Ms. Claus shouted at Santa, “I am sick and tired of your gallivanting around the world, getting into your pathetic trysts, threesomes and orgies. This eve you are staying home. I will be your sleigh-ride tonight.”

 She grabbed his beard and pulled him face to face. She dropped her sash, opened her robe of silk and offered her breasts. Next, she lifted up her nighty to show her sparkling, red gash.

“Now look at me, you fool.”

She unbuckled his belt, stripped off his coat and ordered up some jazz. Then she embraced him, kissed him, and started to dance.