Sick

I feel sick.
Sick of waiting,
Sick of wanting,
Sick of not saying.
Sick of dreaming,
Of a fairytale.
But then there is that silver lining.
It never fails,
To light
The night sky.

I break down,
I cry.
I'm so sick.
When do I get to be happy,
Content?
When do I get to
Wear a smile?
Not fake.
Genuine,
Finally something that's real.

But isn't it crazy,
I tell myself no.
Convinced that it's stupid,
I am destined for doom.
So I sit,
Sick of it all.
Waiting.
Wanting.
Is this all wrong?

I want to go,
But yet I stay,
In this place I call home.
But what kind of home,
Is without two parents,
Together how it should be.
No wonder I do not believe.
In myself,
In love,
In dreams.

But still I hope,
Cling to the happy moments,
That fade into blackness,
Not remembered.
Blacked out,
Erased,
No memory,
Just emptiness.
I am so sick,
But I have no choice,
I am human,
I feel.
I wait.
I dream.
I hope,
One day,
Fate will take it's toll.

Sick of waiting,
Wanting,
Lusting,
Yearning.
I'm convinced.
I'm hopeless,
Pathetic,
To think there can be a cure.
No cards on the table,
I keep them hidden.
But in the end,
If fate comes knocking,
I will answer,
And for once,
I won't be sick.

I want to say it,
But still I hope.
I will not be brave enough,
I will hold it in,
Until it makes me sick,
Disease overtaken my body,
My organs shut down,
All because I can't form words.
I want to,
But I am to scared.
Afraid,
Terrified,
You won't feel the same.
And that would make me sicker.