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Wonderment
By
Jinxy

Wonderment

I feel myself give in
I was never sure of what I thought of doing this. I was unsure, but at the same time I was taken by your words. We had away with one another that I hadn't felt in so long.

You got to know me,

Like me

And even love me.

I couldn't explain why you did the things you did. I was wrapped up in the thought of it. I tried to keep arms length but the more I thought I was fighting it the more I was falling for it. I finally could see myself slip into it.

We met,

We became friends,

We became a couple,

We became more.

You submitted to me. You allowed yourself to become mine. You told me that you’d do as I said as long as I kept you safe. I set boundaries and rules and took it slow. I knew you were new to the game and I wanted you to be safe.

You were so unsure at first.

The boundaries,

The rules,

The expectations.

However unsure you were I kept reminding you all was okay. I helped you along the way. You worked through the boundaries, the rules and the expectations taking it to a whole new level. You succeed beyond what I thought you would. You made me proud to call you mine.

Then the fear I felt when it all started reared its ugly head. My real life took me, needed my attention.

The holidays,

The friends,

The work,

The real world.

It called and beacon me to it. I had no choice and had to do what I needed. You said you understood and was there for me. You kept telling me things were okay and not to worry. Just do what you need my Angel, I understand I heard you breath those words. I took it as though sign things would be okay. I check in on you and my one and only.

My safe place,

My safe zone,

My life I wanted.

It all started falling to pieces when you gave me bad news. You broke my trust, you misbehaved. Though I know your human I can’t help but feel the anger linger inside me. Is that what is more important to him than me? Of course it isn't. I’m foolish and silly. I know better than this.

I needed a break,

To cool off,

To breath.

I try and you swallow me whole, not like before. Not in the sense it was like last time. It wasn't a good thing, it wasn't pleasant and safe. It was tightening and drowning. It wasn't like the undeniable good I felt before. It was pain, and hurt and anger.

I've taken the time and know the laughs, the words, the time, the sex, the love, the moments we share out shine what pain was caused. I just need the time to regroup to readjust to soak in how I want to take the next step.

I beg of you to allow me that, without swallowing me whole.

I beg of you not to drown me in pleas and cries.

I beg of you to give me what I ask and just back off.

I beg of you to give me the time I asked for.

I beg of you to just wait, wait for me.

If you can’t wait then tell me, I’ll end it now. I’ll move on, break free and start over. If you can wait then please do as I ask. In the end it’ll work out for the best. Isn't that the way life works? 

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Comments(14)


Banes1
Posted 10 Sep 2013 12:00
Beautiful and very well written. Thank you for sharing.
curious3045
Posted 04 Jun 2013 07:05
Very impressive writing Hoping it worked out for you !!
Desires
Posted 16 Mar 2013 11:38
perfect
Navin
Posted 21 Feb 2013 21:13
Much to ponder. Nice depth of emotion. Keep writing.
LYFBUZ
Posted 17 Feb 2013 08:25
Only the 2nd piece of yours I have read but I love the emotion of your work. Trust in your talent, the best work is felt not read. I felt this strongly.
nazhinaz
Posted 10 Feb 2013 00:58
Feelings can be understood but why name it poetic?

Green_Man
Posted 26 Jan 2013 09:09
I have good feelings about your future work. This was heartfelt and compelling. Thanks for sharing.

asleep
Posted 25 Jan 2013 22:12
A well written piece that reflects a lot of emotion and pain. Thank you for sharing the work with us. Proud to call you friend and Cuz. "5"+++

Rick

FeistyWolf1970
Posted 23 Jan 2013 18:45
raw emotion put into words, very well written, thank you for sharing
HK4167
Posted 22 Jan 2013 21:39
This is a nice piece. The intense honest emotion are very well expressed. Well done and thanks for sharing this with us.
Americanheart
Posted 22 Jan 2013 21:17
very beautiful
etairay
Posted 22 Jan 2013 19:00
thank you felt it ..saw it ..love it churp churp
JamieW
Posted 22 Jan 2013 07:57
I like this, you are good at poems as well. Me having the inside on this whole situation I know how true these words are, doing this is a great way to express your emotions. Nice Job my lil Munchkin 5/5

Poppet
Posted 22 Jan 2013 07:31
I know what it's like to be in this kind of situation. I’ve been in it before or close to it. I know you’re hurting and it sucks. You are a great person and in the end it WILL work out for the best. Love is a good thing, don’t give up so easily.
 

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