Janet looked at me, took a large gulp of her wine and started, her voice at first quiet with a tremor in it, but becoming steadier and more normal as she spoke.
“First of all, you’re quite right that there was a price to be paid for all the things we had. I might as well say it upfront - it was sex!”
Janet’s eyes started to tear up again at this point, but she wiped her eyes with a tissue thoughtfully provided by the hotel, composed herself and continued, “So how did your demure, Convent-educated, not-risqué, stay-at-home and pregnant wife effectively become a whore and get paid for sex?”
This time it was her turn to silence me with her hand and I decided that from now on, I would stay silent and let her talk herself out. Janet got to her feet and poured some more wine into her glass and I think I was glad at that point I’d ordered two bottles, not just one. It looked as if we might need the second one before the evening was done. She stayed on her feet and walked gently up and down the room as she continued talking, not looking at me.
“Well, you were right when you said we looked after our workmen, as you also added, we always have done so in those sort of circumstances. But I was unprepared for the way events panned out although perhaps I was being naive myself in hindsight. You were also right when you said you were working too hard and yes, I did feel as if I was being neglected. In truth I was lonely. The place was nothing like the friendly local area down in the South West where I grew up."
Janet continued, “You know growing up with elderly parents meant they were very protective. On a Friday or Saturday night when my friends went to the pub, or the cinema or even worse, dancing, I was never allowed to do that. My reputation had to be spotless - out for ice cream or a coffee with my girlfriends, flirt a bit with the boys, but then always home by nine o’clock.
She sighed, "Good old Janet - boring as bloody sin. We gossiped amongst our friends about the ‘Bad’ Girls - the ones who’d gone all the way in the back of a car - at least one of the girls left school and it was rumoured she was pregnant."
Janet added, "I don’t think we ever did find out the truth. And then there were the two or three who still lived in the village - before they met their future partners. I marvelled at the fact that still living there a husband might be in the pub, sharing a beer with a friend… both knowing that not many years before his future wife was on her knees happily sucking his friend’s… thing…”
Janet saw my slightly raised eyebrow at the use of the term ‘thing’ and continued:
“Uhh, OKAY, ‘cock’ then.”
She sighed and then went on, “And so I came to realise that… they had all the fun. No one cared. Few even remembered. What do they remember about me? Nothing! Except, well of course… she was a ‘good’ girl. So I’ve been carrying the guilt of being ‘Good’ for all these years. I suppose that is why our sex life has been, shall we say less than spectacular. I’ve never even been very good at initiating sex between us. I was always taught that girls who liked sex for other than having children weren’t ‘Nice Girls’."
Janet added, "I experimented like all the ‘other’ girls but never lost my virginity until you came along. I found I loved sex after you initiated me into it. Then we married and after a time I began to think of all the lost years. I even thought of some of the guys I would have… done… okay, fucked. But I hadn’t. What a dummy."
She looked at me, "But I also knew that when we made love – oh, okay then, when we had sex - in the context we’re talking, it certainly was sex not love! When we had sex I loved it. And when I was pregnant I wanted even more and you weren’t there. No. I’m not blaming you, please understand that, but let’s just say that your absence didn’t help things at all. However, I do understand that I could and should have stopped things before they got out of hand. But I also knew being pregnant my life had changed forever and if I wanted to sample some of the wilder sides of life it was going to be now or never. So when Brett made the advances I quickly decided not to fight it.
I must have looked shocked because Janet again said, "Please don't stop the flow of my thought."
“What started it all off was me asking Brett about the extra flooring in the loft. He was having coffee with me. On that occasion, no-one else was in the kitchen. Fortunately, I’d just put my coffee mug down or I think it would have gone everywhere. I was unprepared for what happened next. I stood at the window, both hands leaning against the sill and looking out. Brett put his coffee down and came and stood very close behind me.'
"Close enough that he could put his hands around my waist and pull me back against him. I nearly had a heart attack as it was so unexpected and I put my hands over his and just said ‘Brett - stop that, I’m a pregnant, married woman! And I’ll scream."
"I don’t think you will you know," he said in my ear as he pulled me back to him. Then he said "To do something like that, as big as that job is, I think you might have to make it more worth my while."
At this point, I stood up, but a warning look from Janet warned me not to say anything.