Lusting After a Porn Star

Life has become too complicated, since I discovered I like girls as well. Actually, since I discovered I am heavily in love with a girl; specifically, my best friend. However, due to cultural and religious differences between me and her, I cannot really proceed with what I have in mind and definitely, not in this country. I am trying to distance myself from her, because being with her is hurting me. I love her so much, but I want physical intimacy and she is scared. She is very insecure and she always complains that, if we go too far and we don’t remain friends any longer, it will hurt too much and be unbearable for both of us. Also, since she is straight, she keeps talking about marriage, which goes straight to the heart. I mean, I know I will be married too one day, to a guy. I am bisexual I think. I do love and like guys too, but this girl has totally changed me and is ruling my mind.

The other day I was doing a Google search for bisexuals and how to be in a relationship with a bisexual and god knows what else. I have never done that before. I have always liked guys, had casual and serious relationships with them. I never even looked at a girl in ‘that’ way before. Until, this amazing, crazy and wild girl came in to my life. She has taught me so many new things and also what love is. I actually ache for her. I have physical pain in the chest when I miss her. I don’t even remember the actual medical term for this, but this is true. I am completely bowled over by her. Too bad I am in love with the wrong person and sex. I want someone who can reciprocate and be with me, the way I want them to be.

The more I fall deep into this, the more in trouble I am going to get. I have completely stopped talking to the ‘hot beach guy’. I have completely disassociated myself with everyone that I know in this city. I don’t feel like talking to anyone. When she is busy and she is unable to reply to me, I get so fucking angry. I never thought I could feel so possessive towards someone. I keep thinking she is mine. I hate it when she goes out to meet any of her friends in her city. I can’t meet up with her because obviously there are 130 kilometers between us. Going every day is not possible. I will be strained and stressed out. Also, the nature of my job is such that I am always on my feet and running out and about.

I need physical intimacy and I am missing that so much here. I feel the need even more, ever since I have fallen head over heels over this femme fatale. I am a professional photographer and I have shot hundreds of photographs of my beloved, at the beach, at home, in the studio and in the park. I have thirst for more. When I don’t get to talk to her or meet her, I soothe my aching soul & heart by seeing her photographs. I can spend hours doing nothing, but just stare at her photographs. That makes me horny and I feel like grabbing her out of the photograph and hugging her. Not only hug her of course, but kiss her, stroke her neck, make love to her. Whatever way bisexuals do that? I am so new to this whole same sex thing.

So anyway, since I am not getting ‘some’ from her, I have to get it from somewhere. There is a limit to patience. Thing is, when me and her were physical with one another on my birthday, when she drove down to my city just to be with me, it made me feel so amazing. I miss her like anything. It is different when you haven’t seen someone naked, or naked in person. I have seen her naked! I have touched her body. I have kissed her neck. I keep imaging that scene in my mind and I want it to repeat. I want her to be bossy and come on to me. I want her to take charge. I don’t want to be the person who is always running after her and begging her to get physical with me. For once in my life, I want someone who runs after me and asks me to remove my clothes or kiss them.

Now, these days someone has caught my fancy big time. See I am not in love with this porn star; I am just lusting after her. The good news is she is bisexual. The best news is that I have already quenched my thirst for the time being, courtesy her. I have discovered masturbation in a new way. This girl is HOT. Trust me, just Google her name. See the images or the videos! Her name is Sunny Leone. How did I get to know about her? Well this reputedly world famous first class porn star, traveled all the way from America to India, to star in Indian version of Big Brother called, Bigg Boss. She was a wild card entry in to the fifth season which I am following. When I saw her, I was like “HOT DAMN!”

Her ethnicity is Indian, but I have never seen such a pretty or beautiful Indian in my life before. Such clear skin, such alluring features and her American accent was just gripping me by the soul. I was hooked. Slowly, I started watching Bigg Boss 5 only for Sunny Leone. I just love the way she looks on screen. So, then I thought since I am not going to be intimate with anyone for now, I might as well masturbate. I have done it a few times this year, but it has been occasional and I don’t really know the different techniques. This porn star made me look up masturbation techniques online.

My favorite is the water pressure.

So yeah, I imagined Sunny Leone in my mind, while I was in bed. Slowly took my finger to my clit and started rubbing it in circular motions. For the first minute or so it didn’t work, even though I tried rubbing it with vigor and in a circular motion. I thought I was doing something wrong, but I kept doing it and then I felt it; the tension and that sweet pain coming on in my clitoris area. I kept doing it and doing it. The tension in that area kept building up and my heart rate increased. I was breathing unusually. I could feel waves of heat and pleasure radiating from some explosion like feeling in my body. It was the best feeling ever. My hands and legs were shaking. It was intense. It got even more intense, when I pictured ‘her’ instead of Sunny Leone. I guess it was the ‘love’ factor which made it even more pleasurable. I imagined my darling doing that to me. I was gasping for breathe and sighing. I really wanted her to be with me. I kept imaging her and kept getting angry. My vagina started to throb and my clit area was pulsating. It finally got over, I was done with the orgasm but I wanted more. So I kept on with it.

Finally I got so tired that I went to sleep. A porn star got me started and it was ‘her’ that took me right up there. It was such a heavenly high, without the use of drugs or alcohol. Just thoughts about her were necessary. Now I am going to fantasize about ‘her’ being a porn star. My own personal porn star and me getting a private show. Doesn’t that sound nice?