There are days where I don’t know
Which way to turn.
Pulled in a thousand different directions,
Everybody wants something from me.

Except for you.

You have been patient and understanding,
Even when I know my silence is
Frustrating.
Disheartening.

Heart-breaking.

But you send words of kindness,
Of longing,
Of desire.
Of patience and of understanding.

If only there was more of me,
Or perhaps if there was more than one of me,
I could be everything to everyone,
And still have something left over
To be something to myself.

In my silences, there is no lack of desire,
There is simply a lack of me.

In my silences,
I still imagine your touch,
Our first touch,
And a long desired kiss.

In my silences,
I still imagine my lips,
Gently sucking upon your breasts,
I still imagine my tongue,
Drawing circles around your erect nipples.

In my silences,
I still imagine your hands guiding
My hardness into your wet and silky folds,

And in my silences,
I still can feel my climax filling you.

In my silences,
I still imagine your taste,
The womanly fragrance from below,
The soft yet tight envelope
In which my pleasure will be sealed within you.

In my silences,
I still imagine
The spasm of arousal and its peak,
As you close your eyes
And softly moan your approval,
Letting me know that I have
Touched you the way you had
Also imagined.

There are days when the words “if” and “when”
Seem equally abstract,

But then there are days
Like today,
When a small shaft of light
Penetrates my darkness,
My all-encompassing darkness
Of being pulled left and right,
Of not knowing up from down.

There are days like today,
When a flight to another town
Seems so close,
And a short wait until we two meet,
Seems even shorter.

There are days like today,
When I touch myself,
And I know that what I feel is
Your touch,
And I am just the proxy by which
You touch me.

In my silences,
I still have a voice,
And it continues to call to you,
And it asks you to listen,
To hear my words
As they come closer to being
When and not if.

There are days like today
When I close my eyes
And you are with me.

And there are days like today
That I know I will one day open my eyes
And you will be with me.