I am sitting in the waiting room for my six-thirty appointment. I glance nervously at the clock and lightly tap my foot on the floor.

I am waiting to see my therapist. I've been seeing him for almost six months. I am a thirty-five-year-old woman, but I've been keeping a secret that is a little embarrassing for someone my age. I am a virgin; I have never had intercourse. I've come close, but it never happened because of my fear. I just didn't know what it was, but I want to find out.

I'm no prude. I think sex is fascinating. I've read stories, watched porn - although it never really did anything for me. I've watched videos on making love, and even tried to write stories about it, though I have miserably failed. I've masturbated plenty of times, with my hand or a vibrator, and felt that sweet release, but I never felt it from a man, and I was starting to feel lonely. I sit there thinking as the door opens. He walks out, sees me and calls my name. I get up and walk into his office.

He is not a bad looking man. I'm starting to have these weird feelings every time we met. He's about forty-five, my height, blond hair and soft blue eyes that become very intense when we are in deep conversation. He has a soft voice that put me at ease right away, but it's also sexy and it turns me on. I'm glad he never notices or I would die of embarrassment.

"How are you today?" he asks as I sit on the couch.

"I'm okay. A little restless," I admit.

"I'm sorry to hear that. Anything about what we discussed last week?"

I sit and think for a moment. I had forgotten about last week. I had told him about my "problem" before our session had ended. I nod slightly, feeling my face become flushed.

He smiles at me. "There is nothing to be embarrassed about. I'm here to help."

I feel at ease as I begin to ramble and lie back on the couch. He listens intently as I tell him everything. I then tell him that the thought of sex turns me on and I have to release it. He leans forward. His eyes are on me, and I feel I'm on stage with an audience watching me.

"How do you release it? What do you do?"

"I touch myself," I tell him nervously.

"Can you show me where?"

I sigh and point down to my crotch. He stares, clears his throat and continues. "Look, I will understand if you don't want to, but if you want my help I need to see exactly what you do to get yourself to that point."

I sit for a moment and take a deep breath. Our session is confidential and what happens in this room stays in this room and, deep down, I trust that.

I move my hand down to my pelvis. I go further and I begin rubbing myself through my jeans. I can feel the sensation on my clit and I tilt my head back and moan. I don't notice that he's inched closer until I feel his mouth on mine. I close my eyes as he kisses me, lightly at first. Then the kiss deepens. He pulls away and holds my face in my hands.

"This isn't normal. A beautiful woman like you shouldn't be doing this. You need to feel that release from a man."

He begins to take off my shirt. I was glad I wore my red lace bra as it is exposed. He then unbuttons my jeans and pulls them off to reveal the matching panties. He stares at me.

"God, you are so beautiful."

His lips are on mine again and I kiss him back. The moment is intense, as if a lifetime of desire was being unleashed at that moment.

He unhooks my bra and my breasts are exposed. He gently traces them with his lips and I feel myself become wet. I moan as he sucks on them. His lips travel to my stomach. Soft light kisses and I get more aroused by the moment. I sigh when he moves closer to my mound and removes my panties. I am now naked, exposed. It's the first time, and I didn't know what to feel, what to think, but it was happening, and I was living in the moment.

He kisses further down my thigh and to my mound again. His tongue traces me further and I cry out as he begins to suck on my clit. Softly, but steady. I never felt anything like it before. Even my vibrator didn't feel this good. At times it was hard and cold, but his mouth was soft and warm and he knew how to use it. I lift my hips off the couch, wanting more. He holds them and keeps sucking on me. I cry out again as I come. He kisses me again and begins to undress. It doesn't take long before he is naked. I stare at him. I become nervous again when I notice how well endowed he is. He realizes my reluctance and kisses me again.

"Relax, everything will be okay. I'll go nice and slow."

He kisses me again. I scoot forward and he lies on top of me. He stares into my eyes and I can't help feeling that there's something special about this moment. I take a deep breath and he asks, "Are you ready?"

I nod as he lowers his mouth to mine and gently takes my lower lip into his mouth. He bites down as he enters me for the first time and I whimper. He inches further inside and I moan. He makes love to me. Sweet and gentle love. I had never felt anything so wonderful in my life. I didn't want the moment to end and I wrap my legs around him.

"Are you alright?" he asks, concerned and staring deep into my eyes. It was his blue on my hazel, and nothing calmed me more.

"I'm good," I tell him and his thrusts become a little more insistent. The sensation becomes more intense and I meet his thrusts until I can't take it and climax. I hear him moan and I feel something warm enter my body for the first time and I cry out. His mouth is on mine again, kissing my trembling lips. The moment had ended. The moment that I was nervous about was done and it was exhilarating.

He holds me on the couch and kisses me, reassuring me that what happened between us was right.

"If you don't want to meet after this next week I will completely understand."

I reach up and kiss his sweet lips, giving him my answer. We make love again until it is time for me to leave. I was his last appointment for the day.

~~~~

I am waiting for my appointment once again. I'm going to see him and I am excited. I keep on replaying what happened between us. How he took over and seduced me. How he made me feel beautiful and wanted. It might have been wrong, with me being his patient, but I didn't care. I knew exactly what I needed.

The door opens. He walks out and butterflies fill my stomach. I hadn't seen him since last week, and I had so many things on my mind. I follow him into his office and he shuts the door. I know he wants to kiss me, but he keeps composed in a professional manner. I walk over to the couch and notice another man sitting there. He wasn't a bad looking man, a little taller than me, built nice, brown hair and eyes. But who is he and why is he here? I look confused and it is noticed.

"I see you look confused. Do you remember what we talked about a few weeks ago?"

It dawns on me and I become a little nervous. I'd told him about a fantasy that I had. I'd told him that I thought it would be kind of hot to be pleasured by two men, but it was something I had reservations about. I stare at him.

"I wanted to make your fantasy come true for you. Now you don't have to do this, but I feel that this is healthy to explore your wild side. It will help you, I promise."

He tells me his friend's name, but my mind is going a million miles an hour. I was afraid, but turned on in some strange way. I've watched things like this and I envied the woman being pleasured. I just never thought it could happen to me.

I begin to laugh about it. It was a nervous laugh. I don't realize he is right in front of me. His friend is behind me. I feel lips on the back of my neck - and I feel faint. I close my eyes and feel his lips on mine, kissing me. We never talked about boundaries or rules, but if this was going to be my moment, then I would make my own rules along the way.

I turn my head and kiss his friend as they both start to undress me. I cry out as my bra is removed, and they suck on my nipples. Hands and lips are everywhere and I begin to lose count of who's doing what to me.

They lift me onto the desk and I feel fingers inserted in me. I being to squirm. I feel an urge, as if I have to go to the bathroom, and I try to hold back, but something happens and I feel something being released, and my body begins to spasm. I cry out as I feel lips on me, tasting my juices while my clit is being sucked. I orgasm again, and again. I feel lightheaded, but I want more. I was enjoying being the center of attention, and he knew it. He takes my face in his hands and asks, "Are you okay? We can stop if you want."

"No," I tell him, and he kisses me.

I wanted him deep inside, not his friend. I make that clear when I grab his belt and take it off. I undo his pants and take them off. I pull him close and whisper in his ear, "I want you to fuck me."

I tug his boxers down and make it quite clear what I want, grabbing his hard cock. Forgetting his friend, he takes me in his arms and kisses me. We continue as he lifts me and takes me to the couch. He lies me down gently and is inside me in seconds. I cry out in pleasure as he makes love to me again.

I sense eyes watching us and it turns me on even more. I tilt my head back as his lips travel to my neck, and cry out as he turns to my upper arm and begins to kiss it lightly. I never felt so wanted as he worshiped my flesh. I feel him grind deeper inside and his mouth moves to my breasts. He sucks on my left nipple and I feel a warm sensation down below. I moan whle he continues. I look over and notice his friend stroking himself. That turns me on even more.

I cry out as my clit begins to throb against him, and again I feel his warm juices enter me. His mouth lowers on mine, reassuring me that what we did was okay. We continue to kiss and he holds me. His friend left but we didn't notice. The moment was ours and I was happy that it was just the two of us. I wasn't going to lie. I enjoyed what happened, but I was more comfortable with it just being him and I.

He asks me if I am okay with what went on and I nod, not realizing that tears are coming down my face. He kisses them away and holds me. I look up at him with a need in my eyes. His mouth lowers on mine and he takes me once again.

I couldn't wait for next week's appointment to see what would happen.

~~~~

"Meet me tonight," I hear on answering the phone.

I am confused at first but realize it is my therapist. I remain silent and confused. He must sense what I'm feeling. "I know we aren't supposed to do tonight, " he says, "but I have a little exercise that I think you might enjoy."

He tells me the address where to meet him. I scribble it down and we say goodbye.

What could he possibly want to do now? In a way, I was nervous about what would happen. I was comfortable the times we made love in his office. We were behind closed doors and that is how I liked it. This was taking it to a whole new level, although I kept an open mind. Whatever he had planned probably wouldn't be bad and I was working myself up over nothing.

I turn on the shower, undo my robe slowly, pretending he was doing it, and get in. The hot water flows over my body and I close my eyes. I trace my fingers over my breasts down to my stomach, reaching lower to my mound. I lightly cry out as my index finger finds my clit and I rub it. The sensation of the water on my body, and fingering myself, sets me off and I come instantly. I scream out and only the sound of running water muffles it. I finally wash, turn off the faucet, and get out.

I towel dry and decide to get dressed. I'd just remembered that he told me to wear a skirt. I usually wore jeans, so maybe wearing a skirt or a dress wouldn't be so bad. I decide on a halter dress. It was my favorite and I liked how my breasts looked. I was a 38D and filled it well. It was a hot summer night and it would feel refreshing on my skin.

I dress and fix my make up. I brush my hair and pull the one side up with a flower. I wanted to look pretty. I was a woman and it was in me to turn on the opposite sex. Secretly, I liked it when men looked at me. I wanted the attention, fed off it, but never showed that I did. Tonight I would make him want me and I knew that wouldn't be difficult.

I check my appearance one more time in the mirror and, satisfied with the image staring back, grab the address, keys, my purse and walk out of the door. In the car, I start it and drive away.

After what seemed like an hour, I finally park and get out of my car. What is this place? It was pretty secluded and I wasn't feeling so comfortable. I skim the address again. It was the right one. Even the stupid GPS made me end up here after so many times taunting, "Your route is being recalculated". Frustrated, I slam the door and walk up to the building. I lift my hand to knock but notice the door is ajar. I take a deep breath and walk in.

"Hello?" I call out. No answer.

Something was telling me to walk out, but then again something was telling me to stay, and that I was going to like what was about to happen.

I inch my way into the room. Sweat is pouring down my face out of pure nervousness. There is a smell in the air. I can't explain what it is, but if I had to guess, I would say it was pure lust. Animal lust. Mine and his. He was somewhere in the room with me. The lights go out; I shriek. Then I hear his soothing voice.

"Calm down. I'm here with you. There is nothing to be afraid of."

"What are you doing? " I ask, reaching around trying to find him.

There is no answer.

I call out his name desperately and still no answer. Just heavy breathing and it was all around me.

I feel his breath on my neck and go stiff. Without warning, he grabs me and throws me up against a wall. He is rough and yet I'm turned on. He pins my hands against cold concrete. I shiver and try to fight him off. Even though I feel my panties becoming wet, my instincts tell me to protect myself. From what I had no idea. I feel his face close to mine. He smells so wonderful, but I kept my composure.

"Let me go," I scream.

He ignores my request and his lips meet mine. This was not the time for light kisses. This kiss was deep and full of passion. He pushes me away, but now I want more. I grab him and kiss him, desperately. I push him away this time and I can sense him smirking. He reaches up my dress and inserts a finger in my wet hole.

"I thought you wanted me to let you go."

"I do," I breathlessly say.

"Well then, why are you so wet?"

Before I can answer, he lifts me up in his arms and kisses me again. He then lowers me to the ground and unties my dress. The material falls and my tits are exposed.

"God, I've wanted to suck on these all day."

He lowers his mouth and attacks me. I cry out in pure delight as he worships my body. He then reaches inside my skirt and removes my panties.

He is on top of me and I desperately grab his pants and pull them down. I want him to taste me, taste how much he's turned me on. But I want him deep inside. It's where he belongs.

I reach for his cock, and he knows what I want. He pulls my face up to his and kisses me. I take off his shirt. I love his chest. It isn't perfect, but it turns me on. I kiss his neck, go down to his shoulder blade and finally his chest. I hear him sigh as he grabs my hair, tilts my head back and kisses my neck. He comes up to my lips and we kiss again.

"I wanted you so bad today," he confesses.

"I want you, too," I say. "I want you deep inside. I want your seed in me."

That is all he needs to hear and I feel him insert hard cock. I cry out in pure satisfaction. He is deep inside and nothing feels more wonderful. He is fucking me, but yet we are making love.

I couldn't help how much I desired this man, but I didn't know where this relationship was going. We'd been together a few times, but only for appointments. Was I just a good fuck? What was I? I shake off the questions haunting my mind and live in the moment.

He continues to thrust against my pelvis and I instinctively meet him. He cries out and fills me and that is when I let go. He kisses my lips tenderly and holds me. I welcome the tender moment between us. Even on the floor, I felt warm and safe.

I decide that, during our next appointment, I will ask him what I am to him. Are we a couple or something else? I had to know...

~~~~

"Why don't we talk about your childhood," he asks as I lie on the couch. For some reason, I'm tired today. I think I must be getting flu or something. I should have cancelled but I had to see him. I know he wants more, but we decide to talk. Let me get the demons out that have been bothering me.

"My childhood? I had a good one. I had wonderful parents. A sister I looked up to. We didn't have much, but I was happy."

I tell him about the family vacations, mostly spent with friends of my parents. Their friends had two sons. Something hits a nerve and I stop. He notices.

"Anything wrong?" he asks.

I try to get up, afraid of revealing something that I shouldn't. He gently eases me back down.

"Take a deep breath. Relax. We are getting somewhere."

I calm myself with the breathing exercises we practiced in earlier sessions.

"Are you okay?"

I nod and eventually continue. "I had a crush on the older son. Things happened that I'm not proud of."

"What kind of things?" 

"Kissing and touching. My parents found us."

"What happened after that?"

"They wouldn't let me near him. Thought it was all his fault. They blamed his parents. They haven't spoken since."

"Does that bother you?"

I can feel the tears springing to my eyes. "It wasn't his fault. It was mine. I initiated it."

"Did anything happen after that?"

"I saw him again when I was sixteen. My parents and his parents were vacationing at the same resort. It was pure coincidence."

"Why don't you lie back, and tell me about it."

I relax and feel my eyes closing. I begin to talk and I go into a daze, a flashback to that time...

A hot summer night. I'd decided to stroll along the beach. Just celebrating my birthday, I needed to get away for some peace and quiet. My parents wanted to give me something special and a trip to the beach was the right thing. They'd let me invite a few friends to celebrate. It was a wonderful party, but right now I just needed some down time.

I take off my sandals and walk along the beach. A strap on my sundress falls down and I gingerly pull it up. I continue walking and I see him. He notices and waves. I wave back.

As he walks over to me, I secretly panic but stay composed.

"What are you doing here?" he asks.

"Taking a walk."

"No, I mean, what are you doing here?"

"My parents decided to bring me here for my birthday."

"Oh." He pauses. "Happy Birthday."

"Thank you."

We stand there. There is complete silence.

"Wow, this is awkward," he jokes.

I smile and nod.

"Do you mind if I join you?"

I shrug my shoulders. "Sure, why not?"

We continue to walk. The beach is quite secluded, just a few bystanders. We walk further and stop. I look out at the ocean.

"Beautiful, isn't it?"

"It's very calming."

I sit down on the sand. He sits next to me.

"I can't believe I ran into you," he says. "I never thought I'd see you again."

"Look, about that night; I'm so sorry."

"It's okay. It's done and over with," he says. trying to convince me.

"But my parents. Your parents."

"Are a bunch of assholes."

I look at him. He lowers his head.

"I'm sorry. Look, I'm just upset that they couldn't get past it. So what was the big deal? We were curious. Nothing wrong with that."

"I guess so."

Another awkward pause. Complete silence except for the sound of the ocean waves and the faint music in the background. My ears perk up at the lyrics of Hysteria by Def Leppard.

"Good song," he says.

"It is." 

He inches closer, but I take no notice. "I never stopped thinking about you."

I try to answer but his mouth inches towards me and our lips touch. He presses against mine. Last time he did that, I didn't feel anything. This was different. I feel a weird sensation go from my legs up to my stomach and my heart. It's the most amazing feeling in the world.

We continue to kiss and he eases me down me onto the sand. I feel a strap of my dress slip off my shoulder. He lowers the other one and slowly takes pulls it down. His hands and mouth are all over me. I moan, inviting his touch. I wanted more. I wanted him inside. I wanted him to....

What was I thinking? I didn't want this. I wasn't ready for it. Yet I was. I knew what I wanted. I don't notice as my panties are pulled down my legs. I reach over and desperately try to undo his jeans. My fingers fumble miserably. He smiles and helps me. They come off. I stare at the bulge in his pants. This was it. It was going to happen. Tonight on the beach, and on my sixteenth birthday.

He lies on top of me and his lips are back on mine. I try to reach for his boxers and tug them down. My hand touches something alien to me and I jerk it away. He starts to laugh.

"I'm sorry," I tell him.

"You don't have to apologize."

We continue to kiss, and I can feel him against me. He was ready and I was too. I think I was. He was inches away. It was finally happening. Then I hear it.

My mom is calling for me.

"Oh shit." He jumps off me and pulls up his boxers. He grabs his pants and runs off. "I'm so sorry," he yells back.

I sit there in shock. I realize my dress is halfway down my torso and hurry to fix myself. I don't even remember that my panties are beside me on the sand. I sit and fold my legs up to my chest. The material of my dress drapes over them and I begin to sob. I hear my mom call my name again. She comes over to me. I spy my panties hurry and grab them. I hold them tightly in my hand as she sits next to me.

"Honey, what's wrong?"

I continue to sob, not answering. What could I tell her? She would be furious with me. I gain my composure and make up some bullshit, praying that she will believe me.

"I, uh. I just needed some down time. A lot is happening before my eyes."

"I know, but there is nothing to be sad about."

"I don't want to grow up." I begin to sob again. She holds me.

"Is that it? Oh honey, I know how you feel. Believe me, as you get older it won't bother you as much."

I look at her.

"Trust me. Someday you'll see. Now, why don't we go back. Everyone wants to sing Happy Birthday to you."

She helps me up and we begin to walk back...

Still lying on the couch, I stare out of the window. I wipe tears from my eyes. He walks over and bends down, caresses my face.

"I'm so sorry this happened to you."

"It's my fault. If I didn't act like such a slut." I sit up.

"You are none of those things. You were curious. There is nothing wrong with that."

"It's haunted me for years. That's why I couldn't."

"It's okay now. Everything will be fine."

He is close to me, and God does he smell good. I feel his hands on my face and lower my lips to his. Sick or not, I wanted him.

We fall to the floor and make love. No threesomes, or rough sex. Just sweet unforgettable love.
I lie in his arms. The usual session begins and ends with us making love. I can't help it. I know what we are doing is wrong, but I am under his spell. Maybe he is under mine. Either way, it doesn't matter. I know I shouldn't put my heart into what is going on, but it is hard not to. I am supposed to ask what are we? A couple? Fuck buddies? Is he doing this out of pity? I don't want to know. Maybe if I never bring it up, then the questions will go away. We'll do this forever and I will be okay with it. I think.

There is silence in the room. The kind of silence where you knew you didn't have to say something to break the tension. The only thing audible was our faint breathing. He finally turns to me.

"You want to to try something?"

I look at him. I am, in a way, afraid to ask what he wants me to try. He smiles at me, takes my hand and guides it to his cock. I try to back away at first, not knowing why. I want to explore him, and it's not that I don't ever touch him. But it's done just to guide him into me when we make love. I never really linger over it. He notices my hesitation, but his hand is firm on mine. He looks into my eyes.

"Trust me and go with it," he says.

He places my hand on him. I wrap my fingers around it, and lightly begin to touch it as if I was a blind person studying another person's face. I hear his breathing change and a soft moan escapes his lips. I grip him a little firmer and begin pumping, faster. I feel his pre-cum escape and something takes over my mind. I want to taste him. I have never tasted a man before, and I am afraid.

I turn his face to mine and lightly kiss his lips. He presses his mouth against mine to deepen the kiss. I break away and kiss down his neck to his chest. I place my hand on him. He is hard as I kiss down his stomach. I finally get to it and hesitate. I take a deep breath and I gently take his cock and wrap my lips around it. I try to do what the women had done in the adult films I've watched. From what I hear, it sounds like he's enjoying every moment. I continue, but then get nervous.

"Please, don't stop," he pleads. I can hear the thickness in his throat and I can tell he's on the edge.

I put him back in my mouth. I know I am pleasing him and I want to do so. I want to show him that I wasn't this innocent girl. Yes innocent in a way, but I know how to get around. The thing is, it is only with him.

I know he is ready to let go and I brace myself for what is about to come out but he catches me off guard, pulling me away and kissing me. In desperation, he lies on top of me.

"I need inside. Now."

He positions himself and I grab him and guide it in me. I want him so bad. It's as if he has a spell over me. He thrusts against me and I meet them with intensity. He cries out as he let's go and that's all I need: I throb with pleasure.

I lie against him and he holds me again. Being in his arms feels so right. I am happy, content, and I am home. I just don't know if he feels the same, and I am too afraid to ask. I sigh as we lie in silence.

I sit in my apartment and replay everything that has happened since that evening when I told him my secret. I relive the first time he kissed me and made love to me, and how afraid I was; his friend who helped with the fantasy that went on in my head, and how I felt when they were all over me; the rough sex in that building, and everything else, and that I failed to ask him what we were.

I want him. I ache for him, and he isn't here. He's probably at home. Or maybe with another woman. What if he is using me?

I grab my keys and run out the door. It is pouring buckets as I run to the car. I am soaked from head to toe, but I don't care. I start the engine and drive. The radio is on - "Only The Lonely" by The Motels plays. I look up to the ceiling in frustration and continue driving. I finally arrive at his apartment, park the car and sit.

It's still raining, but I eventually get out of the car and walk to his door. I lift my hand to knock but freeze. I stand motionless as the rain pours over me. I don't even realize tears are flowing down my cheeks. Why am I crying? I have no idea why. I summon the courage and knock.

He answers, and I can tell he is a little shocked to see me. He is wearing a pair of boxers, and I want him. I want him badly but compose myself. He pulls me inside out of the rain.

"Are you alright?" he asks.

I shake my head as he leads me to the couch. I can tell he's concerned and he grabs a towel and hands it to me. I wipe my face and turn to him.

"I was feeling alone. I just need to see you, that's all."

"Look at you. You're soaked. You need to get out of those clothes."

He pulls up my t-shirt and I lift my arms as he slides it off. He pulls me against him and I feel his warm lips brush my neck. I sigh as he begins to kiss it while he unbuttons my jeans and pulls them off. I am standing in my bra and underwear in his apartment, and I want him to touch me. I want to touch him.

He kisses up my neck, grabs my wet hair, and our lips meet. No hesitation. We both want to be kissed. He is an amazing kisser, and I feel myself go weak in the knees. He holds on to me.

"Don't worry. I won't let you go," he whispers in my ear.

We begin to kiss again, and he leads me to his bedroom. We fall on the bed. He pulls my bra straps down as his lips trace my neck down to my chest. He eases it off, and I feel his warm lips on me. I feel each nipple get hard, and I feel the nectar flow out of me. I desperately take his hand and place it on the soaked material. That's all the invitation he needs; he pulls them off.

He spreads my legs and his tongue is searching and tasting me. He hits that spot and I squirm and cry out. He holds me down as he continues, and I feel ready to pass out.

I pull down his boxers and reach for him. I want him deep inside. I am complete when we are one. He enters me, and I cry out. Our movements are slow and steady. He is on top of me, skin on skin, and it is the most perfect feeling.

His lips find mine as his movements become faster. He says my name when he let's go. I welcome every last drop that enters me. He is part of me, and I don't want to let go. He holds me close. I am tired. I want to ask him, what are we? But I close my eyes as he gently kisses my forehead and I fall asleep in his arms.