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Helen

First Time

Feathered frightened fingers on sweet porcelain,
Wishing for more skill than I possess,
Soft girl sighs, gentle moans I don't yet understand...
Trying so hard to deftly caress...

Underwear tumbles and tugs and falls,
Frantic fingering, (Is it supposed to be like this?)
Soft sweetness, enveloping...
The very scent of you is bliss...

Awkwardly moving to do this thing,
TERRIFIED, so scared
But ever so wanting...
You're not going to say no now...

Are you?

Grasping, fumbling, A Kite Without A String
I move inside you, A man now
But a man who don't know anything,
Wide big blue eyes on mine, trusting, hoping, thinking I know what I'm doing...

(I do the best I can, My Love, for I lied...)

You are my first ever girl...

And warm and wet and welcoming,
I did something right...
Moving slowly inside you,
Faster now as deep blue eyes glitter bright...

Your shudders and moans make it hard for me to concentrate.
A million emotions rock my world and I come and cry...
You look at me with big blue eyes...
"Was I alright?"

Your name was Helen Casey then.
I have no idea what your name is now.
October 11th, 1978, Dublin, Ireland...
Yesterday...

Years later I passed a pretty girl on a Christmas busy street.
I caught her eye.
And after walking on turned I around...
And it was you.

I remember I bowed.
You blew me kiss.
We did not speak.
And now I write this.

Thirty years later,
So many other girls,
All different, all saviours...
(May someone's God forgive me...)

I think of you every day,
Lost Girl...
Blue eyes... "Was I alright?"
You were, girl, you really were.....

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Comments(13)


stephanie
Posted 03 Feb 2013 09:22
This is a silly, writer-y thing but I'll share it...

This line:

"And after walking on turned I around..."

was a mistake. I MEANT to write "I turned around" but I mistyped. But then I read it and thought, "Actually, that kind of sounds cuter, better, old-fashioned but somehow suiting the vibe of the piece..."

So I left it in.

(It makes me laugh that my MISTAKES are better than my actual writing!!!!!)

xx S

HK4167
Posted 02 Feb 2013 21:33
So wonderful...

stephanie
Posted 24 Jan 2013 14:13
@ Ianthomas...

How perceptive you are, Love...

Self Centered... That's Me...

Ask Anyone...

xx s

MissyLuvsYa
Posted 11 Jan 2013 21:54
Wonderful Stephanie!!! 5+

Dancing_Doll
Posted 06 Jan 2013 06:30
This is one of the sweetest poems I've ever read. As someone else mentioned, it nearly brings a tear to my eye. I often don't associate men with having such soft, nostalgic memories and reverence for lovers past. You (and your writing) always touch upon this and so it opens my eyes in a completely different kind of way and makes me smile.

luvuall
Posted 05 Jan 2013 23:44
Superb... very touchy ..

LauraLee_sugah
Posted 05 Jan 2013 21:01
i am weeping... this was lovely and wistful... i want to be that innocent again.

stephanie
Posted 05 Jan 2013 20:48
(I very often don't like what I write...) This I think is rather pretty. (It made me cry.) xx SF

Buz
Posted 05 Jan 2013 20:15
This is tremendous Steph! So much passion and nostalgic longing. You truly did a superb job with this!

clum
Posted 05 Jan 2013 20:03
Real. A memory precious to many of us that we only hope will last. To each of us, our "Helen", whoever s/he was, is important.
I like this because it feels like you mean it. You have heart, good man.

Your use of the ellipsis almost didn't annoy me, so we're making progress.

sprite
Posted 05 Jan 2013 18:35
oh, the regrets, the might have beens we all have, perfectly captured in your own style, one i have grown to love, mixing humor and remorse with such ease. 5

Ianthomas
Posted 05 Jan 2013 17:14
Sweet enough, a bit self-centred but hey!
Always best to keep a sense of proportion of what has been and ideally let the past pass, or else the harm, danger or loss will take over and no saviours will be enough to save your (arse) soul.

Saga
Posted 05 Jan 2013 12:11
Oh this was amazing. I loved every word. Brought back lovely memories.
 

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