I'm mad at you. I drink the last mouthful of vodka out of my glass, it heats my throat as it goes down. I grab the bottle and pour myself another glassful, this is drink number four now, I take a sip as I blink furiously to keep the tears at bay. I'm so fucking mad at you. How could you do it to me? I trusted you and that's what you do to repay me. I know what's been going on with her. Its worse that your not even here to explain yourself but you know that I know, I left you a message so now I wait, I sit here thinking over everything I saw today, my mind running wild, was it the first time? The last time? What does it all mean for me, for us? Did you mean all those things you told me, all those meaningful things that made my stomach flip in a good way. Is it still me you want, or do you now want her?
The adrenaline pumps round my system once again as I think about it, the waves of nausea come back, I feel my cold skin go clammy and my heart pounds. My God I hate you right now!
I hear the door click shut, as if you think coming in quietly will calm me down. I stand and wait as you to enter the room. You look sheepish. You glance at me once and then down at the floor. SMACK!! The sound of me slapping you hard round the face echoes round the room, you saw it coming, I know you did yet you didn't try to stop me, you didn't even flinch as I swung. Pathetic I think to myself, you know you deserved it. You whisper "I'm sorry", its almost inaudible and you move forward to take me in you're arms to hold me, I sob quietly and just stand, not making any effort as you try to hold me close. You lean you're face to my ear "please, I'm sorry" you whisper again. I'm so mad!! The fury bubbles inside of me. I want you to hurt, I want you to feel sick and I want you to cry just like me! I feel another swoosh of adrenaline swirl through me and I push you away.
"Don't touch me!!" The harsh voice doesn't even sound like mine, its so choked up with fury, I don't like it. You put you're hands on my face, you know how protected that makes me feel, I falter for just a split second but it was enough. You see the look that momentarily flashed in my eyes, the look that said "I love you and I still need you". I start pounding at you're chest with my fists now.
"How could you? I loved you, I fucking love you!! I could never do that to you, never! You bastard, I hate you, I hate you." The tears are flowing freely now. I hate how I cry when I'm frustrated and angry. You grab my wrists to stop me hitting you and you pull me against you're body, you wrap you're arms around me tight and hold me as I sob into your chest. You rest you're chin on my head and stroke my hair "Shhhh, its ok now, I'm here and I love you", My stomach does a somersault as it always does when you say those 3 words to me. I love you too I think in my head but I cant say it, not yet, I'm still too mad.
You kiss my forehead and down the side of my face, I turn my head away from your kisses. I bury my face in you're chest instead, I close my eyes and take a big, long, deep breath and hold it. I start counting up to 10 then breath out slowly, I can feel some of my anger escape with it. I unfold my hands which I had still held in fists against you, now my hands are flat against your chest. I feel you breathing, its faster than normal, I feel the heat of you're skin through your t-shirt. With my eyes closed I picture the skin that lies beneath the thin cotton, the gorgeous toned body that I love so much. My next breath is sharper, I think you noticed it because you start to kiss my face again. You're lips flutter so softly down my cheek making their way to my mouth. You just brush against my lips with your own as you look into my eyes. Shit, you're green eyes are telling me that you love me, pleading for forgiveness and I'm weakening, how can I look into them and still be furious? Its not fair, I want
to be mad at you still. I'm not sure if you see my weakness as you look into my eyes but you hold my face and kiss me, so soft and gentle, I cant resist, I kiss you back.
You move a hand up my back and put it in my hair, now you kiss me harder and you're hand grips my hair. You do it so you don't hurt me but so I know you're in control and so I'll know you're intentions. My hands slide down you're body, over you're toned abs and down onto your hips, I let them rest there, I don't trust myself yet to not hurt you if I go further. The hand that is on my face moves down, brushes against my neck, fingertips trail along my collarbone. You start to kiss my neck now, your lips following where you just touched, you're tongue mirroring your fingertips. I groan without meaning to, you hear that and you know that you have me, your kisses always leave me weak and powerless, even with the fury still in the pit of my stomach.
You put you're hand back up to my face, you cup my cheek and then using you're thumb on my bottom lip you part my lips and kiss me again, hard this time though, I don't protest as you're tongue enters my mouth and caresses mine, I kiss back and I feel myself longing for you. You reach down and lift my top up and over my head. You bite my bottom lip before kissing down my neck again only now you go further. You reach round my back and with one hand you unclip my bra, it falls to the floor and we both sigh inward as my breast are released. I see the hunger now in your eyes as you tease my nipple with you're fingers, you squeeze them with just enough pressure to not cause me pain. You hold my breast now in you're hand and lean down to kiss my nipple. I close my eyes as you take it into you're mouth and I moan slightly as you bite down softly, I want you now, I can feel the anger moving aside, making way for the passion I feel for you.
"You're so sexy" you say to me in your low voice, normally I would respond to that and say something back to you but I just cant talk to you yet. Instead I respond by pulling at you're t-shirt, I want it off, I want it off now, I need to see and touch and taste your skin, I need you. You lift it up over your head, flexing your arms more than necessary because you knew id be looking at them, thinking about the strength you have in them and getting myself turned on more. You take the clip out of my hair so my red curls fall free, you grab a fist full of them and force my head upwards as you tease my neck, biting, licking, kissing. My tongue darts out to lick my bottom lip and I bite it softly. You feel the change in me, you know I have become powerless to you so you grab me and pick me up so my legs go round you're back and you step towards the door to the bedroom. You throw me down on the bed and climb over me, you start to touch my stomach and then you kiss and lick every inch of my exposed flesh, I am now a quivering wreck beneath you, silently begging you to remove my jeans and touch me.
You must know me so well to know what I'm thinking, what I want you to do because you start to unfasten my jeans and then in one quick movement you remove them and my lacy black thong and throw them to the floor. I am now lay beneath you, totally naked, you lean back slightly so you can take a good look at me, I watch as your eyes drink in the image of me lay so defenceless. You run you're hand softly down my body, starting at my chin, down between my breasts, over my belly and then down to my legs. You gently push them apart, and as my breathing gets more rapid in anticipation you're hand finds me, you're fingers slide over my silky wet pussy, you're cock throbs and you give it a squeeze through you're jeans. You start to kiss my belly, just below my navel, I know where this is going, you kiss lower and lower until you get to my clit. My breathing is rapid now, I know you are going to try to tease me, I don't want you to, I just want to feel you deep inside me. I groan as you blow gently on me, you tease, you fucking tease, I hate you sometimes! I groan again but this time you slid a finger in my at the same time as you press your mouth against me, I feel your tongue darting against my highly sensitive clit, you tease it, nibbling, sucking, flicking your tongue over it, and at the same time you're sliding your fingers in and out of me, finding my g-spot, my God your good! I groan and pant as you send waves of pleasure through me and I open my closed eyes and look down at you, you're looking at me, enjoying the look on my face. "I need you now" I gasp, I don't need to say more than that, you know exactly what I mean.
You kiss your way back up to my mouth, you kiss me hard again, my hands run all over you're body, up you're muscular arms, over you're shoulders, down you're back then round onto you're abs, and down further. I unfasten your jeans and reach in to grab your thick, hard cock and give it a squeeze. Oh, I need it inside of me now, but you know that so you kneel up between my legs and take your jeans down, you do it slowly to tease me, showing off you're full length to me. You take hold of your cock and slowly start to move your hand up and down along the shaft, I cant take my eyes off you, I love watching you do that. You squeeze out a little pearl of pre-cum as I watch you, you use you're finger tip to wipe it off your cock and then lean forward and bring you're finger to my mouth. I close my eyes as I seductively suck it off you're finger, you are so sexy, everything you do you do to drive me wild! You are now over the top of me, you lower yourself so you're cock slides up against my pussy, you thrust gently so that your head rubs up and down on my clit. It feels so good but I'm too far gone now, I don't want to be teased.
"Please.." I whimper softly, you know what it is I want now, you can see the passion in my eyes. In one swift movement you slide you're cock deep inside of me, I love that feeling of you first entering me! I watch you close your eyes as you feel yourself inside of me and I hear you groan "oh fuck" quietly as you feel yourself slide into my silky smooth, tight pussy. I turn my head slightly to take a good long look at your strong shoulders, I see the muscles tense in your arms as your sliding in and out of me, filling me. My hands run all over you're body, feeling you're skin, digging my fingernails into you're back as you thrust into me. A jolt of electricity shoots through me as you open you're eyes and look straight into mine, you start to speed up now, pounding into my pussy hard as I lift my hips up towards you. This is exactly what I needed, I needed to feel you, to know that its me that you want, not her, to know its me that you desire and long for.
I can start to feel my orgasm build up inside of me as you pump your cock in and out of me, harder and faster. You push yourself up so your kneeling again and then move my legs so my feet are on you're shoulders, you know how deep you can go like this and you can read me well, knowing that my orgasm must be getting close. You run one hand down my leg as you're thrusting then look me in the eyes, I can see the passion again in them and it weakens me. "Just let it go" you whisper to me as you thrust into me, you're thumb finds my clit and starts to rub gently but firmly. I can feel my orgasm coming now, I start to moan louder as the waves start to wash over me, you hold my hips tightly as my body starts to thrash around and I start to shudder, I lean my head back and close my eyes in ecstasy as I'm finally tipped over the edge. The pleasure comes in waves, washing over me and then slowly weakening, the shudders stop and I slowly open my eyes to see you looking at me, enjoying watching me climax. "Wow" I manage to whimper and you just smile your gorgeous, heart melting smile at me. You had stopped thrusting as my orgasm was ending but now you start again, its you're turn now and you start pounding into me as hard as you can, you need you're release right now. I watch you're face closely as I start to see the signs yours is fast approaching. I run my hands up and down you're torso, then just my fingers, then I apply more pressure and allow my fingernails to sink in slightly. I see pain register as I scratch down the sexy six pack I love so much and it satisfies me momentarily as I see the red lines form where my fingers just were. I watch your face tense and your eyes close as you slam yourself into me, you fuck me harder now, harder and stronger, I know that this is it. You grab my hips hard and thrust as deep as you can while you cum inside of me, filling me up, owning me.
My eyes never leave your face as your orgasm came and then went. You open you're eyes slowly, lean down to my face,
"I love you you know"
"I love you too" I reply then reach up so you know I want you to cuddle me. You wrap your arms around me and I hold you tighter against me and allow myself to fully feel you there, I memorise the feel of your cock still inside me, your naked body pressed up against me, your arms around me, holding me close to you and the feel of your heart beat pounding in your chest.
"I really do" you say kissing my forehead. One silent tear slides down my face, I hope so I think to myself, the fury has completely been obliterated now and all I feel is fear of losing you, I really hope you do.