The driver’s pants were unzipped, stiff cock protruding. I rolled my eyes and opened my notebook, contemplating what charges to bring.

“What’s going on here?” I asked.

“I’m having sex with my sweet pumpkin,” he said, grinning.

I glanced at the passenger seat to see a smiling jack-o’-lantern.

“A literal pumpkin? How does that work?”

He rotated the pumpkin. My jaw dropped. I felt a bit dizzy. A real, fleshy vulva glistened below a puckered anus.

“Fuck,” I gasped.

The man laughed hysterically. Then feminine laughter joined from the passenger seat. I wandered back to my cruiser in a daze.