The sun had not yet risen to shine its brightness on that day. The rough tides were crashing against the breakers, but I could not see them. I could only hear their groans, as it filtered past my headphones. In the darkness, I couldn’t see the mist that came from my breath. It leached into the blisteringly cold gale. The fog had become so dense; I had hardly been able to see the figure running in front of me. But I could sense his distance.
The frozen mud gave no comfort as we ran, with our dog Garcia slowly trailing behind. I still loved the beach at that early time of day. But in that winter weather what had been peaceful, became lonely, and what was serene, had become disturbed.
I was eager to feel the welcome comfort of the car. We didn’t linger, no words were spoken as we finished our work out. We had just simply got into my car, and drove silently home.
Things had changed between us over the last few weeks. Our house had been our own private love den over the past three years, but no more. We were no longer in the honeymoon period. We lost something, or maybe so many things. We no longer fought, there was no need anymore. We had, not over the petty or small things that were forgotten in a minute. But something important, for both of us.
The evenings had been getting colder, and I arrived home from university in the darkness each day. Christmas was just around the corner. Dean’s two boys had come to stay for the week. Over the last few years the age difference issues had thankfully faded. The boys were happy, and we were too. I was never treated like an evil stepmother, more like a friend. It had started our then comfortable routine. My parents had now accepted that Dean was in my life and wouldn’t be going anywhere.
I entered the house to the smell of testosterone and pizza. Jayden and Tain had a group of their friends over. They were all slipped over the sofas and floors. They’d focused on the TV as their game continued.
“Hi Jane,” Tain shouted louder than usual. I thought, most likely to make the others aware of my arrival. I’d heard a few comments their friends had made before.
“Hi Tain, how are you guys doing?” I said dropping my bags by the door and kicking off my shoes.
“Good. Do you know what time my Dad’s back tonight?” Jay questioned me, while turning around in his seat to ask.
“He said he would be a little late, because of this new client. I’m guessing around seven-ish,” I said carrying a few shopping bags out into the kitchen. The kitchen counter was a mess. It was littered with empty pizza boxes and the contents of the fridge. Used glasses and dirty dishes were mixed in like an added decoration. I heaved a sigh and placed the bags on the floor. I reached into the cupboard, but found no clean glasses.
“Jay! Tain!” I shouted and I rinsed through one of the cleaner looking glasses. I filled it with the last dribbles of orange juice from the carton, as they walked into the kitchen.
“The mess?” Jay asked as he opened one of the boxes, and then stuffed half the pizza slice in his mouth.
“Yes. Come on guys, I only cleaned this, this morning,” I explained walking around behind Jay. The smell of garlic and burnt onion knocked into me as I passed. My stomach flipped, and the glass slipped out my hand. I watched it happen. It free-fell slowly towards the tiled floor. It fractured before it burst, spilling its contents over the floor. I felt myself I start to sink and join it.
“Jane,” a voice called out from far away. My head was heavy and dragging me down. I felt the needles press into my feet.
“Jane!” The voice called again. I groaned in response as the needles withdrew, and my head fell back.
“Help me!” Jay’s voice said through the fog.
“We need to get her onto the sofa,” he continued as I started to push the fog away.
The soft suede fabric gave me something to cling onto; nausea rode through my body continuously. The boys were whispering about ringing an ambulance and Dean. I opened my eyes and sat up suddenly feeling the dizziness, but knowing it was unimportant right now. I couldn’t go to the hospital.
“No ambulance, and don’t ring your dad,” I said firmly.
“I was just a little light headed. If you can get me some juice I’ll be fine in a moment,” I finished. I’d almost wanted to laugh at the expression on all their faces. It was like, I was some alien that had just been dropped off.
Of course, after I’d made my way upstairs and laid down on the bed. They’d phoned Dean. I had been just sipping a little cranberry juice. I’d just been waiting until my head and stomach settled long enough for me to eat.
But I heard the sound of Dean’s car coming onto the drive way. The front door crashed open, just as I reached to put my glass on the bedside. With no more sound, other than his heavy steps on the stairs, Dean ran in towards me.
“What’s happened? The boys were worried. They said you fainted in the kitchen,” His eyes ran over my body as he questioned.
“I didn’t faint, I just got a little light headed is all,” I said smiling hoping to reassure him. “I missed lunch, and I only had time for a cereal bar before our run this morning,” I crossed my fingers under my pillow; I’d told the small white lie.
“We need to get you checked out,” he’s countered, grabbing his thick fishing jacket from the wardrobe.
“No, please Dean. I just need something to eat, and you,” I plead, pulling back the covers and inviting him inside. He frowned down at me, but slipped inside the bed to cuddle me against him.
“I was so worried,” He confessed as his fingers ran lightly through my hair. “I’ve never even seen you lightheaded. Not even when you have hardly eaten. Baby we need to find out what’s wrong.” I tensed knowing he wasn’t going to give this up.
“I know what’s wrong,” I whimpered as my head turned into his chest. I knew what his reaction was going to be. He was going to move away from me, both physically and in mentality. He would no longer touch me.
“I’m pregnant.” I choked out as a tear slipped from my eye, and landed on his chest.
“What! No, tell me you are joking!” He bellowed close to my ear, making my eyes water further.
“I’m not, I-, I found-, out last week,” hiccups interrupted my words, while he eased my body away from his.
“Fuck, Jane! I mean seriously, why didn’t you tell me?” His voice reached the point of anger as I curled up in a ball.
“I knew you would react like this,” I cried with the pain I felt at his reaction. He stood over me not saying a word, before he stormed out of the room.
I heard the sound of the boys questioning him. He didn’t answer them, other than simply ordered them ‘to get in the car’. The door slammed loudly behind them as Garcia jumped onto the bed. She curled up beside me, and listened to the pain filled sobs rush from my chest.
As soon as I came to a stop on the driveway, Dean jumped out of the car. It was our first weekend since my ‘surprise’, without his boys staying around. I don’t think either of us knew what to do. Before we would have sat watching movies, going out, and making love, but there was to be none of that.
We had discussed children before. He had been clear. He didn’t want more kids now, if ever. I was 19 at the time and I’d been okay with it. After all I had just started university, and we had only been living together for a few months. But now, it had happened anyway, we’d been so careful. I hadn’t even worked out if I wanted the baby, in all the fuss. I knew he didn’t believe in abortion, so any decisions were up to me.
As I entered the previously welcoming house, I couldn’t see Dean. I checked the rooms downstairs, before walking up the staircase. The bedroom was empty, but I looked down and found him in the pool . His body was moving so aggressively, every muscle on his back looked like it was pulled to the limit. He stopped a moment, catching his breath at the edge of the pool. He looked up to where I was standing watching, almost as if he felt my gaze. The closed expression on his face revealed, without words, his continued anger.
I stepped back unable to see that look, on the face of the person I loved. Without thought my body moved, stripping the sweat wet clothes from my body. I didn’t bother with a shower, simply grabbed my thick winter dress. I had worn it the previous evening, and now put it on again. My fingers fumbled as I tried to keep my emotions at bay, while zipping up my knee height boots.
I stared out at the room before I made my decision. I jarred open the wardrobe and collected some clothes. I continued walking around the room, throwing clothes on the bed. I grabbed the bare essentials, before pushing them into an old gym bag. I couldn’t have stayed there, at that moment. I couldn’t live with this person I no longer knew.
“Jane?” Dean’s voice questioned behind me making me stop, and turn towards him. He looked confused as if it was a surprise. But my body ignored everything that had happened and just wanted him. He was perfect in my heart from head to toe. Not even the hurt could stop my desire for him, to be with him. His chest was still wet from the pool. Droplets fell from the dark hair down his chest, over the flat pane of his stomach. The towel that circled his slim hips stole the moisture, but my eyes continued to watch.
“Jane?” he asked again. The look in his blue eyes showed a slight flare of emotion, before he covered it. Droplets beaded in my eyes, as I took in a slow steadying breath before replying.
“Yes,” I answered, and turned back to the bag, annoyed at my body for betraying me.
“What’s the bag for?” I felt more than heard his steps, as he drew closer.
“I’m going to stay at my parent’s house for awhile,” I stated with a barely controlled voice. I moved away from him, contemplating if this was the right thing to do. He followed me into the bathroom, and stood in the doorway. He silently watched me grab my things. I approached the doorway, and him, but he didn’t move.
“When were you going to tell me this?” he asked bracing himself in the doorway, locking me into the bathroom. I didn’t want to get his temper going by giving an honest reply.
“I think it would be best, if we have some time apart,” My nerves barely holding as I look up into his eyes, and will myself not to cry.
“You’re leaving me? You’re pregnant with my child,” he barked and my patience and restraint breaks.
“You think I don’t know that! That I don’t see the anger and resentment every time you look at me. Do you think I haven’t noticed, that you can’t even bare to touch me now? You don’t want me to be pregnant, I get it! You haven’t even asked if I want it. Because I can assure you, I don’t really want to be pregnant right now. And I really don’t want it to be fathered by a cold-hearted bastard like you!” I screamed out as I finished.
He continued to just stand there, staring at me as the anger was replaced with rage. I pushed my way through, knowing I had to get out of this house now. I was running scared. I wasn’t scared of him physically although, when his temper flared, the differences in our builds become dreadfully apparent. I was afraid of what else would be said. I didn’t want to say anything more that I couldn’t take back.
I gave up finding anymore clothes because, I felt his daggers creep into my back. I grabbed the closest bag, and strode speedily to the stairs. I heard him stamp his way down behind me, and my heart started to race. I called for Garcia as I found my car keys.
“I want to touch you,” his low calm voice was scarcely a whisper to my ears, but I still turned towards him. My hands fisted around the keys making them dig into my palm. But it distracting me from the pain everywhere else.
“Really, you have a funny way of showing it,” I stated and dropped my hands down against my thighs.
“Look I’m not leaving forever, but this,” I pointed to him, then me, “isn’t working anymore.”
“I want to touch you. I want to feel every inch of you,” he continued and walked hastily up to me. He clutched my arms and yanked me against him. His lips brush against mine as he held me closer.
“No! Dean No-,” his tongue slid into my mouth; cutting off my speech until his lips moved down to my neck.
“Stop Dean, this isn’t going to sort our problems,” I felt myself weaken a little as he nibbled down my collarbone. But I continued to push against him, knowing that I couldn’t have this right now. It was hard enough to walk out the door without engaging any intimate acts before it. He was unaffected by my reluctance; my dress had slipped off my shoulder, revealing most of one of my breasts. He used his advantage as his hands moved to cup my ass. His cock pressed against me. I felt it twitch and grow harder with each of my tries to get away.
“Come on Baby, you are gagging for it. I know what you are like when you go without sex,” his teeth bit at the fabric of the dress. He dragged it down, revealing all of my breast and its tight raised centre.
“I know how hot you get when I look at you,” he said, kissing the full top curve, and caressing his tongue down towards my nipple.
“No, not now Dean,” I said, pushing with all my might at his shoulders. His mouth took my nipple, and his tongue moved over it. It was covered in his saliva before he sucked it into his mouth. My nipples had become even more sensitive than before, over the past month. I knew I was to lost to stop him when I wanted him so badly. Everything in me tightened as his fingers trace down between my ass cheeks, until he reaches my sensitive lips.
The keys dropped and crashed to the floor, but we didn’t notice. My nails dug into the firm flesh of his arms as I fought back a groan. He made easy contact with my damp pussy, but he didn’t enter. He just caressed the outer lips, teasing me through my reluctance, as he stroked up and down. My hips arched, without me wanting them to.
Suddenly, his hand gripped the hem of my dress and whipped itover my head. I found myself being walked back against the front door. His passionate kisses are rough, as I respond with matched passion. His hands left me wanting as he moved a step back, to quickly twist off his towel. His hand moved to cover his erection stroking it, with slow tight strokes as I stood watching. My hand moved to find my magic nib between my legs. But, his hand gripped mine, as he holds it up above my head.
“Mine,” he said taking ownership, as he caressed down my body to my knee. He hooked his hand underneath it and lifted up my legs. As my leg wrapped around him the heel on my boots scrapes against his ass. He only groaned and continued to get closer.
He’d pressed achingly close, with his erection pinned between us. His lips took my nipple again, but stimulated every nerve in my body, with a slight flex of his hips.
“I love you,” he declared against my breast. He looked into my eyes with a passion I had forgotten.
“I hate you,” I countered even as my hips rotated towards his.
“You love me,” he mumbled biting down on my bottom lip. He pulled my other leg up around his waist. I stayed sandwiched helplessly between him and the door.
“I hate loving you,” I finished, and pulled his lips to him to stop the hurt. “Take the pain away,” I asked him quietly. He answered moving his hips away, to press the tip of his cock against my entrance.
My legs spread a little wider, offering him all I had. He watched my face relax and brighten as his effortlessly sunk inside me. Unable to stop it, a moan erupted from my lips as he returned home, deep inside me. He sank in again before withdrawing, giving me all then nothing time, and time again. His lips flicked between each of my breasts, as he started his teasingly slow pace.
“Will you feed our child like this?” he asked while he suckled on one nipple. I can’t speak or say anything. I wanted to be lost in the moment, lost in the person I loved returning to me. Even if it was only for this moment.
His lips demanded on mine, as his thrusts become harder and faster. Our teeth crashed, as our kisses became an exchange of violent pleasure. Lost in each other’s bodies, we felt and touched every available inch. My breasts swollen and heavy, were edged with bite marks and love bites. While his back, shoulders and chest became my scratching post, as the need grew higher.
His hands cupped and kneaded my derriere as he stopped to rotate his hips against me. His index finger circled over my tight star as I rocked against him. His head pulled back, as he sucked two fingers into his mouth, lubing them up. He offered them to me, and I took them in. He thrust against me again hard, as I circled my tongue around him. I acted like was taking his cock, with my mouth moved up and down him. I sucked my cheeks in and covered all of his fingers.
His moan and hard thrusts got me hotter and he knew it. He winked at me as he pressed swiftly back on my ass. He demanded entrance, and he entered rapidly without patience. He pushed inside slowly as I gripped him. The start of my orgasm took me unexpectedly. I bit down on his shoulder as he thrust his fingers in time with his cock.
“Cum for me Baby-girl,” he ordered, and my body started to convulse around him.
“Dee,” I purred as he removed his fingers, making my climax increase tenfold. My climax sent him over the edge quickly, as he made fast shallow thrusts as he shot inside me.
“Baby,” Dean whispered to me, as he moved over to the sofa. Keeping me above him, he laid us down. His hand reached to touch my hair holding it, as its twin stroked up and down my spine.
“I’m sorry, for everything these past few weeks,” he said honestly with regret, “I pushed you away.” He frowned and leaned his head back against the side of the chair.
“Why, Dee? Why did you act that way? I know you don’t want more children, but you blamed and hated me for it.” I asked, leaning up on his chest
“I didn’t hate you baby. I was disappointed in myself, not you,” he said, and I just frowned at him, “Don’t frown, you will get wrinkles,” he commented
“Spill it, Dean. What do you mean disappointed?” I sat up on his lap, sliding his cock out of me with my movement.
“I’d always promised myself something. You are young baby; you have your whole life ahead of you. I don’t expect you to stay with me through my old age. So, I promised myself, when you decided you wanted to leave me. I would let you.” He took a breath and leaned up until our faces were close again.
“There is someone better for you, someone you can live your whole life with, and now you’re pregnant. It means that when you do leave, you’re going to take even more of my heart. I will at some point, have to watch you make a life with someone else,” his eyes started to water as he cups my face. “I’ll see you loving someone else with all your heart. And watch them loving you and my child as I want to. I’ve had it before, and it would destroy me if it happened with you.” His eyes centred on my face as I felt myself well up
“Can I ask a question?” I said slipping my hands up and around his neck, threading the tips of my fingers through his hair. He only nodded without any expression.
“It’s not that you don’t want the baby? That you don’t want to have children with me?” I questioned and tried to read his face. His hands settled over my lower stomach, where the slight firm roundness was the only give away to the life inside.
“No baby, I would love to see you grow with my child. To see you round and sexy, then be the perfect mother to our child, But-“ I stopped him before he continued.
“Dee, I love you. I don’t say that lightly. I can’t imagine my life without loving you, and I don’t want to,” he started to interrupt so, I used his kissing weapon against him.
“Sh,” I pressed a finger to his lips, “I don’t know what is around the corner. I wouldn’t like to guess. You have bad experience with love. I can’t imagine it, I can’t imagine losing you. But I want a future with you; I will fight for that future, whether it is forty years or four months. I’m not your ex Dee, I’m me. I love you no matter your age, race, religion and bank balance,” I breathed heavily as I finished.
“I don’t know what I did to deserve you,” Dean blurted out.
“You love me,” I answered leaning into him, “and you to talk to me. That is all I want.”
“Are you sure?” He asked, kissing my lips. He tugged them towards him, as though I was water to his dying thirst.
“And you say I over analyse things. We love each other. We have been happy and faced challenges over the last few years and we still love each other. I’m sure about us,” I finished and kissed him back.
Our loving took over, and my mind became free of everything but him. I made slow passionate love to him as I sat above. The roughness and agony of the pass weeks only made it sweeter. I showed him all of myself again, my faith, my loyalty and my love for him. The sun did finally rise, and send its gaze over our love. It warmed us to the core, so none of winters gale could make us cold. As our final climax came and clung in the air. We gasped and relaxed as we lay, with our hands linked together resting over my lower stomach. We whispered again the words that had got us through this time.
“I love you.”
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with this note attached, it has been posted without my permission.
<a href="http://www.lushstories.com/stories/reluctance/shower-exposé-part-two-surprising-news.aspx">Shower Exposé Part Two: Surprising News</a>