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"This is probably more emotional, than sexual..."

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''Hi, Babe I'm home!" John calls as he walks through the door. He slams it hard, and I can tell it didn't go well. I sigh to myself, because I knew this all along. It was so silly to let myself hope. To let us both hope. "I'm in the bedroom," I call out, my voice shaking a little, but not to much. He walks in and he looks at me, sitting on the bed, waiting for the news which I already know.

There is no cure.

I'm going to die in 4 months.

I remember a time when we used to be happy, me and John. It was effortless, like breathing. He just had to be in the same room as me, and my whole world would become brighter and better. We had been together for about 2 years before I found out, dating ever since we left school at 18. We were so in love, everyone of my friends was jealous that their boyfriend didn't look at them, the way John looked at me. We planned to be together forever, him promising to marry me, before my 25th birthday. We would then move to Florida to start a family.

But then the bruises came. Only small ones along my spine at first, but as the weeks went on they got bigger and bigger and doubling in number. When I finally agreed to go and see a doctor, my worst nightmare was confirmed. Leukemia. Aggressive, advanced and nearly incurable. I wanted to kill them for butting in the nearly. For letting us hope.

John stayed by my side through all of it. He never failed to be there for my therapy, and was always on the phone to people, who were talking about all kinds of cures. But I was growing weaker and weaker, getting thinner and thinner, feeling more dead than ever.

But what John just came home to tell me is, that I have stopped responding to my treatment. I'm going to die.

''I'm sorry, Baby,'' John says. He put his head in his hands and sits on the end of the bed by my feet. I come up behind him, wrapping my arms round his neck, just breathing him in, because he makes me feel so alive. He sighs and puts his hands over top of mine.

''There is nothing you could have done,'' I say to him, comforting. He doesn't seem convinced. He seems like he wants to walk to earth to find a cure that might not even exist.

He turns around and kisses me, gently because he's afraid to hurt me. But I'm sick of people treating me like I'm so fragile! I wrap my legs round his waist and knot my fingers in his hair, holding his face to mine. He breaks away and trys to protest, but I stop him.

"Just give me tonight, please."

And with that he lowers his lips back to mine, his arms wrapping around my waist.

But it's not enough.

I want to get closer. I want to feel him, really feel him, even if it is only for one last time. My hands slip under the back of his shirt and run my fingers over his smooth, soft skin. He feels so real, so alive! I clutch onto the fabric, tugging at it to get it of. Once its over his head, I throw it to the corner where it is forgotten. I run my hands over Johns perfect chest, tracing the his mussels with my fingers. He has my name tattooed, just above his heart. 'Ella', it says. I wonder is he will get a 'R.I.P' tattooed before it when I die.

Johns hands slip under my own shirt, feeling me the same way I felt him. I don't have a bra on as most days I don't even go out of the house. He takes my shirt of, throwing it to the same corner I threw his to. He then begins to trace the curves of my breasts, my ribs and finally my belly button with his finger. To feel him touch me, want me, sends tingles all though my body. I feel as though I could cry for happiness.

He slowly moves his hands lower, watching for my reaction to make sure its okay. I give him nothing but encouragement, as he strokes along the area just above the waistband, before slowly undoing the button on my jeans.

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He pulls them down, slowly and I get on by back to help him wiggle them of. Once this is done, he covers me with his body resting on his elbows, so I feel none of his weight. He makes me feel safe and warm. 

His hands run inside my panties and a little whimper escapes my mouth. It's been so long since someone has touched me like that. Since he touched me like that. He slowly pulls them down, and it feels so good! He undoes his own buckle, and slides his own boxers down. 

He kisses my neck, soft sweet kissed, that make me feel like I'm in heaven. They go lower, kissing along my chest bone and then back up to my lips. I feel him press himself gently against my opening and I groan softly. He moans to, as he pushes himself inside me, slowly, letting me get used to it. We haven't made love in so long, it was almost like the first time. 

And as he pushed all the way inside me, it was as though our bodies melted together. There was no Ella or John, just us. As he slowly eased his way, in and out I grabbed onto his shoulders for support. I wrapped my legs around his waist and moaned so much I thought my I'd lose my voice. It felt so good to have him inside me again. So damn good. 

While still pumping in and out of me, he nuzzled down into my neck, kissing, licking and biting every bit of it he could reach. He knows how much I love it. I couldn't help but squirm. His kissed traveled upwards again, toward my mouth again where his tongue was tangled in mine. 

He began to pump harder and harder into me and I knew it wouldn't be long before I would come. I told him so and he just carried on, as he couldn't got any harder. I was lost in him and he was lost in me and that was all that mattered for now. It reminded me of a song I heard once…

And all I can taste is this moment,

And All I can breathe is your life,

Cause sooner or later its over,

I just don't want to miss you tonight. 

As I thought of this, a tear escaped from the corner of my eye. As he came inside me, I couldn't help but cum too, being lost in our moment of pure bliss…

4 Months Later

As I lie in this hospital bed I can't even lift my head. I don't feel like my body is mine, I don't feel like it belongs to me anymore. I'm so weak, and I know I'm going to die soon. And I want to say I'm ready to die, but I'm not. I think about everything I could have had, like a wedding, children, a job. And I could have spent forever with John. Is that such a selfish thing to ask? 

He walks back into the room, carrying the coffee he went out to get. He takes one look at me and he knows. Oh, God he knows. He comes and sits on the bed beside me, and strokes my hair. ''How are you feeling, babe?'' He asks. 

"I'm slipping John,'' I say, "Don't let me fall.'' 

Tears well up in his eyes as he strokes my cheek. "I'm right here, Ella. I love you." 

I take a deep breathe in and then out, anything to keep me going. I just want a few more minutes with him, please. 

"Promise me, you'll go to all the places we said we would, even though I'm not their. Promise me you will go and live in Florida, find a nice wife and have some beautiful kids. Promise me once in a while you'll think about me, don't let me be forgotten, don't ever let me be forgotten…

I mumble on until I'm nearly unconscious, but just before I slip away I whisper, ''I love you John…''

Moments of my life. All scattered. My Mom, Dad, family, friends, school, clothes, house, kids, TV, cameras, photos, films, rain, sun, rainbows, chocolate, music… 

Just let them go… let them all go…

Cause' sooner or later it's over,

I Just Don't want to miss you tonight….

Published 
Written by cherryblossom01
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