Hearing him refer to me as his lover warmed me, but I really wanted to add spanking to our sex life for two reasons. I felt that if Charles could take out some of his pent-up frustration, anger and distrust on me, a little bit at a time, it would speed the healing. There's that expression "take (what is owed) out of his/her hide. The second reason is that I wanted to cause him a little physical pain while he did it. That would also help wake up his desire.
We were talking on an off day on an off week. Aunt Flo had showed up for her monthly visit and I didn't collar myself when that happened, although I did wake Charles with a BJ that morning. Then I asked him what he felt about the spanking he had witnessed and it sounded to me like he needed some reassurance. So I tried the honest approach.
"Silly boy, spanking is only symbolic violence. It has a natural limit. It hurts the hand of the spanker almost as much as it hurts the ass of the spoiled brat who's getting spanked. Even though it hurts like hell, it sure wakes my pussy up. Knowing that and knowing that one open palm can't really harm my two fat cheeks makes it a perfect punishment for when I misbehave. As long as you restrict it to open palm spanking on both ass cheeks, you can spank me any time I voluntarily put my collar on and you decide that I've been a bitch."
Then, with a playful smile in my voice, I said, "The next time I put on my collar, I intend to misbehave."
And that's exactly what I did soon after Aunt Flo left. I put my collar on and went back to my old ways, just to let him know that I really did understand what I had been doing wrong all those years. The first thing I did was get whiney and sullen, then I acted hurt and put-upon when he didn't notice that I had barely changed my hair color. Then I accused him of not putting much effort into keeping me as happy as he should. Unfortunately he didn't seem to grasp what I was doing. He went right back into his old behavior of ignoring me and doing whatever else he felt like doing, which in this case was channel surfing on the TV. I had to believe that tuning me out could have become a defensive reflex for him, but I just had to make sure that I had his help in keeping me from backsliding, because it had been all too easy to slip back into my old patterns. The old me would have gotten mad at his lack of attention, but the new me realized that I probably deserved it. That didn't mean I couldn't act pissed off though. So I got right up in his face.
"Hey! Bonehead! Did you ever bother to read the inscription on this thing? Do I need to get you an owner's manual? Read it out loud to me." I pointed to the tag on my collar and I know he could read it, but he pretended that he couldn't.
With a charming smile on his face he said, "Listen Bitch, the next time you want me to read something, make sure it's right side up. Now are you planning on standing on your head or are you going to put it on properly."
Ohmigod I was so glad that worked! He was actually getting into role playing with me. I quickly removed and flipped the collar.
"Sorry Sir. It won't happen again. Now read it, Bonehead."
"It says 'Ex-Bitch In Training -- Spank Me When I Misbehave'. Right, well I think you've definitely been misbehaving, because I felt like the last 15 years was being replayed for my benefit tonight, not counting the last few weeks. So let's figure out how to get this done. Tell me what you know about spanking Bitch and I'll correct you if you forget anything important."
I couldn't believe that he actually needed me to teach him how to give a sexy spanking, but I did remember Sandra's advice about having to get my submissive needs fulfilled, so I explained that it hurts both people more to smack bare skin and that an over-the-knee spanking robs the spankee of any control and is the sexiest whereas a bent-over-the-bed or on-hands-and-knees spanking preserves some of their dignity and that might be counterproductive. I explained that pauses for gently rubbing help the participants to continue spanking longer and produce the perfect amount of rosy glow on the butt cheeks.