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Old Habits

Nothing ever really changes.
We broke up. I didn’t bother trying to make it work anymore- I knew it wasn’t going to. He was already gone from me; we were gone from each other. But I decided not to throw away ten years of a relationship. If we couldn’t make it as lovers, maybe we could make it as friends.

I pulled up in front of his apartment around seven. I told him I’d be there at six but just couldn’t find the nerve to get ready on time. When I rang the doorbell he opened slowly, as if he wasn’t sure who he saw through the peep hole.

“Hey.”

“Hey.” I smiled. He stood in the door way, his hair rumpled, probably from laying around all day. His glasses were askew and he only wore an undershirt and basketball shorts- not that he actually played. My suspicions were proven correct as he opened the door a bit wider and revealed the living room, still a mess from his hours of video games. There was one of the many solider games he spent way too much money on, paused on the screen. Beer bottles and pizza crusts lay abandoned on the coffee table, floor, and even the couch. “Could you be any more of a cliché for twenty year old bachelors?”

He shrugged, pushed some things around, and made room for me on the couch. He pressed play and resumed his game as I began talking about my day. He nodded and shrugged, showing that he was vaguely listening. Things don’t really change. I felt it as we slipped back into the old routine. He shot zombies on screen as I told him about a conversation I had with someone from work. He collected shining gems as I ranted about my professors.

Finally he paused his game and shut down the system. “I’m hungry.”

“Really?” I said, looking around at all the pizza crusts.

“That was from yesterday.”

“….Ew.”

“Chinese?”

“Sure.”

“Movie?”

“Yeah.”

He stood and went into the kitchen. He returned with a bin, and a menu. He tossed me the menu and began picking up all the shit littering his living room.

By the time I hung up, he was returning the bin to the kitchen.

“What do you wanna watch?”

“Anything,” I said, removing my hoodie and shoes. I stood so I could sit cross legged on the couch, but he walked away as I did so, towards his bedroom. “What are you doing?”

“The cable box doesn’t work in the living room any more. I don’t know why. I never manage to call them to come check it out. I hooked it up to the TV in the room.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.” he said as he disappeared down the dark hallway.

When I walked in behind him, I was surprised to find it genuinely tidy. He could be a bit of a slob at times. He sat on the bed and I took the spot beside him, curling my legs underneath me so I could get comfortable. He scrolled through the on-demand menu until he found something interesting.

“We’ve already seen that.”

“So?”

“So I want to watch something new.”

He looked at me, staring blandly until I rolled my eyes and snuggled in to watch the movie- for maybe the sixth time. There was no point arguing with the stubborn boy.

As I watched Iron man’s friend take his suit, I began to get cold. “Turn the air off. I’m freezing my balls off.”

“The air isn’t on.”

“I’m cold” I said, rubbing my hands up and down my arms. He stood, pulling me up as well, and dislodged the comforter from where it was tucked in under the mattress. He sat, and as I did, he wrapped it around my shoulders. “Thanks” I said, knowing it wasn’t enough. He wasn’t fooled. As we continued to watch the movie, from the light glowing in the dark room, my goose bumps were illuminated, and he ran his hand across my exposed forearm.

“Come here.” When I hesitated, he rolled his eyes and pulled me into his arms. He wrapped me up in a warm embrace, rubbing from my shoulder down to my elbow to try and warm me up. We sat like this for a moment, him holding me, me feeling a bit too comfortable. His arms were just too familiar. Soon, he gently unwrapped the thick fabric from around me and tucked it in over his shoulders and around his other side. He snaked an arm around the small of my back and pulled me closer, so that my leg was slightly over his. I watched him the entire time, his eyes never left the screen.

“What are you doing?”

“What does it look like I’m doing?” He turned towards me and looked into my eyes, staring blankly. Behind the blankness, however, I saw a twinkling of something familiar. “Relax. We’re just watching a movie- there's no reason for us both to freeze. No big deal. Okay?” he turned back to the screen, and with one final tug, I was under his arm and my head found the familiar spot under his jaw, right up against his long warm neck. I rested my head on his shoulder and snuggled my face into his neck. He began rubbing my arm again, making the cold leave me completely.

There, under his arm, snuggled up to him, I felt too comfortable. It was too easy to rest my hand on his lower stomach and wrap the other around his back. He put his arm back onto my waist, and as if by accident, his thumb hooked into the top of my jeans. He never turned to look at me. We just sat there, warm and comfortable, watching the movie. With no cue, almost simultaneously, we turned to face each other. I looked up at him as he gazed down at me, his face no longer blank and guarded. With a slight tilt of my head, I betrayed myself. He took my invitation and met my lips, softly moving his against them. I could feel the stubble on his face tickle my chin and cheek. He deepened the kiss, sliding his warm tongue into my mouth and probing, trying to bring mine alive. I responded happily, again betraying my desire.

He brought his other hand around and grasped my face, holding me in place as his mouth widened even more, enveloping my bottom lip as his tongue danced in my mouth. For a while, we just sat there- kissing. It has been a while since we made out like that. His hands traveled down my neck, over my breasts, and back up my shirt. When he reached around to easily pop my bra open, he pushed it up and took a healthy handful of my chest. He squeezed gently and I began to feel the fabric of my panties dampening. Oh, I wanted this bad. I was already there. He palmed my breasts more, and then pinched my nipple between his thumb and finger. I gasped at the sensation and felt his smile against my lips.

I felt him pushing me back, back against the bed. When my head met the soft mattress, without breaking our kiss, he tugged me under my arms and pulled us both up the bed. He lay on top of me, his body weight a familiar calming feeling. His kisses moved to my jaw line, down my neck and over my breasts. He tugged my shirt completely over my head as he made his way down my body. Now this wasn’t familiar. I was so used to him barely turning me on, and then sticking it in.

He took his time, kissing, tasting and sucking his way down my body. I felt so alive. Every once in a while a deep, throaty groan escaped him that pooled the moisture even greater between my legs. He slid my jeans down, taking my panties with them. I lay naked under him, covered in goose bumps and basking in the attention he was giving my body. He slowly parted my legs and placed one on either side on his head. I closed my eyes in anticipation, and finally felt his warm breath on my burning flesh. He kissed my inner thighs, teasing me further. His kisses sloped down, and he finally met me, making me wriggle with pleasure. He held my waist in place as he planted kisses and little licks on the sensitive flesh around my clitoris, never getting too close. He teased me this way for as long as he thought I could take- which was actually longer than I could. Finally his tongue lapped at me, making me moan. He clasped his mouth around me, sucking and licking, slow then fast in an unpredictable rhythm. His tongue traced patterns on my heated flesh and I giggled as I made out the alphabet being traced against me as he sucked. “What’s funny?” he asked, raising his head.

“You.”

“Yeah?” he asked, smiling. The light from the television glowed against his face, showing where my copious juices glistened on his lips. “What’s funny about me?” he slid a finger into me, and I arched my back at the warm, welcomed invasion. He began pumping his finger in and out, soon adding a second. He continued to suck and lick at me, curving his fingers and rubbing the roof of my vagina.

“Oh God,” I whispered, the hard fast tightening of muscles surging pleasure through my entire body. I squeezed his head between my thighs as I arched my back, basking in my orgasm. I moaned, knowing his roommates were out.

“God I missed that sound.”

“What?” I asked, in a beautiful after glowing haze.

“Nothing hun” he said as he climbed off the bed and removed his clothes. “Please tell me you kept taking it.”

“Taking what?" I asked, confused. He raises his eye brows and waited. “Oh, no. I still take my pill.” For a moment, he looked at me a bit odd, so I added “old habits- you know.”

In truth, I had no intention of sleeping with him, or anyone else for that matter. It really was just habit that drove me to take it every morning. He climbed into bed, between my legs, and kissed me again. Softly at first, but soon, his tongue was roughly flicking against mine as he positioned himself at my entrance. He slid into me like a warm sword, cutting through months of my celibate dry spell. It was uncomfortable- but in a beautiful way. As if my body had to relearn how to have something so thick inside it. He groaned as he completely sheathed himself into me, but didn’t move.

“You feel amazing,” he muttered, kissing my neck and rocking his hips foreword. The sensation was so sweet. I hadn’t even masturbated since the last time we had sex, and that was almost six months ago. I just didn’t have the drive. But now, with my body soaking and ready, he felt like an amazingly soothing remedy to an illness I didn’t realize I had. I wrapped my legs around his waist as he buried his face into my shoulder, groaning his pleasure with every thrust. The sound made me so excited, and I moaned along with him. Our bodies melded, finding that familiar pace as he rocked his hips in and out, in and out.

He suddenly and quickly pulled out of me, leaving me empty and wanting. “No,” I protested, pulling his shoulders towers me. He kissed my face and chest, rubbing his hands on my hips. He was stalling. Maybe it’s been just as long for him, as it has for me. He turned me on my side and laid down behind me, lifting my leg and again positioning himself. I wrapped my hands back, around his neck so I could pull myself closer. He entered me and I felt complete, rocking my hips back and forth to grind on his hot cock. He stilled me, moving forward into me, and then slowly back out. It was a passionate motion, and I realized only then that he wanted to make love to me.

His arm wrapped around me, gently kneading my breasts in one large hand. He trailed kisses down my face, neck and shoulders. His hand glided down my torso, and when it met my clit, I jumped backwards into his crotch, the sensitivity surprising me. Air escaped his lips as my motion jerked on his cock, embedded deep inside me. His hands slowly began to rub me, adding to the pleasure of his throbbing manhood pounding in and out of my soaked body. I moaned, losing myself in pure sensation. He groaned- feeling my body tighten around him as I climaxed again.

“Fuck baby,” he growled and my hips jerked, tugging again on him. He pulled out of me as a calmed down, again placing me on my back. He pushed into me with a force that made my eyes fly open. His strong arms were on either side of my head as he pumped into me, bearing his teeth and groaning his deep throaty groan. Soon his hips were jerking, pushing deep, deep into to me. He stilled, emptying himself into me, and I could feel the warmer sensation. His arms let his body fall onto me, and I welcomed the weight. We lay there for a while, not speaking, not moving. I could feel him slowly shrinking, and as he shifted his hips, the wet suction sound of him leaving my body made me smile.

“We should have more movie nights” he said, his voice muffled in the pillow next to my head.

“Shut up,” I said, pushing him off me and onto the bed. He pulled me into his arms and again, I found my spot. His hand roamed, rubbing me here and there. It was calming.

“I missed you.”

“We talk every day.”

“You know what I mean.”

“Then he missed me” I said, grasping his soft wet cock. He looked down at me, un amused.

He closed his eyes and exhaled slowly, and I could tell there was a lot he wanted to say. I could also tell I wasn’t going to be hearing any of it any time soon. “Shut up and go to sleep.”

“I can do that” I said, closing my eyes. He hummed, and I drifted, comfortable and satisfied.

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