I guess. Actually I would kinda like to just go home.”
“What, and miss out on all the fun?”
“What fun?”
“You know Meredith.”
“Yeah?” I drew out the word looking into Nick’s face for what he was getting at.
“Meredith has your friend ready to play but she doesn’t feel comfortable with both of us there. We just thought that maybe you would like to, you know, join in?”
I can’t fucking believe it! They are actually bringing me over just so that they can get laid with Tina! My Tina!
“It’s going to be a great party tomorrow night huh?” Nick asked. He could obviously see that I wasn’t happy and I didn’t need more clues to tell he was implying something.
“Yeah, it’s going to be great.” I said more enthusiastically than I’m sure he expected.
“Yeah, it wouldn’t be the same without some booze huh?”
“Yeah, I guess so.”
I could see the look on Nick’s face. He was testing me. It was insane, threatening my party just so he could get me over to their house. Meredith and Nick were swingers and sex to them is a conquest. I’m not sure if sex had ever been about anything more. I had been with them while they cruised the internet trying to pick up the elusive and always hard to find “bi-curious” female. Looking in Nick’s eyes now I could see fear. I think they were afraid I wouldn’t come over or maybe that I would stop hanging around them. I was their ticket to girls. I shook my head and stomped over to Nick’s car and jerked open the door. He followed and climbed in next to me.
“You are upset?”
I rested my head in my hand so I didn’t have to look at him. This was the least erotic thing I could possibly think of. Being solicited for sex like it was something to be bartered or traded.
“No, it’s cool. I’ll come over and fuck you.”
“You don’t have…”
“I said it was cool. Let’s just head over before I change my mind.”
Somehow I felt a little like I was betraying my new girlfriend. I guess I felt a lot like I was betraying my new girlfriend. But what could I do? They held all the cards. I had a house that was about to go away and a mom that could be missing for all I know. I need them to be there. I needed someone to be there. I turned and looked at Nick. Nick’s smile told me that he wanted everything to be ok.
“So Tina is still there?” I asked.
“Yeah, I think so, at least she was when I left.”
“You’ve been at your house?”
“Yeah, well Meredith thought you could handle the store.”
“Wow.”
“Yeah.” Nick looked at me. It was one of those looks that said he wanted something. I waited for him to spit it out.
“You really are cute.”
“Thanks Nick.”
“Ok.” His hand found my thigh and he moved his hand up and down as he drove. We turned a corner and he had to take it off. As soon as he finished turning he put his hand back down but higher. I let him. I don’t know. Maybe I wanted this. I was definitely still turned on from Desire touching me. I closed my eyes and thought of Desire’s hand moving up my thigh. I imagined it was her hand moving between my legs. Her fingers pushing my thighs open and pressing against my pussy.
“Wow, you are already wet.”
I wished he wouldn’t talk. I didn’t want to remember this was Nick’s hand between my thighs. I didn’t want to think about his fingers unbuttoning my jeans and pushing down the front.
Fuck.
“You are prickly.”
“I need to shave.”
I couldn’t think of Desire with him talking. His fingers felt good just above my pussy. He pushed down into my pants harder and fingers touched the sensitive and warm skin covering my clit. I opened my eyes and placed a hand over on Nick’s massive bulge. He swerved a little but regained control. His fingers couldn’t quite get enough room to penetrate my tightly tucked little lips. His cock threatened to rip open his pants.
It doesn’t take much to get me going on a normal day and after Desire’s teasing this was really driving me insane. I wanted to cum. I just had to lift my hips a little and…ahhhh…his fingers sank down in the moist folds of my slick little cunt. Damn it. It felt wonderful!
I came and we pulled into the driveway at the same time. Just a little one, a few shivers and a little tremble but still enough to relax my muscles and take the edge off. Only thing is, I wasn’t moving my hand on his cock.
“We are here.” He said.
“Yeah. Let’s go in.”
I threw open the door and walked through the garage to get into the house. I walked through the kitchen and found Tina lying back on the couch with a finger in her mouth and her legs spread wide. Meredith knelt in front of the couch with her head buried in Tina’s pussy. Two dildo’s lay at Meredith’s feet. I couldn’t believe the sight. I couldn’t believe Tina was doing this. What had Meredith done to get her this worked up?
Nick walked past me and began to undress. He dropped his pants unceremoniously. “Paula!” Meredith slurred. I think she had been drinking.
“Oh Paula, you have to get caught up! Have a drink!” Tina said.
Nick dropped his underwear and pants in a graceless move of unbridled lust. His enormous cock flipped up and down a few times as he moved. Someone was certainly ready.
“Oh my GOD!” Tina said.
“I know, He is huge!” I said.
“You’ve fucked him Paula?” Tina asked.
I didn’t answer.
“Sure you don’t want to play?” Meredith asked.
“Paula?” Tina pleaded.
I don’t know what changed at that moment. I guess I just can’t think about Tina in the same way anymore. Something about her and Meredith just fit. Something about her was so completely unlike Desire or Persia or Amber. Tina and I would never be lovers. That’s what I had realized and I had to accept that. This was as good as it would ever get, just fucking and playing around and “good times”.
“He’s great Tina.” I said.
“Yeah? Looks painful to me.” She said.
“Oh no, Nick is amazing.”
“Oh, I want to see you both sucking his cock.” Meredith said and she sat up on the couch with the dildo in her hand ready for a show.
“Paula, you need to get naked.” Tina said. Tina moved over to me walking across the carpet on her knees. She bit her lip as she came over. Tina was fucking hot. Her breasts had grown, they moved in ways mine never would. Her ass stuck out while she pulled off my jeans. I moved a hand through her hair. She was so beautiful even drunk. Her cheeks a little red and her eyes a little unfocused but still beautiful. My underwear slipped off and Tina planted a kiss right above my pussy. We both giggled.
Nick surprised me by placing his hand on my shoulder and thrusting his enormous cock right between us, right into Tina’s face.
“Holy crap!” Tina said.
“Come on girls, please.” Meredith said. Meredith was already on the couch with one leg flung over the arm of the couch and a dildo buried deep inside her. Her gigantic boozongas pressed together between her arms. She could give any porn star a run for her money. Tina could too. In fact I would bet that Tina could put any porn star to shame, hard little nipples, firm round breasts, skinny but toned and with a full small round ass.
Tina wrapped her hand around Nick’s cock and opened her mouth wide.
“Ahhh.” She said and laughed. She was acting like his cock was a tongue depressor at the doctors. I thought it was mad funny! I couldn’t take my eyes off her mouth as she gobbled down Nick’s full length. Oh no, she gagged!
“Oh my god, I don’t…” Tina coughed a few times, “I don’t see how anyone could do that.”
“You should see Meredith.” I said.
“Huh? Why?” Tina asked.
“She can deep throat him.”
“No way!”
Meredith slowly moved the dildo in and out of her pussy. Her mouth open and her pussy hugging and moving out with the dildo and then pressing in as she shoved it back down inside her.
“Meredith…come show Tina. You’ll love it Tina, she is amazing!”
Sure this was weird, maybe even a little evil. But if this is all I’ll have with Tina then this is all I’ll have. I’m not ever going pass up a chance to be with Tina. Ever. I love her and if she wants me as her girlfriend, I’ll give up Heaven and Earth to be with her, but I know it will never happen.
Meredith kissed Tina. Two beautiful women. Nick enjoyed it, I could see. Meredith brushed back a lock of hair and wrapped her lips around that thick cock and, GULP, it was gone!
“Holy shit!”
“Wait, get’s better.”
Meredith opened her mouth a little and fucked Nick’s cock with her throat. She twisted her head and every thick, throbbing bit of his massive member disappeared and reappeared from within her mouth.
“Oh GOD! I have to see his cock in you now!”  Meredith said looking at Tina.
“I don’t know.” Tina said.
“It’s ok, we’ll help. Just sit up here.” I said.
Tina leaned back on the couch and her newly softer breasts spread out just slightly. I found this intensely erotic.
“He has to put something on.” Tina said.
“It’s cool, Nick is clean.” Meredith said.
“I don’t care. Nothing on and nothing in.” Tina said.
“It’s ok, I have some.” Nick opened a drawer and out of the back pulled a little case. He ripped open the little silver square and in a few short movements wrapped the full length of the condom down his cock but he wasn’t happy about it.
“Holy shit.” Tina said.
Meredith and I sat beside Tina and moved our hands up and down her body, across her breasts, down her stomach and back up again. Nick held his cock out and pushed the head against Tina’s little pussy. I moved my hand down to her little slit and eased open her thin pink lips. Nick’s cock pushed in a little but the condom was too dry. Meredith wet her fingers and rubbed them over Tina’s pussy. Now the head of Nick’s cock slipped easily inside her. Her moist little labia flipped in as his cock sank down.
Somehow watching his cock penetrate Tina leaves me feeling numb. I’m not sure what I feel. It’s like two worlds just came together and I didn’t really think they ever would. Maybe this is all there is? Maybe sex is always about this? Maybe I’m the fool? Tina gasps for air as Nick’s cock sinks deeper inside. I know how she feels. Been there, done that.
“I’m going to cum!” Nick said.
“That quick?” Meredith asked.
“Now! Oh…Oh god…no…gotta get this damn thing off.” Nick rips the condom off and Tina pulls her legs together tightly to keep him from fucking her. Nick turns and grabs my legs and flings them open. I hardly have time to prepare as I’m slung back against the couch and he enters me. Holy fuck! He is big! Every fucking inch of him sinks down inside me. It’s been a while since Nick fucked me.
“Jesus Christ Nick!”
“Sorr..sorry…CUMMING!” Nick shoots his load inside me. Meredith kisses Tina passionately while she fucks herself with her dildo and cums. I don’t even have a chance to recognize what just happened. I’m a bit sore and my pussy is dripping Nick’s cum.
“Thank you Paula.” Nick said.

The house is dark and empty when I come in. Nick and Meredith took Tina home and left me to walk back to my place. Like I said, I’m old porn.
I take my clothes off and look at myself in the bathroom mirror. My face looks older. I feel older. My pussy is still sore from Nick fucking me without so much as a kiss. I walk into the kitchen and lift a knife out of the drawer. I look at it for a minute. It’s got a few spots from the dishwasher but other than that it’s clean. Tears sting my eyes and I drop to the cold tile floor. Sitting back against the cabinet I press the blade to my wrist.
The saddest day in your life is when you realize the love you feel for someone will never be returned. It’s a horrible feeling to know that everything you put out will never come back. I’ve lived my entire life waiting for Tina to love me. It’ll never happen.
I press the blade harder into my skin but not enough to cut.
After all, love isn’t a boomerang. You can’t just throw it out and expect it to come back. Maybe love is hard work? You have to keep trying and keep putting it out there and don’t always expect something in return. So what if Tina will never love me the same way I love her. She does care about me. Nick and Meredith are just who they are. The world is just the way it is. My Mom is just the way she is. Nothing is worth dying over. Tomorrow is another day. I’ll live to have my party and maybe Desire will show. Maybe with enough work, love with come back and maybe that’s what this is all about. Put it out there and keep working and one day love will find me.
I drop the knife on the floor. I knew I couldn’t do it anyway. I never do.
Tonight is the end of trying to make Tina love me. It will never happen. A part of me is screaming that I just need to keep trying, but that’s insane. Tina and I are growing apart. She and I will move on with our lives and go down different paths. I always knew it would happen. She has money, I have none. She has looks, I don’t. She has friends, I have people that want to fuck me. She has a family…well…I have an empty house that is about to be foreclosed. The mail came this week. The phone is already gone. The power will go soon and no one’s paying the bills. I’m alone with no where to go and a mother that could be dead for all I know, and me not even graduated from high school yet.
“Oh well, tomorrow is my big party.” I said to myself.
Yep, and tonight is the end of my childhood. Time to leave the nest and why not go out with a bang?