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Past And Present

"Martina and Matt found each other, after thirty long years."

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On line dating never conjured up any sort of romance or eroticism for me. It was a means to an end, to find that someone as my life moved forward, ever closer to the stage where no-one would ever be interested. At least for the moment, however, someone was interested.

Matt was an attractive forty five year old. He was tall, which was just as well as I was no short-arse myself. He looked after himself, but was at that stage when paunches were becoming a fashion accessory. He was a quiet, slightly reserved man. I would say that his social outgoings had been kept to a minimum; dedicating his whole life to his work and hence his career. He had no baggage, no children and his parents had passed away some time ago. He seemed happy within himself to protrude this confident aurora wherever he went. That attracted me to him when we first met.

We met about four times through the Match website, though in all honesty, I had known Matt a long time ago. Which was why, I found myself sitting at the edge of the quayside near to my home, pondering my thoughts and wondering about the future; about how I was going to fuck it up, yet again.

On our last date, Matt and I kissed for the first time. We stood outside my front door; Matt always walked me home after our date even though he lived a good mile away in the opposite direction. Now you would think that that was not much of problem, but then nothing for me is straight forward.

I had a dilemma and it was a huge one.

I felt as if Matt was the first person I had ever loved. Every time we spoke my heart leapt with joy. Every time he complimented me I brightened up inside, and when he kissed me, I melted. For the last three weeks, the sun was shining all the time. I knew that if another date happened it would go further than just kissing.

In the past, I had more or less stopped after a few dates. The men I saw never mattered that much; every one of them was more or less after a quick shag, someone they could use to unload the contents of their balls over, or into, it didn’t matter to them. So, saying goodbye to them was not an issue.

Matt was different and he deserved to know me, the whole me, and not the person that stood in front of him smiling, the person laughing at his jokes, holding his hand on long walks and hanging off his every word.

For once, I was afraid; afraid to break what we had, or what we could have, if I kept my secret.

I have been told that I am an attractive forty five year old woman. I am a woman though, and not some skinny model that you see in magazines and newspapers. I have curves. I have a lovely bum and while my breasts are not that large, they are big enough to get me noticed; which I happen to enjoy. I have lovely long blonde hair. I’ve mentioned that I’m tall, but in heels, most men are smaller than me and I love wearing heels especially with all the sexy accessories. Stockings are my favourite items of clothing. In the house, I will often wear just a pair of stockings; preferring to leave my breasts dangle free as I walk around. However, I love my breasts too, I often fondle and caress them, teasing the nipples until they hurt. It’s a shame, but I can’t quite get them into my mouth. I suppose that’s the same for a bloke that loves his cock so much, but cannot reach to suck it. I would classify that as traumatic. Coupled with that, I have a respectable job as a secretary which I don’t want to lose.

So you see my dilemma. On the one hand I want love and want to be loved. I want to be with someone, but on the other hand, I have everything to lose, including Matt, my job, my life. Still, there was no putting this off for yet another couple of dates. It would have to be tomorrow night.

I got up from the quayside and started to walk. It was a cold night, and I pulled the shawl around me tightly; my shoes clip-clopped up the stone pavement as I made my way home. I heard a wolf-whistle from behind me but refused to take the bait from the youngsters outside the corner shop. I smiled to myself, if only they knew, I thought.

As I walked into the house I could see a message on the answerphone. It was from Matt:

“Martina, I’m looking forward to our date tomorrow, I hope you can still make it, seven thirty at the restaurant, in case you’ve forgotten. Bye.”

Matt made a few kiss-kiss sounds at the end of the message. I made myself a hot chocolate and phoned him back; curled up on the sofa in front of the television. I muted the television when he answered. We talked for ages, but my mind was still uncertain, and if he didn’t notice it in my voice, I was nervous and afraid.

My uncertainty was no excuse for not making an effort though, and I was always a person that went out to impress. I dressed up to the nine’s for our next date. I wore a black lace bra, which showed my cleavage off to its best, a short black dress, for obvious reasons, and my favourite stockings and suspenders. I slipped my feet into my heels, picked up my coat and handbag and headed for the door.

Matt was already seated at the restaurant when I arrived. He was always early, or eager, one of the two. We had a lovely meal, but that was expected at the restaurant he chose. The conversation flowed, almost as much as the wine, but most of that was going down my throat. Although Matt offered to pay, I insisted on paying for the wine, after all it was my Dutch courage that needed it all.

Without realising it, our hands clasped together over the table as we chatted and laughed. The moment was only made awkward when I realised how much we were enjoying ourselves and how happy I was at that precise moment. I looked into Matt’s eyes and wondered how the rest of the night was going to proceed.

I swallowed hard as I suggested we go home. My heart started to sink.

As we left, Matt circled my shoulders with his arm, and I let him. We would normally have held hands, but I guess we had moved on since our last kiss. I snuggled into him and wrapped my arm around his waist; tucking my hand into his back pocket.

Matt smiled at me, “After my money, eh!”

I smiled back, “What else would you have in your back pocket that I might be interested in?”

We arrived at my door once more. I turned to Matt. I wanted to speak but nothing came out of my mouth. I just stood there, in silence. Matt grabbed the silence with both hands and moved in to kiss me. I responded immediately and soon we found ourselves snogging each other. His hands found my arse and squeezed me and my hands found the back of his head as I pulled him closer.

This was not how it was supposed to go, but I loved it. I loved the feel of him touch me, I loved the way he kissed me. I loved the urgency.

Without much warning, our tongues started to fight with each other. I think I was winning, up to a point.

We parted as suddenly as we came together. It was me that finally pushed Matt away. I was gasping for air, Matt was no better off.

“That was nice,” he said. His eyes pleaded with mine, wanting more of the same.

My eyes dropped to the floor, it was one of the things I did when I knew that I was about to hurt someone, “Matt,” I said, “there’s something I need to tell you. Something you may not like to hear.”

“What could you possibly say that would put me off you. You’re gorgeous Martina, you’re funny, you’re smart, you’re…and you like me!”

I liked the way he ran out of words to describe me but I suppose some of the most important ones were said. I secretly hoped that the word ‘sexy’ would have been the next one, but he stopped himself short of that one.

“Matt, I’m not me, well, I am me, but…”

Matt shook his head, not understanding anything I was saying. Hell, I didn’t understand anything I was saying so he effectively had no chance.

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I had to approach this from the other direction. This one was not working for me.

“Do you remember Martin Evans? He used to live around here, you probably went to school with him.”

“What’s he got to do with anything?”

“Do you know him?”

Matt shrugged, “Yeah, sort of, he was a very quiet boy, kept himself to himself. A bit effeminate I would have said. I hardly ever spoke to him. We were never friends or anything like that.”

I looked into Matt’s eyes, pleading with him.

“I was in school with him as well. I know you from our school days too.”

“You were in school with me?” Matt questioned, “I don’t remember you, in fact, I don’t remember any Martina!”

My heart was working overtime, I could feel the pounding in my chest. Every second, my breasts were pushed against the confines of my bra.

I looked directly into Matt’s eyes, “I remember Martin, I remember him very well. He wasn’t the person he wanted to be.”

“I couldn’t say,” replied Matt.

“He is the person he wants to be now, though!” I retorted.

Matt’s eyes widened, I stared at him wanting him to understand. He looked into my eyes. Finally, it looked like the penny had dropped.

Matt took a step backwards, “Martin…” he spurted, “but…but…you look so gorgeous.”

I laughed at his comment, “Yes, I know, the surgeons did a good job on me didn’t they.”

Matt just nodded, then shook his head, then nodded again.

“Look, come inside, let me explain.”

Matt nodded, but his words, “fuck me,” echoed in my soul as I put the key in the door.

I opened the door and we stepped into my house. I made some coffee for both of us and we sat on the sofa. I related the whole story about my life up to that point. How I left this lovely Cornish village as a broken and unhappy child in the wrong body, how I made my fortune in the big smoke, and how I had wanted to become a woman, to become me. I told him of the drugs and the operations. I told him everything I had done that made me the way I am now.

Matt had so many questions that I couldn’t answer them fast enough.

Then came one of the big ones, “So, do you still have a…a cock?”

“No, I had sex reassignment surgery, down there,” I pointed with my finger, “I have a vagina.”

Matt sighed, his eyes pleaded with me, “Why did you have to tell me?”

“Because…”

“Because what?”

“I think I love you.”

“It would be true to say that up until you told me all those things, I felt the same for you.”

I sat upright on the sofa and faced him, “Why does that have to change then?”

Matt shrugged, “Because I know.”

I shook my head, “That’s not it. You don’t know anything, you don’t know what I’ve been through and you certainly don’t know me. No, it’s because you can’t accept the person in front of you. You know, the gorgeous one with the nice tits.” I wiggled my tits so that they bounced all over my chest. I stood up straight, “or the one with the gorgeous legs and nice arse,” I lifted my skirt to reveal my stockings and bum; half twisting my body so that he had a good view.

Matt stood up and looked at me. “For the first time in my life, I thought I had met someone special, someone who - perhaps wanted to care for me too. A soulmate…”

This was it. My heart sank, I had said too much.

Matt turned his head away from me, then, in a flash, he moved towards me and kissed me. His hands came up behind my head to stop me from moving away from him.

I held him tightly. We kissed; just as passionately as we did on the front doorstep. Matt then held my waist, squeezing it with both hands. It was as if he wanted to strangle me. I raised both my arms and wrapped them around his neck. Our tongues, once more, mimicked the ‘clash of the Titans’.

Suddenly I could feel him push his cock towards me. I could feel his protrusion press into my groin. One of his hands dropped onto my thigh and he found the hem of my skirt and was stroking his hand upwards over my stockings and onto my bare thigh. The same hand then found its way over my bare arse. His finger inched between my flesh and the fabric of my g-string and he pulled it away from my body. I let one of my arms fall to his bum and I clenched his arse; my fingers digging into his flesh through his jeans.

The hand on my hips finally made it to my tits, as Matt squeezed them and easily found my extended nipple poking through the stiff fabric of the bra. I felt the g-string snap back into place and soon felt Matt’s hand cup my sex. His hand raised upwards; enough to get in through the top of my knickers and then he pushed it downwards. His hand stoked my pussy and fingered my slit.

We stepped back from each other. Again, this was my doing, I wanted to see his reaction to what he was touching. I wanted to see how disgusted he would look when he realised that what he was feeling, was not actually female.

I was encouraged that I didn’t notice any disgust on his face. He was looking down at his hand, hidden beneath my dress and I could see him feeling and sensing what was there. He slipped his finger along my clit and I gasped aloud. Matt looked into my eyes once more.

I was breathing heavily, we both were. I looked into his eyes, longingly, and I knew I wanted him.

I immediately dropped to my knees, unbuckled and unzipped his jeans before pulling them to the floor. I quickly reached inside his pants from the top and grabbed his cock; pulling it out as I hooked my fingers through his pants and pulling them down to meet his jeans. His cock bounced free and stood to attention.

My eyes widened at the size and hardness of his cock. It was already fully erect. As I moved my face forward, my tongue extended and made contact with the base of his balls. I licked upwards along his cock and slipped my mouth over the top as my hands cupped his balls. Pulling his cock downwards with my lips, I sank my mouth over his shaft. My hand needed to rest over the base of his cock to keep it from bouncing back up, as I eagerly sucked on it.

Matt made sweet mewling noises as I sucked him. Little moans and groans left his mouth as I fed his cock down my throat. My hand eventually started to pump up and down on his exposed shaft.

I wanted his cum down my throat. I wanted to show him how much I needed him. I gobbled the head of his cock and pumped his shaft with one hand. I could feel his balls tighten in my other and I knew this was a sign of his impending orgasm. I withdrew my lips and sucked on his knob; pumping his shaft furiously with my hand. I wanted to shove a finger up his arse, but, all in good time, I thought.

Matt groaned loudly. Both of his hands grasped my head and he gently pushed forwards. His first spurt hit the back of my throat and I eagerly swallowed it. The taste was glorious, I loved it. A flood of spunk followed it that caused me to gag a little. I swallowed as much as I could but a little escaped from the side of my mouth and dribbled down my chin. I held his cock in my mouth and stroked it, not wanting to break the passion of the lust-filled moment.

It was Matt that started to raise my head. His cock flopped from my mouth and I let it fall. It was still semi-hard even though his balls were now empty. In the back of my mind I wondered whether this was going to be a one-off. A tick box on Matt’s calendar of life, ‘done a tranny - tick’.

Matt stood me up and cupped my face with his hands, “this is going to take some getting used to,” he said.

I kissed him, not realising his spunk was all over my lips.

“Tell me,” he said, “how do we actually fuck each other?”

I smiled at him. I leant in to rest my head on his shoulder and whispered softly in his ear, “Do you want to stay the night to find out?”

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Written by DarkSide
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