Dear Diary,

It feels like it has been ages since I last sat down and wrote. There is something so freeing about stream of consciousness. I find it difficult to get out of my own head though. Every time I get into a groove, thoughts of him creep back into my mind. I have to get him out of my system. I honestly don’t know if that is even possible, but I have to try. What am I going to do? Sometimes I long for those close friends that I could talk to about this. Someone could surely help me. What’s that old saying.. The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. Perhaps that is what I will do!

With a new sense of determination, I throw on my sexiest pair of jeans and a tight black t-shirt. It shows just the right amount of cleavage without being trashy. Sexy or not, I toss on my flip flops and head to my favorite beach bar. I sit down at my usual spot at the bar and Tim walks up to me.

“Hey Sweetheart, what are you having? The usual?” I laugh at Tim. He knows me too well and before I could even get an answer out, he has a beer in front me. Smiling, he says “This one is on me.”

“That’s where I want to be… on you!” It is out of my mouth before I even knew what I was saying. I blush and giggle, trying to make it sound less serious than I meant it. Tim just smiled, saving me from my own embarrassment and went back to his customers.

Now, don’t get me wrong. Tim is stunningly handsome: Dark hair that falls over his eyes, a bit too shaggy for some people, piercing grey eyes that can see straight through me. If only he wasn’t the owner of my favorite escape. But of all the years I have been coming here, I have never been so overt with him. Obviously we flirt and tease one another, but in a playful way. Not in an “I want to fuck your brains out” kind of way.

Lost in my own thoughts, I didn’t realize Tim was back in front of me. “Need another?” and pops the top off another beer and slides it into my hand, discarding my empty. “What’s up, sweetheart? You seem a bit lost tonight?” Tim asks as he leans on the bar across from me.

“Tim,” I look at him, shyly, “I am really sorry about my mouth earlier. It’s been one of those weeks. I didn’t mean to put you in a weird spot.” To my surprise, Tim laughs a laugh I have never heard before. Great, now he is laughing at me. I reach into my pocket and toss a few bucks on the bar for my beers and stand up. “I am sorry.” I say as I begin to walk away.

“Hey Sweetheart, get back here. You aren’t getting out of here that easy.” Tim smiles at me, his eyes full of laughter and mischief. “Why should I stay and let you laugh at me?” I snap back.

“Laugh at you? Are you kidding me? I wasn’t laughing you. I was laughing at the ridiculousness of what you said. How could you possibly be sorry for saying one of the sexiest things to me,” He puts his hands on my arms. “You have been coming here for years. I watch you flirt with everyone. It drives me crazy. It’s flattering to know you are attracted to me.”

“Don’t patronize me Tim. You don’t have to say that.”

Handing me another beer, Tim says “My brother is coming in ten minutes to take over for me. I needed a night off. So don’t go anywhere!”

Leaving the money on the bar, I walk to the ladies room before my walk home. I stand in front of the mirror, contemplating if I should stay or go. I have never been shy or timid when it comes to men. Why now? That’s it. I am going home. I pull the bathroom door open with purpose. I walk out the front door and as I am fumbling with my sunglasses, I walk right into Tim. “Trying to sneak off, I see.”

“Tim, I have been coming here for years. I don’t want to ruin our friendship by dwelling on what fell out of my mouth.”

“So you didn’t mean it, then?” Hurt flashing across his eyes and then something different. Tim stepped closer, invading my space. “Well?” he presses the issue.

“Tim, I am the girl that sits at your bar, watching you pour drinks, flirt with the ladies. I know how this works. Maybe a one and done, and then I have to find a new bar.” I step back from him, feeling claustrophobic.

He steps forward again and I back away, only to hit the wall behind me. His arm goes over my shoulder leaning against the wall. “So that’s how you see things, huh?” He smiles. “A good time, Charlie?”

I smile; no one ever calls me Charlie anymore. I haven’t heard that since my father passed two years ago. Tim knows all about that. I think I sat in his bar for two days straight, crying into a bottle of whiskey. Tim took care of me then.

“If you want a good time, Charlie, I will give you one.” Tim lowers his head and nips my ear as he speaks.

“You came in tonight with a purpose. You are trying to forget someone; trying to get over someone. Who is it? Tell me.”

My head falls against his chest, barely a whisper the words leave my mouth. “You.”

Tim steps back from me and runs his hands down his face. “Damn, Sweetheart! I wasn’t expecting that answer.”

I turn to walk way and he grabs my arm. “Damn it, Woman! Quit trying to leave!” Anyone else I probably would have slapped, but I just stopped and looked at Tim. His eyes are revealing nothing.

After a long pause, “Finally!” Tim exclaims. “I have been here with you through your parents’ divorce, the passing of your father, breakups and heartaches and even some good times, your promotion, becoming an aunt. You have listened to me talk about the business, about family drama, about my ex. I don’t talk like that with all of my customers.” Tim steps closer, his body now pressing against me. “Are you hungry?” he asks and grabs my hand.

I am letting Tim lead me along, lost in my thoughts. Did that really just happen? Did he just say he has been waiting for me? I stop short. “Tim, where are you taking me?” noticing we are heading down the alley next to the bar.

“To get something to eat,” He answers and begins walking again “… at my place”

We wind up in a small house on the beach. Tim starts walking around the kitchen, gathering stuff. I help him take things out to the back deck. “It’s a beautiful night. You don’t mind being outside, do you?” I laugh at him…”of course not.” Tim goes about preparing the grill and asks if I will grab us a few drinks. I head back inside and grab two beers from the fridge.

Tim prepared a great meal and we sat and watched the sun set and talked about nothing and everything all at the same time. I shivered and Tim came out with a soft blanket. He settled into a lounge chair and asked me to join him. I sat in between his legs, my back pressed against his chest and my head on his shoulder. He snaked his arms around me and kissed my neck. “I am so glad we are finally here. I have wanted this for years, but our timing was never right.”

I turn to him and he kisses me. I feel like I have never been kissed before tonight. This is what it is supposed to feel like. His hand moves to my throat and he holds me as his tongue finds mine. I bite on his lip and he groans into me. I can feel the heat of this one kiss all over my body.

Tim pulls back and asks if I am ready for dessert. He stands over me and I notice the bulge in his jeans. I guess that kiss had the same effect on him. He notices my eyes and chuckles, “I can’t help it, Sweetheart. You turn me on. Let’s go have dessert, before I change my mind and take you right here.”

“I like that Idea better,” I say and before I could stop myself, I lift my t-shirt over my head and lay back on the lounge chair. In my lacy black bra, I am feeling very exposed and have a moment of shyness. Tim is just standing there watching me, so I grab for my shirt.

“Too late now, you already gave it to me.” He stands above me with a mischievous look in his eyes. “Now I love the way your ass looks in those jeans, but you need to take them off now,” he commands and I do as he says. Under the stars in only my thong and bra, I feel a little exposed, but also very liberated.

“When do I get your clothes?” I ask, and reach for Tim. Tim pulls his shirt over his head revealing a beautiful body. Tim isn’t a hard body, but I wouldn’t’ call him fat either. He has the body of a man that lives and that is just perfect to me. I am by no means skinny and love every curve of my body. It has taken me a long time to get to the point of accepting that I am not perfect. But judging by the way Tim’s eyes are caressing every curve, I feel pretty damn beautiful right now. Tim pulls me up off the lounge chair and flat against his body, his hands grabbing at my bare backside, pressing me against his groin.

Tim looks deep into my eyes. “You know if we go any farther, I may never give you up. And I don’t share.” And with that, he kisses me and lifts me against him, my legs wrapping around him. I have never been one to be carried off. I think it is so cliché’, but in this moment, it feels wonderful.

And before I have time to register self-consciousness about being too heavy, Tim is lowering us onto an outside bed. I have only seen these in ads for fancy hotels in exotic locations. But it completely works on his lower deck. It is hidden enough from the neighbors to not feel exposed, yet completely open at the same time.

With gentleness, Tim lays me down and then molds his body against mine. His fingers gently drawing circles over my stomach as he nuzzles my neck.

In that moment, I know things will never be the same.

Stay Tuned for the Conclusion.