I have spent countless hours pondering just what caused my attraction to female clothes. My confession is not to being transgendered, but I am a product of my environment. That is to say "I am" whatever I feed myself. Shall I continue in shame? Never may that be! But I am accountable. Shall I feel bad upon my guilt? And I say not! For I have fed myself in ignorance...
Age 5... exploration of the femme Psyche. In Kindergarten at playtime I would quickly assume the dominant female role while playing house. But this internal question would yet lay dormant until age 9...
The Yellow Dress
I lived with my mother and father in an apartment in Denver, Colorado. Our complex was huge and each building was indoor due to the extremely cold winters. One year at Halloween I was trick or treating and I noticed a line of kids at a door. They were being led in two by two and exiting the same way. Everyone that came out was half-soaked in water and laughter echoed from within the apartment. So out of curiosity I got in line and waited to see what was going on.
As I got closer I noticed two beautiful girls ushering in kids. One had a slight tan; brown hair and blue eyes and her roommate had sandy blonde hair, blue eyes and a freckled complexion. I would guess, looking back, that they were both about twenty years old. When I finally got to go in I was taken to the kitchen; they had an old metal tub filled with water and doughnut hanging above it on a string. Each kid was blindfolded and had his hands tied behind his back. Then while on their knees they would attempt to eat the doughnut off the string without getting wet. If successful, they got to reach into a large grab bag for their surprise but they actually let everyone reach in. Since I had gotten there late most of the other kids had already gone home so I was one of the last kids.
By the time it was my turn they ran out of doughnuts. The two other kids reached into the grab bag and just ran off in a mad rush to get more candy before they went home. The brunette had a shocked look on her face as I stepped up to get my surprise. She frantically yelled at her best friend "Lisa!" Lisa turned around answering as she shut the front door "Yeah, what is it Joy?" Joy smiled slightly to comfort me "we're out of grab bags..." Lisa turned looking at me and said "Hold on, okay?" I nodded yes and she and Joy ran into her bedroom. I was left standing there not sure what to do as I listened to their whispering. Finally after awhile they returned with smiles on their faces and told me their names and I told them mine.
Lisa walked me to the living room and asked me if I had to be home at a certain time. I said "about ten o'clock." It was getting kind of late so she asked me for my telephone number. As I recited my number to her I could hear clanging in the kitchen. Lisa called my parents and asked if I could stay at their house to play Halloween games. My dad complied and Lisa said she would take me home to make sure I got there safe. Then Joy ran out of the kitchen and asked "do you like banana splits?" "Yes!" I replied. "Good!" she said "I'll make you one, it will only take a moment." I nodded okay and both of them disappeared into the kitchen. After we finished our ice cream, Joy went to her room. Lisa told me that she and Joy both felt really bad for not having enough surprises but I said it was okay. It really was.
When Joy came back out she only wore a waist high nightie with matching panties. It was an off white and shiny satin, trimmed with embroidery. I couldn't take my eyes off of her panties; I had never seen a girl dressed like that. Lisa and Joy both giggled at me. Lisa then grabbed my hand pulling me up "C' mon I better get home or your parents will kill me and they don't even know me!" I could only consent but I really wanted to stay and keep staring at Joy's panties. As Lisa led me out the front door Joy yelled to me "Tommy come back next Sunday around noon, okay?" As the door shut, I yelled, "I will!" Lisa drove to my building and walked me up to my apartment and hugged me goodbye. Yelling, " See ya next Sunday!" she ran out the door to her jeep and I went in.
I felt strange as I changed into my bedclothes. I then climbed into bed and shut off the light as I lay there my mind raced with images of the nights events. I ran through all the images in my head over and over, savoring the image of Joy's panties. I noticed details in memory that before I had never entertained, like Joy's smooth tan skin and the scent of her body. But I especially liked how the off white panties looked against her skin. I think I had an erection as I soon fell asleep thinking how I couldn't wait till next Sunday...
Sunday came and went and each Sunday thereafter I spent with Joy and Lisa. From October through March I continued to see them and they took me swimming, to the movies, the grocery store, parks in mountains and just hung out in their apartment. The more I hung out the more excited I got, especially when they took me to the hot tub. I would just stare at their bodies marveling at their smooth curves and how they moved. I loved the way their bikinis looked and would hug their vaginas, revealing their lips like a second skin. I watched them dress and undress, take baths and showers and put on make up. They would usually run around in their panties and I would stare at them hiding my little throbbing penis. My penis was throbbing so much it became raw.
One time I accidentally spilled grape juice on my pants and shirt. I was soaked through to my underwear. So Lisa told me to take my clothes off and soak them so they wouldn't stain. Joy ran and grabbed me a towel and started the shower for me to rinse off so I wouldn't be sticky. As Lisa soaked my clothes in the kitchen sink, Joy grabbed a cloth. Joy lathered the soap and began to bathe me. She told me to face the wall and she gently scrubbed my back first. "Might as well get you clean," I became aroused as she ran the cloth slowly over my butt and. I was so embarrassed I tried to hide my little erection. "Face me sweetie," she said as she prodded me to turn around. She washed my chest, arms, and my stomach quickly, avoiding my genitals. I was so excited I felt like my head was going to pop. She stared at my penis; " Well" she said, "you're clean." I stood frozen in fear and ecstasy as my penis tingled and slightly spasmed. I hoped she didn't notice but before I could do anything she said "Almost, anyway!" And she grabbed my penis and stroked it lightly, then she rinsed the soap off. I just closed my eyes in disbelief that this was really happening to me. As I slowly opened my eyes, my little hard penis lay in Joy's hand. Looking up she smiled at me and said, "Let's dry you off and find you something to wear until your clothes are washed." Joy dried me off and wrapped the towel around me, kissing me lightly on the forehead. She told me to wait there until she came back with something for me to wear. She soon returned with a waist high off white satin nightie and matching panties.
I thought it a bit strange, her knowing I couldn't keep my eyes of them when she wore them in front of me. Some how I guess she knew, even if I didn't, that I secretly desired to wear them. It fit me like a full-length nightgown but she had to safety pin the panties so they would stay up. At first I felt wrong about wearing female attire but after a while it felt natural. Joy asked Lisa what she thought; she just smiled and said, "You look so cute."
Lisa suggested we play monopoly until my clothes were done, Joy and I agreed. As we played I periodically caught Joy looking at me and she seemed to touch me a lot. She mostly ran her fingers through my hair and as I recall now, she treated me like a little girl. Not long into the game Joy went to reposition herself as she did I noticed a wet spot in the crotch her of panties. The sensation of the satin fabric rubbing against my throbbing penis felt so good. Accompanied by the thought of wearing girls panties made it even better.
The night ended sooner than I wanted it to and Joy drove me home. She whispered softly "I had a good time Tommy." Smiling, I said " so did I." She wrapped her arms around me to hug me goodbye. She pulled me tight, pressing her breasts against me. "Good bye" she said as I climbed out of the car and shut the door. I waved bye as I watched her drive away. A week after Easter I went to visit Joy and Lisa like normal but this time it was everything but normal. I went to knock at the door and no one answered, so I knocked harder. The door slowly creaked open; I peeked around the door to see if someone was there. Seeing no one I yelled "Hello," And again "hello Joy!" No one answered so I pushed the door open further. As I quietly entered I heard a moan from Joy's bedroom. Curious, I cautiously made my way to the bedroom door and it was open. Leaning around the corner of the door, I peered in to see if Joy was alright. Joy and Lisa were pretzeled together on the bed. They were moaning, gasping, kneading each other as they were rotating their hips in a circular pattern. At first they seemed like they were in pain but as I watched I realized they were enjoying it. I made sure not to make any noise as I watched; the more I saw, the more my penis spasmed. After a little while, their breathing and moaning increased as they sped up their bump and grind. Joy almost let out a scream as Lisa moaned, collapsing on Joy. They lay there, out of breath. And so was I.
I didn't want them to know I watched them, so I quickly and quietly ran to the couch and waited for them to come out. My penis kept jumping wildly so I grabbed a pillow and placed it on my lap to hide my erection. First Lisa peeked out into the living room and noticed me. I thought that she would be surprised but she only yelled, "Joy, Tommy's here!", and then ran into the bathroom. Joy then came out smiling at me and softly said " Hi sweetheart." I melted as my hidden penis throbbed pressed against the pillow. Joy was wearing white silk bikini panties with a camisole top that you could see through. That didn't help my situation at all, my penis just kept throbbing.
Joy sat next to me on the couch and wrapped her arms around me. Lisa then came out wearing a dark blue half shirt and light blue cotton panties. She came over and asked Joy if she still wanted to go to the mall. "Yeah!" Joy exclaimed running her fingers through my hair, "I need to get ready." As Joy went to get up her nipples brushed against me. Looking at them through the camisole I could see them and they looked hard and swollen. Joy ran off to shower and get ready to go shopping and Lisa leaned over grabbing the pillow off my lap. "What are you hiding?" she asked as she felt for my little erect penis. After she squeezed it she rose to her feet, giggling "You like Joy, don't you?" Lisa then left the room to get ready, and I just sat there engulfed with excitement staring out the window watching the clouds. Finally Joy returned dressed in a casual white spring dress with white sandals and sat down next to me. "Tommy," she said, " would you like to go shopping with us?" I said "sure" and Joy responded, "Well we need to get you ready then. " Just then Lisa said, " yeah, we need to get you dressed." I looked at her strangely and she replied "You can't go like that." Lisa turned and went into Joys room and Joy stroked my hair and said "Lisa and I picked out an outfit for you."
Lisa stepped out holding a little yellow dress " See, do you like it?" Lisa asked. I began to get nervous and thought to myself, what if someone knows I'm a boy... Lisa fixed my hair as Joy painted my fingernails yellow to match the dress. My blonde hair was long enough to be put in pigtails and it felt weird. When they were done, Joy led me to the bathroom and told me take off my clothes. She rubbed cream all over my body so that my skin would be soft like a girl. Joy paid extra attention to my little penis and it almost made me dizzy. I closed my eyes as I uncontrollably moaned. Holding my penis gently messaging it, she whispered into my ear "It's alright sweetie." Then she handed me a pair of little flowered silky panties and I put them on. The silky fabric made my little penis swell stuck straight out bouncing as it spasmed.
It seemed to get more intense; I had never felt this way before. I needed release but I didn't know there was such a thing. How much more could I handle, I thought as Joy helped me into the dress. It fit me perfectly and Joy called Lisa to come look. They made me spin around and act like a model. Then Joy took me to the room and stood me in front of her full-length mirror and said, "You look like such beautiful little girl." I did, I just stood there in shock, and you couldn't recognize me.
I was a little girl. I wore little matching tennis shoes and liked them. It felt so good to be a little girl, I felt free, I don't know how but I did. Soon we were off to the mall and I rode in the back of the jeep. It was such a nice day Lisa pulled the top down. The wind whispered under my dress reminding me of the silky panties I was wearing. From dressing room to dressing room, I watched them dress and undress and dress again. We joked and laughed together, simply having fun. As Lisa put it, "This is how girls live!", I forgot I was boy except for the constant throbbing of my penis, it almost hurt. Joy took me into a dressing room to try on a skirt and as she did I couldn't take my eyes off her crotch. Her panties were really wet and that made them see through.
My now raw swollen penis tensed against the silky fabric of my panties. I groaned in my teasing pleasure, and thought, "What's happening?" I needed relief. I clutched my crotch a little. I almost forgot where I was but Joy rubbed my shoulder and said in concern " oh sweetheart you need relief don't you?" I just looked and nodded yes. She then asked me to do her a favor and I asked "What?" She removed the skirt she was trying on and sat down pulling me closer. Looking at me desiringly she asked, "Will you touch me..." pointing to her vagina, "here?"
I almost fainted as blood rushed to my head in the extreme ecstasy. I couldn't believe this was happening, I was in shock as I slowly moved my hand forward. It was like I wasn't in control, like someone else was controlling me. Joy's nipples were hard and swollen in excitement as she leaned back on the bench. She tried to muffle her moans as she waited in the anticipation of my hand reaching its destination. I could feel the heat of Joy's vagina as her warm juices soaked the fabric of her panties. I closed my eyes and felt her warm juices and probed her vagina.
I explored like a blind person would a face, every inch. Joy continued to try and muffle her moans but it seemed that she couldn't control it either. I found that certain places affected her more than others She seemed to buck more and more against my hand so I opened my eyes to see what was happening. As I rubbed the front of her vagina rhythmically, Joy arched her back gritting her teeth. She then whined "Oh Tammy, oh yes, yes Tammy!" Grunted collapsing in relief "thank you Tammy, Thank you sweetie." I helped her clean up and we made our way out of the dressing room.
As we quickly exited the shop we received many stares, I'm sure they heard us. Tammy kept fondling my knees on the home letting me know she hadn't forgot about me. My penis was so swollen and purple I thought this was torture. I leaned my head back moaning. I didn't care anymore it felt so good, I was losing myself to the pleasure. Lisa remained silent for most of the way home and the only thing she said is "We're home."
Joy held my hand all the way to the apartment. We went to the bedroom and she told me to lie down on the bed. She closed the door and said "Tammy sweetie I have another surprise for you." She opened a drawer pulling a nightie that matched my panties. All I could do at this point is moan as Joy undressed me and put my nightie on me. She then changed into her off white nightie and lay down next to me on the bed. She gently massaged my penis through the silky fabric as she whispered in my ear "Oh Tammy, just relax and let me take care of you sweetheart." I began to let go and let her do just that, I was in another world... Suddenly I woke up and Joy was gone, my penis was still throbbing even though I fell asleep.
The door then came open and Joy came and said that I fallen asleep and that she had called my parents and told them I would be home by eight thirty. Joy told me it was six thirty and she was just waking me up to take bath. She led me to the bathroom and sat me on the toilet. Clutching my sore swollen penis, she knelt down and said " Just relax and enjoy this." Joy lightly messaged my testicles as she lifted my nightie up. She began to tongue my belly working her way to my thigh. I leaned my head and almost felt like crying. Joy then pulled back my little silky panties releasing my engorged purple penis. She slowly put it into her mouth and began to suck and knead my little prick. I felt a pressure engulf my entire body, like I was about to explode.
I began to hyperventilate as the pressure mounted. Joy wriggled her tongue around my little penis as a wave of ecstasy swept over my body. Joy stopped for just a moment and said "Go on baby, let it go." The she continued sucking me harder and harder. Flaming tingles pulsated through me as I shivered with excitement. My little penis tensed and released over and over as I began to shudder, grunting I fell into joy's arms. I tingled all over for thirty minutes as Joy held me in the bathtub. Joy helped me back into my boy clothes and told me how she would miss me. I regretted that I was a boy, I wanted to be little girl and stay with Joy forever. Joy took me home for what would be the last time; She kissed me good bye on the lips. We hugged for an eternity and I climbed out of her car. She waved goodbye and drove away. I saw them a couple more times but nothing ever happened. I soon moved away and I never saw Joy or Lisa again. I have since wondered what happened to Joy, but I guess I'll never know. I ask myself if she ever thinks of me...
I'm sure she does and I hope she knows how much I appreciate her. I have yet to top an experience like that, maybe that's why I'm still searching, searching for Joy...
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<a href="http://www.lushstories.com/stories/trans/the-yellow-dress-exploration-of-the.aspx">The Yellow Dress - Exploration of the Femme Psyche</a>