So tonight was the night. I had finally, after much searching, stumbled across the tickets I had fawned over for so long. The show was hanging in my perceptible future, I was so close to him. It felt ridiculous to be as excited as I was. I was going to see him, sure, but from a safe distance, untouchable as always. Almost as if there was no difference between our proximity now than if I had stayed at home 30 miles away.
I walked through the entrance to the cosy bar, looking around awkwardly, for the first time half regretting my decision to come alone.
I sat down, one of the first arrive. The room filled up quickly and the table I had chosen was soon occupied with two others, who leaned their chairs away from mine. I ordered a drink, stupidly nervous for the night, my stupid fantasies and idealized expectations were clearly ridiculous, but it wouldn't stop me. His perfect smile and gleaming, chocolate eyes flashed through my thoughts and raised a blush to my cheeks.
Suddenly the lights dimmed, casting a romantic glow around the room, there were waves of electrical excitement in the crowd and my eyes widened, refusing to miss any part of him when he appeared on stage.
He walked on, head down at first, then he raised it, his perfect smile almost too good to be true. His dark curls shone in the bright lights above him, a twinkle of excitement perceptible in his eye. He greeted the audience. My face exploded into an uncontrollable beam. I was sure if, for whatever reason, he graced me with his gaze, he would see a crazy woman.
I hardly had time to care before he actually did look. It was a brief moment of eye contact, but it was enough to squeeze the air out of me, the smile fell off my features, replaced with a look of absolute... Shock? Maybe stronger than shock. But then his eyes continued past, reading the expressions of my fellow fans.
I thoroughly enjoyed his show and experienced everything I had anticipated in the real world, as opposed to the superior workings of my imagination.
Don't get me wrong, I wasn't a creepy fan, in love with the star simply for the fact that he was a famous comedian in the public eye. I loved him for so much more than that, in the way that anyone forms a crush on someone else. I fell in love with him for who he was. I hated the other fans I heard, clamoring over him, knowing none of them had the feelings I did.
As the evening drew to its finality, I regretted coming at all. I did love him as a comedian, yes, but I knew that wasn't what I came here for and this evening had, if anything, only accentuated the pain I felt, never realistically being able to be with him. I looked into my glass of wine, almost finished and cursed myself for getting into this situation. Why couldn't I just let go of silly dreams of seducing this man that I could never have?
His show concluded and I smiled a longing smile, as he walked away into the back. I wondered if I would ever be this close to him again, if I would ever see his smile from this mere seven meters or so between us. I sighed. I was such an idiot. How stupid! Of course I wouldn't, nor should I. I should find someone I could really have.
I waited long enough for the crowd of people around me to disperse a little and allow me room to navigate myself away. Away to my car, to drive the long drive back to my sleepy little village and wallow in my own self pity.
I stepped out into the warm summer evening, looking up at the stars twinkling lightly above me. From this distance, no one could guess their powerful fiery nature. I guessed that from the outside I appeared the same. One sweet little girl with plain green eyes, brunette hair softly floating around her innocent face. Underneath however, I was raw, torn ragged by the ridiculous feelings that would not leave me.
I stepped forward, head still lost to the stars and ran into an obstruction I hadn't expected. I stepped backwards again, eyes closed, shaking my head to try to clear the thoughts that tangled like wool.
"I'm so sorry, I didn't see you."
I felt a steadying hand on me and I opened my eyes to the stranger I had walked into.
"Don’t worry, that’s fine," I recognized the voice before the face registered.
It was the smile that hit me first, that smile I wasn't ever supposed to see again. Jon Richardson.
I worked my hardest to compose my face, sure that if I didn't it would spasm into some unrecognizable mask of craziness.
"Oh, it's you!" The words popped out before I could think of anything more eloquent and sexy to say.
"Yeah, were you in the crowd? I thought I recognized you. Anyway, have a good night," he smiled again and walked confidently into the distance.
I stopped where I was, awkwardly.
It was a stupid situation to be in. I knew my car was in the direction he was now escaping. I couldn't follow directly behind him, he would think I was a crazy stalker and I hadn't thought quickly enough to ask him if I could walk that direction with him. It's fine.
"It's fine. I’ll wait here and I can go once he’s gone," I thought to myself.
I waited a safe five minutes and then slid into the night. It was a longer walk than I had remembered taking on the way there but the air helped to clear my cloudy thoughts.
I finally found my car, sitting welcomingly, under the yellow light from the window of the bar I had decided looked safe enough for a parking spot. I walked to the door and opened it. Before getting in, I took the chance for one final collection of my thoughts. I had finally seen him. Touched him in fact. Why couldn't I have left a better impression?
In that moment I felt very lonely. So alone in the world. When I got home I knew there would be no one waiting for me. I looked through the window of the bar. So many people, so happy and... Together.
That’s when I spotted him. He was along the end of the bar. One man sitting on his own in a clamor of other people, no one paying him mind. He sat looking at his phone, with a drink in his hand.
This time, I wasn't scared to look like the creepy stalker. This time, no thought other than the numbing loneliness I felt in my heart and the flicker of a hope that maybe actually I could have a chance. I pushed the door open and it creaked in a welcoming homely sort of way. The room was hot, with the tightly packed bodies. This wasn't the sort of place a person could feel lonely. I loved it.
I strolled to the bar... Or rather I strolled in my head, the reality was more of a shove to the front, pushing through people who had no intention of being courteous.
I was still at the opposite side of the bar to him. But this was good. I could work with this. I ordered a drink and sat at the bar for a moment, planning my course of action and how I should proceed to result in the best outcome for this evening. The end plan resulted in me awkwardly pushing myself across the bar area. I sat on the bar stool next to him and smiled my warmest smile, completely genuine, which was not often the case.
"Sorry, I'm Molly. I saw you in here when I came in and thought I should apologise, for earlier, with a drink," the move was surprisingly successful and he invited me to sit down.
I laughed at his cheeky grin, cheeks dimpling with amusement. We talked deep into the evening. Casual banter flying between us. It felt so natural and easy to slip into this kind of conversation and all my preoccupations melted away, as I relaxed into the night.
I could feel myself flirting. I had promised myself that I wouldn't. I knew that I shouldn't and it could only lead to me ruining this beautiful thing. I was in love with this man, but I knew such feelings would not arise in him.
We remained in the bar until the crowds died away, leaving a few smaller groups like our own. All too soon, the landlord warned us it was closing time. It was late, but the night felt so young. I felt more awake than ever. This couldn't be the end. I cursed myself for choosing a parking space directly in front of the establishment, hoping to claw onto every second that I could, with Jon.
We finished up our drinks and in a gentlemanly way, that raised a blush in my cheeks, Jon covered the cost of my wine.
"I thought drinks we're supposed to be on me." I grinned over at him, of course he refused.
He pushed the door, ushering me to exit in front of him and I slipped past him into the night, slightly wobbly. Maybe that last glass had been a mistake. I did not relish the idea of my journey home.
"Well, this is me," I motioned to the car, looking away to hide the pain I was sure would be glimmering in my eye.
I moved forward stumbling again slightly on my way.
"Are you sure you’re going to be okay to drive?" His voice seemed concerned.
I was touched. although I suppose its the same concern anyone would express.
"I don't think I should really let you drive," he said, with a cheeky smirk on his features again.
I was having trouble deciphering what he was hedging at.
I blinked at him, my face gormless and lost. He laughed at me and pulled his arm around my waist. Electricity shot through my veins, my breath caught and left my entire being fluttering like a delicate butterfly.
"Uh yeah, maybe you’re right. I have some money for a hotel," I looked down to my shoes.
I wasn't sure if I caught it but I was sure I heard a low chuckle emanate from him. We walked through the night, cooling down, which made me shiver delicately.
I would have been more interesting and talkative on our journey, had I not feared the anxiety and anticipation in my voice. I knew it was stupid, but this intimacy was too much for my shaken nerves. It was enough to have bumped into him, but now this, his arm slung casually around me, ushering me away to stay in the very hotel he was probably residing at.
I felt his pace slow, he pulled me carefully to the left.
"Here look, it’s the river. I always think it's so beautiful at night. with the lights shining on the water like this," he pointed out as we reached the rail.
"It is so... Beautiful. I love cities best at night, when everything's calm," I smiled, more at the moment than anything else.
It truly was beautiful, the way the light was reflected over the ripples and currents of the water.
I felt the vibration of my phone in my pocket, it pulled me from my little world here, tucked away admiring the sights with Jon Richardson of all people.
I slipped the phone out of my pocket, at an awkward angle; my sleeve caught on my car keys dragging them along and out where they fell to the ground, with a clatter. I bent down instinctively, before I had realized that Jon had reacted the same way. Our hands reached out, and it felt so much like one of those sappy chick flicks, you know the ones where the couple touch, and look into each other's eyes, like its the first time they're seeing the light.
We did look up, it wasn't that same fairy tale gaze though, my face must have looked ridiculous regardless because he beamed at me. That smile that made me fall in love with him.
In a moment I wasn't quite sure I even experienced, I felt the soft touch of his lips caressing my nose delicately, then they were gone and I ached for them again, all over my body.
He clutched the keys in one hand and pulled me up with the other. I could feel the blush in my cheeks as heat flushed through. I looked away, towards the pavement beneath our feet.
"Come on, lets go," I could hear the smile lingering in his voice.
We managed to make it to the hotel, without more embarrassment on my part. It was nice enough, smallish looking, but I was so worn by the days events, that the thought barely graced my mind.
I walked up to the desk and placed my hands on it, resting my weary being.
"Do you have a single room available?" The receptionist looked blankly to her computer, typed a few letters and conducted a short search. A fruitless search.
"I’m afraid we have no singles available at the moment."
When I had asked if they had rooms available, I had hardly considered that they might not.
"Ok, any other rooms available?" The desperation heightening my tone.
She shook her dull head once more, hardly seeming to care.
I turned around and headed for the door, "I guess I can sleep in my car. It's not so bad," my voice drawled, sleepily.
But then, my hand was in his once more. I could feel the soft skin, for the second time this evening and it didn't fail to raise the same response.
"Oh that’s fine. I can’t very well let you sleep out in the cold. I have a sofa in my room and some extra pillows in the closet. It’s fine I don’t mind," I was too tired to analyse his voice but it seemed to contain some note I couldn’t automatically place.
I turned around, our faces so close it almost stole my breath.
"You sure?" I asked sheepishly, voice barely audible.
"Of course," he said as he dragged me away, chuckling.
Almost too soon we were outside his door. I felt my heart and imagined it beating right through my chest. It felt like it might. I hoped that my slightly-more-than-rosy complexion wouldn't be visible in the dim light. I feared him cottoning onto my thoughts and kicking me out. That would do no good.
The key turned in the lock, slowly, opening it with a satisfying 'clunk'. He opened the door wide and threw his arm out to allow me past.
I giggled at his ridiculous overly dramatic behavior.
I entered the room and soon scoped out the sofa. It was squat appeared lumpy even from a distance, hardly seemed suitable for someone to sleep on, but that didn't matter to me in this second. I was going to share a room with my love. The love that, before today, I had never even met.
I walked over and plopped myself on the almost painfully springy cushions. I looked to him with a half drunken smile on my lips.
"You didn't think I was letting you
sleep on the sofa did you? A gentleman could never be so uncourteous," he challenged me with a mocking tone.
"Well, I'm not kicking you out of your own bed for this pokey thing" I spread my arms out to emphasize the truth of my words.
"Of course you aren't! I'm
off my pokey sofa!" He pulled me up, by my outstretched hands and pulled me sideways towards the large bed.
I struggled playfully around in his grip.
To secure me tighter, he snaked his long arms around me. We twisted and turned, falling around, in stitches, as he tried navigate his way to the bed. Suddenly, it was right there, behind his knees, I lost my balance momentarily, but it was enough to push us both down. The bed caught us, thankfully. However, as I took stock of my surroundings, I discovered that I had fallen right on top of Jon. Perfect. My legs straddled him and his death lock arms meant our faces were mere centimeters apart. I could smell the sweetness of his breath as it blew across my face, moving the disheveled hair from my eyes.
I leaned my face in, closer. I guess it was instinct over anything else. Our lips connected and a second later, my brain connected also. I pulled away, almost violently.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean..." I squirmed away and realized that his grip was increasing.
He didn't seem to want me to leave. He pulled me further in, towards him and this time, he made the move. He leaned up and caught my lips in his.
It was a soft, sweet kind of kiss, the kind that burns slowly, smoldering quietly between bodies. We were so gentle with our advances, our lips moving as delicately as flowers swaying in the breeze.
But my muscles were stiff, I was unwilling to allow myself freedom into this man's life, not knowing what kind of awkward embarrassing situation it might drag me into. With every moment, my grasp on reality and morals started to slip, almost falling away like sand. It was a slow trickle at first and then, as I noticed the way our bodies moulded together in the dark, the flow increased and soon the last few grains fell over the precipice. I was lost. My instincts took over my vacant limbs and deepened the kiss. The gentle breeze was becoming a violent storm, trashing the flowers around in a passionate play.
I squeezed my arms up and out of his embrace, now loosened and searched for his face. I found it. Rough stubble beneath my palms helped fuel the fire and I became like a beast, ravaging my prey. Although that analogy didn't seem right, because I realized he was ravaging me back. His advances were as violent and forceful as my own.
We parted, breath steaming from our mouths, ragged and wild. I wasn't really sure how far he would want this to go and decided that it would be better for both of us, if he would take the controls. I rolled the the side, keeping my fingers locked down on the side of his shirt furthest from me, creating the invitation for him to behave as he wished as was the beauty of the move that I pulled whenever I wasn't sure of myself.
There was hardly a pause before he accepted the invitation, moving fluidly, until he was resting above me. He pushed neatly between my legs, picking up where our swollen lips had left off.
I felt a cool hand snake upwards across my inflamed skin. It weaved its trail of flame up and under my thin, cotton shirt, causing the fabric to bunch at my neck. Apparently, he decided that this wasn't a good look and I was relieved when the article found its way to the floor.
He had successfully opened the floodgates. Given me permission to have my way with him. There was no more trepidation, I took my chances and reached to tackle the row of buttons that hid his body, in a way I couldn't bear.
Item number two fell to the floor.
I caressed the smooth skin I had discovered, like an explorer marveling over a chest of golden coins. His skin was pale and soft. The perfume of his very being clouded my thoughts and it wasn't until his wandering hands found me again, that I was pulled from my reverie. He kissed me simply on the mouth. No grand gestures and attempts to impress me. Finally, a man that realized what it was about.
I ran my hands down his torso and paused, thumbs resting about the line of his trousers, still relishing in the kiss.
Our bodies parted then. He pushed me delicately away into the pillows. This worried me, for the split second it took me to realize that he was simply creating the distance to take things further. His hand slipped slowly around my button, his eyes in perfect contact with mine, an unspoken question, which I answered with my lack of action against his advance.
He popped the button easily and pulled the jeans away, releasing my legs, which soon after, received a delicate greeting from his lips. He stroked me slowly and carefully. Taking his time over the contours of bone and muscle. Investigating with all his senses. He moved upwards, starting with my ankle, little nips and strokes of the skin, moving upwards, past my knees and onto my thighs. He seemed to relish his time here the most, teasing me and tickling the sensitive skin there.
At last he found my pants with his hands. I was aching for his touch and when it came, I felt close to combustion. He slipped the frilly material off my ankle expertly and threw it to the floor.
His mouth was at mine one more, kissing and nipping gently. Then he moved down, caressing my breasts softly and butting my sensitive nipples, with careful confidence. His head then moved lower, leaving a trail of wildfire in it's path.
Almost too soon, his head was between my legs, gently separating them, to give himself enough room to make his next move.
Then his lips were on mine and an electric shock pulsed through me, paralyzing me momentarily. He licked, breaching the entrance to my core and moved expertly, massaging my sensitive nub with the perfect mix of delicate nudges and overpowering force. This movement sent we wheeling and squirming around, feeling powerless to the fire brewing in me. My gasps and moans only seemed to fuel his fire and he burnt even deeper into me, releasing me just before breaking point.
I rose up like a great beast, overpowering his advances and pushing him down, my lips which twitched into a rueful crooked smile. This smile echoed onto his features as he let himself go to me. I lay above him, carefully keeping enough distance to make him ache from the just-out-of-reach skin. I kissed him slowly and tenderly, then like a storm, it brewed and brewed, finally bursting into the fingers of lightning that sent shivers down my spine. I moved downwards, in the teasing manner in which he had explored my body. I ran my hands and lips delicately down him and was abruptly stopped by his jeans. I slipped my finger around the button, not waiting for any kind invitation this time. They pulled away, easily, revealing a pair of boxer shorts, currently working very hard to keep the contents inside.
I slipped the index fingers of both hands delicately under the elastic waistband, looking up with him with oh-so-innocent eyes.
I pulled the boxers out of the way slowly, blushing delicately when they were discarded. I took up his member in my hand, surprised at the length, for he was a relatively averagely built man. I moved my hand expertly up and down, slowly at first and gradually building in tempo, until he was gasping and clutching at the covers around him. I slowed then, dropping my head, and licking his tip, tasting the precum that covered it.
I took him in my mouth then, but I was wary, as I proceeded to bob up and down, licking his shaft. I knew he was close to breaking point and I wanted more out of him than just a blow job.
I took my head away from him, giving his tip one last kiss and pulled myself over him, positioning myself carefully and then kissing him passionately. I knew he was ready for me, ready and begging, actually. I lowered myself onto him, slipping in the tip first and then pushing downwards with more force. I was a small girl and this part was never easy.
He gasped sharply at the sensation and I grinned wickedly at his face, which was molded into a mask of ecstasy. I built up the tempo, as before. The sensations that ran through me brought me gasping and moaning too loudly for this little hotel.
The coil in the pit of my stomach, started to twist and compress, ready to explode. I knew the feeling but I had never felt it so strongly. He sensed my closeness and flipped the pair of us over, dragging me slightly to the edge of the bed. He entered me again and pounded into me, harder and faster than anyone ever had before. I felt as if a great wave of something was about to swallow me up and drag me into the depths. He drew out and his final thrust pushed me over the precipice as he exploded within me, in the same moment and stopped, breath ragged.
We climbed into bed, cuddling against the cold of this night, spent without our clothes.
"Look, I know we only just met and this isn't the perfect time to say this, but let's stay in touch," he kissed my nose and eyelids."I don't do one night stands."
I nodded in the dark, but knew he felt the movement. I knew my voice was too choked to blurt out everything I should have in that moment, as the tears of happiness trickled silently down my flushed face.
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with this note attached, it has been posted without my permission.
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