I've spent my whole life being not sure.. doubts and conflicts generally took over my thoughts.. was this ok?.. was that ok?.. I sought approval from others as if confirmation would make it easier..
it never did.. my life has been an endless parade of successes and failures.. mostly the latter when it came to relationships.. I demanded that they live up to my expectations.. while at the same time failing in theirs.. I assumed my thoughts and desires were theirs.. how could they not be?..
so confident.. so selfish.. so arrogant.. had I but listened.. not to their voices.. but to their eyes.. their hearts.. their needs.. I should have been more aware.. and listened between the moans and whispers.. between the hellos and goodbyes.. between that moment when she places a cup of coffee in front of me.. and I walk out the door to go to work..
I'm not a bad person.. just a careless one.. thinking youth and vitality would be endless.. that tomorrow would make things better.. that as long as I was a master of the mattress all else was trivial.. and now.. as I ponder the treachery of too many days and nights behind me.. I discover a whole life has passed me by.. and where was I?.. I'm not sure..
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