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I was waiting for you.
I heard your knock at the door.
I’d been waiting for you in the shadows, in the dusky, silent shadows.
Chin on my knees, arms round my legs, and I waited.
Hooded eyes, thinking of you;
Thinking of what you were bringing striding up the path, alive with hope.
I shifted; a moment; a tense, hanging, weighted moment;
The pause before the pendulum swung again.
My heart was on a string anchored in the core of the earth,
Waiting to be snapped as I rose up to open the door.
A silent twinge in the darkness; a slither of moonlight puddling on the floor, calling, calling, calling.
And I waited.

Borrowed moments ran through my mind;
Of happy tears and smiles and joys shared and cherished;
Of sunlight and moonlight mixed in the cup that we sipped and we gulped from with pleasure;
Glimpses of future with their memories past that dictated the story that we lovers would share.

And I waited.

And there! At the gate, with a rising and falling
Of my chest weighted down through the core –
A breathless snow flurry of hope-wisps mixed richly
Through the dusky, silent hall.
Your dancing stride moved up the path
With those tenacious hopes living and growing by seconds,
And your meaningful sounds of potential glowing.

And I waited.

I heard you, pushing thresholds of delight and expectancy,
Streaming in through the glass in the door,
Pearling and swirling with the moonbeams and soft glows of purposeful meaningful tendrils.

And you knocked.

My heart was almost already out there with you,
Enveloping you with my joy and my fears pushed down by my excitement.

I stopped waiting.

I rose heavily from the shadows as though the dusky velvets were ropes,
With my heart already dancing outside with your footsteps.
My leaden fingers fumbled with the door handle that would open to my future with you.
Thick as the mineshaft’s sooty air, the tension hung deep and rippling.

I pulled open the door in my treacle-thick dreaming
And saw your head turn towards me with sudden delight
Breaking over your features as the golden rays of the sun seep over the horizon at dawn.

You smiled.

A dazzling, dew-laden, joyful smile; you flung your delight of me into my face
And you held open your welcoming arms to me, waiting, waiting, waiting
For my steps to fling me into your embrace,
Breaking that string from the earth’s core to my heart so that I would be fully yours.

And I stood.

Looking at you.

I stared into the depths of your now-clouding eyes and I whispered,

“I’m sorry”.

And you dropped your arms, because you knew.
You had hoped.
But you knew.

And I closed the door, and you gently, gently, gently moved away into the comforting arms of the moon.

It was not the earth that held my heart anchored.
It was my heart that clung to the deep of the core,
To the heavy, the hidden, the forgotten terrors,
The unreachable, frightening monsters of the past.

Should I have walked into your arms,
I would have destroyed us both.
For love pierces darkness like a spear of light
And lays bare the ugly, crawling demons of destruction.

And I could not bear for you to look at me in the light, for then you would have seen what I truly was:
Soulless, fruitless, empty.

I cannot give what I don’t have.
This story is protected by International Copyright Law, by the author, all rights reserved. If found posted anywhere other than with this note attached, it has been posted without my permission.

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Posted 10 Jul 2012 15:39
Wow damn good writing but like others said your voice just brings so much more to it nicely done

Posted 09 Jul 2012 19:47
Posted 09 Jul 2012 16:58
Such a special, yet gut wrenching poem... Dear Shylass, you have done to me as I have done to you on SS... Congratulations on a painfully heartfelt poem... yet your words make it so much more than a poem.

A poetic masterpiece!
Posted 09 Jul 2012 16:13
Holy Mac... That was impressive! The combination of your words and voice held me captured till the end... I agree with CD you *are*gifted x
Posted 09 Jul 2012 16:12
holy moly..... you make me weep because i feel it all... good audio, d... no great audio.
Posted 13 May 2012 08:12
Fantastic & Amazing! Love your poem... wonderful.... just simply wonderful words. 5+++
Posted 09 May 2012 09:31
Simply beautiful poem. You are really an extraordinary writer
Posted 08 May 2012 18:29
You are an outstanding writer.
Posted 08 May 2012 12:24
oh , d..... so wonderful.... my heart grieves and is joyously free at the same time.
Posted 08 May 2012 12:11
Sad and powerful...lovely piece of work

Posted 08 May 2012 05:15
Very nice! Excellent work!

Posted 07 May 2012 23:45
Daisy! That was amazing.
I'm sitting here jaw hung open!
You have a gift girl.

Posted 07 May 2012 20:49
This is superb. Truly.
Posted 07 May 2012 19:48
Again, So beautifully captured. A mesmerizing and soulful poem. I love it.
Posted 07 May 2012 19:18
Again you have created a lovely work. Bravo.

Posted 07 May 2012 17:13
That was so good and unexpected. Great stuff!
Posted 07 May 2012 17:10
what a heart wrenching intense, so filled with expectancy--the punctuating phrase of "And I waited"..the pause of the pendulum before it swings evokes so much of your waiting. The line "I'm sorry" is so surprising and the poem turns from such light to such darkness so suddenly, Such a sad, despairing end.....why?

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