"Oh nothing, Chaz. I just got friendzoned by a guy I like, um, used to like. He's number one on my shitlist now."
"I know the feeling."
Charlie's Story
And I do know the feeling. I'd spent almost two years mired in the friend zone of Trisha's roommate. But this isn't about Lisa. I came upon Tish as she walked across the campus of our large midwestern university, and I noticed she was crying and I wanted to cheer her up. So, I put on my best knight-in-shining-armor impersonation and said, "What cad committed this dastardly deed, fair maiden? Say his name and I shall trounce him mightily."
She gave me a hint of a smile.
"Oh, I'm sure you'll find out eventually. You share a bathroom with him."
"Tom?" I had a 50/50 chance of guessing correctly. I only had two suitemates that I shared a bathrooom with. If she meant my roommate, I think she would have said that I share a room with him. Tom is aloof with women. His roommate, Brett, is a player.
"No, not Tom, Brett. But that's it. No more bad boys for me. It's too hard on the self-respect."
"Ugh, that guy is such an asshole. Trust me, you're better off without him."
"I sure found that out."
"Well, don't feel too bad. You know I've been there."
"Yeah, with Lisa. She can be such a bitch. I felt really bad about what she did to you. That trouncing idea sounds really good. I'll help you trounce her if you help me trounce Brett."
"Ooh. A strangers-on-a-train kinda thing. I like that. I mean we're not strangers, and we're not on a train, and we're not planning to kill anybody.... are we?" That finally got a laugh.
"No, not kill. I'll settle for a seriously maimed ego."
"And I'll settle for a seriously maimed reputation. Deal?"
"Deal pardner." She actually offered her hand to shake on this mutual revenge pact and I gladly shook it, and I felt a little pathetic about enjoying that little bit of human contact so much. Then she surprised me by hugging me, and I enjoyed that so much more. "Thanks so much, Chaz. You've really helped me feel better. Have you got time to walk with me? I've got a class in the Humanities building."
"Sure, I'm going right past it."
"Okay, so here's an idea. I know there's a naked picture of Lisa on her cell phone. I think I can find it and send it out. Think you can stain her rep with that?"
"I think I can stain my bed sheets with that!"
"Chaz! Geez! Put thoughts like that out of your head. She's poison for you. I thought maybe we could send it to some dorky guy or something."
"You mean dorkier than me?"
"You're not dorky. What made you say that?"
"Lisa told me that you thought I was dorky. Toward the end, she even told me that you didn't really like me visiting your room."
"That bitch! I never said that. I liked it when you visited, but I think she was jealous when you talked to me. It always seemed to me that she was trying to keep me from getting to know you. I did though. Otherwise I wouldn't have felt bad about the way she led you on and on and on."
"Oh god. It was that obvious?"
"Not to most people. They probably just thought you were kind of dorky." I smiled at her little joke. "I was so glad when you cut the puppet strings and told her to fuck off."
"Thanks, Tish. Now you've made me feel much better. By the way, I like that you call me Chaz. Everybody else calls me Charlie, so calling me something different makes me feel special to you. But now I'm curious. How do you know about this naked photo?"
She blushed a little then. "Um, we took posed photos of each other with each other's phones. That way we can send a well-posed pic to a guy if we trust him. I'm pretty sure that she's sent hers out to at least two guys. Nobody's been that special to me. Yet."
"So there's a naked photo of you on your phone? I'd give my left nut to see that!"
"Chaz! You beast! Stop making fun of me. I know you don't think of me that way."
"Tish, whatever gave you got that idea? I think you're prettier than Lisa. If she hadn't told me that you don't like me, I would have shown you that I'm interested."
"That fucking bitch. She told me that you think of me as an annoying little sister type and that you only like women with bigger boobs."
"No way, Tish. I've always liked being with you. And don't get me wrong. I don't mind them big, but I prefer them to match the ass they're stacked above. Lisa has a pretty face and a sweet ass, but she looks a little top heavy to me. I was willing to overlook her overly big boobs. But you look just right. Perfect ass, perfect proportions, a face that always makes me smile -- even when it's all puffy from crying -- and I've always been drawn to fair skin, green eyes and red hair. If I had met you both at the same time, I wouldn't have looked twice at her. Truth. Maybe she could tell that.
"It seems like she ran a game on both of us, to keep us apart. That would be just like her, put a guy in the friend zone and then get jealous if he looks at another girl."
"It took me almost two years to realize she's just a succubus. I don't hate her, but it would be good if she paid some price for that. Hey! How's this sound? She's been crushing on Darian for like two years, but he's been with Starla since day one."
"So we send it to him?"
"No, we send it to Star, but with an invitation to Darian to give her a call when he's lonely. Make it look like Lisa used her cell number when she thought she was using his."
"Ahahahahaha! perfect! Then Starla will do the rest. That ought to work. I know just what to write for the invitation. How about, 'Darian, when are you gonna ditch that skank ho for some quality time with this?'."
"Hey, you're really good at this. Remind me never to piss you off."
"Thanks, Chaz. I'll take that as a compliment. Now, how are we going to hose Brett?"
"Well, we're going to need to send the message from Lisa's phone to Starla at a time when you couldn't possibly have sent it or had access to her phone. I think I can use Brett's phone to hack into Lisa's phone to send it out. I can write an app for that. But I'll do a sloppy job so it can be traced back to Brett. He's been hoping to get into Lisa's pants lately, so we can mess that up. You might need to help Lisa to find the evidence. It will take some planning and effort, but I don't see any show-stoppers."
"You can do that with a phone?"
"Yep."
"That's kind of scary. Remind me never to piss you off. Can you hack into my phone? Do I need to delete that photo."
"I can hack into most phones, but I wouldn't, Tish. Not yours. I protect my friends, even from me."
"Unless I give you a reason, huh?"
She was smiling playfully now.
"You wouldn't give me a reason. You wouldn't string me along like Lisa did."
"Well, you're already in my friend zone, and I assume I'm in yours. The question now is... will that change, knowing what we know now?"
"I really hope so. When it became pretty clear that Lisa would never be interested in me, I asked her to help me find some other girl. I guess I foolishly thought she cared about whether I was happy. She was totally useless for that. I asked about you and that's when she told me that you weren't at all interested in me."
Her smile turned mischievous. "Well she was wrong. It would be poetic justice for us to hook up while we tear her apart."
"But what about Brett? I mean, yeah he's an asshole, but does he deserve this just for telling you he's not interested in you?"
"Um, it's kind of more than that. He waited to tell me that until after uh...we, uh..."
"Oh."
"Yeah, five-eff."
"5F?"
"You know. Find, feel, finger, fuck, forget."
"Oh."
"The really sad thing is, he punched my v-ticket."
"Your what? Oh! Your vir... Yeah, he definitely deserves it. But, um, I still, uh, I'm still... uh..."
"A virgin? Well that seals the deal, dear boy. This worldly wanton slut can fix that for you."
"Tish! I would never think of you as a slut."
"Well thank you, but here's a hint for you, it's okay to call me one at the right time. I learned from Brett that it gets me hot."
"Okay, my little slut. Mmmph."
It was our first kiss. We were sitting on the steps of the library and I'd never been kissed that way, especially not it public. Oh god, it felt so good. When she broke the kiss, we looked into each others eyes. Hers were the prettiest shade of green that I'd ever seen. We kissed again and hugged and when we broke the kiss, I said, "Sealed with a kiss. Um, what now?"
"Well I have to get to class, and I assume we have to plan this prank. I have to study tonight. Got a quiz tomorrow. But, tomorrow is Friday. She'll be leaving for the weekend but she has to work until about 8. Stop by around 9? I'll text you if the plan has to change."
"Um, don't you need my number?"
"I'll get it from Lisa's... Uh, maybe I better not."
She took my phone, typed in her number and hit send. Hers started to play 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun'. She canceled the call before it went to vmail. "Don't worry I'll get you a better tune. Now we've got each other's number, assuming a guy who can hack a phone can find his dialed numbers list."
"No problem, Trixie."
"Hey!"
"Don't like that name? Sounds like a good name for a wanton slut, to me."
"Okay, but only in the bedroom. Adios muchacho."
"Hasta luego, muchacha."
I walked off feeling great. The best thing I had done since meeting Lisa at the beginning of my freshman year was boot her out of my life halfway through my sophomore year. She was used to being rejected after having sex with guys, and she didn't always deserve that. She just didn't know how to pick 'em. But she took advantage of the crush I had on her and when I finally pulled my head out of my ass, she got rejected by a "nice guy" that she was sucking the joy of life out of. I was finally able to have some self-respect and some hope that my status as a virgin was about to end, and with a girl I felt good about.
I didn't get much sleep that night. It occured to me that I didn't really know if our meeting would be for sex or to plan the prank. I didn't know whether to bring condoms or an action plan for harpooning Lisa and Brett. I decide to prepare for both. I picked up condoms at the med center and developed an action plan on paper. Well not actually on paper, in my laptop under the new 'Dirty Deeds' folder. I even wrote the apps.
I saw Tish several times during the day, but our schedules kept conflicting so we couldn't even have lunch or dinner together. But she smiled when she saw me and I floated through the day. I arrived promptly at 9 PM, hoping that Lisa was gone because I hadn't visited their room since the kiss-off and I didn't want her to think that I wanted her back in my life, even though a part of me kinda did, no matter how hopeless that was. I was hopeful that Tish would change that.
Tish let me in and I looked around for changes since the last time I'd visited. Lisa's side of the room still looked like a trash truck took a dump there and her bed was still a pile of who knows what. Tish's side was organized, except where Lisa's stuff encroached at the margins. It's much how I imagine their minds. I felt tense, not knowing what I should do. But I noticed that four big candles were lit and at least one of them was scented. It was a forest smell, like Pine maybe. Tish started turning off the lights and I happily realized that we couldn't very well work on our plan by candlelight. She even blew out one candle. She took my laptop from me and set it on Lisa's desk, on top of a pile of clothing. Then she kissed me, standing up, for the first time. That was different. Our bodies were pressed closer together than when she hugged me the day before. I'm pretty sure she could feel my cock hardening.
"Are you nervous, Chaz? Of course you are. That was a dumb question. I'm nervous too. I was so nervous my first time that I thought I would pee my pants. Listen to me babble away. I'll shut up now."
"Um, I brought condoms."
"That's cool, but since this is your first time, and I started BC before..., well, before that big mistake, and I made him use a condom, I think I can risk letting you go bareback if you want."
"Really?"
"Yeah. Would you like to undress me? Take it slow and gain some experience."
I didn't waste any time answering. I started unbuttoning her shirt. I had the impression she dressed special for the evening, because she wasn't wearing the same clothes she wore during the day. Neither was I. And she seemed freshly showered. So was I. And she smelled wonderful. And I brushed my pits with Axe.
Her bra was red and it matched her panties and she helped me through the awkward parts where she had to step out of her jeans. Meanwhile, she unbuttoned and removed my shirt, unbuckled my belt, unzipped my pants and helped me remove my jeans and socks. Then we were standing in our undies and we kissed again. I knew she could feel my cock against her, that time. I could feel the give of the flesh it was pressed against. Hell, my cockhead was now so sensitive I thought I could feel her pulse through the thin layers of fabric that separated us. I wouldn't be surprised if she could feel mine.
"This is a big step, Chaz. I want you to know that I want you to take it. Please remove my bra and kiss my nips."
Her bra unclipped in the front and my hands shook as I managed to open it.