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Edwina Pussy Arm

Tags: humor, satire, sex, sick,
Cool crisp air filled the room as Kyle opened the window. There was a distant sound of birds chirping. To him, they sounded as a big brass band. The flowers were beginning to bloom, showing off their vibrant colors. Spring had finally filled come and admiring it was a great way to spend the morning. A fantastic morning was a good way to ensure a fantastic evening.

Kyle was expecting an evening of spectacular adventures. Not long ago his friend of many months and moon phases, Jed, had informed him of a most peculiar woman. He had also set Kyle up on a blind date with her. Jed made no mention of what made this woman of wonder so idiosyncratic and distinctive. The only thing he told Kyle was that his mind was about to be blown. He also told Kyle that Edwina does not disappoint. Edwina, he thought, Such a lumbering name.

Edwina's morning started as it always had. She would stretch out as long as possible with her arms above her head and her toes reaching further away. Oh, she moaned to herself, is it that time already? She pulled her down filled comforter back up over her head, quickly entering a daydream state. She imagined her blind date would proceed as they always do. An enjoyable evening up until they ask why she has a black sock on her arm. A sock to cover up a most vexing appendage.

Edwina finally pulled herself out of bed, catching a glimpse of her body in the mirror. Her long auburn hair draped down her back. Light reflected off her bright blue eyes, giving the impression that they were infinitely deep. Her tiny pert nose twitched slightly. Easy there girl, she thought, no sneezing now. She pursed her abundant lips together into a tight duckface pucker. Maybe if I do this he won't notice my arm, she thought. It seems to work on Facebook.

Edwina's admiration of her body intensified. Turning sideways she pushed her chest out viewing the side of her firm and healthy breasts. She bounced and watched them oscillate, mimicking a perfect graph of sin(2π). Edwina's eyes followed her flat stomach southward until she caught sight of the plumage at the end of her left arm. What a nasty scene her arm created.

Edwina lifted her arm and stared. There was no hand on the end of it. Instead there was a pink gash, protruding labia, a vaginal hole, and a clitoris which had a tuft of hair above it like any other pussy. She had a cunt on her arm, an eyesore, a mess, a monstrosity. Every time she pulled it out in public she became a spectacle.

The hours, minutes, seconds, and milliseconds had passed like a bat out of hell. In mere moments Kyle would be knocking down the door of a girl he knew nothing about. His desires were fueled by the thoughts of this rare woman. That is the way Kyle liked his women, the same way he liked his steak. Rare.

Thump, Thump, Thump, Kyle's fist rocked the door with a whimpering sound. His voice thundered inarticulately, "Bizarre girl, Bizarre girl, let me in."

Edwina responded in kind, "Not by the hair of my vagina on my arm!"

"What," Kyle asked?

Edwina swung the door open and looked at Kyle. His ragged blond hair fluttered in the wind. His eyes looked vague and his smile was moderately strong, a bit like his breath. "Is that a hairpiece," she asked?

"Of course not. It is natural," Kyle answered.

"Then why do you have a monkey hairstyle?"

"Donald Trump. He is my second cousins father's old roommate by marriage, twice removed. So it must be genetic."

"I now comprehend the situation," Edwina replied. "And it is a situation."

Kyle escorted Edwina to his car. He pointed to the door handle, "Whoop, there it is," he said. Edwina opened the door herself and took up residence in the passenger seat. Kyle eventually made it to the driver's seat after stumbling over his untied shoe laces.

Once inside together with the windows in the upright position the moderately strong breath was no longer moderate. Edwina reached into her pocket and pulled out a small clear case with a white top.

"Tic Tac," she asked.

"Toe," Kyle replied.

What in the world was he doing, she thought? Maybe he didn't hear me. "Tic Tac," she asked again.

"Toe," Kyle replied.

"Tic Tac,"

"TOE," Kyle said with excitement!

Edwina returned the container to her pocket and pulled out a small packet of spearmint. "Gum," she asked?

"Disease," Kyle replied quickly.

"Thats what I'm saying," Edwina stated. "Gum?"

"I don't understand these games you are playing." Kyle sounded baffled.

"Just put a piece of this gum in your mouth, Kyle. Then we can play games."

Kyle finally pulled into a restaurant which prided itself on its down home éclat. Edwina had much to choose from, with their menu two and five-sixths furlongs in length. More food than the Jolly Green Giant could eat in a fortnight. She decided to go with the Tofu Cordon Bleu. Kyle chose his steak like he had chosen his women, rare, of course.

Food arrived at their table in a slowly but timely manner. Edwina had no choice but to remove the black sock covering her arm to aid in preparing her food for masticating. She slid the handle of her meat substitute slicing utensil into her arm pussy. She began slicing open her Tofu Cordon Bleu, stuffed with cheese and ham, when Kyle finally noticed her protuberance.

"What in the name of Oden is that," Kyle asked exuberantly!?

"That is a vagina on my arm. The pussy away from my cunt. It is like a home away from home."

"Well, you sure are cutting your tofu vigorously! Won't that make you..." Before Kyle could finish his sentence Edwina let out a boisterous moan of gratification. "...uh, make you orgasm," Kyle asked?

"Of course you illogical bobble head," Edwina replied after recovering. "That is what happens when you agitate a cunt long enough."

"What other activities do you perform that cause you orgasms?"

"Mopping the floor, brushing my hair, changing the oil in my car, basically any activity that involves oscillating forces and torque. And I'm basically the only girl who can shoot ping-pong balls out of her arm."

"That thing is fulgent! I can not take my eyes off of it. Can I fuck it?" Kyle's question was very straight forward. Never had a man asked to fuck her arm cunt. Most men would briskly walk away in mild disgust. Kyle, this man, was outright asking if he could fuck it.

Edwina mulled over Kyle's offer of sexual courtesy. She reached into her pocket and pulled out her clear box with a white top. "Tic Tac," she asked?

"I will consume them all if I can fuck that arm cunt."

"I appreciate the perspicacity of your propinquity concerning my predicament. If you do utilize the Tic Tac container, you may bring me home and fuck it."

Kyle began to scarf his food in a demure way. He now knew what Jed was speaking of concerning Edwina, and it did not disappoint.

Shortly after eating Kyle turned into a fine gentleman, the kind often found in books written by Louisa May Alcott. Why he even opened the car door for Edwina. He gorged himself on Tic Tac after Tic Tac while he bolted like a sloth towards her home. Kyle even had the sense to open the door for Edwina a second time!

Together, they raced into Edwina's home and a comfortable spot was found on her couch. "Pull out your pecker, kind sir," Edwina requested. Kyle complied. Her arm pussy was still wet from the vigorous work it did on her food at the restaurant. There was no friction as she impaled her cunt onto his hardened dick.

"This is the best hand job I've ever had the pleasure of receiving," Kyle exclaimed.

"No. This is the best non-hand job you will ever get."

"Ah Ha! Because you have no hand."

"That's right. Now get down and lick my pussy while I fuck you with my arm cunt."

Kyle did as he was told. He eagerly removed Edwina's pants, granny panties, granny panties number two, boy shorts, bikini panties, boyshorts panties, her thong, a g-string once played by Bach, and finally a c-string. The image of her pussy was staggering. Nearly identical to the cunt found on her arm! But of course it would, after all, it is a pussy made by the same genes. Twin pussies!

Edwina continually punched at Kyle's cock with her arm cunt. Kyle energetically lapped at her second snatch. With a clitoris in two locations being stimulated simultaneously, it wasn't long before she could take no more. Never, in the history of the world, has a woman cum so hard. Her body tensed up and twitched uncontrollably.

Kyle felt the tension in the room. He knew Edwina was going to orgasm and held her pussy arm firmly in place over his cock as he buried himself balls deep. After Edwina's orgasm finished Kyle released his hot and steamy load into her cunt. Final destination: unknown.

Kyle fell to the floor then moved himself up on one knee. "Edwina," he said, "you freaky fuck. Will you marry me?"

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