Diary of a Sex Addict - Chapter 2

You can always find a sex addict by the long string of broken relationships they leave behind, leading up to the current fucked up situation. No, I don’t even think that it’s a conscious thing for the addict; it’s just that like most addicts, they simply can’t control what they are doing.

The other thing that usually defines a sex addict is a deep need inside that can never be filled. For me that need was to find and fall in love with Eve. I don’t even remember her real name, I simply gave her the name Eve because she was the first, the beginning of my addiction. I don’t know if what I remember about her is real or imagined but Eve was the standard of perfection from which all women would be forever judged and the empty hole that could never be filled.

My mother? You want to know about my mother?

There is something you should know that I don’t think I made clear before, for me there are really two mothers, my real Mom and Kaitlyn. My real mother didn’t do porn, she wasn’t a sexual being at all. She is the mother I remember coming home to and having her laugh and chase me around the house with a little silver hand mixer, the kind you have to crank with a little handle and two little egg beater things mix together. I also remember her holding me close at night when I was scared and smoothing my hair back and kissing my cheek and telling me that it would all be ok. She was my rock against which all the insults and sadness of the world could never break.
Yes, I saw my mother naked from as early as I remember but as a child it was natural to me, just as natural as any other child seeing his mother in a nightgown. In fact I find it odd that so many people seem to find such shock at the idea of a parent walking around nude in front of their kids. As long as sex isn’t involved, to a child it’s just as natural as having a hug. And yes, I even saw my mother having sex with her boyfriends and sucking their cocks but it didn’t play into anything sexual within my mind because it was just something her and her boyfriends did together. I knew there was something to it and I suppose looking back one could argue that it wasn’t appropriate, but what about our father’s, father’s, fathers? Did early man begin by hiding out in different caves and having sex? No, they had sex in front of each other, in front of the kids, whoever because they were a family and that is what family means, it means no one is isolated or made to feel left out for any reason. I was never involved in their activities, it was just never hidden from me. I find that very natural and pure.

Kaitlyn, on the other hand did porn. Kaitlyn’s porn I only discovered that fated day when those asshole kids decided to make me a lookout while they jacked-off . If I had never been pulled into that room there may have never been a Kaitlyn, just Mom. However once I saw Kaitlyn in that magazine with her legs spread open, her delicate pink labia spread open with creamy white juices almost dripping down to the carpet, my cock was hooked. Her full creamy white breasts hanging down and hard nipples so big and ready for an eager tongue that it made me wish I could spend my life sucking on them. To see Kaitlyn sucking a guy’s cock and taking it deep into her throat was to see religion. I worshiped by jerking at my goddess, Kaitlyn’s alter almost every single day. Kaitlyn was everything I could ever desire to have in a woman only she was also my mom, so naturally I was fucked up from that moment on and had to find a way to separate them out so that I didn’t sit around all day wishing I could fuck Kaitlyn.

My mom.

I remember soon after stashing the mag in my room and having already worshipped it’s glossy magazine quality images several hundred times, mom came home a little later than normal and watching her stumble through the door with her head held low, I could tell she was drunk. She beamed a silly smile in my direction as she approached then leaned in clumsily to plant a kiss on my cheek as she always did. In her slightly drunken state she tried to kiss me and pinch my cheek a little at the same time, instead she smeared her fingers across my neck and ear, just barely managing to pinch anything and her lips touched my lips completely. I had kissed my mother on the mouth many times but her hand now held onto my face and her lips stayed against mine, soft and warm for far too long. I could smell her perfume and her body slowly relaxed into me. The impression of a lovers kiss was unmistakable but I felt no intention from my mother to be “kissing” me, only that she was so drunk she had lost control of her body and was quite possibly about to pass out. I reminded myself that this wasn’t my fantasy coming to reality, only my mom drunk. As her body relaxed completely in my arms I slowly carried her to the couch so that I could lay her down.

“Leave me alone, I’m purrfickly fine! Youuu are such a sweety, jushhh do me a favor and run me some bath water?” she said as she motioned with her hand for me to go away. Her face didn’t move from the pillow and her eyes never opened.
“God Mom, how much did you drink? You look completely wasted.” I smiled at her even though she couldn’t see me.
“Oh, too drunk to take a bath huh? But not too drunk to fuck!” She said and laughed. I don’t think she realized that she was talking to me for a moment so I ignored her and said, “Well if you do I’m going to have to watch you so you don’t fall in and drown.”
My mother and I used to take baths together when I was little almost every day. Only after that horrible Christian woman and her rants of “saving the children” did my mother slowly start to tell me to take a bath on my own but even then we would sometimes sit and talk to each other about school or work or whatever while the other bathed. Only now there was Kaitlyn that invaded my mind and I sat at the edge of Eden while Kaitlyn the serpent offered me the apple of knowledge and shame.

My mother was hardly able to sit down on the toilet and ritually raised her arms as I slipped her top off over her shoulders. Her body instantly slumped in the way that only drug or alcohol induced states can make a person slump. Her large breasts and wonderful nipples dared me to remove her beautiful black bra. My hands moved around my mother and I felt her breath lightly on my neck and shoulder as I unhooked and removed her bra. Her soft white breasts fell slightly and I found my cock stirring despite the mantra of ‘Mom, mom, mom’ that I chanted in my head. When I peeled off her bottoms I was surprised to find that she wasn’t wearing panties but even more of a shock was the unmistakable flakes of what could only be dried cum! I turned my head away instantly and hurriedly lifted and helped her down into the bath. Despite the only brief moment, the little bit of dried cum had transformed this from my mother to Kaitlyn, the porn goddess. I was fully erect.

The bath had the effect of waking my mother just slightly and she pushed the water in front of her around lazily as people do when they are in the bath. I ran water into the bath to get the soap going and started to wash her. My cock was throbbing as I moved the wash cloth over her shoulders and across her arms. She acted as if nothing where out of the ordinary and spoke in a slightly incoherent and slurred way about something that happened at her hair dressing job. But she was Kaitlyn to me now, Kaitlyn didn’t work at a hair dressing job! Slowly I moved down to her breasts, something that I had never done. Usually my Mom would take the cloth away from me and bath herself at this point and continue to talk. But she watched my hand and said nothing as I moved the cloth over the creamy swell of her breasts and circled her hardening nipples. She allowed me to move my hand down under them and as I moved   toward her crotch she surprised me by opening her legs. I paused so that she could take the cloth from me, praying she would take the cloth from me. She seemed to get the drift of what I expected but she leaned her head back into pink bath pillow and opened her legs wider. Through the soapy water I could see her pink little pussy lips. I slowly moved the cloth over them and up and down her thighs. She lifted one leg and hooked it over the edge of the tub so that her pussy opened slightly and she was completely exposed.
“Bastard”
“What?” I asked.
“Just fuck me if you are going to fuck me.” Kaitlyn said.

“Mom?”
But it wasn’t my mom, it was Kaitlyn talking and she was drunk and about to pass out.
“Mom?” I whispered. No response. She was out.

I looked down at her body in the water made unclear by the soap. The words ‘just fuck me if you are going to fuck me’ replayed in my head and my cock screamed ‘DO IT!” but this was my mom, not Kaitlyn. My mom was drunk and didn’t know who I was. She didn’t want me to fuck her, just one of her boyfriends that she had probably been with only moments ago. I’m sure he had dropped her off, preferring not to come in where he would be forced to talk with her son. They all hated thinking about the fact that she had a son.

“Do you have to go pee?”
“Hu..uhhh, what?”
“That thing poking me, do you have to go pee or something?”

“Mom!”

She smirked at me and rolled her eyes but then soon became comfortable as I helped her into bed and laid her head down on her pillow. She quickly curled her arms and legs up and tucked her hands under her pillow like a little baby. Within seconds she was breathing softly and seemed to be drifting off to sleep. I grabbed the sheets and paused only a moment to notice the puckered little pussy displayed between her tucked up thighs. Kaitlyn, how you have destroyed my mind. Then I threw the covers over her and left the room.

I immediately went into my bedroom, stripped off my wet clothes and my now very sticky underwear and slipped the magazine from out of its hiding spot. I jerked my cock like you couldn’t believe. I started slowly, just looking at the pictures of Kaitlyn masturbating, her hungry half closed eyes gazed at me from the pages. I stroked a little faster as I flipped the page and found her creamy pussy parted by her fingers as the anonymous man entered. I felt myself getting closer to orgasm as she took his stiff cock into her mouth, her small mouth opening to take him inside and I tried to picture my cock in place of his. But despite the rapid stroking, the fondling of my nuts and the almost passionate way I was trying to cum, I couldn’t. This was crazy! Kaitlyn was naked and passed out in the other room!

‘Just fuck me if you are going to fuck me’ rang over and over in my mind.

No way, that’s fucked up. But fucking Kaitlyn, is that like fucking my mom? No way. No way. I’m not going to do it but I will go down the hall and just look at her. I told myself this was to get Kaitlyn out of my head and my mother back in it. She lay there almost just as I had left her only she had kicked the covers off her and lay naked. I stood in the doorway like a sick peeping Tom and stroked my throbbing cock. She rolled over and for a moment I thought of running away because in my mind I saw her sit up and look at me with shock and disgust, but instead she just rolled to the other side and now her breasts were completely exposed, her hands now down and tucked under her knees. I had a perfect view of her puckered little pink pussy and those perfect tits! One breast lay pressed over the other and I could easily see my cock sliding between them. I imagined her tongue licking my shaft each time I thrust between them…orgasm racked my body and I came! Over and over I shot streams of hot white spunk onto the carpet in her doorway. I had never had an orgasm like this! It almost took my knees out from under me and I bucked and dropped down, having to hold onto the doorway to keep myself up. Cum dropped from the end of my cock and started to form a nice little puddle under me. I dropped to my knees and milked the last of my semen from deep inside my nuts. God! I had just masturbated in front of Kaitlyn, the goddess! But then, as often happens when you cum, the reality of what I had done possessed me and I was filled with shame! I started to beg a God I didn’t know for forgiveness and quickly found the wet washcloth and picked up the wads of spent love juice. It took several trips to get it all and when I was done there was a very wet spot on the carpet.

The next day was much the same as always. If my mother noticed anything different or remembered anything from the previous night she said nothing of it. A few hours later, when I was about to leave the house, I noticed a dried up stream of cum that I had overlooked on the door! I couldn’t clean it because my Mom would see me and wonder what the hell I was doing. I’m sure I could have made up some sort of excuse but I was terrified that somehow she knew and I rushed out of the house.

When I came home it was gone.

            ********************

The news about moving came suddenly for me. My mother got a call one day from one of her long lost brothers, half brothers really. Apparently my Grandfather, her father, had been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and her slack-ass lazy brothers were too pathetic to do anything about it other than call my Mom out of the blue. What they really wanted was a free nurse to take care of him and they knew my mother was always in need of money. To my Mom this was a perfect opportunity to get the attention from her family that she had always craved and to be able to stay in a nice home, a real home not an apartment. So within a week we had packed up everything in our little apartment and with money from her brothers we were off to North Carolina .

It was a huge change for me as I had known a fairly city based life up until this point but the area we moved into was anything but close to a city at that time. The house was much nicer than our apartment and larger as well it had 2 levels and a basement but it was filled with old people stuff. I found myself suddenly with a room to myself and a huge house to roam around in during the days. It was a shame to leave behind Annette and she called me almost daily but after a couple of long distance bills my mother put an end to the calls even though Annette continued to call for months after.
Adjusting to this new life took its toll on my relationship with my mother and we became somewhat distant for a time. My “Grandfather” didn’t know who we were and often spoke to me as if I were one of his sons. Because he was an active man his entire life we had to resort to attaching his belt to the chair or he would get out of the house and take off down the street. He only mentioned my mother once and it was during one of the times were I was “babysitting”. He was confused as to who I was and apparently had decided that I was one of his friends named Will.
“I noticed the way you been looking at my daughter Will.”
“What’s that?” I said half listening.
“Oh she is a cute girl but you gotta get your mind off her man, that girl will just get you in trouble.”
“Get me in trouble?”
“She likes to tease and even though she has tits she ain’t old enough to do nothing with yet. Trust me, you just get your mind back on work.”
“What do you mean tease?”
“What?” He said sort of changing time and place.
“What do you mean she likes to tease?”
“You need to get out there and make sure those dogs are put up…”
And that was the end of that. He died 2 weeks later.

We were able to continue to live in the house as long as we kept it in good condition. I think my Mom’s half brothers were trying to decide how to divide the land and make the most money after their father’s death but because they are all pretty lazy, this took years.

Kristina was one of two girls that I walked home with nearly every day. We had to take the road under the railroad tracks and then cut through the woods back to our respective homes. Kristina however had the hots for my friend Kevin and between the two of us we both would have easily done anything for Kristina. Her friend was a slightly overweight girl named Cameron who seemed to find both of us annoying. Kristina was thin with long brown hair and very tiny tits and a tight little ass. She always wore really tight little tops that showed off her little tits and little tight jeans that showed off that perfect little ass. Kevin and I spent most of the walks home staring at Kristina’s ass. The thing about her that made it even more exciting was the way she stood complete erect with her chest out and her little tits pointed in the air and her ass wiggled perfectly as she moved. A guy could spend an entire lifetime watching that girl walk.

Our plan was to get Kristina to the lake and then to try to go skinny dipping. The lake was really a pond about 10 minutes walk back in the woods. The lake was on someone’s private property but the guy had so many acres that you couldn’t see anything back there for miles. The entire area is developed now and I’m sure that either the guy who owned it or his kids are millionaires as the property in that area has gone through the roof! But at this time it was a perfect place for trying to get lucky with a girl.

It was Kevin’s suggestion that got Kristina to finally agree to go to the lake with us. Kristina only agreed to go because Cameron agreed to go with us and Cameron only agreed because she somehow felt the need to protect Kristina. Kevin and I both began to pester and push Kristina as soon as we got further into the woods. We were doing everything we could to get her to take something off, flash us, anything. Kristina refused every advance and all our attention to Kristina only made Cameron more and more angry with us. By the time we got to the lake Cameron was furious and wasn’t speaking to anyone including Kristina. This worked out to Kevin’s advantage because now he was free to flirt with her and get her away from Cameron’s watchful eye. The unfortunate thing for me was that I found myself alone by the lake. I watched Kevin and Kristina move off to the other side of the lake and knew that one way or another he was going to at least get to do something I would only be able to dream about. So with nothing else to do I decided to try to go make peace with Cameron.

Cameron saw me coming and gave me a look to kill which I returned with a smile. I attempted to make light conversation with Cameron only to find her even more annoyed. Then it dawned on me that perhaps the reason Cameron was so upset was that maybe she liked me? The more I thought about it, the more it made sense. Cameron didn’t really have to walk home with us every day. Kristina was a bit loose, so it wasn’t like Cameron was protecting her honor. We all knew that Kevin wouldn’t be the first to get into Kristina’s pants and I knew he wouldn’t be the last. So I tried something daring, “I’m glad those two went off.”
This caught Cameron’s attention and she stopped pretending to look at a blade of grass she was twirling in her fingers and turned her head slightly in my direction and said, “Oh? Why would that be?”
“Because it’s so hard to talk to you when those two are flirting and trying to molest each other.”

“ Sounds like you were trying to do a little molesting of your own.”
“Yeah, I know but I was just having fun with Kevin. I’m not really into Kristina.”
Cameron raised her eyebrows and while she looked at me with stunned disbelief or perhaps justified skepticism, I moved closer to her.
“No really. Kristina is cute but she isn’t really my type.”
“Ahh, so what’s your ‘type’?”
“I like someone who likes to talk, someone that isn’t afraid to say what they feel and isn’t afraid to be adventurous. You always came across to me as someone who isn’t afraid of anything and seemed like you would be much more fun if you would just loosen up a bit.”
Cameron pretended to be upset but I had broken the shell, she was eating up the compliments and I’m sure she wasn’t used to the attention. How could she be? It wasn’t that Cameron wasn’t attractive, she was cute but not like Kristina. Cameron was the fat friend that Kristina hung around for whatever reason it is that perfect little skinny girls love to hang around fat girls. So even though I wanted more than anything to see Kristina naked, I wasn’t just settling for Cameron. No it was more than that, it was an honest curiosity for what would happen with her and what would SHE look like naked?

Soon Cameron and I were sitting down next to the lake and I had her talking about herself, telling me the ‘daring’ things she had done.
“So what about skinny dipping?”
“I’m not going to get naked.”
“I’m not asking you to get naked, just asking if you have ever done it?”
“Kinda, when I was at Kristina’s pool we took off our tops once, only were 11 so I don’t think it really counts as skinny dipping.”
“Yeah, I’m not sure if you can count that as skinny dipping but it’s better than nothing.”
“What about you?” Cameron asked and slipped her body closer and turned in my direction but more importantly, I noticed that her nipples were hard through her light summer top and were Kristina was small chested, Cameron was much larger, at least a C cup, maybe more. The shirt she was wearing gave me a nice view of her cleavage and I forced myself to look back into her eyes.
“Well I’m kinda a nudist at heart.” I said smiling.

“Oh really? So does that mean you would take off your clothes now?”
“Sure.”
“Ok, do it.” Cameron commanded and her eyes dropped to my shorts.
Suddenly I had stage fright. I wanted to take off my clothes but at the same time I was already hard and sitting down you couldn’t see but if I even stood up she would know I had a stiff erection.
“I’m waiting.” Cameron teased and I thought to myself that it was now or never. I looked off down the trail that wound around the lake and there was no sign of Kevin or Kristina. So I decided to go for it! I stood quickly and turned away from Cameron as fast as possible. I don’t know if she saw my erection but she said nothing. I turned around to see what she was doing only to find her hugging her knees close to her chest and smiling nervously.
First I took off my shirt and dropped it to the ground, and then I unbuttoned my shorts and slipped them off. I had never really taken my clothes off in front of a girl so I had no idea what to do. Did I try to act sexy? Silly? What? Instead I just slipped off my underwear and turned around to face Cameron. My cock throbbed at full erection, bouncing slightly. Cameron’s face betrayed her shock and amusement but she didn’t turn away or start laughing.
“Well.” Cameron started to say and then smiled while her eyes lingered on my cock, “seems that someone is a little excited?”
“I…well you know.”
“Actually I don’t.”
We both laughed but rather than try to come up with something lame to say I said what any guy would say in my position, “so what about you?”
“What about me?”
“Aren’t you going to join me?”
“That was never part of the agreement. I just asked if you would get naked.” Cameron smirked and I stood feeling foolish. I had planned to get her naked, try something with her but instead she had gotten me to take off all my clothes and stand in front of her with a raging hard on! Smart girl. I liked her.

So I sat down on my shorts and stayed naked. What else was I going to do? It seemed silly and maybe a sign of defeat to put my clothes back on now.
“Hmmm…so what do we do now?” Cameron said with a somewhat dry voice. I think she had meant to sound smart and coy but instead her tongue got caught on her dry mouth and betrayed the level of nervousness. I decided to end the talking and kissed her. Cameron pulled away at first but I moved with her and then her mouth opened and our tongues joined. She was a little stiff at first, hardly moving and not willing to touch me but I put my arm around her and pulled her close to me and she fell on top of me. Her legs opened and she lay over me and we continued to kiss. My cock pressed into her crotch and even though she was still wearing shorts, I was in heaven. The familiar feeling swept over me and I was lost in my favorite drug. I slowly moved my hips so that my cock rocked against what I hoped was her clit. Cameron seemed to also be into the moment and thrust her hips in response to my advance making my cock a little sore but very happy. I took a chance and let my hand slip up her shirt and found that she wasn’t as big as she seemed but like Annette’s sister, her larger breasts betrayed her figure and made her appear to be larger than she was. My hand cupped her breast but I could feel almost nothing through the heavy bra she was wearing. Cameron moaned softly and moved her face to the side of mine as she rocked her hips harder. The fabric of her shorts was rubbing me a little raw but being a guy I was not about to complain. Instead I reached around and fumbled with the clasp of her bra until it finally released and sprung open. Her breasts were full and very soft and I cupped one of them and gave her nipple a little squeeze and tug. Cameron seemed to be in the same sex induced state that I was in and she kissed my neck in rapid succession as I pulled her shirt off. Her bra slipped off her shoulders easily once the shirt was gone and I finally got a glimpse of her naked chest. Her breasts weren’t perky like my mother’s but they were well formed and very soft. The light brown areolas were about the size of a large coin and her nipples were hard and only protruded slightly. I quickly took one of them into my mouth and sucked to bring it to fuller attention. Cameron reached down and took my cock into her hand. Her hand was welcome relief from the course fabric of her shorts. I moaned as she stroked my full erection.
“I want to suck you.” Cameron said as if this were perhaps her first time. I don’t know, maybe it was? But if my cock was the first to penetrate her virgin mouth she didn’t lack imagination. She licked the tip of my cock and then took it deep inside her mouth. Cool air made my cock even stiffer as her saliva and the breeze met. Then it was back into the warmth of her mouth as she sucked my cock. The familiar sensation of orgasm rushed from that region of the brain down my spine and across my balls but I didn’t want to cum. Not knowing what else to say I told her, “You really should stop or I’m going to cum.”
“Oh cum, please cum.”
“Really?”
“Yes, I want to taste it.”
So I tried to relax and Cameron sucked with wild abandon. But it was no use, I couldn’t seem to cum with her sucking me.
“I need to be inside you.”
“You can’t.”
“You are a virgin?” I asked stupidly. Fortunately Cameron didn’t take offense and shook her head yes.
“Then can I just rub against you? I won’t put it inside.”
Cameron lay back in the grass and I removed her shorts and panties. She was already soaked and I could smell her scent as I parted her legs and pressed down between her thighs. We kissed again as my cock slipped up and down her soaking wet little slit. Cameron moaned and pressed her hips up to meet my cock. Whatever the intention, the effect was that my cock slipped easily inside her. I stopped for fear that she would freak out but instead she moaned and thrust her hips up to meet my cock with more enthusiasm. With my cock buried in her lovely virgin pussy I was in a state of complete bliss. I shoved my cock down into her and she screamed into my chest. I felt the rush of sensation flow down my body again as orgasm rushed through me. I didn’t want to get her pregnant but I didn’t want to stop fucking her. But we were both saved when behind us we heard, “Ahhhemmm!”
Cameron gasped as she saw Kristina and Kevin standing just feet from where we lay naked with my cock just starting to spurt it’s load. I pulled out as Cameron pulled away and my load released into the grass! I quickly moved into a kneeling position and then pulled my underwear back on. Cum continued to pump from my cock but most of it ended up in my shorts.
Cameron dressed quickly and took off down the trail with Kristina rushing after her.
“Nice.” Kevin stated.
“Dude, couldn’t you have stayed away a little longer? I was fucking cumming for Christ’s sake!”
Kevin laughed and said, “Um yeah, we saw.”
“Fuck man, I’m going to kick your ass.”
“It’s not my fault. Kristina didn’t want to walk around any more and was worried that Cameron was pissed at her. Dude, if it makes you feel any better I didn’t even get a kiss!”
“Damn dude, you suck.”
“I know, I don’t think she likes me. I think she just likes teasing me.”
“So all this time it turns out Kristina isn’t a slut, she’s a tease.” I deduced happily.
“And Cameron is a slut.” Kevin replied.
“She isn’t a slut dude.”
“Oh man, don’t tell me you actually have the hots for her?” Kevin asked.
“Not really, but she isn’t a slut.”
“Whatever man. If you have a thing for fat chicks that’s your deal.”
“Fuck you.”

I didn’t see Cameron again for a while until I caught her walking down the street one day alone. I caught up to her and she invited me to walk home with her. We didn’t really talk about that day by the lake because it seemed neither of us wanted to say anything. I was ready for another good time with Cameron but she seemed somewhat afraid of me and I guess I felt a little guilty for what happened. In front of her house she stopped and made it obvious that I wasn’t going to follow her inside. I stood uncomfortably and then she leaned over and kissed me on the cheek and said, “Maybe I’ll see you around some time?”

We didn’t.

Continue reading Diary of a Sex Addict - Chapter 3 - Going home

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